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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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I hate my life
#23356921 - 06/18/16 06:25 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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I know that feeling.. I get it when I get stuck in my head. A good dose of meditation is the best cure I've found.
Good luck man.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead
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daz01
Learning


Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 17 hours, 15 minutes
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Keep your head up and stay positive. Life is all a learning experience. I don't have any regrets anymore, they all taught me very important stuff. Have you thought about opioid maintenance?
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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fungusmuncher
rabbit chaser



Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 1,068
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Re: I hate my life [Re: daz01]
#23356938 - 06/18/16 06:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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The wake doesn't drive the boat. You have a chance to start over right now, this very instant.
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......

I know sometimes life can feel hopeless at times but you just gotta try to make the best of what you've got and keep on truckin' even when it sucks
I've been a meth addict for years so I know how hard it is to just stay positive sometimes but trust me, more junk isn't gonna solve your problems, it's just gonna dig a deeper hole
Life can get better man but in the end it's up to you to take the steps necessary to pull yourself away from the negativity and create a new life for yourself
I wish I had some better advice to give but this is all I got for ya
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead
Don't give up. Ride this shit out till the wheels fall off. Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
fungusmuncher said: The wake doesn't drive the boat. You have a chance to start over right now, this very instant.
I blew it, took another hit instead.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: wishing I was dead
I know that one well too. That lust for oblivion that one can find in the extremities of excessive drugs/alcohol/sleep. It's a bad spot brother, you know you got people here rootin for you to get through it no matter what.
Just don't give up tryna break that downward spiral. The upwards one is bliss when you get a few rungs up.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Shroomopotamus
Happy Mushrooming



Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 18,757
Loc: Funkotron
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take some lsd and be (:
-------------------- * Live by the mushroom, die by the mushroom
    This is a trap! A trap! You are all busted! Busted! You fools!
If a time comes where I fail to appear I've been abducted and I will miss you all Please smile and pet puppies as often as possible Be happy Be nice (<3);}
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plasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
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Yo OP. Get that needle out of your arm and put Jesus in your life
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Quote:
OhMrJohnson said:
Quote:
Connoisseur said: I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......

I know sometimes life can feel hopeless at times but you just gotta try to make the best of what you've got and keep on truckin' even when it sucks
I've been a meth addict for years so I know how hard it is to just stay positive sometimes but trust me, more junk isn't gonna solve your problems, it's just gonna dig a deeper hole
Life can get better man but in the end it's up to you to take the steps necessary to pull yourself away from the negativity and create a new life for yourself
I wish I had some better advice to give but this is all I got for ya
This is good Heart filled advice
Some of your words tonight are extremely saddening.. But you can turn your life around
But it's up too you.. I believe you got what it takes, I really like you and wish you my love 
This IV H seems to be a root of this unhappy cycle I have seemed to notice
Just know in 2014 with my benzo addiction, I tooo was suicidal and recklesss in the midst of my addiction
You can change it all, Its up to you my friend
--------------------
        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
#23356964 - 06/18/16 06:46 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I dont know how much longer I can go on like this.
I feel worthless.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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plasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
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"I would have butt sex with you" - some guy in pics of pubbers
There is still worth. It's all about perspective
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead
If you really need help. You are in NY right? I can set you up with a very good friend of mine. She runs a Foundation to help addicts in NY get help. All expenses paid for you just have to be willing to accept the help. Say the word and I'll make one phone call. She sent me to rehab and changed my life all thanks to her son/my friend who gave his life in order for his mother to set out on the journey of helping addicts free themselves of addiction. love you buddy, We all do. You got this
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
#23356983 - 06/18/16 06:53 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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And if inpatient rehab is not feasible i do know a prominent NY Dr who has a very successful Taper plan with Buperenorphine. Death is not the answer. There is always a solution.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
#23356984 - 06/18/16 06:54 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Im not trying to get off H
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Oh well then, the key to Longevity?
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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You can't depend on some one else for your happiness, it's a sad truth
Lovers come and go, happens to most. I understand it hurts real bad.
But you can stop the root of all your problems, and not fail any future drug tests, your playing with fire.
Your a really awesome guy and I just find this unhappiness a waste of your true happy potential 
Try to keep your spirit up brother Make the steps, cause your IV drug habit seems to be a one way street into a brick wall at 100mph
My best advice is just drop it now before you get into it bad again and stay the hell away, no exception s
Easier said than done of course, but it's possible.
You can be happy again if you fix the root of the problem

