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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
I hate my life
    #23356921 - 06/18/16 06:25 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356926 - 06/18/16 06:27 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I know that feeling.. I get it when I get stuck in my head. A good dose of meditation is the best cure I've found.

Good luck man.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23356929 - 06/18/16 06:29 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead


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Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 17 hours, 15 minutes
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356930 - 06/18/16 06:29 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Keep your head up and stay positive. Life is all a learning experience. I don't have any regrets anymore, they all taught me very important stuff.
Have you thought about opioid maintenance?


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


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Invisiblefungusmuncher
rabbit chaser
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Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 1,068
Re: I hate my life [Re: daz01]
    #23356938 - 06/18/16 06:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

The wake doesn't drive the boat.  You have a chance to start over right now, this very instant.


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356940 - 06/18/16 06:35 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......




:hugitout:

I know sometimes life can feel hopeless at times but you just gotta try to make the best of what you've got and keep on truckin' even when it sucks

I've been a meth addict for years so I know how hard it is to just stay positive sometimes but trust me, more junk isn't gonna solve your problems, it's just gonna dig a deeper hole

Life can get better man but in the end it's up to you to take the steps necessary to pull yourself away from the negativity and create a new life for yourself

I wish I had some better advice to give but this is all I got for ya


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23356945 - 06/18/16 06:37 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead



Don't give up. Ride this shit out till the wheels fall off.
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
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Re: I hate my life [Re: fungusmuncher]
    #23356946 - 06/18/16 06:37 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

fungusmuncher said:
The wake doesn't drive the boat.  You have a chance to start over right now, this very instant.




I blew it, took another hit instead.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356950 - 06/18/16 06:39 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
wishing I was dead



I know that one well too. That lust for oblivion that one can find in the extremities of excessive drugs/alcohol/sleep. It's a bad spot brother, you know you got people here rootin for you to get through it no matter what.

Just don't give up tryna break that downward spiral. The upwards one is bliss when you get a few rungs up.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleShroomopotamus
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Re: I hate my life [Re: LunarEclipse] * 3
    #23356951 - 06/18/16 06:39 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

take some lsd and be (:


--------------------
*
Live by the mushroom, die by the mushroom
:mushroom2::rainbowdrink:
This is a trap! A trap! You are all busted! Busted! You fools!
:twirlyface:

If a time comes where I fail to appear I've been abducted and I will miss you all
Please smile and pet puppies as often as possible
Be happy
Be nice
(<3);}


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Invisibleplasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
Re: I hate my life [Re: Shroomopotamus] * 1
    #23356959 - 06/18/16 06:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Yo OP. Get that needle out of your arm and put Jesus in your life


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: OhMrJohnson]
    #23356961 - 06/18/16 06:44 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

OhMrJohnson said:
Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......




:hugitout:

I know sometimes life can feel hopeless at times but you just gotta try to make the best of what you've got and keep on truckin' even when it sucks

I've been a meth addict for years so I know how hard it is to just stay positive sometimes but trust me, more junk isn't gonna solve your problems, it's just gonna dig a deeper hole

Life can get better man but in the end it's up to you to take the steps necessary to pull yourself away from the negativity and create a new life for yourself

I wish I had some better advice to give but this is all I got for ya




This is good Heart filled advice



Some of your words tonight are extremely saddening..
But you can turn your life around

But it's up too you..
I believe you got what it takes, I really like you and wish you my love :hug:

This IV H seems to be a root of this unhappy cycle I have seemed to notice

:yinyang:
Just know in 2014 with my benzo addiction,  I tooo  was suicidal and recklesss in the midst  of my addiction


You can change it all,  Its up to you my friend
:heart:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
    #23356964 - 06/18/16 06:46 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I dont know how much longer I can go on like this.

I feel worthless.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356976 - 06/18/16 06:50 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)



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Invisibleplasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23356978 - 06/18/16 06:51 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

"I would have butt sex with you" - some guy in pics of pubbers

There is still worth. It's all about perspective


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 4
    #23356980 - 06/18/16 06:52 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead



If you really need help. You are in NY right?
I can set you up with a very good friend of mine.
She runs a Foundation to help addicts in NY get help.
All expenses paid for you just have to be willing to accept the help.
Say the word and I'll make one phone call.
She sent me to rehab and changed my life all thanks to her son/my friend who gave his life in order for his mother to set out on the journey of helping addicts free themselves of addiction.
love you buddy, We all do. You got this


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
    #23356983 - 06/18/16 06:53 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

And if inpatient rehab is not feasible i do know a prominent NY Dr who has a very successful Taper plan with Buperenorphine.
Death is not the answer. There is always a solution.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
    #23356984 - 06/18/16 06:54 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Im not trying to get off H


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23356990 - 06/18/16 06:56 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Oh well then, the key to Longevity?


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23356995 - 06/18/16 06:57 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You can't  depend on some one else for your happiness,  it's a sad truth

Lovers come and go, happens to most.  I understand it hurts real bad.

But you can stop the root of all your problems, and not fail any future drug tests, your playing with fire.

Your a really awesome guy and I just find this unhappiness a waste of your true happy potential :heart:


Try to keep your spirit up brother
Make the steps,  cause your IV  drug habit seems to be a one way street into a brick wall  at 100mph


My best advice is just drop it now before you get into it bad again and stay the hell away, no exception s

Easier said than done of course, but it's possible.

