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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 12 hours, 2 minutes
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Are you a social outcast? 1
#23360518 - 06/19/16 11:07 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've come to realize this with time and experience. Since I'm not a social guy, I gradually become an bigger and bigger outcast (obviously right?)
Thing is, I've been saying that I don't want to socialize therefore it's my choice. But I've been trying lately and it feels as if the system is rigged against me. I believe that poor social skills is the most discriminated thing out there. It doesn't come easy for some people and only practice can make it better. But when you start trying you sound weird, out of place, disrespectful and whatever else, so other people just run away from you, they label you as an idiot or an asshole or whatever and they try their best not to interact with you. Therefore, you can't practice. You don't learn to play guitar without a guitar right?
I read these stats that 70% of the population accept absolutely everybody. Gay black Muslim in a wheelchair, no problem. Guy with poor social skills, people run away. If only there was that one person that would look past the awkwardness and be like "you know what, I'll take half an hour and see what you're about".
It creates a vicious cycle. People get away from you therefore to cope you convince yourself you want to be alone, so after a while you deliberately become worse at socializing. Some people use drug to cope, which doesn't help and there that very small minority that'll grab a machine gun and kill 100 people. Then we'll hear people wondering what happened for a month and then the usual comes out "he was weird" "he was a loner" etc.
Some of us will think there's something wrong with them and go to the psychiatrist and be given pills. You can't have a conversation with pills... If you do, they'll give you another pill. After a while you lose track of what is in or out in the social world and obviously you can't help but sound weird when you have no idea what's being talked about. The social people are constantly keeping themselves updated of course, without them even realizing it. Then they wonder how it can be that someone can be out of touch. The inevitable result of people not wanting to talk to us.
I don't know why I'm writing this up. I was just taking a walk on this beautiful sunny and my brain just went there. I think I'm on to something. I'm trying to get more social lately. There was a party with pretty much everybody in the store I work in yesterday, I saw all the pics on Facebook and I have realized that everybody was there and I wasn't even told about it. I overheard someone 3 days ago talking about something happening Saturday evening and when I asked he pretended not to know. I didn't think anything of it but now that I see all the pics I kinda think it was a dick move.
Oh well. End rant I guess?
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal] 1
#23360536 - 06/19/16 11:12 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I feel you man... it truly fucking sucks.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23360561 - 06/19/16 11:17 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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You gotta get past showing your social anxiety and awkwardness, they're feelings that almost all adults feel often, but when you let them overwhelm you and inhibit your social interactions, it's an indication that there's something deeper going on there. That's why people avoid these interactions, it's not because you're awkward and anxious. It's because people know that people who can't deal with those emotions properly have a lot more going on that they don't want to deal with.
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trees


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 9,194
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Re: Are you a social outcast? *DELETED* [Re: Rustifer]
#23360641 - 06/19/16 11:52 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Post deleted by treesReason for deletion: grow ur balls
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IveBeenRecycled
I like pie.



Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 653
Loc: Under the mango tree.
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: trees]
#23360650 - 06/19/16 11:56 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I love the analogy "flowing like wine"
-------------------- I feel good.
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23360669 - 06/19/16 12:03 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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No
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sanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson



Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23360672 - 06/19/16 12:04 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah.
-------------------- I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you... But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!
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plasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Dark_Star]
#23360681 - 06/19/16 12:06 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Absolutely
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Nitrous Monkey
selftitled



