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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Need urgent help- very anxious
#23358264 - 06/18/16 02:39 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm very anxious. I have developed a problem with my sight. Everything I look at seems to vibrate slightly, similar to when I'm tripping.
I have not used mushrooms in a bit over 2 months. The problem with my sight started after taking the antidepressant effexor. I'm scared that this will be permanent and that I'll be stuck in a 'trip' forever. I started experimenting with mushrooms as a way to cure my depression and OCD (all other treatments had failed). I also wanted to use them to get over a trauma. They seemed to help but I'm worried I overdid them (I used them 8 times or so in total, sometimes only a week or even a few days apart), then I took a long break of 4 months and I've been 'clean' for 2 months now.
Just prior to developing problem with sight I used kratom and kanna, but didnt feel much effect. I just hope I didn't cause myself irreversible damage. I know I sometimes don't realize that I continue doing things that are bad for me (because of my autism related black and white thinking)
I feel suicidal, it's very hard living with autism and now I feel like I just destroyed my life. I have made many other mistakes in my life that affected my mental health in a bad way (I visited prostitutes for years, I lost a lot of money with forex etc.). I did those things because I thought they would help me, but they just made my life worse. I know this may sound stupid, but I think sometimes I'm just not aware of the consequences of my actions.
I want to change and become a more responsible/better person, I just hope I can get rid of this visual problem. I'm scared I developed HPPD, but I'm not sure. I never had disturbing enduring visuals after a trip, maybe slight after effects but they never really bothered me. This visual problem started after taking effexor or maybe the kratom/kanna. I stopped the effexor 2 days ago, but no reduction in symtoms yet. Please can someone reassure me? I'm scared I'll have to kill myself to stop the suffering.
(sorry for poor English, it's not my first language)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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woah woah woah there brother. You can't just 'stop' effexor. SERIOUSLY. You HAVE to titrate properly. You're gonna get intense issues if you just stop.
Understand this before we go any further please.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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I already stopped it 2 days ago . I had only taken it for 4 days though. What should I do know? I'm so scared this'll be the end for me. I intend on telling my family I love them before it's too late to say goodbye. I'm terrified but I know it's all my fault, even though I only wanted to help myself.
Still hope I can do something to cure myself
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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(my dose of effexor was 37.5 mg, the starting dose)
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falsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
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Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I already stopped it 2 days ago . I had only taken it for 4 days though. What should I do know? I'm so scared this'll be the end for me. I intend on telling my family I love them before it's too late to say goodbye. I'm terrified but I know it's all my fault, even though I only wanted to help myself.
Still hope I can do something to cure myself
Sounds like you're having a panic attack man. It's very, very unlikely you permanently damaged yourself with a few days of effexor use. You need to call your prescribing physician and tell him/her what you just told us. The shroomery is not a good substitute for real medical advice.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I'm very anxious. I have developed a problem with my sight. Everything I look at seems to vibrate slightly, similar to when I'm tripping.
I have not used mushrooms in a bit over 2 months. The problem with my sight started after taking the antidepressant effexor. I'm scared that this will be permanent and that I'll be stuck in a 'trip' forever. I started experimenting with mushrooms as a way to cure my depression and OCD (all other treatments had failed). I also wanted to use them to get over a trauma. They seemed to help but I'm worried I overdid them (I used them 8 times or so in total, sometimes only a week or even a few days apart), then I took a long break of 4 months and I've been 'clean' for 2 months now.
Just prior to developing problem with sight I used kratom and kanna, but didnt feel much effect. I just hope I didn't cause myself irreversible damage. I know I sometimes don't realize that I continue doing things that are bad for me (because of my autism related black and white thinking)
I feel suicidal, it's very hard living with autism and now I feel like I just destroyed my life. I have made many other mistakes in my life that affected my mental health in a bad way (I visited prostitutes for years, I lost a lot of money with forex etc.). I did those things because I thought they would help me, but they just made my life worse. I know this may sound stupid, but I think sometimes I'm just not aware of the consequences of my actions.
I want to change and become a more responsible/better person, I just hope I can get rid of this visual problem. I'm scared I developed HPPD, but I'm not sure. I never had disturbing enduring visuals after a trip, maybe slight after effects but they never really bothered me. This visual problem started after taking effexor or maybe the kratom/kanna. I stopped the effexor 2 days ago, but no reduction in symtoms yet. Please can someone reassure me? I'm scared I'll have to kill myself to stop the suffering.
