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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #26795373 - 06/30/20 07:32 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #11 said:
I failed.
I’m sorry.



Like others said above, you're one step closer to being clean even if it felt like a step backwards.

Sometimes nothing convinces you never to go back as thoroughly as a relapse.


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OfflineWildmana
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #26797546 - 07/01/20 06:27 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

If u got enough mental power to post and tell us "you failed" brother or sister' you're alot stronger than u think. You are not alone


--------------------
New guy


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OfflineKaldius
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Registered: 07/25/20
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Wildmana]
    #26850278 - 07/28/20 04:57 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I feel so trapped and alone on this Methadone, over the 5 year course I've been on it my depression has spiraled out of control, I've lost my testosterone production and need to take replacement at only 30 years old, my balls shrunk and I think one may be developing some problem its always painful.  Deep emotional problems unable to express feeling, it builds up and comes out as rage and more depression. I'm trying to taper my dose but its hard and I always feel like in a permanent state of low-level withdrawal while doing it.  Guys don't consider Methadone or Suboxone unless your really not able to do it any other way and your IVing fentanyl and in danger of imminent death, its not worth the endless torture.


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Kaldius]
    #26850433 - 07/28/20 06:16 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah methadone made me feel extremely emotional labile and it wore off during the night.  Hated it more than I can express with words.  I tapered off of it from 100mg by going down 2mg every other day and switched to subs when I got to 20mg then tapered off the subs.  That 1.5 years on methadone was the worst of my life.  Not even the minor withdrawal - just how fucked I felt inside.  It was like a low key burning madness & depression & anxiety mixed into one.  So glad to be off that garbage.  It just didn’t mesh with me.  Opi’s in general, but methadone big time.


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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OfflineDoc9151M
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26850678 - 07/28/20 08:15 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Hang in there, it's better than the alternative.  The lack of libido is common with Methadone but is usually dose related in my own personal experience. Even after you kick the Methadone you will have low energy and feel like shit for a little while but it does get better over time. Don't give up and revert back to old habits or your just going to start over again.


--------------------


Psilocybe cubensis data collection thread. please help with this project if you hunt wild cubensis.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=26513593&page=0&vc=1#26513593


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #26852802 - 07/29/20 11:30 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Psilosopherr said:

Sometimes nothing convinces you never to go back as thoroughly as a relapse.




It's funny how "relapse" is sold by 12 Step groups.

They tell me using drugs (relapse) is the path to quitting.

As if the choice to use drugs may have positive consequences!


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
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Registered: 08/09/12
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26854188 - 07/30/20 06:42 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

So in my opinion you quoted the answer to the question you are implying. Really bad shit can and will make you avoid the kind of action that caused it.
There is a biological base for this, your neurons reconnect in a way that makes you avoid your mistakes.
I was pretty easily able to get to kratom and have not taken any hard opioids in 6+ months after 5 years of up to 1000 mg oxycodone per day.
And this because I'd never do that shit to myself again, one relapse was bad enough for me.


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InvisibleCognitive_Shift
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #26857749 - 08/01/20 07:49 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Methadone saved my life.  I was a 12 year heroin user.  Been to rehab 3 or 4 times been on suboxone a hand full of times.  I've currently been on methadone for 3 years and haven't shot dope, had a drink or done any drug (except my prescribed methadone) since February 11th 2019.  I have a job I enjoy, i'm not flat broke and I actually spend time with family and friends.  I'm a functioning and contributing member of society.  Without methadone I would be in prison, dead or living on the street.  So grateful I found the clinic I go to.  There is no one way out of addiction, it's a lot of trial and error.


--------------------
L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #26859326 - 08/02/20 05:28 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Same man,  ive  only been in the clinic for about 14 days but I’ve already saved up around2k since I’ve started and haven’t bought drugs once I ran out in the beginning two days


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #12

Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #26865373 - 08/05/20 07:41 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Bleh, had a half-week relapse after nearly 2 years, went 33 years without shooting and even shot D for twice for the first and last time.  Even got a rock and a tons of random pills, whatever I could.  Don't know why, just went through one of those things. I ran out of resources but have a good landing pad and probably going to go to more therapy and really hammer down on focusing on art and hobbies. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought and used some extreme pain I was having as justification.  Just makes me scared that I can go this long and easily spiral so bad and easily just for the adrenaline or whatever. I'll try to be good, wish me an easy landing, please. Thanks for listening.