Registered: 09/21/12
Posts: 3,150
Loc: USA
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: plasma] 1
#23360739 - 06/19/16 12:28 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah I'm a social outcast do I care tho? Nah I hate people
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23360815 - 06/19/16 01:04 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Patlal said: I've come to realize this with time and experience. Since I'm not a social guy, I gradually become an bigger and bigger outcast (obviously right?)
Thing is, I've been saying that I don't want to socialize therefore it's my choice. But I've been trying lately and it feels as if the system is rigged against me. I believe that poor social skills is the most discriminated thing out there. It doesn't come easy for some people and only practice can make it better. But when you start trying you sound weird, out of place, disrespectful and whatever else, so other people just run away from you, they label you as an idiot or an asshole or whatever and they try their best not to interact with you. Therefore, you can't practice. You don't learn to play guitar without a guitar right?
I read these stats that 70% of the population accept absolutely everybody. Gay black Muslim in a wheelchair, no problem. Guy with poor social skills, people run away. If only there was that one person that would look past the awkwardness and be like "you know what, I'll take half an hour and see what you're about".
It creates a vicious cycle. People get away from you therefore to cope you convince yourself you want to be alone, so after a while you deliberately become worse at socializing. Some people use drug to cope, which doesn't help and there that very small minority that'll grab a machine gun and kill 100 people. Then we'll hear people wondering what happened for a month and then the usual comes out "he was weird" "he was a loner" etc.
Some of us will think there's something wrong with them and go to the psychiatrist and be given pills. You can't have a conversation with pills... If you do, they'll give you another pill. After a while you lose track of what is in or out in the social world and obviously you can't help but sound weird when you have no idea what's being talked about. The social people are constantly keeping themselves updated of course, without them even realizing it. Then they wonder how it can be that someone can be out of touch. The inevitable result of people not wanting to talk to us.
I don't know why I'm writing this up. I was just taking a walk on this beautiful sunny and my brain just went there. I think I'm on to something. I'm trying to get more social lately. There was a party with pretty much everybody in the store I work in yesterday, I saw all the pics on Facebook and I have realized that everybody was there and I wasn't even told about it. I overheard someone 3 days ago talking about something happening Saturday evening and when I asked he pretended not to know. I didn't think anything of it but now that I see all the pics I kinda think it was a dick move.
Oh well. End rant I guess?
I'm definitely not a social outcast, I can fit in and make conversation with most (open minded/educated) people.
I think that most people accept social awkwardness at concerts and music festivals. I know I do and eventually we end up breaking that barrier and it's not as awkward. Practice makes perfect and such just don't be afraid to say whats on your mind.
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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bass head
Oh... Nice.



Registered: 04/16/14
Posts: 775
Loc: North American Union
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: TheMovement]
#23360906 - 06/19/16 01:44 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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it really depends on the environment that i'm in. the people i'm around.
-------------------- Steal your bass right off your head.
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falsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: bass head] 1
#23360939 - 06/19/16 01:58 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Nah, you just gotta own that shit OP, pretend like you belong and you eventually will.
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pirate-blues


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: TheMovement] 2
#23360977 - 06/19/16 02:19 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I don't think I'm an outcast. I march to my own beat, and I just always have been a weird one. I am very social, warm, and talkative - I am good at connecting with people, and I really enjoy good conversation - but I'm also very introspective, so I fluctate between being socially vivacious and being completely aloof and I've decided that it's okay for me to not want to socialize. Having me-time, cultivating interests, hobbies, bettering myself and learning more about myself kind of also helps me seek out people and situations that are more inspiring and suited to me - so socializing is much more natural and fun than forcing myself out to places I don't want to be with people I'm indifferent about just to avoid feeling like an anti-social loser. I think that if you just do cool shit, and you just stop giving fucks about social convention but still work towards being a genuinely decent person(just because you stopped giving a fuck doesn't mean you should be a dick) then people will like you just fine and accept you as you are.
Anytime I feel the need to fit certain social conventions that I don't naturally err towards - it's highly uncomfortable.
Most of the people I hang out with are very much the same, but for instance - my sister in law is a wonderful human being who deserves all the success she has worked to get, but going to her bridal shower was agonizing for me because in a crowd of sorority sisters and women who care about things that I really just don't(for lack of better wording, they basic) - I didn't know anyone, my mom is also an artsy blacksheep type, and I just felt really uneasy on the inside even though everyone was super nice and I felt guilty about judging them for being so basic...I was just uncomfortable trying to 'fake it'. And that's okay, it wasn't about me, it was about my SIL celebrating her upcoming marriage with her bridal party and family, and I realized that all these girls were way too excited and focused on their own lives to give any kind of shit about me not 'fitting in', and that it was ok to hang back and not be a social butterfly.
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23361085 - 06/19/16 03:05 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have difficulties at times socializing and currently my social life is in some turmoil, not that it hasn't always been that way on some level, so yes, I am a social outcast in a sense.
I'm also not going to go out and murder anyone over it, not sure why you put that little bit in there
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: 404]
#23361215 - 06/19/16 03:55 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I don't have money to do stuff all i do is spend it on videogames that makes shruggin younger girls off feel akward but it's better then wasting time money but it's true i dont' have any money and I don't have the emotional quirks to put up with a relationship so really im just unmotivated to form relationships or pick up old hobbies
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dixienormous


