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Repertoire89
Cat


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: My Tinder Experience [Re: Aldous]
#23211824 - 05/10/16 08:15 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Aldous said: Very mature of both of you guys, TheMovement. It's just that one sentence raised my eyebrows:Quote:
TheMovement said: She told me that we shouldn't/couldn't hook up anymore because shes in a good place in her life.
Am I the only one to whom this sounds like reverse logic? I can understand where she comes from, along the lines of: don't change a winning life configuration. But at the same time, it makes things sound as if she only needs a partner to make things right when they aren't, which seems like a terrible attitude.
Of course I've had times in my life when I wanted a girlfriend to be in a better place in life, but when I feel like I'm in a good place, it would never occur to me to turn someone down just to avoid taking the risk of getting hurt or whatever. Quite the opposite, in fact. When everything's looking sunny, I know I can stand much more than in times of darkness, so I won't shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship.
It could be a criticism of TheMo specifically, like he wouldn't be a good fit or she sees him getting too attached.
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Aldous said: Very mature of both of you guys, TheMovement. It's just that one sentence raised my eyebrows:Quote:
TheMovement said: She told me that we shouldn't/couldn't hook up anymore because shes in a good place in her life.
Am I the only one to whom this sounds like reverse logic? I can understand where she comes from, along the lines of: don't change a winning life configuration. But at the same time, it makes things sound as if she only needs a partner to make things right when they aren't, which seems like a terrible attitude.
Of course I've had times in my life when I wanted a girlfriend to be in a better place in life, but when I feel like I'm in a good place, it would never occur to me to turn someone down just to avoid taking the risk of getting hurt or whatever. Quite the opposite, in fact. When everything's looking sunny, I know I can stand much more than in times of darkness, so I won't shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship.
I agree. We had so much fun together and things were escalating fairly quickly. We had a great connection, in my eyes at least, and it seemed like she was falling for me. Then one day she was just like Nah man not anymore 
I think some people are just afraid of commitment. I also would never shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship. I've gotten tips from some of her friends that we could potentially sleep together again, as long as I didn't try to romance her. I love romance, but I also love sleeping with her. I do really like her though, so I think it's best to leave sex out of the equation. Maybe one day i'll feel differently and we will start back up.
Quote:
Repertoire89 said:
Quote:
Aldous said: Very mature of both of you guys, TheMovement. It's just that one sentence raised my eyebrows:Quote:
TheMovement said: She told me that we shouldn't/couldn't hook up anymore because shes in a good place in her life.
Am I the only one to whom this sounds like reverse logic? I can understand where she comes from, along the lines of: don't change a winning life configuration. But at the same time, it makes things sound as if she only needs a partner to make things right when they aren't, which seems like a terrible attitude.
Of course I've had times in my life when I wanted a girlfriend to be in a better place in life, but when I feel like I'm in a good place, it would never occur to me to turn someone down just to avoid taking the risk of getting hurt or whatever. Quite the opposite, in fact. When everything's looking sunny, I know I can stand much more than in times of darkness, so I won't shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship.
It could be a criticism of TheMo specifically, like he wouldn't be a good fit or she sees him getting too attached.
I was a little forceful in pursuing something more than FWB. She was about it for a lil bit and like I said, I think she started developing feelings and got scared. idk tho maybe we wouldn't be a good fit 
All I know is that we are incredibly attracted to eachother, love dancing and going out, and have our shit together. What else is really necessary?
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Maybe she'll come around 
I feel ya man
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
TheMovement said:
Quote:
Aldous said: Very mature of both of you guys, TheMovement. It's just that one sentence raised my eyebrows:Quote:
TheMovement said: She told me that we shouldn't/couldn't hook up anymore because shes in a good place in her life.
Am I the only one to whom this sounds like reverse logic? I can understand where she comes from, along the lines of: don't change a winning life configuration. But at the same time, it makes things sound as if she only needs a partner to make things right when they aren't, which seems like a terrible attitude.
Of course I've had times in my life when I wanted a girlfriend to be in a better place in life, but when I feel like I'm in a good place, it would never occur to me to turn someone down just to avoid taking the risk of getting hurt or whatever. Quite the opposite, in fact. When everything's looking sunny, I know I can stand much more than in times of darkness, so I won't shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship.
I agree. We had so much fun together and things were escalating fairly quickly. We had a great connection, in my eyes at least, and it seemed like she was falling for me. Then one day she was just like Nah man not anymore 
I think some people are just afraid of commitment. I also would never shy away from the 'risk' of a potentially beautiful relationship. I've gotten tips from some of her friends that we could potentially sleep together again, as long as I didn't try to romance her. I love romance, but I also love sleeping with her. I do really like her though, so I think it's best to leave sex out of the equation. Maybe one day i'll feel differently and we will start back up.
...
I was a little forceful in pursuing something more than FWB. She was about it for a lil bit and like I said, I think she started developing feelings and got scared. idk tho maybe we wouldn't be a good fit 
All I know is that we are incredibly attracted to eachother, love dancing and going out, and have our shit together. What else is really necessary?
Wow, I came back to this and it sounds like exactly what's happening right now. From the woman's perspective and as I told a coworker the other day "I've been betrayed by too many dicks too recently." Like I'm in a good place right now, but I endured too many consecutive heartaches before meeting this dude, and he started getting way too attached.. I'm just not ready to jump in again. Yeah, relationships can be nice but they are also exhausting. At this point in time there are more important things worth devoting my energy to. I'd love to keep having sex with him, but not if his heart will get strung along. It'd be cruel and unfair, so the most logical thing to do at this point would be to bounce.
Hope she comes around dude. It seriously might have nothing to do with you, and if it's meant to happen then it will.
Edited by Anonymous (05/16/16 09:44 PM)
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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To forge ahead, heedless of the debris we brush to the wayside, propels us down paths of unremitting trial. To consider this guy's feelings, and understand that to continue the primal boogie would only lead to inevitable heartache, is a wise and honest thing indeed.
In my relationships, those which have succeeded, honesty has always been the main ingredient.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Chakra Shock said: In my relationships, those which have succeeded, honesty has always been the main ingredient.
Great post. I wish more people thought like you do CS.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
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Damn OP was the sex really that good? hahaha. I hope he leaves you alone! Good riddance.
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Sometimes it's really difficult to be honest with others, even with ourselves, but inevitably it's the only way to grow. I'm still learning that every day, just wondering if I'll ever meet someone who will be ready for that heart to heart love.
I just met a girl this year with whom I felt that connection, that rare, once every few years ( with luck ) kind, and we became really good friends rather quickly. However, as seems to be the trend for me, she decided that she only wanted to be friends, I guess after this guy from her past came back into the picture.
It was really difficult to hear her say those words to me, it was probably a month ago and I'm still not entirely over it, but knowing that she cared enough to at least tell me what was on her mind makes the difference between me being able to be her friend or just losing that connection altogether. Either way I still would have appreciated her and the times we had, but now at least we can continue to get to know each other. Crew mates on our pirate ship of life.
OP, I know you're in a different kind of situation, it's the exact opposite of what I experienced actually, but the one similarity is that when it's time to make the seasons apparent to all ( thx i-ching ), ya gotta be the bearer of the news whether it's good or bad.
Thx for the encouragement JSB.
and gl Anon #1!
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Anonymous #1
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We talked about it and we're taking a step back, and I think there's a better understanding of where we both are right now. Thanks for encouraging honesty everyone, usually it's such an obvious choice but this time around I almost chickened out. Thanks for the perspective all
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
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one strike you are fucking out. Done.
Unless I love you. That is an entirely different animal.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Chakra Shock said: Sometimes it's really difficult to be honest with others
no it isn't. It's easier than lying.
lol do you tell people what they want to hear all the time?
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
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Re: My Tinder Experience [Re: sprinkles] 2
#23242550 - 05/18/16 03:52 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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To say that honesty is the easiest path is to underestimate the courage of authenticity. It is an unrealistic view. If it were so easy, then everyone would do it. The reason why it is challenging is because honesty at our deepest level will reveal suffering, passion, aspirations, limitations and love. Vulnerability, in other words. To be honest is to be open to all of life, and many people ignore this completely. I am not one of those people, however I have come across many, many people who would rather ignore a situation than confront it directly.
If you think that it is easy, then you must be very strong, but not everyone is perfect and many of us have a long way to go, myself included.
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Still_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Thanks Masked! I knew when I posted this I'd get butthurt guys coming on here and blaming me; because, y'know being a woman with a keyboard and all, it's always somehow my fault. What a world. I had to vent! I'm glad you enjoyed it. When you're getting fucked super well, sometimes it's easy to ignore some giant red flags.
I'm not in the least butthurt and stop trying to use your gender as some sort of shield against criticism.
Of course it is your fault. Reading your post is like listening to some guy vent that his GF bimbo isn't smart enough. If you choose to stay with someone who dosen't meet your expectations, don't blame them for it. Great sex is nice but it isn't the only consideration by a long shot. The guy you describe has problems but if you're willing to overlook them for sex then stop bitching about it.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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well its pretty easy for me. i'm an honest, open, transparent human being. i am what you see, and what you see is what you get. id rather be despised and hated for the person I am than liked/loved for something I am not. Life is full of suffering, pain and unpleasantness. That is real. Im not going to pretend it isnt in an attempt to sheild them from reality or spare their feelings. Id rather someone be honest with me and tell me truth than lie to spare my feelings, about anything. know what i mean?
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: My Tinder Experience [Re: sprinkles]
#23246149 - 05/19/16 02:06 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yes.
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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relic
of a bygone era