You can be happy again if you fix the root of the problem
:heart::sunny:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 4
    #23356997 - 06/18/16 06:58 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Im not trying to get off H




Therein lies your biggest problem

Nothing's gonna change for you unless you're willing to change your ways

I've seen sooo many people die or get all fucked up because of opiates man I don't want that to end up being you


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
    #23357002 - 06/18/16 06:59 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Wait this threads over a piece of pussy?
Wow. I hope not


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex]
    #23357006 - 06/18/16 07:01 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

No its not, it may seem that way but its really not

Thats just one of a myriad of factors


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357016 - 06/18/16 07:07 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I dont want to live anymore at all


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357018 - 06/18/16 07:08 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Im not gonna kill myself and leave the burden on others of my death but I dont want to live anymore at all


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357019 - 06/18/16 07:08 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I love you man , keep your head up :hug:
I've gave you my thoughts,


Find things to occupy your time that isn't drugs,

I just want you to know it's possible to change your mindset on life :sun:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
    #23357029 - 06/18/16 07:12 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I cant believe I ruined everything.

I hate myself and I wish I wasnt alive.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357032 - 06/18/16 07:15 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I feel worthless and stupid and like a piece of shit


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357033 - 06/18/16 07:16 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

We all have our regrets and shameful memories:hug:
I'm trying


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23357047 - 06/18/16 07:21 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I feel worthless and stupid and like a piece of shit



The only people who don't know this feeling aren't even true humans. I wouldn't dedicate a cent of my time to a human that didn't know that feeling well:

To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures.
--Nietzsche

It's not exactly the happiest thought in the world, but I know he's right.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
    #23357057 - 06/18/16 07:24 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Im a worthless piece of shit failure who has nothing to offer anyone and who doesnt deserve to be alive

Im not worth a single god damn thing and I know it

I hate what ive become and what I am period


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357062 - 06/18/16 07:28 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You keep making posts like this, I keep telling you to try SAMe, you ignore me, rinse
Repeat.

If you really wanted to feel better you could try.

You must enjoy your misery.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe] * 1
    #23357075 - 06/18/16 07:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I dont think your a bad guy at all


I like you a lot :heart:

And I can say that about my self years ago, I used to be so unhappy every single day
I know what it is like, maybe not the exact same scenario


But I know regret, shame confusion and overall being very unhappy most of my childhood
And my drug addictions after that



I'll try to help and relate and too support you as much as I can, but you must also take your own steps and I truly believe you can do it
Quote:

Moonshoe said:
You keep making posts like this, I keep telling you to try SAMe, you ignore me, rinse
Repeat.

If you really wanted to feel better you could try.

You must enjoy your misery.



And shut up

That last line was just uncalled for with self righteousness

SAMe  ain't gonna fix all his problems, you don't know it all

I like you man, but sometimes you come off as a know it all
And we're not gonna get into it.
:hug:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Edited by SunnyD (06/18/16 07:36 AM)


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23357078 - 06/18/16 07:34 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I have some SAMe

I just havent tried it yet because I pulled out of my depression for a while and didnt feel the need to take it


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Invisible1234go
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357085 - 06/18/16 07:36 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I dont want to live anymore at all




That's the H talking.

Whether you like it or not, you need to leave it behind.

Or, be that guy in the pub that makes a thread like this once a month or so.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
    #23357103 - 06/18/16 07:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Im sick of being that guy

Im sick of being someone I hate

I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SunnyD]
    #23357104 - 06/18/16 07:44 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You may have taken it that way but you are wrong

Conn keeps making these same miserable threads over and over about his depression. I Keep recommending  something that will almost definitely help and probably radically so.

Several other members who have been through the exact same thing (suicidal depression) confirmed that it helped them enormously. Night and day.

I have also been through suicidal depression . SAMe helped me enormously.

The fact that conn keeps making threads about depression but is ignoring something he easily could do that will almost certainly help literally means he must not want to feel better . On some level he must be enjoying wallowing in his misery.

If he wanted to feel better there is absolutely nothing stopping him taking SAMe.

Obviously it won't cure everything in his life but it will take the edge off the suicidal depression that is ruining his quality of life. Once he starts feeling less horrible that will allow him to make other positive changes in his life.

Conn needs to admit that if he has a means to alleviate his depression but is choosing not to use it on some level he is choosing to remain depressed .

Recognizing that is a step towards getting out of the cycle of self pity that is keeping him stuck.

Literally four or five people in wca reported the exact same kind of Black depression and all reported remarkable improvements from SAMe.

Hex enduction for example was making exactly the same kinds of "I want to die" posts for a long time. He tried SAMe and now he is like a different person.

If conn wants to try something other then SAMe that's obviously fine but he hasn't been trying anything. He is depressed and the depression leads him to heroin. If SAMe can help the depression (and I am certain it can) it can also make it easier for him to stay off heroin.

If conn isn't willing to make that simple effort (literally the easiest possible thing - taking a pill he already has) to feel better he needs to ask himself why.

@conn: you will have ups and downs. Take the same daily . It continues to increase in effect for months and you shouldn't stop taking it just because you temporarily feel a bit better .


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


Edited by Moonshoe (06/18/16 08:05 AM)


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23357110 - 06/18/16 07:47 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Moonshoe while your partially right your also partially wrong


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357114 - 06/18/16 07:49 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Imagine someone who constantly complains about mosquitos biting them and how itchy they are , who has a can of bug spray beside them but never uses it.