Registered: 09/21/14
Posts: 1,051
Loc: moon
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Konyap] 1
#23361304 - 06/19/16 04:32 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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nah dude i got 243 friends on facebook.
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Yeah, I'm an outkast
--------------------
Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23361450 - 06/19/16 05:30 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Pat it sounds like you just take some things personally that don't need to be. Everyone does it, it's just a way to understand how a situation or action applies to us, the problem is it doesn't always, so there's no point concerning yourself with a single one of many possible eventualities.. I just go with the flow and if people like me they like me, if they don't they don't, I'm not going to complain if someone doesn't percieve me being compatible with their lifestyle because I'm certainly not going to change the core of who I am. That's how we make friends, if it wasn't the term would be meaningless. That party for instance, dude if you're quiet how can they gauge you? That's not necessarily an issue unless that's your perogative but for all you know they all smoke weed or do drugs and don't want unnecessary drama at work, or maybe you're just older. 
I don't know dude, all I can say is I like to be alone sometimes but I'm pretty picky with te company I keep. I don't take things personally, so if anyone is a social outcast it would be those I exclude, not the other way around, because I'd be hard pressed for fucks to give about other people's social circles. It's all in your perception, and if you're concerned all the time about how other people percieve you it's hard to focus on addressing how you percieve yourself.
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hostileuniverse
Stranger



Registered: 05/14/15
Posts: 8,602
Loc: 'Merica
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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I never socialize with coworkers, originally it was by choice, but nowadays, I'm pretty sure it's because they've gotten to know me
Some people are alone by choice, others becuase nobody likes them
Sometimes I think I would like a friend, but then I think about all the drama and baggage that comes with friends and my mind recoils in horror
Honestly, of all the people I know, id rather hang out with my dog...
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Bigfeely123]
#23361653 - 06/19/16 06:55 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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i fit in reasonably well once conversation starts flowing but whenever I go out and start hangin out with a group of people i usually feel really awkward for the first like 10 minutes or so, but then i "break in" and get to talking & laughing like normal
i'm not really a "people person" though. i act friendly to most but if i don't like someone's general way about them then that's usually a permanent opinion unless they randomly turn super cool which usually doesn't happen
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Sheekle]
#23361683 - 06/19/16 07:08 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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people are very draining for me
do some research online about how to not be awkward and appropriate polite conversation
i am from a fairly intellectual introverted family where we were not in the slightest bit socialized
from what i have gathered the absolute no goes of socializing are to never talk about religion, money, politics, sex, speak negatively about another person and complaining.
my anxiety prevented me from having conversations with pretty much anyone when i went to parties so i would just get really drunk and do stupid shit or sit and observe on the sidelines. it didnt help that i had crazy narcissist in my social circle who would shame me and make me look stupid in social situations i was already very uncomfortable in. glad i moved on from those scumbags.
I am pretty much a loner these days, but I can have a pretty deep conversation with anyone willing and can pretty much talk to anyone one on one.
i make a conscious effort to meet another person where they are at, and realize that I don't have to be right or be overly opinionated about anything.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23361692 - 06/19/16 07:11 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I am a social butterfly.
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23361749 - 06/19/16 07:30 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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The age old advice to be oneself could never be more pertinent than when examining the ways in which we engage with others, for that is, in many ways, the test of our mettle. When one is alone, we always change a little bit, some wall of defense comes down, it's just me and the cosmos, baby.
But when you're around others, then we're sharing that space and moment, and we are aware of being perceived. Try to exude the happiness you feel when in your own space, because other people can't and shouldn't be able to stop that flow from within you.
When you exude happiness, or your natural state of being, then awkwardness becomes naught more than eccentricity, and eccentricity is the barometer of a healthy mind.
Think about it: in a free society, one of the threats to individual freedom ( and therefore the collective freedom ) is social conformity. Eccentricity is the deviation from social norms, but for the sake of exploration and discovery, i.e. the voyage into one's own. It takes courage to dare to be oneself, even at the risk of being judged and outcasted, but it's always worth it. Because we're not "weird", we are, in fact, quite normal, just perhaps unafraid to let our true colors show.
best of luck Patlal
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Alexestalex
fallen angel


Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23361834 - 06/19/16 08:00 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I find it very easy to make small talk with strangers.
The problem is, small talk is quite boring and utterly pointless most of the time.
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Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Alexestalex]
#23361840 - 06/19/16 08:04 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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unless it gets you laid
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: thelanzii]
#23362027 - 06/19/16 09:03 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nemmies said: unless it gets you laid
Which is the point of most small talk. Initiate small talk with female --:> Initiate attraction phase --> courting phase-->sex sex sex
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: thelanzii]
#23362033 - 06/19/16 09:04 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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A lot of the time I just awkwardly smile at people and lock eyes with them until they feel forced to talk to me. We become acquantances and convo flows freely
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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Anahata


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 2,399
Last seen: 3 days, 6 hours
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23362054 - 06/19/16 09:08 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I like your threads P cat.
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Mr. Magic


Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: TheMovement]
#23362062 - 06/19/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I am 100% man, great post. I feel you on all of that. It certainly does suck and seem to be weighed against us. I use drugs to cope sadly. Just kratom and etizolam, but yeah im still not happy about it.
Ive been through the cycle a million times now. Im back to wherei believe im just meant to be alone.
I typically dont enjoy most peoples company anyway. At least the people i see everyday i mean.
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Alexestalex
fallen angel


Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: thelanzii]
#23362143 - 06/19/16 09:51 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nemmies said: unless it gets you laid
Getting laid is a phone call away for me
Latina hookers ftw
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Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Alexestalex]
#23362181 - 06/19/16 10:14 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I feel like giving black chicks a charity fuck sometimes, but then when I think about the ones that aren't prostitutes my mind is clear.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Konyap]
#23362376 - 06/19/16 11:36 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm a social outcast. By choice, not by circumstance. I don't like society in general.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so misanthropic, but it is what it is.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Dleucomelas
Mugwump



Registered: 06/15/15
Posts: 13
Loc: Interzone
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
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I feel for you. I used to be the same way. In the end I found that it's all about being around the right type of people. One poster mentioned feeling uncomfortable around people she found basic. That was the problem I had. I would want to talk about science or books or art...and everyone around me was gossiping about who screwed who or what football team was winning. I realized that I didn't want to fit in there and that if anyone should feel awkward it should be them for having nothing interesting or novel worth talking about...talking for the sake of talking. I think that if you get yourself around some like minded people the conversations will come much more naturally. I know the one poster was trying to help but turning to alcohol to make yourself feel better is habit forming and not healthy emotionally. Find people who you share interests with and I think you'll be fine.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Dleucomelas]
#23362694 - 06/20/16 02:56 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Good post man. That's exactly how I deal with it. I have plenty of people I love and love talking with but if someone starts gossiping or judgemental talking of talking small talk for the sake of it I'm outa there pretty quick.
We debated this in PS&P recently:
Gossiping and establishing relationships.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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howsyournaggerdoin
Happy


Registered: 02/04/16
Posts: 1,600
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I only have a few very good friends but id trust them with my life in a heartbeat. It has always been like this for me. When people first meet me they usually hate my guts. It takes some time but once they get to know me we grow into very close friends. Its quite a disadvantage when trying to meet new people but at least it seems to filter the bad ones.
Although most people really dont like me i still go to all partys around here. Most of the friends that i do have are very popular and will always drag me along. I guess im kind of a social outcast but i love my life so it doesnt really matter.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,797
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Patlal]
#23362854 - 06/20/16 05:03 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
I read these stats that 70% of the population accept absolutely everybody.
Complete BS. Everybody has their limits unless there is something seriously wrong with them.
Outside of society, thats where you'll find me.
I wear the clothes they wear, shave, hair neatly cut, talk the talk but.
I'm an obese, gay, disabled, dissociatives-plugging, Nganga spirit worker learning Magic firsthand from African Voodoo spirits. Unflawed quartz crystals crack top to bottom right before me when I concentrate on a sober spirit journey, untouched silver tarnishes ferociously while that next to it that i handle often remains pristine. In a breeze free room candles go out single or in pairs at significant moments, and thats not even the big stuff.
I'm a raging outcast, my story is quite different than that of most. I embrace the wild side of life, for it accepts me whereas society tends to look the other way in discomfort.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Re: Are you a social outcast? [Re: Asante]
#23362873 - 06/20/16 05:23 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I think it's simply by nature that a large portion of this user base would at least somewhat identify that they are outcasts in some sense given that drugs are by and large a difficult topic for many given the stereotyping that comes with drug use.
This is changing though, and drugs are slowly becoming an easier topic to be open about. I've even been looked down upon by one of my sibling's husband and her friends because of my interests in psychopharmacology, and they do drugs all the time.
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