Registered: 10/14/14
Posts: 5,623
Loc: the right coast
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Re: My Tinder Experience [Re: sprinkles] 1
#23246285 - 05/19/16 02:40 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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sounds like that little kid needs to grow up and learn how to take care of himself before he tries to have a relationship, OP. it's impossible to have a healthy two-way relationship with the emotional and life skills equivalent of a child. if he doesn't evolve, the girl who he ends up with is one that will take care of him instead of birthing a baby from her vagina.
how do people get to adulthood w/out knowing how to do basic shit like take care of and cook for themselves? he can't brush his own hair?! can you say mommy issues? the way you describe him is like a kitten that was removed from its mother's teat too early. dayum.
better luck w/ your next FWB, OP.
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Re: My Tinder Experience [Re: sprinkles]
#23247108 - 05/19/16 06:26 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
sprinkles said: well its pretty easy for me. i'm an honest, open, transparent human being. i am what you see, and what you see is what you get. id rather be despised and hated for the person I am than liked/loved for something I am not. Life is full of suffering, pain and unpleasantness. That is real. Im not going to pretend it isnt in an attempt to sheild them from reality or spare their feelings. Id rather someone be honest with me and tell me truth than lie to spare my feelings, about anything. know what i mean?
Definitely, that's a cool way to be and I wish more were like you. Maybe more so than honesty being the hard part, it's the results of being honest with others that can be hard on me, and I tend to just crawl into my shell and retreat... but I'm workin on getting better at taking it all in stride.
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Rosen_Rot
Learning



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As a guy I really enjoyed this post. I like to read dating experiences like this from a woman's view to find out more on what woman look for in a man and what they value in order to have a connection. This was some interesting insight and will help with self improvement for sure
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"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo ''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting'' SBJs "The Basics" 3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak" B+ BONANZA
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