If someone complains about something repeatedly but refuses to even attempt something that multiple people have told them will almost surely help, it gets annoying .

If your not willing to attempt to remedy the situation you are just complaining for its own sake, like people who complain about how much they hate being fat but refuse to diet or exercise .


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23357122 - 06/18/16 07:53 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Im sick of being that guy

Im sick of being someone I hate

I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all



You didn't ruin your life.
Your just putting all your emotions in this one basket. You'll move on. Your soaking in your pity.
You need to learn better coping skills or any obstacle you reach in life your gonna be whining and carrying on about life sucks while sitting in the bathroom shooting up.
Move on, man up. People out in the world have it worse then you.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: T-Rex] * 1
    #23357124 - 06/18/16 07:54 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

No denying that man

I think maybe its time I just shut up


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357126 - 06/18/16 07:55 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

The worst prison of all is the one you create in your own mind


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357127 - 06/18/16 07:55 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I tried so hard to make a life for myself I wanted and I lost it all



Read some of the threads I've in posted lately man; I tell you one thing, you're not alone.

I lost my dream too


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblevinsue
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 3
    #23357131 - 06/18/16 07:57 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Sometimes I feel worthless too, and a bunch of other shitty emotions.

And you haven't ruined everything . . .
yet.


Don't beat yourself up cause of a slip-up(or 3).
There's probably more members here who quit heroin (or other drug of choice)
than are struggling with it now. It can be done.
I quit :syringe: when I was 25, didn't quit drinking until 55.


Anytime I think about a drink, I try and remember one of my worst "bottoms"(I've had a few),
and that silly thought that I could handle a taste without doing that whole crash & burn thang quickly disappears.

Remember too, dope these days has a fair chance of being cut with Fentanyl,
one hot shot and somebody might be finding your cold body.


Maybe throw away smash/burn all your shooting rigs and delete your dealers # from your phone, too.

You got our support here brother, if you let us.
Try and put this shit behind you...:hug: . . . :peace:


--------------------

"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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Invisible1234go
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23357134 - 06/18/16 07:58 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Im not trying to get off H





also the H talking.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
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Re: I hate my life [Re: vinsue]
    #23357140 - 06/18/16 08:00 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Smack is the only thing that keeps me going because then I dont have to feel the pain anymore

I dont have to feel the truth of what my life is


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OfflineT-Rex
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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
    #23357143 - 06/18/16 08:01 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I wouldn't even fuck with H now.
Like Vinsue said, a lot of H is cut with Fentanyl now.
I've lost 4 friends from Fentanyl Overdoses in the last 6 months.
It most certainly is Russian Roulette now.
You won't have to worry about the Emotional Roller coast of Life anymore when your wearing a toe tag.
Be Very Careful, NY is a deadly drug den for Dope heads right now.


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

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Posts: 17,544
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357145 - 06/18/16 08:02 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

The smack doesn't keep you going man, it does the complete opposite

But I think you already know that so i'm done trying to help someone who apparently doesn't want help


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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InvisibletHEfLY
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23357149 - 06/18/16 08:03 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Saying "I hate myself" means there is a part of you that is better than where you are right now. Your current situation is not who you actually are, it's a process you're going through, So you don't need to hate yourself - hate your situation and do whatever you can to improve it. If you want to stop feeling worthless then try to do something useful.

And you probably already know this, but the more heroin you use the less likely you will be able to enjoy anything else. It's making things worse, Sort it out.

You're not alone. :heart:, from a fellow worthless pos


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe] * 3
    #23357150 - 06/18/16 08:04 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I'm not gonna get drug into a long debate over it but you're comparing things that don't really compare. Short of some kind of physical abnormality, dieting and exercise will definitely help one lose weight. SAMe is a nutritional supplement in the same vein of things like Melatonin which will have as many people claiming it works as those who claim it doesn't. It's probably most effective as a placebo and for that to work, you first need to believe it will. Mental states have a snowballing effect. It's just as likely that the positive mood is feeding into the continuous loop as it is that the SAMe is "building over time". Just because someone's mental state is steadily improving while taking it for months doesn't mean it's the SAMe that is doing it.

IMO It's detrimental to a person's mental health to go around telling them to take this pill or that pill because chances are they don't work and then the snowballing effect is heading in the other direction, with them thinking nothing is ever going to get better because this magic pill that everyone told them to take didn't work it must mean you're a hopeless cause. If you want to help Conn, find a way to get him to view his life in a more positive light without popping a pill. Why do I even bring this up? Because you accused him of not wanting to get better simply because he's not running out to buy a bottle of SAMe. I wouldn't either. I was stuck in that negative feedback loop myself not too long ago. I got out of it by making changes in my life, not by taking a pill.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 4
    #23357206 - 06/18/16 08:34 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Smack is the only thing that keeps me going because then I dont have to feel the pain anymore

I dont have to feel the truth of what my life is




You got 2 routes here bud.

Route A) Pull the curtains for good on the H and forge a new path in life w/out it

Route B) Keep the H in your life and repeatedly visit the rock bottom suite in hotel hell for the rest of your life

it's pretty black & white IMO


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I hate my life [Re: plasma]
    #23357223 - 06/18/16 08:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

plasma said:
Yo OP. Get that needle out of your arm and put Jesus in your life




Or take LSD instead.