(sorry for poor English, it's not my first language)
My advice. Get a weed whacker. No kidding. You'll love your life.
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Need urgent help- very anxious [Re: falsereality]
#23358315 - 06/18/16 02:53 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
falsereality said:
Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I already stopped it 2 days ago . I had only taken it for 4 days though. What should I do know? I'm so scared this'll be the end for me. I intend on telling my family I love them before it's too late to say goodbye. I'm terrified but I know it's all my fault, even though I only wanted to help myself.
Still hope I can do something to cure myself
Sounds like you're having a panic attack man. It's very, very unlikely you permanently damaged yourself with a few days of effexor use. You need to call your prescribing physician and tell him/her what you just told us. The shroomery is not a good substitute for real medical advice.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday. I called her and she said it's possible to have visual problems associated with effexor, but I'm scared because the visuals I get are the same as when I'm tripping. But after my last trip, everything returned to normal once the mushrooms were out of my system. I would get slight visuals after a trip, but they'd be very rare and not really bothersome. I read it takes 4 to 5 days for effexor XR to get out of your system, but I'm so worried the visual problems will persist and that i'll be stuck in a trip for the rest of my life and that I'll have to apply for assisted suicide.
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IveBeenRecycled
I like pie.



Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 653
Loc: Under the mango tree.
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Everything is going to be ok, and you'll be fine OP. Good vibes.
-------------------- I feel good.
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Boomer The Great

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
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I dont get why people are surprised that their brain can remember things.
Even trips.
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
IveBeenRecycled said: Everything is going to be ok, and you'll be fine OP. Good vibes.
Thanks, I really hope so :/. I've been so stupid, because of my autism I had such an intense focus on mushrooms and thought they were teh only things that could cure my depression/ocd/ptsd. I used them way too often with not enough time in between. I just hope there is a chance I can go back to how I used to be.
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Boomer The Great

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
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Yeah psychs dont cure anything.
They only teach
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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The thing I don't understand is that it got a lot worse after starting effexor. before that I hardly ever noticed visuals like this.
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Boomer The Great

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
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Ditch the shitty pharm drugs
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Just relax man, seriously, just please don't jump to conclusions or to sudden decisions. Like, you'll be fine brother, seriously. A lot of us have been through the same. I was convinced I had HPPD for a while, it was with me all the time. But I'm fine now, it went away about 6 months ago.
Just be responsible, as much as possible, and respect the power of these compounds and you'll be fine. Titrate properly if you need to. Alot of SNRI's can cause major shit. Just go easy on and off them please.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,674
Last seen: 4 hours, 43 minutes
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Chill op. There is nothing outside your loved ones worth dying for. Take everything one step at a time. You have an army of people supporting you here 
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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You know you got me really tiwsted on this one OP. Venlafaxine is a fucker of a drug, I've seen what it does. You've only been on it a few days and that's when the issues started right? Plus you got psychiatrists appointment Monday. So you took 37.5mg for 4 days, and then not for 2 after right ?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: You know you got me really tiwsted on this one OP. Venlafaxine is a fucker of a drug, I've seen what it does. You've only been on it a few days and that's when the issues started right? Plus you got psychiatrists appointment Monday. So you took 37.5mg for 4 days, and then not for 2 after right ?
correct. I have tried almost every antidepressant out there, often with very limited success. Some took the sharp edge off the anxiety, but they never improved my depression.
In 10 hrs it'll have been 3 days since I took my last dose of effexor XR.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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ok, I'm with ya now man, you shocked me a little with your OP, tripping on mescaline myself at the moment.
So your main focus has been reducing baseline anxiety levels right? I know this stuff reasonably well so stick with me. So you've done psychedelics a few times and been fine, but it's the SSRI'/SNRI's that have caused the issues right?
How fast have they been cycling you through 'almost every antidepressant out there'? Like over what time period?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: ok, I'm with ya now man, you shocked me a little with your OP, tripping on mescaline myself at the moment.
So your main focus has been reducing baseline anxiety levels right? I know this stuff reasonably well so stick with me. So you've done psychedelics a few times and been fine, but it's the SSRI'/SNRI's that have caused the issues right?
How fast have they been cycling you through 'almost every antidepressant out there'? Like over what time period?
I have never had a side effect like this one from other antidepressants. Last time I tried an antidepressant was in March (mirtazapine). I stopped because it made me too tired and didn't improve my depression.
I have used mushrooms 9 times or so, but only properly tripped about 7 times. Sometimes they wouldn't work because of the SSRIs I was taking.