--------------------
        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Im not trying to get off H
Therein lies your biggest problem
Nothing's gonna change for you unless you're willing to change your ways
I've seen sooo many people die or get all fucked up because of opiates man I don't want that to end up being you
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
#23357002 - 06/18/16 06:59 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Wait this threads over a piece of pussy? Wow. I hope not
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
#23357006 - 06/18/16 07:01 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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No its not, it may seem that way but its really not
Thats just one of a myriad of factors
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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I dont want to live anymore at all
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Im not gonna kill myself and leave the burden on others of my death but I dont want to live anymore at all
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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I love you man , keep your head up  I've gave you my thoughts,
Find things to occupy your time that isn't drugs,
I just want you to know it's possible to change your mindset on life
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
#23357029 - 06/18/16 07:12 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I cant believe I ruined everything.
I hate myself and I wish I wasnt alive.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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I feel worthless and stupid and like a piece of shit
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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We all have our regrets and shameful memories I'm trying
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I feel worthless and stupid and like a piece of shit
The only people who don't know this feeling aren't even true humans. I wouldn't dedicate a cent of my time to a human that didn't know that feeling well:
To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures. --Nietzsche
It's not exactly the happiest thought in the world, but I know he's right.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
#23357057 - 06/18/16 07:24 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Im a worthless piece of shit failure who has nothing to offer anyone and who doesnt deserve to be alive
Im not worth a single god damn thing and I know it
I hate what ive become and what I am period
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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You keep making posts like this, I keep telling you to try SAMe, you ignore me, rinse Repeat.
If you really wanted to feel better you could try.
You must enjoy your misery.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe] 1
#23357075 - 06/18/16 07:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I dont think your a bad guy at all
I like you a lot 
And I can say that about my self years ago, I used to be so unhappy every single day I know what it is like, maybe not the exact same scenario
But I know regret, shame confusion and overall being very unhappy most of my childhood And my drug addictions after that
I'll try to help and relate and too support you as much as I can, but you must also take your own steps and I truly believe you can do itQuote:
Moonshoe said: You keep making posts like this, I keep telling you to try SAMe, you ignore me, rinse Repeat.
If you really wanted to feel better you could try.
You must enjoy your misery.
And shut up
That last line was just uncalled for with self righteousness
SAMe ain't gonna fix all his problems, you don't know it all
I like you man, but sometimes you come off as a know it all And we're not gonna get into it.
--------------------
        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
Edited by SunnyD (06/18/16 07:36 AM)
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23357078 - 06/18/16 07:34 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have some SAMe
I just havent tried it yet because I pulled out of my depression for a while and didnt feel the need to take it
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I dont want to live anymore at all
That's the H talking.
Whether you like it or not, you need to leave it behind.
Or, be that guy in the pub that makes a thread like this once a month or so.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
#23357103 - 06/18/16 07:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Im sick of being that guy
Im sick of being someone I hate
I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
#23357104 - 06/18/16 07:44 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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You may have taken it that way but you are wrong
Conn keeps making these same miserable threads over and over about his depression. I Keep recommending something that will almost definitely help and probably radically so.
Several other members who have been through the exact same thing (suicidal depression) confirmed that it helped them enormously. Night and day.
I have also been through suicidal depression . SAMe helped me enormously.
The fact that conn keeps making threads about depression but is ignoring something he easily could do that will almost certainly help literally means he must not want to feel better . On some level he must be enjoying wallowing in his misery.
If he wanted to feel better there is absolutely nothing stopping him taking SAMe.
Obviously it won't cure everything in his life but it will take the edge off the suicidal depression that is ruining his quality of life. Once he starts feeling less horrible that will allow him to make other positive changes in his life.
Conn needs to admit that if he has a means to alleviate his depression but is choosing not to use it on some level he is choosing to remain depressed .
Recognizing that is a step towards getting out of the cycle of self pity that is keeping him stuck.
Literally four or five people in wca reported the exact same kind of Black depression and all reported remarkable improvements from SAMe.
Hex enduction for example was making exactly the same kinds of "I want to die" posts for a long time. He tried SAMe and now he is like a different person.
If conn wants to try something other then SAMe that's obviously fine but he hasn't been trying anything. He is depressed and the depression leads him to heroin. If SAMe can help the depression (and I am certain it can) it can also make it easier for him to stay off heroin.
If conn isn't willing to make that simple effort (literally the easiest possible thing - taking a pill he already has) to feel better he needs to ask himself why.
@conn: you will have ups and downs. Take the same daily . It continues to increase in effect for months and you shouldn't stop taking it just because you temporarily feel a bit better .
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
Edited by Moonshoe (06/18/16 08:05 AM)
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23357110 - 06/18/16 07:47 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Moonshoe while your partially right your also partially wrong
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Imagine someone who constantly complains about mosquitos biting them and how itchy they are , who has a can of bug spray beside them but never uses it.
If someone complains about something repeatedly but refuses to even attempt something that multiple people have told them will almost surely help, it gets annoying .
If your not willing to attempt to remedy the situation you are just complaining for its own sake, like people who complain about how much they hate being fat but refuse to diet or exercise .
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Everything I post is fiction.
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Im sick of being that guy
Im sick of being someone I hate
I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all
You didn't ruin your life. Your just putting all your emotions in this one basket. You'll move on. Your soaking in your pity. You need to learn better coping skills or any obstacle you reach in life your gonna be whining and carrying on about life sucks while sitting in the bathroom shooting up. Move on, man up. People out in the world have it worse then you.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex] 1
#23357124 - 06/18/16 07:54 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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No denying that man
I think maybe its time I just shut up
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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The worst prison of all is the one you create in your own mind
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all
Read some of the threads I've in posted lately man; I tell you one thing, you're not alone.
I lost my dream too
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Sometimes I feel worthless too, and a bunch of other shitty emotions.
And you haven't ruined everything . . . yet.
Don't beat yourself up cause of a slip-up(or 3). There's probably more members here who quit heroin (or other drug of choice) than are struggling with it now. It can be done. I quit when I was 25, didn't quit drinking until 55.
Anytime I think about a drink, I try and remember one of my worst "bottoms"(I've had a few), and that silly thought that I could handle a taste without doing that whole crash & burn thang quickly disappears.
Remember too, dope these days has a fair chance of being cut with Fentanyl, one hot shot and somebody might be finding your cold body.
Maybe throw away smash/burn all your shooting rigs and delete your dealers # from your phone, too.
You got our support here brother, if you let us. Try and put this shit behind you... . . .
--------------------
"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Im not trying to get off H
also the H talking.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: vinsue]
#23357140 - 06/18/16 08:00 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Smack is the only thing that keeps me going because then I dont have to feel the pain anymore
I dont have to feel the truth of what my life is
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T-Rex




Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 4,185
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
#23357143 - 06/18/16 08:01 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I wouldn't even fuck with H now. Like Vinsue said, a lot of H is cut with Fentanyl now. I've lost 4 friends from Fentanyl Overdoses in the last 6 months. It most certainly is Russian Roulette now. You won't have to worry about the Emotional Roller coast of Life anymore when your wearing a toe tag. Be Very Careful, NY is a deadly drug den for Dope heads right now.
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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The smack doesn't keep you going man, it does the complete opposite
But I think you already know that so i'm done trying to help someone who apparently doesn't want help
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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tHEfLY
Stranger

Registered: 04/16/16
Posts: 427
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23357149 - 06/18/16 08:03 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Saying "I hate myself" means there is a part of you that is better than where you are right now. Your current situation is not who you actually are, it's a process you're going through, So you don't need to hate yourself - hate your situation and do whatever you can to improve it. If you want to stop feeling worthless then try to do something useful.
And you probably already know this, but the more heroin you use the less likely you will be able to enjoy anything else. It's making things worse, Sort it out.
You're not alone. , from a fellow worthless pos
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 6 hours, 10 minutes
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe] 3
#23357150 - 06/18/16 08:04 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm not gonna get drug into a long debate over it but you're comparing things that don't really compare. Short of some kind of physical abnormality, dieting and exercise will definitely help one lose weight. SAMe is a nutritional supplement in the same vein of things like Melatonin which will have as many people claiming it works as those who claim it doesn't. It's probably most effective as a placebo and for that to work, you first need to believe it will. Mental states have a snowballing effect. It's just as likely that the positive mood is feeding into the continuous loop as it is that the SAMe is "building over time". Just because someone's mental state is steadily improving while taking it for months doesn't mean it's the SAMe that is doing it.
IMO It's detrimental to a person's mental health to go around telling them to take this pill or that pill because chances are they don't work and then the snowballing effect is heading in the other direction, with them thinking nothing is ever going to get better because this magic pill that everyone told them to take didn't work it must mean you're a hopeless cause. If you want to help Conn, find a way to get him to view his life in a more positive light without popping a pill. Why do I even bring this up? Because you accused him of not wanting to get better simply because he's not running out to buy a bottle of SAMe. I wouldn't either. I was stuck in that negative feedback loop myself not too long ago. I got out of it by making changes in my life, not by taking a pill.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,494
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Smack is the only thing that keeps me going because then I dont have to feel the pain anymore
I dont have to feel the truth of what my life is
You got 2 routes here bud.
Route A) Pull the curtains for good on the H and forge a new path in life w/out it
Route B) Keep the H in your life and repeatedly visit the rock bottom suite in hotel hell for the rest of your life
it's pretty black & white IMO
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,379
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 19 minutes, 50 seconds
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Re: I hate my life [Re: plasma]
#23357223 - 06/18/16 08:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
plasma said: Yo OP. Get that needle out of your arm and put Jesus in your life
Or take LSD instead.
I knew that opium tea was a bad idea 
Get well soon OP
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
  Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise   Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 |  Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
     