I knew that opium tea was a bad idea :nonono:

Get well soon OP :sad:


--------------------
"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:| Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏                                                         
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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Niffla]
    #23357233 - 06/18/16 08:47 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Life is a bitch sometimes. It's gonna hurt sometimes. If you can't learn to deal eith the those times/ feelings....if you can't live life on life's terms , you're fucked. Period. Life is always gonna suck, and end shitty. If you do learn to live life on life's terms, learn to accept the ups & downs....then life won't always suck. You'll find peace, you'll find happiness & you'll find success. It's hard, but can be done. I did it. Countless others have done it. Conn can as well. That's all dependent on whether or not he chooses route a & route b.


--------------------


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23357270 - 06/18/16 09:05 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

My life pretty much sucks ass right now too, but if you aren't willing to make any changes then nobody wants to hear your bitching. I'd take T-Rex's deal if I were you.


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #23357288 - 06/18/16 09:15 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
if you aren't willing to make any changes then nobody wants to hear your bitching.



Amen brother.

It fucks me off how much effort it takes to rebuild after everytime life does a number on you and leaves you with your shattered dreams in a broken and bloodied heap, but fuck me, if you're not gonna keep fighting what are you gonna do with your time here??

Wallowing in self pity has it's place but only a fool stays there for long.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinehex_enduction
satta massa gana
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23357318 - 06/18/16 09:28 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

There's good advice in this thread, conn. I know it's hard to acknowledge in a state of mind where everything seems worthless but there ARE steps you could take to improve your life and make yourself a better person. I hope you revisit some of what's been said in this thread when you're in a bit more of a stable state of mind.

The way you feel won't last forever. It's a temporary state like all states. Its entirely possible for you to break out of this mess, but you need to start with being honest with yourself.

Hang in there and remember that no matter how it feels, you're here on earth for a reason and you're still worth something to many people.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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OfflineStarstepper
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Re: I hate my life [Re: hex_enduction]
    #23357338 - 06/18/16 09:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

OP get off the H, keep your pecker hard and your powder dry. The world will turn.


--------------------
:darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside:


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InvisiblePlain
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Starstepper]
    #23357356 - 06/18/16 09:37 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Stay strong man! You can kick this life style that has brought you nothing but sorrows.

I believe in you and just know there are prople out there who care about ya


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
    #23357500 - 06/18/16 10:16 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I just wish I could go back and do it all over again.....

If I could I would make myself out to be something more than just a worthless piece of shit


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InvisiblePlain
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357514 - 06/18/16 10:20 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You can still turn things around stop looking back and look forward its easier to figure out where youre going that way.

Good luck man for real just dont give up


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
    #23357521 - 06/18/16 10:22 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I already have given up


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain] * 1
    #23357525 - 06/18/16 10:24 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah Conn, you're still young. You have plenty of time to turn your life around and make something amazing out of it. In a few months time you'll be off books and can do whatever the fuck you want, go wherever the fuck you want, and make a new life for yourself. Don't lose sight of that. It's hard to avoid getting bogged down by the past, but it will get you nowhere.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: hex_enduction]
    #23357536 - 06/18/16 10:27 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

None of that matters when I hate myself so much

Im a worthless piece of shit

I dont care if I die because the worlds better without me


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357552 - 06/18/16 10:34 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I cant enjoy anything anymore because I fucked up everything that ever mattered to me.

Ive ruined the most important things in my life and now I just want to die.


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23357576 - 06/18/16 10:42 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

:cryaboutit:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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InvisiblePlain
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357585 - 06/18/16 10:45 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

It will get better man i promise i have been in some low places and im still not the best role model in the world but you can get better. We are here for ya man, the world would not be better off without you and the shroomery cant lose ya either man.

It all starts with a positive outlook, nothing is instant it will take time but you can make a come back connoisseur anyone can with enough positive reinforcement.

You got this man take your time try to see the glass as half full


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357588 - 06/18/16 10:46 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Brother, we had a heart to heart tonight don't lose sight of a happier future that you can make your life into, I have so much faith in you my brother
Your a awesome guy,


Its Gonnna get better quick if you make it, and you got a lot of support. You got it good compared to some

:heart::sunny:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 1
    #23357598 - 06/18/16 10:47 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
:cryaboutit:



/thread

I don't mean to sound harsh Conn, but whining to us about it is a complete waste of your time and energy that could be put to much better use elsewhere.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23357608 - 06/18/16 10:49 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Yall are right I gotta stop complaining and do something about it


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InvisiblePlain
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357611 - 06/18/16 10:51 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
:cryaboutit:



/thread

I don't mean to sound harsh Conn, but whining to us about it is a complete waste of your time and energy that could be put to much better use elsewhere.





Hes looking for support i would think this is the place to go for that even though you do have to deal with people who cant see past their own nose
Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Yall are right I gotta stop complaining and do something about it





Its good you got that down, now dont forget we are here for support man.

I hope everything works out for you


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
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Registered: 11/29/04
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #23357612 - 06/18/16 10:51 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah man, what jsb & malquan are saying.  Everyone else has addressed the other stuff and you've been ignoring it, so all there is to do now is to stop with the self-flagellation.

This puppy hates himself too.