I never had disturbing, persistent visuals after psychedelic use. Sometimes I'd notice the trees looking a bit different or curtain slightly moving, but it never bothered me and those visuals were rare. Now it's different, everything seems to vibrate and it annoys/scares me a lot. I worry i'll be like this for the rest of my life.
I used kratom 12 hours before starting effexor, but hardly felt any effect. Also used kanna just before that.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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OK, they tried to push my wife onto mirtazapine too, but the side effects were too drastic for her too. The thing is, are you just stopping them of your own accord or working with the psychiatrists on this?
The reason I made a big deal in my first response is that you can't just decide to 'stop' these kind of things when you want - it will worsen all your symptoms if you do so.
So you need to work with these guys (and I don't mean you HAVE you use their drugs in the long run) but you need to work with your psychiatrist. I'm not qualified to advise you on exactly what you need to do, but work with these guys please? They're the specialists.
We're here to support, as a community, but we can't tell you exactly what you must do. Just bear with it and bear with us please man. Speak to the experts as soon as you can. You'll be fine.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: OK, they tried to push my wife onto mirtazapine too, but the side effects were too drastic for her too. The thing is, are you just stopping them of your own accord or working with the psychiatrists on this?
The reason I made a big deal in my first response is that you can't just decide to 'stop' these kind of things when you want - it will worsen all your symptoms if you do so.
So you need to work with these guys (and I don't mean you HAVE you use their drugs in the long run) but you need to work with your psychiatrist. I'm not qualified to advise you on exactly what you need to do, but work with these guys please? They're the specialists.
We're here to support, as a community, but we can't tell you exactly what you must do. Just bear with it and bear with us please man. Speak to the experts as soon as you can. You'll be fine.
Really hope so . Yes I know sometimes I just stopped taking meds when side effects became too much. Stupid when I think about it now. It was also stupid to combine mushrooms with meds sometimes. I feel so guilty and stupid for my own actions. I pray that I won't be punished for it. I'm only 23 years old, I don't want to die yet. I pray I will heal from this.
My psychiatrist knows about my use of mushrooms, she disapproved of it, maybe I should've listened to her. I stopped the effexor because I thought that the visual distortions would follow me for life if I contiuned it. I know the primitive/emotional part of my brain is often way stronger than the rational part. Extremely frustrating and I must make a change. It has led to so many problems in the past.
THanks for your support, I am very grateful
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I'm very anxious. I have developed a problem with my sight. Everything I look at seems to vibrate slightly, similar to when I'm tripping.
I have not used mushrooms in a bit over 2 months. The problem with my sight started after taking the antidepressant effexor. I'm scared that this will be permanent and that I'll be stuck in a 'trip' forever. I started experimenting with mushrooms as a way to cure my depression and OCD (all other treatments had failed). I also wanted to use them to get over a trauma. They seemed to help but I'm worried I overdid them (I used them 8 times or so in total, sometimes only a week or even a few days apart), then I took a long break of 4 months and I've been 'clean' for 2 months now.
Just prior to developing problem with sight I used kratom and kanna, but didnt feel much effect. I just hope I didn't cause myself irreversible damage. I know I sometimes don't realize that I continue doing things that are bad for me (because of my autism related black and white thinking)
I feel suicidal, it's very hard living with autism and now I feel like I just destroyed my life. I have made many other mistakes in my life that affected my mental health in a bad way (I visited prostitutes for years, I lost a lot of money with forex etc.). I did those things because I thought they would help me, but they just made my life worse. I know this may sound stupid, but I think sometimes I'm just not aware of the consequences of my actions.
I want to change and become a more responsible/better person, I just hope I can get rid of this visual problem. I'm scared I developed HPPD, but I'm not sure. I never had disturbing enduring visuals after a trip, maybe slight after effects but they never really bothered me. This visual problem started after taking effexor or maybe the kratom/kanna. I stopped the effexor 2 days ago, but no reduction in symtoms yet. Please can someone reassure me? I'm scared I'll have to kill myself to stop the suffering.
(sorry for poor English, it's not my first language)
This is coming from someone who also struggles with a form of autism. Remember it's not a disease You are trying to cure, its a gift and a very unique way of thinking that others would kill to experience.
If you pay attention to what's going on it's miraculous my friend. Everything all at once is so easy to focus on, to think "I'll function tomorrow?!?!?! Fuck no...no way I will, this is too much."
But, it's not. You're doing it right now. And you'll continue to hone this gift. It will get easier if you notice the bright and avoid the dark .