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Niffla]
#23357233 - 06/18/16 08:47 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Life is a bitch sometimes. It's gonna hurt sometimes. If you can't learn to deal eith the those times/ feelings....if you can't live life on life's terms , you're fucked. Period. Life is always gonna suck, and end shitty. If you do learn to live life on life's terms, learn to accept the ups & downs....then life won't always suck. You'll find peace, you'll find happiness & you'll find success. It's hard, but can be done. I did it. Countless others have done it. Conn can as well. That's all dependent on whether or not he chooses route a & route b.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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My life pretty much sucks ass right now too, but if you aren't willing to make any changes then nobody wants to hear your bitching. I'd take T-Rex's deal if I were you.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said: if you aren't willing to make any changes then nobody wants to hear your bitching.
Amen brother.
It fucks me off how much effort it takes to rebuild after everytime life does a number on you and leaves you with your shattered dreams in a broken and bloodied heap, but fuck me, if you're not gonna keep fighting what are you gonna do with your time here??
Wallowing in self pity has it's place but only a fool stays there for long.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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There's good advice in this thread, conn. I know it's hard to acknowledge in a state of mind where everything seems worthless but there ARE steps you could take to improve your life and make yourself a better person. I hope you revisit some of what's been said in this thread when you're in a bit more of a stable state of mind.
The way you feel won't last forever. It's a temporary state like all states. Its entirely possible for you to break out of this mess, but you need to start with being honest with yourself.
Hang in there and remember that no matter how it feels, you're here on earth for a reason and you're still worth something to many people.
--------------------
Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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Starstepper
AI Brobot



Registered: 05/08/16
Posts: 2,935
Loc: The blip on the radar
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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OP get off the H, keep your pecker hard and your powder dry. The world will turn.
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Plain
You are the universe



Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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Stay strong man! You can kick this life style that has brought you nothing but sorrows.
I believe in you and just know there are prople out there who care about ya
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
#23357500 - 06/18/16 10:16 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I just wish I could go back and do it all over again.....
If I could I would make myself out to be something more than just a worthless piece of shit
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Plain
You are the universe



Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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You can still turn things around stop looking back and look forward its easier to figure out where youre going that way.
Good luck man for real just dont give up
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
#23357521 - 06/18/16 10:22 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I already have given up
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain] 1
#23357525 - 06/18/16 10:24 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah Conn, you're still young. You have plenty of time to turn your life around and make something amazing out of it. In a few months time you'll be off books and can do whatever the fuck you want, go wherever the fuck you want, and make a new life for yourself. Don't lose sight of that. It's hard to avoid getting bogged down by the past, but it will get you nowhere.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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None of that matters when I hate myself so much
Im a worthless piece of shit
I dont care if I die because the worlds better without me
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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I cant enjoy anything anymore because I fucked up everything that ever mattered to me.
Ive ruined the most important things in my life and now I just want to die.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Plain
You are the universe



Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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It will get better man i promise i have been in some low places and im still not the best role model in the world but you can get better. We are here for ya man, the world would not be better off without you and the shroomery cant lose ya either man.
It all starts with a positive outlook, nothing is instant it will take time but you can make a come back connoisseur anyone can with enough positive reinforcement.
You got this man take your time try to see the glass as half full
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Brother, we had a heart to heart tonight don't lose sight of a happier future that you can make your life into, I have so much faith in you my brother Your a awesome guy,
Its Gonnna get better quick if you make it, and you got a lot of support. You got it good compared to some

--------------------
        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said:

/thread
I don't mean to sound harsh Conn, but whining to us about it is a complete waste of your time and energy that could be put to much better use elsewhere.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Yall are right I gotta stop complaining and do something about it
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Plain
You are the universe



Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said:

/thread
I don't mean to sound harsh Conn, but whining to us about it is a complete waste of your time and energy that could be put to much better use elsewhere.
Hes looking for support i would think this is the place to go for that even though you do have to deal with people who cant see past their own noseQuote:
Connoisseur said: Yall are right I gotta stop complaining and do something about it
Its good you got that down, now dont forget we are here for support man.
I hope everything works out for you
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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Yeah man, what jsb & malquan are saying. Everyone else has addressed the other stuff and you've been ignoring it, so all there is to do now is to stop with the self-flagellation.
This puppy hates himself too.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
#23357629 - 06/18/16 10:56 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Plain said: Hes looking for support i would think this is the place to go for that
Of course it is, I fucking live for that shit; this community means the world to me. But it doesn't mean we should go all soft placating every cry of a man (or woman) that's in pain; sometimes that shit does more harm than good.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Plain
You are the universe



Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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Why not yry to calm someone down from that point and try to get them to a level mind where they can actually work on ehat they need to work on, that is the point of support.
Albeit, i do understand how the aggressive ones balance out the softies and i think thats what makes this place work
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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OhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita
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Quote:
Burke Dennings said: Yeah man, what jsb & malquan are saying. Everyone else has addressed the other stuff and you've been ignoring it, so all there is to do now is to stop with the self-flagellation.
This puppy hates himself too.

Awwww poor lil dude
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Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace.. Once and for all!
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
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Are you trolling us conn?
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chulutu
Stranger



Registered: 10/30/15
Posts: 751
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......
I feel the same way sometimes.
at one point to ended with me having one leg over the railing of the golden gate bridge about to jump and a lovely involuntary trip to the locked down psych ward at sf general.
Now when that feeling hits me i try and make a change in my life even if its as simple as cleaning ,y goddamn room or going out and drinking and trying to pull some numbers. Sure it might not always be the healthiest way to distract myself from those thoughts and feelings but atleast im trying something.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
#23357742 - 06/18/16 11:22 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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No im just being a bitch im sorry everyone........
Im really depressed and I feel stupid to puke my emotions all over the community but I dont know who else to turn to and its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: chulutu]
#23357758 - 06/18/16 11:27 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
chulutu said:
Quote:
Connoisseur said: I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......
I feel the same way sometimes.
at one point to ended with me having one leg over the railing of the golden gate bridge about to jump and a lovely involuntary trip to the locked down psych ward at sf general.
Now when that feeling hits me i try and make a change in my life even if its as simple as cleaning ,y goddamn room or going out and drinking and trying to pull some numbers. Sure it might not always be the healthiest way to distract myself from those thoughts and feelings but atleast im trying something.
Thats real shit man, respect to you. hope things work out ok for you brother.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: No im just being a bitch im sorry everyone........
Im really depressed and I feel stupid to puke my emotions all over the community but I dont know who else to turn to and its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself 
Don't sweat it brother, you're in good company here. I bet nearly every person here knows where you're at. I was there last what.. about 3 days ago? I'll be there again sometime soon I'm sure. At some point, it'll feel like distant history. I'm sure of that too.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself
I know the feeling, it's a bitch to be alive and stick it out on this planet but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
#23357808 - 06/18/16 11:40 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I just have to much consideration for others to kill myself
I know that people care about me and I really respect that so much
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MysticMoteToter



Registered: 07/26/15
Posts: 2,036
Loc: Who nose.
Last seen: 8 hours, 57 minutes
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Im not trying to get off H
then you'll continue to feel completely worthless without it, and guilty/worthless even when high.
-------------------- Half Homo Hardly Sapient Overview Effect Fuck War, Feed Birds.
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1234go
Ban Lotto Champion


Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
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That's usin' your noggin.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
#23359257 - 06/18/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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start helping others, you will think less about yourself
attitude of gratitude
accept yourself unconditionally in the present moment
the end of suffering is living in a way where everything happened exactly as it needed to
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
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Quote:
Shroomopotamus said: take some lsd and be (:
It would be nice if things were that easy, but they're not. Drugs only offer temporary relief, but not lasting relief, if you want to change your life, you need to try to promote changes that last. You might eat some good acid and have some really great ideas about what you want for your future, but once that wears off, what ya gonna do?
I have seen people do this so many times it's not even funny, dose, talk about all they plan on doing and how creative they can be, come down, and do nothing about it because the drugs aren't there taking the normal anxieties of life away, and you have to deal with real shit.
Hope you feel better soon Connoisseur.
-------------------- ©️
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xbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Lucis]
#23359386 - 06/18/16 10:05 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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But you CAN'T do anything over again. You can make changes though. I understand that feeling extremely well. You've got to just keep moving on though. Make positive changes in your life and you may just end up in the same position you would be in if you could redo everything.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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You can't think your way out of these problems . Instead escape from thoughts through exercise and meditation .
Exercise is the miracle cure . Anxiety and depression are relieved enormously when you do a hard workout and sweat and burn off the stress: the post workout endorphins are the best antidepressant .
Breathing deep and seeking peace in meditation will serially allow you to clear your mind of the depressing thoughts .
Because both exercise and meditation are hard to motivate yourself for when severely depressed start with the SAMe for a brighter mood and then Carry that momentum forward into healthy activity like exercise and meditation and yoga .
You can't go back in time and redo anything so the next best thing is to get a journal out and make a list of what you want to do going forward with your life .
You can't undo past mistakes but you can make sure you won't waste any more years.
Things could always be so much worse and you are young enough you can still attain anything you set your mind to.
Travel the world. Fall in love and marry. Get in shape. Write a book. Take up a hobby.
It's not to late for any or all of these !
Spirituality and religion really can help a lot of people as well; especially many addicts find religion helps them .
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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searching