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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Plain]
    #23357629 - 06/18/16 10:56 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Plain said:
Hes looking for support i would think this is the place to go for that



Of course it is, I fucking live for that shit; this community means the world to me. But it doesn't mean we should go all soft placating every cry of a man (or woman) that's in pain; sometimes that shit does more harm than good.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisiblePlain
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23357652 - 06/18/16 11:02 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Why not yry to calm someone down from that point and try to get them to a level mind where they can actually work on ehat they need to work on, that is the point of support.

Albeit, i do understand how the aggressive ones balance out the softies and i think thats what makes this place work :thumbsup:


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23357654 - 06/18/16 11:03 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
Yeah man, what jsb & malquan are saying.  Everyone else has addressed the other stuff and you've been ignoring it, so all there is to do now is to stop with the self-flagellation.

This puppy hates himself too.






Awwww poor lil dude


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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Invisible1234go
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357733 - 06/18/16 11:19 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Are you trolling us conn?


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Offlinechulutu
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357741 - 06/18/16 11:22 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......



I feel the same way sometimes.

at one point to ended with me having one leg over the railing of the golden gate bridge about to jump and a lovely involuntary trip to the locked down psych ward at sf general.

    Now when that feeling hits me i try and make a change in my life even if its as simple as cleaning ,y goddamn room or going out and drinking and trying to pull some numbers. Sure it might not always be the healthiest way to distract myself from those thoughts and feelings but atleast im trying something.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
    #23357742 - 06/18/16 11:22 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

No im just being a bitch im sorry everyone........

Im really depressed and I feel stupid to puke my emotions all over the community but I dont know who else to turn to and its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself :frown:


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: chulutu]
    #23357758 - 06/18/16 11:27 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

chulutu said:
Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......



I feel the same way sometimes.

at one point to ended with me having one leg over the railing of the golden gate bridge about to jump and a lovely involuntary trip to the locked down psych ward at sf general.

    Now when that feeling hits me i try and make a change in my life even if its as simple as cleaning ,y goddamn room or going out and drinking and trying to pull some numbers. Sure it might not always be the healthiest way to distract myself from those thoughts and feelings but atleast im trying something.





Thats real shit man, respect to you. hope things work out ok for you brother.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357778 - 06/18/16 11:32 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
No im just being a bitch im sorry everyone........

Im really depressed and I feel stupid to puke my emotions all over the community but I dont know who else to turn to and its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself :frown:



Don't sweat it brother, you're in good company here. I bet nearly every person here knows where you're at. I was there last what.. about 3 days ago? I'll be there again sometime soon I'm sure. At some point, it'll feel like distant history. I'm sure of that too.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisible1234go
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357780 - 06/18/16 11:33 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
its hard to deal with feeling suicidal when you know you cant really kill yourself




I know the feeling, it's a bitch to be alive and stick it out on this planet but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
    #23357808 - 06/18/16 11:40 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I just have to much consideration for others to kill myself

I know that people care about me and I really respect that so much


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OfflineMysticMoteToter
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357826 - 06/18/16 11:42 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Im not trying to get off H



then you'll continue to feel completely worthless without it, and guilty/worthless even when high.  :feelssadman:


--------------------

:zaphod:   :zaphod: 


Half Homo Hardly Sapient
Overview Effect
Fuck War, Feed Birds.



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Invisible1234go
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23357829 - 06/18/16 11:43 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

That's usin' your noggin.


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: I hate my life [Re: 1234go]
    #23359257 - 06/18/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

start helping others, you will think less about yourself

attitude of gratitude

accept yourself unconditionally in the present moment

the end of suffering is living in a way where everything happened exactly as it needed to



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OfflineLucisM
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23359350 - 06/18/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomopotamus said:
take some lsd and be (:





It would be nice if things were that easy, but they're not.  Drugs only offer temporary relief, but not lasting relief, if you want to change your life, you need to try to promote changes that last.  You might eat some good acid and have some really great ideas about what you want for your future, but once that wears off, what ya gonna do?

I have seen people do this so many times it's not even funny, dose, talk about all they plan on doing and how creative they can be, come down, and do nothing about it because the drugs aren't there taking the normal anxieties of life away, and you have to deal with real shit.


Hope you feel better soon Connoisseur.


--------------------
©️


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Lucis]
    #23359386 - 06/18/16 10:05 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

But you CAN'T do anything over again. You can make changes though. I understand that feeling extremely well. You've got to just keep moving on though. Make positive changes in your life and you may just end up in the same position you would be in if you could redo everything.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23360762 - 06/19/16 12:36 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You can't think your way out of these problems . Instead escape from thoughts through exercise and meditation .

Exercise is the miracle cure . Anxiety and depression are relieved enormously when you do a hard workout and sweat and burn off the stress: the post workout endorphins are the best antidepressant .

Breathing deep and seeking peace in meditation will serially allow you to clear your mind of the depressing thoughts .

Because both exercise and meditation are hard to motivate yourself for when severely depressed start with the SAMe for a brighter mood and then Carry that momentum forward into healthy activity like exercise and meditation and yoga .

You can't go back in time and redo anything so the next best thing is to get a journal out and make a list of what you want to do going forward with your life .

You can't undo past mistakes but you can make sure you won't waste any more years.

Things could always be so much worse and you are young enough you can still attain anything you set your mind to.

Travel the world. Fall in love and marry. Get in shape. Write a book. Take up a hobby.

It's not to late for any or all of these !

Spirituality and religion really can help a lot of people as well; especially many addicts find religion helps them .