I have been there. I have abused some of the dumbest shit imaginable. I admit to huffing gasoline!!!!! Brother. I'm here. I'm fine. I work a full time job.
I've been to the point of it I would fully relive trips. I've had some of the most fucked up dreams I wouldn't ever tell a soul. Its ok. Its part of what it is and it makes you stronger.
I'm taking the time, pouring sweat, failing to fix a weed whacker to assure you, that as I type this all out with enourmous thumbs on a tiny phone FOR YOU!! That I promise it will be ok. Even in your darkest times light like what I'm giving you now will find you. I promise. It always comes to me no matter what. I promise.
I dont know you.
But I understand you.
And I love you.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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It's ok man, you're welcome. I think you should probably try and read up a little more on what you're taking for a sart. But really the main here to think about is the impermanence of this state. They put you on a new drug, you've had drastic side effects, and now you worry they will be persistent right?
Well, if they came only when you started this drug they will likely go when you quit it. You're not stupid, just a bit impulsive, just as I was at your age.
You really need to work with your psychiatrist on this issue overall man, we cannot advise on dosage or anything like that but please do lots and lots of reading about your state, what they're prescribing you (which seems to be the standard list of drugs used to treat depression/anxiety) and try and find some peace in it all ok? Don't expect them to just 'fix' you with their drugs ok, this is your battle too, but whilst you are trying these drugs please take the advice of those prescribing them.
Just be with it, stay frosty, and explain to the experts what you've experienced. Also, read yourself on what others in your position have done. There is no right nor wrong answer. Just be well informed and keep working at it. You'll find some balance sometime man.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Jokeshop speaks nothing but wisdom and truth.
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dixienormous


Registered: 09/21/14
Posts: 1,051
Loc: moon
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I already stopped it 2 days ago . I had only taken it for 4 days though. What should I do know? I'm so scared this'll be the end for me. I intend on telling my family I love them before it's too late to say goodbye. I'm terrified but I know it's all my fault, even though I only wanted to help myself.
Still hope I can do something to cure myself
Some people can stop SSRIs instantly without issue. I was always one of those people.
You'll know if you're having withdrawal. I'd just stop it..
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Need urgent help- very anxious [Re: vandago]
#23358550 - 06/18/16 04:35 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: And I love you.
Beautiful. This is what the fuckin spirit of the Shroomery seems to be about when I look at it. Some fuckin clear up love and respect for your fellow man. That's fuckin being a human neing 101 IMO. Once you get a hang of that bit it all gets a good bit clearer don't it? (weed whacker aside, I do some complex shit in my job but I laugh manic psychedelic laughter at my attempts when to do complex shit while high..)
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: It's ok man, you're welcome. I think you should probably try and read up a little more on what you're taking for a sart. But really the main here to think about is the impermanence of this state. They put you on a new drug, you've had drastic side effects, and now you worry they will be persistent right?
Well, if they came only when you started this drug they will likely go when you quit it. You're not stupid, just a bit impulsive, just as I was at your age.
You really need to work with your psychiatrist on this issue overall man, we cannot advise on dosage or anything like that but please do lots and lots of reading about your state, what they're prescribing you (which seems to be the standard list of drugs used to treat depression/anxiety) and try and find some peace in it all ok? Don't expect them to just 'fix' you with their drugs ok, this is your battle too, but whilst you are trying these drugs please take the advice of those prescribing them.
Just be with it, stay frosty, and explain to the experts what you've experienced. Also, read yourself on what others in your position have done. There is no right nor wrong answer. Just be well informed and keep working at it. You'll find some balance sometime man.
Thanks I just took my xanax and feeling a bit calmer now, but still worried. Just because I don't know what the cause of my symptoms is. I have OCD as well so this is a nightmare for me. I keep thinking 'maybe things were vibrating even before I started the effexor' etc.
I also remember having some visual distortions after taking mushrooms that would come and go, I didn't find it bothersome, but now I think I made it a lot worse (despite not having touched mushrooms for 7 weeks).
I was irresponsible, had mushrooms grow kits, would take them often, just because I thought they were the only things that would help ease my depression a bit. I had an immense focus on them (that's what autistic people are like). Just like I had an immense focus on forex and paying for sex. It's crazy when I think about it now or try to see myself from the perspective of a 'neurotypical' person.