Registered: 06/08/11
Posts: 4,128
Last seen: 5 months, 5 days
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23361090 - 06/19/16 03:08 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hey man I have been there many times before. I also know for a fact that the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I couldn't do that to my family. The only way out is to pull yourself out. You have to get up. Right now, GET UP! Do something! Give me twenty push right now. You're stuck in the sticky sludge of depression and you have to get up and fight for your life. I know you don't feel like you have the energy or motivation, but the fact that you got on here and posted this is proof you still want to live and get better.
Just admit it, you don't want to die, you just want things to get better. So change your mind from being a victim to being a badass that takes control of their own life. What are you waiting for? Get up and start moving. We're in this together brother and we can't let the depression win.
--------------------
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Brown Buffalo
paisley superstar



Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 821
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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timelapses
Life in free form



Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 4,600
Loc: in a shroomery prison
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......
I felt that way once. Then a convienience store clerk said just to it, my feel sorry for me put on her.
Woke me up. Victimhood. Despite many attempts I am still here. Expressing through my body. There is something no one can comprehend, or I guess many can this being the shroomery, the body, I saw my body hovering above it with so much love and compassion.
Progress or digress through the body. Depths that a veil conciels though brief glimpses. Grass is not greener on the other side. At least in my life now.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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While I do feel I am a victim of certain things a lot of what has happened is simply my own doing.
Ive decided to go on the most insane binge ive ever had to "settle my mind"
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Starstepper
AI Brobot



Registered: 05/08/16
Posts: 2,935
Loc: The blip on the radar
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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What is the price tag on that in the heroin world?
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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The propaganda around dope being impossible to escape and an all consuming monster only make it harder to detach. In reality, quitting the needle is as easy as anything else in this word; It takes but an effort.
you mean to tell me you can't spare an effort?
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin 
Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Than I have no sympathy for you and your inevitable melt down.
Good luck on that path. Look where it led everyone else. Lonely road.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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wigglewak



Registered: 04/26/15
Posts: 1,961
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We all do the best with what we have. People are raised in a world of confusion. I'm sure the mistakes we make could be far worse but at least you have self awareness. This is not a blessing when you want it to be but it does offer a path to something else.
A great weakness can be a great strength when properly incorporated.
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin 
Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle
why?
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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No one should need to feel sympathy for my choice to use a drug(s) that would just be silly
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana


Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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I don't foresee your future going well if you follow these plans. I hope you get your mind right and reconsider.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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SoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,059
Loc:
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Quote:
Connoisseur said:
Ive decided to go on the most insane binge ive ever had to "settle my mind"
It could backfire on you, be a miserable, depressed time and waste of drugs. C'mon man snap out of it! Find a well of strength inside of you and overcome, because it's more interesting that way than the alternative.
--------------------
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Modest mouse I remember you saying almost exactly the same thing recently - that you had given up on quitting dope and had decided to just go with the addiction .
Did you since change your mind and quit heroin?
Also saying it's no harder than anything else isn't anymore helpful than saying it's impossible .
The reality is it is extremely difficult, harder then quitting almost any other thing, but still very possible and like many difficult things, worth doing.
I congratulate you on getting off dope yourself .
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana


Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23388481 - 06/27/16 05:42 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Modest has been off H for a while now IIRC but I remember when he said something similar to that, and my reaction was similar to what I said to conn just now 
I truly hope all my WCA brothers struggling with opiate addiction are able to break past all the bullshit and escape. I have faith in all y'all.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23388503 - 06/27/16 05:50 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've been clean I once said something like I wasn't going to worry about my habit, not that I was going to amplify it. Y'all took it that way though, which make sense since that's how it seems.
Truthfully, letting go of the "this is an addicting substance I am under its spell and I must fight it" mindset helped me quit. Take it day by day and you'll find its easy. I just objectively reasoned that I was better off saving my money and relationship, possibly life! I then chipped a few times following the habit break, and didn't beat myself up over it but each time recognized that I was indulging and I could not follow it up with another dose in the near future.
Since then I haven't been doping up.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
Loc: United States
Last seen: 11 hours, 37 minutes
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead
At least u had dope dude!
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Well I am really happy for you and respect that you quit 
What you said at the time was something like "I have given up on trying to quit dope and am just going to stop worrying about it, the addiction is all in your head "
Which obviously seemed like straight up dope delusions but the way you explain it now makes sense.
It's definitely true that overestimating how addicted you are to something can make it much harder to quit.
Bitter cactus and his devestating Kratom withdrawals come to mind :
Having a positive outlook and faith you can do something will definitely make It easier, and dreading it being horrifically hard will make it worse .
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Othyem



Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 1,935
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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I hate my life too. Not in an emotional way like you though, but in a chronic pain, illness sort of way. Shit, sucks but if you aren't going to kill yourself you may as well make the most of it. whatever that means for you.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Othyem]
#23388596 - 06/27/16 06:14 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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What is the cause of your chronic pain and do you use opiates or anything else to manage it ?
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Othyem



Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 1,935
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23388618 - 06/27/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm on norco and ativan. Norco doesnt really do much. Ulcerative colitis, gerd, and lyme are what give me pain at the moment. I started doxy, hopefully that takes care of the lyme and makes life a little more tolerable.
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Jean-guy Masta
Railyard Ghost


Registered: 09/23/14
Posts: 1,827
Loc: MT-Hell
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Othyem]
#23388620 - 06/27/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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hey conn hope you stay with us, we like you here, dont go too cray cray on that binge
hate my life too, pain and mental illness and what it comes with
cant even smoke weed anymore because of anxiety and my illness. even benzos makes me feel worst, i mean fuck kill me already
makes me remember my first post here, saying how lame i was being a fuckin meth loser.
good memories
--------------------

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Coacervate
Stranger



Registered: 09/05/15
Posts: 166
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Conno I just "met" you. I'm nobody and cant say anything about your scene. Know this, theres a shitload of folks pulling for you here. that counts for something... a lot by my measure. Sorry your going through this. Just do not OD whatever else youre going for.
It sounds corny but my first thought was how much my pet cat and my fish, a pair of Oscars, are my best pals. I even grew up a big assed cockroach to adulthood once. I was so proud. then my cat got her. Rats. heh
-------------------- What is now proved was once only imagin’d -William Blake
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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Quote:
stzacrack said:
Quote:
Connoisseur said: I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead
At least u had dope dude!
What a stupid thing to say.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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What an honest things to say.
Shit if I didnt have drugs I would be dead long ago, looking forward to the next shot gives me the little life I have left.
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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i hate liz
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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Take the easy way out then. You'll always hate your life if you keep shooting up that garbage.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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You're a white male in America with Internet connection. Based on that alone there is no need to consider suicide.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 8 hours, 20 minutes
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Look I've never said this in the shroomery (even though I have wanted to with many people) but I personally care about you. I see tons of your personality in myself (at times). You have some willpower in there somewhere. My suggestion is don't get completely off of Heroin but take 2-3 days a week,take less heroin and excersise. Because things you are saying is almost verbatim where I was last year mentally. I had all the dope in the world and still was miserable and wanted it all to end. Just small steps I've taken since then such as meeting more people,participating in shows/concert,experience,I've been genuinely happy (still opiate addicted but max 8mg a day of diluadid) considering I have legitimate pain to be addressed,I've been successful in College, loving more. Forgetting memories so much loss, overdose and death in my family,others families & My family ruined by deep depression and illness. It's still hard to live with very painful medical problems and barely any family left. However for the first time in my life I'm now getting good job offers and have a girlfriend a million times better then my cheating ex. I'm starting to love my life again but it looked to me that there was no other way out. It wasn't true.
I'm just trying to plead with you Con, take a small step and I promise you every time you are worried or anxious or need support You me. Hell I'll give you my personal # to help you get to a place where you have one thing you can say you have a passion for other then heroin. Like I said I can't detox you or break you're addiction and if I did say that you wouldn't listen because its pretensious and uninformed to think addiction is about will power and all that bs. Partially is ,however my point is I feel if you tried to connect with people,find a small hobby or favorite place to spend your day(s).
I just want you to be happier in life con,ur a good cat and you deserve it
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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I hate my life too. Just keep getting up and brushing yourself off. Lay off the drugs if you're under a spot light. Take time to pick yourself up if need be. Manage yourself.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Mike_yy]
#23389164 - 06/27/16 09:14 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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If you imagine a scenario where you had a loving beautiful wife, and traveled the world, does that appeal to you? Would you want that?
Because if you wanted that, you could work towards that and make it happen.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23389191 - 06/27/16 09:22 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thats just stupid dude you could have said anything right there and posed it the same way.
Do you want a big house and a car?
Do you want a poppy field in your backyard?
Do you want a million dollars?
Your posing nothing eye opening.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.
Don't any of those things appeal to you?
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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If you feel resent, you're not a total loss, i think someone said. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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do you have friends and family?
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23389217 - 06/27/16 09:31 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.
Don't any of those things appeal to you?
They dont, its all bullshit and all the value you place in all that is really just dust
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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so you'd rather be a loser heroin junkie living on the street scrounging through the dumpster and begging for money instead?
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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depressed people arent really good at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
i just got out of a brutal 7-year long addiction myself
feels so damn good not to have to be around scummy ass people no more lying cheating and stealing
no more worry about cops no more anxiously waiting for annoying drug dealers
drugs and addiction and general become a replacement for life
I am told life can be pretty damn good without drugs, can't say I can speak on that yet as I am pretty fucking lost but not being a slave to a substance that was ruining my life and negatively affecting those around me is reason enough to keep on trucking.
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Cowb0yNeal00