:raptorJesus:


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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Offlinesearching
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23361090 - 06/19/16 03:08 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Hey man I have been there many times before. I also know for a fact that the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I couldn't do that to my family. The only way out is to pull yourself out. You have to get up. Right now, GET UP! Do something! Give me twenty push right now. You're stuck in the sticky sludge of depression and you have to get up and fight for your life. I know you don't feel like you have the energy or motivation, but the fact that you got on here and posted this is proof you still want to live and get better.

Just admit it, you don't want to die, you just want things to get better. So change your mind from being a victim to being a badass that takes control of their own life. What are you waiting for? Get up and start moving. We're in this together brother and we can't let the depression win.

:heart:


--------------------


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OfflineBrown Buffalo
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Re: I hate my life [Re: searching]
    #23361145 - 06/19/16 03:30 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)



:heart:


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Offlinetimelapses
Life in free form
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23361189 - 06/19/16 03:46 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I hate myself and dont know what to do about it, I wish I could go back and do it all over again......



I felt that way once. Then a convienience store clerk said just to it, my feel sorry for me put on her.

Woke me up. Victimhood. Despite many attempts I am still here. Expressing through my body. There is something no one can comprehend, or I guess many can this being the shroomery, the body, I saw my body hovering above it with so much love and compassion.

Progress or digress through the body. Depths that a veil conciels though brief glimpses. Grass is not greener on the other side. At least in my life now.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: timelapses]
    #23388307 - 06/27/16 04:48 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

While I do feel I am a victim of certain things a lot of what has happened is simply my own doing.

Ive decided to go on the most insane binge ive ever had to "settle my mind"


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OfflineStarstepper
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388333 - 06/27/16 04:56 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

What is the price tag on that in the heroin world?


--------------------
:darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside::darkside:


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388342 - 06/27/16 04:58 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

The propaganda around dope being impossible to escape and an all consuming monster only make it harder to detach. In reality, quitting the needle is as easy as anything else in this word; It takes but an effort.

you mean to tell me you can't spare an effort?


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Starstepper]
    #23388349 - 06/27/16 04:59 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin :wink:


Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 5
    #23388357 - 06/27/16 05:01 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Than I have no sympathy for you and your inevitable melt down.

Good luck on that path. Look where it led everyone else. Lonely road.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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Invisiblewigglewak
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388358 - 06/27/16 05:01 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

We all do the best with what we have. People are raised in a world of confusion. I'm sure the mistakes we make could be far worse but at least you have self awareness. This is not a blessing when you want it to be but it does offer a path to something else.

A great weakness can be a great strength when properly incorporated.


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388360 - 06/27/16 05:02 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin :wink:


Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle




why?


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23388373 - 06/27/16 05:07 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

No one should need to feel sympathy for my choice to use a drug(s) that would just be silly


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Offlinehex_enduction
satta massa gana
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #23388376 - 06/27/16 05:07 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I don't foresee your future going well if you follow these plans. I hope you get your mind right and reconsider.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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InvisibleSoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never
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Re: I hate my life [Re: wigglewak]
    #23388382 - 06/27/16 05:08 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:

Ive decided to go on the most insane binge ive ever had to "settle my mind"



It could backfire on you, be a miserable, depressed time and waste of drugs. C'mon man snap out of it! Find a well of strength inside of you and overcome, because it's more interesting that way than the alternative.


--------------------


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23388457 - 06/27/16 05:34 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Modest mouse I remember you saying almost exactly the same thing recently - that you had given up on quitting dope and had decided to just go with the addiction .

Did you since change your mind and quit heroin?

Also saying it's no harder than anything else isn't anymore helpful than saying it's impossible .

The reality is it is extremely difficult, harder then quitting almost any other thing, but still very possible  and like many difficult things, worth doing.

I congratulate you on getting off dope yourself .


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23388481 - 06/27/16 05:42 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Modest has been off H for a while now IIRC but I remember when he said something similar to that, and my reaction was similar to what I said to conn just now :lol:

I truly hope all my WCA brothers struggling with opiate addiction are able to break past all the bullshit and escape. I have faith in all y'all.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23388503 - 06/27/16 05:50 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I've been clean
I once said something like I wasn't going to worry about my habit, not that I was going to amplify it. Y'all took it that way though, which make sense since that's how it seems.

Truthfully, letting go of the "this is an addicting substance I am under its spell and I must fight it" mindset helped me quit. Take it day by day and you'll find its easy. I just objectively reasoned that I was better off saving my money and relationship, possibly life! I then chipped a few times following the habit break, and didn't beat myself up over it but each time recognized that I was indulging and I could not follow it up with another dose in the near future.

Since then I haven't been doping up.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23388517 - 06/27/16 05:54 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

:billymaythumbup:


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Offlinestzacrack
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23388545 - 06/27/16 06:01 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead



At least u had dope dude!


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23388554 - 06/27/16 06:03 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Well I am really happy for you and respect that you quit :cheers:

What you said at the time was something like "I have given up on trying to quit dope and am just going to stop worrying about it, the addiction is all in your head "

Which obviously seemed like straight up dope delusions but the way you explain it now makes sense.

It's definitely true that overestimating how addicted you are to something can make it much harder to quit.

Bitter cactus and his devestating Kratom withdrawals come to mind :

Having a positive outlook and faith you can do something will definitely make
It easier, and dreading it being horrifically hard will make it worse .