I'm off to bed now. Once again: I really appreciate the kind words, it gives me hope. Thank you
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Need urgent help- very anxious [Re: vandago]
#23358569 - 06/18/16 04:40 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said:
Quote:
happyshroomer123 said: I'm very anxious. I have developed a problem with my sight. Everything I look at seems to vibrate slightly, similar to when I'm tripping.
I have not used mushrooms in a bit over 2 months. The problem with my sight started after taking the antidepressant effexor. I'm scared that this will be permanent and that I'll be stuck in a 'trip' forever. I started experimenting with mushrooms as a way to cure my depression and OCD (all other treatments had failed). I also wanted to use them to get over a trauma. They seemed to help but I'm worried I overdid them (I used them 8 times or so in total, sometimes only a week or even a few days apart), then I took a long break of 4 months and I've been 'clean' for 2 months now.
Just prior to developing problem with sight I used kratom and kanna, but didnt feel much effect. I just hope I didn't cause myself irreversible damage. I know I sometimes don't realize that I continue doing things that are bad for me (because of my autism related black and white thinking)
I feel suicidal, it's very hard living with autism and now I feel like I just destroyed my life. I have made many other mistakes in my life that affected my mental health in a bad way (I visited prostitutes for years, I lost a lot of money with forex etc.). I did those things because I thought they would help me, but they just made my life worse. I know this may sound stupid, but I think sometimes I'm just not aware of the consequences of my actions.
I want to change and become a more responsible/better person, I just hope I can get rid of this visual problem. I'm scared I developed HPPD, but I'm not sure. I never had disturbing enduring visuals after a trip, maybe slight after effects but they never really bothered me. This visual problem started after taking effexor or maybe the kratom/kanna. I stopped the effexor 2 days ago, but no reduction in symtoms yet. Please can someone reassure me? I'm scared I'll have to kill myself to stop the suffering.
(sorry for poor English, it's not my first language)
This is coming from someone who also struggles with a form of autism. Remember it's not a disease You are trying to cure, its a gift and a very unique way of thinking that others would kill to experience.
If you pay attention to what's going on it's miraculous my friend. Everything all at once is so easy to focus on, to think "I'll function tomorrow?!?!?! Fuck no...no way I will, this is too much."
But, it's not. You're doing it right now. And you'll continue to hone this gift. It will get easier if you notice the bright and avoid the dark .
I have been there. I have abused some of the dumbest shit imaginable. I admit to huffing gasoline!!!!! Brother. I'm here. I'm fine. I work a full time job.
I've been to the point of it I would fully relive trips. I've had some of the most fucked up dreams I wouldn't ever tell a soul. Its ok. Its part of what it is and it makes you stronger.
I'm taking the time, pouring sweat, failing to fix a weed whacker to assure you, that as I type this all out with enourmous thumbs on a tiny phone FOR YOU!! That I promise it will be ok. Even in your darkest times light like what I'm giving you now will find you. I promise. It always comes to me no matter what. I promise.
I dont know you.
But I understand you.
And I love you.
Thanks. I have always had a love/hate relationship with my condition. I used to think it's great to have an autism spectrum disorder and that I didn't want to be the same as other people but after developing severe depression and thinking about some of my behaviour I feel like I hate the condition. I guess I will always have this double feeling.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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It's cool man, pretty sure I'm on the spectrum myself, so I get it.
They key is what can you learn right? You've given the answer yourself: 'I was irresponsible' - so, now try the opposite for a while. Irresponsible has its place in life, but after a while you gotta learn right?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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You can't change who you are brother. You can only learn to love and respect yourself.
I have my awful days, but I got dogs. They always remind me of pure love.
I've given up a lot of friendships because I listened to too much hype and let pills get a hold of me.
Talk to your doc and counselor about stimming, meditation, and self dealing with autism non medicated.
I have done every pharmie you could give an aspie at this point. Nothing works better than a solid work out session and fresh air and human interaction . we aren't all the same on out needs, but you and your counselor can identify what makes you happy and what throws you into a downward spiral, and work a sweet kick ass pill free regime around it. Avoid the bs and make it rain....man...
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happyshroomer123
Stranger

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 73
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Need urgent help- very anxious [Re: vandago]
#23359899 - 06/19/16 05:07 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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update: the vibrations seem to have reduced. I can still notice them but only if I really focus and they're less intense. Yesterday night it was s if the whole room was spinning and it seemed to get worse, but today is my best day since the problem started. I hope this is a sign that I can become fully normal again.
And even if it's HPPD, if it's this mild, it should vanish completely pretty soon as long as I abstain from psychedelics?
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