Registered: 06/05/13
Posts: 11,059
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Smoke weed
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MysticMoteToter



Registered: 07/26/15
Posts: 2,036
Loc: Who nose.
Last seen: 8 hours, 57 minutes
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin 
Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle
theres a saying that goes something like this...If you want to ruin your life binge amphetamines or benzos. if you want to end it, binge opiates
Quote:
ModestMouse said: Than I have no sympathy for you and your inevitable melt down.
Good luck on that path. Look where it led everyone else. Lonely road.
-------------------- Half Homo Hardly Sapient Overview Effect Fuck War, Feed Birds.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
Connoisseur said:
Quote:
Moonshoe said: Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.
Don't any of those things appeal to you?
They dont, its all bullshit and all the value you place in all that is really just dust
It is pretty clear to me that heroin users try to pretend there is nothing worth accomplishing or achieving in life to justify their addictions , rather than that being addicted is actually a response to perceiving no worth In life.
Obviously happiness, health and love are all wonderful things worth having, but since you don't have any of them you tell yourself they are "dust" instead of doing anything to work towards them.
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
Edited by Moonshoe (06/28/16 11:33 AM)
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daz01
Learning


Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 17 hours, 15 minutes
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost
You need to get clean. And now. Opiates are destroying your brains natural capability to live and love living. Exercising. Having dreams. Doing your goals. Having sex. Developing relationships. Feeling good from laughing. Petting your pet. Learning.
You are depressed and not motivated because your brain and body chemistry is fucked. Your body can't function without heroin and now it's got to the stage it dosen't know what to do even when it has its wants.
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Quote:
Cowb0yNeal00 said: Smoke weed
Truly helped me.
Also your comment on materialsm being a bunch of dust or whatever is purely the heroin speaking. I used to think that exact same way.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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SoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,059
Loc:
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The Big Kahuna's Dilemma: How to Live in a Darwinian Universe
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Coacervate
Stranger



Registered: 09/05/15
Posts: 166
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SoloTrip]
#23391541 - 06/28/16 04:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Wow, has the ring of truth, fer sher!
best cinctilus at ~6:40
-------------------- What is now proved was once only imagin’d -William Blake
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
ModestMouse said:
Quote:
Cowb0yNeal00 said: Smoke weed
Truly helped me.
Also your comment on materialsm being a bunch of dust or whatever is purely the heroin speaking. I used to think that exact same way.
Yeah but I was talking about being in love and traveling the world. Thats not materialism at all. You are talking about love and the Earth/Life itself.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
#23395495 - 06/29/16 08:55 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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dude is making lame excuses instead of even making a fraction of an effort to dig himself out of the hole he dug. let him be a loser junkie.
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Coacervate
Stranger



Registered: 09/05/15
Posts: 166
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Connoisseur said: I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost
Man, have you never been there? All it takes is for some checks to bounce, your babe dumps you, your boss chews you out and your , idont know, herpes. Sometimes a perfect storm of shit comes down on somebody. and, yeah I wimp out and get shitfaced. we can be a sounding board for him...at least he was responding.
If youve never been up to your ears in Elephant snot and a monkey pukes above you, good on ya. But I know just how impossible it is to take good advice when youre paralysed from the ankle up.
He's been pretty quiet alll of a sudden. Must be on a bender. Hope he's reading this crap and comes back ready to fight. I like him. He helped me with a problem and come to think of it he was the only one with helpful advice. worth listening to this one, i say
-------------------- What is now proved was once only imagin’d -William Blake
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Bigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 
Posts: 2,594
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You don't know me dude.
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