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineOthyem
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23388565 - 06/27/16 06:06 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I hate my life too. Not in an emotional way like you though, but in a chronic pain, illness sort of way. Shit, sucks but if you aren't going to kill yourself you may as well make the most of it. whatever that means for you.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Othyem]
    #23388596 - 06/27/16 06:14 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

What is the cause of your chronic pain and do you use opiates or anything else to manage it ?


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineOthyem
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23388618 - 06/27/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I'm on norco and ativan. Norco doesnt really do much. Ulcerative colitis, gerd, and lyme are what give me pain at the moment. I started doxy, hopefully that takes care of the lyme and makes life a little more tolerable.


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Othyem]
    #23388620 - 06/27/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

hey conn hope you stay with us, we like you here, dont go too cray cray on that binge

hate my life too, pain and mental illness and what it comes with

cant even smoke weed anymore because of anxiety and my illness. even benzos makes me feel worst, i mean fuck kill me already

makes me remember my first post here, saying how lame i was being a fuckin meth loser.

good memories


--------------------


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OfflineCoacervate
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Jean-guy Masta]
    #23388708 - 06/27/16 06:49 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Conno I just "met" you. I'm nobody and cant say anything about your scene.  Know this, theres a shitload of folks pulling for you here.  that counts for something... a lot by my measure.  Sorry your going through this.  Just do not OD whatever else youre going for.

It sounds corny but my first thought was how much my pet cat and my fish, a pair of Oscars, are my best pals.  I even grew up a big assed cockroach to adulthood once.  I was so proud.  then my cat got her.  Rats.  heh


--------------------
What is now proved was once only imagin’d    -William Blake


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InvisibleBigfeely123
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Registered: 01/30/15 Happy 9th Shroomiversary!
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Re: I hate my life [Re: stzacrack]
    #23388832 - 06/27/16 07:32 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

stzacrack said:
Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I cant take it anymore, I was just up all night shooting heroin wishing I was dead



At least u had dope dude!




What a stupid thing to say.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Bigfeely123]
    #23388835 - 06/27/16 07:33 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

What an honest things to say.

Shit if I didnt have drugs I would be dead long ago, looking forward to the next shot gives me the little life I have left.


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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388847 - 06/27/16 07:37 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

i hate liz


--------------------
Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.


It's just a shot away..


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InvisibleBigfeely123
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23388855 - 06/27/16 07:40 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Take the easy way out then. You'll always hate your life if you keep shooting up that garbage.


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23389042 - 06/27/16 08:39 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

You're a white male in America with Internet connection. Based on that alone there is no need to consider suicide.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23389126 - 06/27/16 09:01 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Look I've never said this in the shroomery (even though I have wanted to with many people) but I personally care about you. I see tons of your personality in myself (at times). You have some willpower in there somewhere. My suggestion is don't get completely off of Heroin but take 2-3 days a week,take less heroin and excersise.  Because things you are saying is almost verbatim where I was last year mentally. I had all the dope in the world and still was miserable and wanted it all to end. Just small steps I've taken since then such as meeting more people,participating in shows/concert,experience,I've been genuinely happy (still opiate addicted but max 8mg a day of diluadid) considering I have legitimate pain to be addressed,I've been successful in College, loving more. Forgetting memories so much loss, overdose and death in my family,others families & My family ruined by deep depression and illness. It's still hard to live with very painful medical problems and barely any family left. However for the first time in my life I'm now getting good job offers and have a girlfriend a million times better then my cheating ex. I'm starting to love my life again but it looked to me that there was no other way out. It wasn't true.

I'm just trying to plead with you Con, take a small step and I promise you every time you are worried or anxious or need support You :pm: me. Hell I'll give you my personal # to help you get to a place where you have one thing you can say you have a passion for other then heroin. Like I said I can't detox you or break you're addiction and if I did say that you wouldn't listen because its pretensious and uninformed to think addiction is about will power and all that bs. Partially is ,however my point is I feel if you tried to connect with people,find a small hobby or favorite place to spend your day(s).

I just want you to be happier in life con,ur a good cat and you deserve it


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisibleMike_yy
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Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23389140 - 06/27/16 09:06 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I hate my life too. Just keep getting up and brushing yourself off. Lay off the drugs if you're under a spot light. Take time to pick yourself up if need be. Manage yourself.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: I hate my life [Re: Mike_yy]
    #23389164 - 06/27/16 09:14 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost


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InvisibleMoonshoe
Blue Mantis
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Registered: 05/28/04
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23389185 - 06/27/16 09:19 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

If you imagine a scenario where you had a loving beautiful wife, and traveled the world, does that appeal to you? Would you want that?

Because if you wanted that, you could work towards that and make it happen.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23389191 - 06/27/16 09:22 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Thats just stupid dude you could have said anything right there and posed it the same way.

Do you want a big house and a car?

Do you want a poppy field in your backyard?

Do you want a million dollars?

Your posing nothing eye opening.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23389199 - 06/27/16 09:24 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.

Don't any of those things appeal to you?


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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InvisibleMike_yy
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23389203 - 06/27/16 09:25 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

If you feel resent, you're not a total loss, i think someone said. Don't be so hard on yourself.


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InvisibleBigfeely123
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Registered: 01/30/15 Happy 9th Shroomiversary!
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23389216 - 06/27/16 09:31 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

do you have friends and family?


