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OfflineTrippedytrip
TrippedyTrip
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think
    #23350708 - 06/16/16 11:25 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Hey guys ,

I habe been wirhout drugs since 16 , had a hand full best friends , family etc.
A really good life with the feet on my ground , athletic and pretty smart and intelligent.

When i was 17 i moved to another country . I started there my aprrenticeship and a first start in the work-world.

I didnt know there anyone. Started meeting people who where in the trance-psychedelic scene.
I also started smoking pot and doing Ecs and Shrooms. I am a very creative,intelligent mind but also a very overthinker an internally judger person.

The first year was great , had a lot of fun and i had builded up a very powerfull ego  and "good friends"

After the second year of career i startes getting demotivated and lost my interest in work because i had problems there. I started falling really down into the void and damaging my ego in terms of self-judging and thinking off the past.

I had come to a point where I have lost completely my ego and scrambled up my entire brain and psysichal appearance. I did no sport and very low social life . I only was smoking pot/working and more pot  and tryng to get things back in the right place.

I had come to a point where i had  DP / a psychotic episode and anxiety and a lot of stress due to work and whole the situation. Nearly 4-6 months in a awfull state

talking bout today i have gotten 2 months break from work. I am now home and tryng to recover. I had build such a meanfull/silly/uncommon state of mind wich would internally judge me  and being constantly racing thougts against me ! I think it might be karma . I had no guts doing nothing. I have fallen to the bottom of my existence.

I see it now and ask me why the hell did i do it? I am 19 have the face of a 15 year old boy and i feel like it. I have lost totally my ego and getting it back to the point it was would take me loads of time.
I cant enjoy life anymore. I go out on the street and this anxowty feeling kicks in, people stare at me as if i was dumb and my eyes are very awfull. My body stops breathing and start sweating really intense.
I cant take it no more .
I know inside , i have become very spiritual , empathetic and im not dumb. I can become big again but looking back i dont fucking comprend why i have taken it to such a point. I see life as a different
person now.
I neither have energy to continue working . I had never such an experience and i had never fallen so hard. I think i might be quitting now the career and starting of new with the feets on the ground wirhout drugs , but i love Maryjane and i dont want to quit it , i think it will bring my ego back when im strong enough and ready for it.

I know there are stories much worse but i have fallen so hard !
I need advice/help anything would be great to get me going again.
I have been doing sport/meditation  each day since 2,5 weeks and also comepletely herb abstinence.

I dont know what to do , it is such a fucking depression and i hate me because of doing it.
Im such a dumbass

Cya brahs , god be with you


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Registered: 02/20/12
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Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23351431 - 06/16/16 03:10 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Sounds like English isn't your primary language but it also sounds like you're on the right track. Stop smoking so much weed...just stop. Try to find  a support group or someone else with common afflictions/ interests. Stop thinking so much about yourself...we all do this and we really aren't that fucking important.

Also,try helping someone else out in whatever way you can...this gives a fulfilling feeling and helps to make you feel good about yourself rather than just feel good.There is a big difference.
There are always people/ animals that are less fortunate than ourselves.:sunny::peace:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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OfflineTrippedytrip
TrippedyTrip
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23353344 - 06/17/16 01:30 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah I think you kinda hit the point and i asume it .

I also have been living alone and constantly worrying about myself and being more and more egoist and compulsive. I kinda never was like that before , always had my eye on others.

Well , thanks for your post mate .

My english isnt the best  though i at least have the First Certificate haha but have lost  it because i  never practiced it.

Cya ,


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23354057 - 06/17/16 09:03 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

:sunny::peace:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisibletHEfLY
Stranger

Registered: 04/16/16
Posts: 427
Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23354078 - 06/17/16 09:09 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Trippedytrip said:
I also have been living alone and constantly worrying about myself and being more and more egoist and compulsive. I kinda never was like that before , always had my eye on others.



Being alone will make your brain go into a defensive self preservation mode that makes it harder to be considerate of other people. It's a survival instinct, so don't beat yourself up too much about it.


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OfflineTrippedytrip
TrippedyTrip
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: tHEfLY]
    #23358103 - 06/18/16 01:50 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Thats Pretty True what you said there friend.

I am now on week 3,5 recover of DP .  Sport every day , eating healthy , fresh air.

I dont really quite know if dp , i feel just like reborn , like a had a spirirual awakening over rhe time with use of cannabis. I am more in peace with myself now , with my thoughts and the loved ones.

I think i can handle  smoking again but in a time .

Meanwhile i am drinking each night a cannatea  wich tastes delicious


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OfflineTrippedytrip
TrippedyTrip
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Messed up half of my life, Im a fucking asshole . What do you think [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23358923 - 06/18/16 06:39 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

The tea hast feelt good indeed , my effort has gotten paid and im in the game.

Have a dreamy night full of wishes and hope.


The hotter  the battle the sweeter jah victory
put the heathen's back upon the wall.


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