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23389217 - 06/27/16 09:31 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Moonshoe said:
Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.

Don't any of those things appeal to you?




They dont, its all bullshit and all the value you place in all that is really just dust


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InvisibleBigfeely123
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Registered: 01/30/15 Happy 9th Shroomiversary!
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23389226 - 06/27/16 09:33 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

so you'd rather be a loser heroin junkie living on the street scrounging through the dumpster and begging for money instead?


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: I hate my life [Re: Bigfeely123] * 1
    #23389447 - 06/27/16 10:58 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

depressed people arent really good at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel 

i just got out of a brutal 7-year long addiction myself

feels so damn good not to have to be around scummy ass people
no more lying cheating and stealing

no more worry about cops
no more anxiously waiting for annoying drug dealers

drugs and addiction and general become a replacement for life

I am told life can be pretty damn good without drugs, can't say I can speak on that yet as I am pretty fucking lost but not being a slave to a substance that was ruining my life and negatively affecting those around me is reason enough to keep on trucking.


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
Other

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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23389674 - 06/28/16 12:26 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Smoke weed


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OfflineMysticMoteToter
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse] * 1
    #23390181 - 06/28/16 07:13 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Its gonna be a lot more than just heroin :wink:


Also mouse ive fully given up quitting heroin, ive actually decided to go full throttle



theres a saying that goes something like this...If you want to ruin your life binge amphetamines or benzos. if you want to end it, binge opiates

Quote:

ModestMouse said:
Than I have no sympathy for you and your inevitable melt down.

Good luck on that path. Look where it led everyone else. Lonely road.



:whathesaid:


--------------------

:zaphod:   :zaphod: 


Half Homo Hardly Sapient
Overview Effect
Fuck War, Feed Birds.



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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 1
    #23390831 - 06/28/16 11:21 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Quote:

Moonshoe said:
Thats exactly my point man. Mine was just one example of all the countless amazing futures you could work towards if you wanted to.

Don't any of those things appeal to you?




They dont, its all bullshit and all the value you place in all that is really just dust




It is pretty clear to me that heroin users try to pretend there is nothing worth accomplishing or achieving in life to justify their addictions , rather than that  being addicted is actually a response to perceiving no worth In life.

Obviously happiness, health and love are all wonderful things worth having, but since you don't have any of them you tell yourself they are "dust" instead of doing anything to work towards them.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


Edited by Moonshoe (06/28/16 11:33 AM)


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Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #23390850 - 06/28/16 11:30 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost




You need to get clean. And now.
Opiates are destroying your brains natural capability to live and love living. Exercising. Having dreams. Doing your goals. Having sex. Developing relationships. Feeling good from laughing. Petting your pet. Learning.

You are depressed and not motivated because your brain and body chemistry is fucked. Your body can't function without heroin and now it's got to the stage it dosen't know what to do even when it has its wants.


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Cowb0yNeal00]
    #23391352 - 06/28/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Cowb0yNeal00 said:
Smoke weed



Truly helped me.

Also your comment on materialsm being a bunch of dust or whatever is purely the heroin speaking. I used to think that exact same way.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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InvisibleSoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23391455 - 06/28/16 04:00 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

The Big Kahuna's Dilemma: How to Live in a Darwinian Universe 
 


--------------------


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OfflineCoacervate
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Re: I hate my life [Re: SoloTrip]
    #23391541 - 06/28/16 04:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Wow, has the ring of truth, fer sher!

best cinctilus at ~6:40


--------------------
What is now proved was once only imagin’d    -William Blake


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: I hate my life [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23393202 - 06/29/16 06:50 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

ModestMouse said:
Quote:

Cowb0yNeal00 said:
Smoke weed



Truly helped me.

Also your comment on materialsm being a bunch of dust or whatever is purely the heroin speaking. I used to think that exact same way.




Yeah but I was talking about being in love and traveling the world. Thats not materialism at all. You are talking about love and the Earth/Life itself.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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InvisibleBigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 Happy 9th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 2,594
Re: I hate my life [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23395495 - 06/29/16 08:55 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

dude is making lame excuses instead of even making a fraction of an effort to dig himself out of the hole he dug. let him be a loser junkie.


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OfflineCoacervate
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Male


Registered: 09/05/15
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Re: I hate my life [Re: Bigfeely123]
    #23395660 - 06/29/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Connoisseur said:
I need to get my head screwed back on straight but when I think of what im living for I realize its nothing and thus the motivation is lost

Man, have you never been there?  All it takes is for some checks to bounce, your babe dumps you, your boss chews you out and your , idont know, herpes.  Sometimes a perfect storm of shit comes down on somebody. and, yeah I wimp out and get shitfaced. 
we can be a sounding board for him...at least he was responding.

If youve never been up to your ears in Elephant snot and a monkey pukes above you, good on ya.  But I know just how impossible it is to take good advice when youre paralysed from the ankle up. 

He's been pretty quiet alll of a sudden.  Must be on a bender.  Hope he's reading this crap and comes back ready to fight.  I like him.  He helped me with a problem and come to think of it he was the only one with helpful advice.  worth listening to this one, i say


--------------------
What is now proved was once only imagin’d    -William Blake


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InvisibleBigfeely123
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15 Happy 9th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 2,594
Re: I hate my life [Re: Coacervate]
    #23399067 - 06/30/16 09:03 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

You don't know me dude.


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