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InvisibleApu
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Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Typerwritermonky]
    #26895820 - 08/23/20 06:34 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Typerwritermonky said:
Kratom can work well as an MAT... actually probably better then suboxone in many ways and definitely better then methadone.  The only problem is dosing it constantly, as well as a significant high is still possible to obtain on it.  Methadone IMO is the worst MAT.  You can get LIT from it, you can still use heroin on and off or whatever your opiate of choice is, and the slavery to the clinic is terrible.  Suboxone is better then methadone by leagues and miles, but then it requires a long, slow tapering phase that isn't super pleasant and inevitably ends stepping off the last 2mg very unpleasant and slowly.  Like I suggest people who stop suboxone to go from 2mg, to 1.5mg, to 1mg, to .75mg, to .5mg, to .25mg to .125mg etc and then jump.  And do that over the period of a few months.  But suboxone definitely works when used correctly, it just takes a strong mindset.  As well, it takes fentanyl to break through the bupe, so most people like I when taking it didn't even bother to try to use knowing I just wouldn't even get high (never used fent on purpose and wasnt worth using pure fent to breakthrough the bupe).

Kratom though beats methadone and suboxone, but IMO the best way to handle it is to use suboxone and over a year taper to >1mg and then start using small amounts of kratom to make the jump.  Then use kratom for the first two weeks in the smallest amounts possible, then taper off of the kratom over the next few weeks during the worst of the PAWS phase.  Then once you've got your life together, your mind together, and know what you want - taper off the kratom and reach no opioid/opiate activity at all in your body.  Small supplements of ibogaine at the end are very helpful too.

So yeah, thats the way I did it.  Suboxone->Kratom for a month->small supplements of ibogaine daily for a week or two.  Then nothing.  Last year around this time I was shooting speedballs on the streets in the ghetto of SF overnight stealing from my friends to support myself - and now I'm comfortably healthy, happy, saved up lots of money, have the car I always wanted, have the job I always wanted, and it looks like my legal stuff is going to get dismissed.  Have my family back, my friends that I want back... it's beyond crazy.




Your story sounds incredible. What a inspiration. Ive had over a decade of opiate abuse. I only started using heroin for the last 3+ years or so. That and crack. So i went downhill quick. But it's been a long ass road and now I am clean 1.5+ years and have a great job and my own apartment. Got out of jail after doing almost a year and got my old job back. But I am on suboxone. I quit the SSRI already and have cut the suboxone intake in half. So I'm in the process of quitting that. I have a lot left and have already got down to 4mg per day. So i don't really feel good all the time due to the taper but I have momentum. I do psychedelics and whatever. I will never touch another opiate again though. Hopefully. That is what I truly desire. I have used enough opiates for at least one lifetime my receptors need a break forever lol


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Apu]
    #26902810 - 08/27/20 05:55 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

It truly boggles the mind, how animosity and the distress from being contaminated by it grew into a little demon so much so that I have a physical sensation throughout my body that I want to tamp down with narcotics or something.  Suffering aye..


It goes and it returns and pops up it’s ugly lil head and it’s all based on me grasping and wanting my own will to be above certain others because I truly believe in such an instance & situation that it’s true aka I am right - which is bullshit, the heart tells me so immediately.  The reality of the situation is more complex and nuanced than my own little minded view.  That I know, it just hurts my pride to admit after I dug my feet in for too long.  But damn, enoughs enough.  I don’t want to hate anyone Whatsoever  - it just feels evil and perverted/corrupt/spoiled to even be aware of such unwholesome thoughts and feelings in ones mind & heart and to feed it even a bite more - no, no more.  Not a drop.
This one will die by drought.  Right now.

Lord knows I’m burning off bad karma right now by not adding to the fuel and letting it burn off, but it stings like hell - let me tell you again - it burns like hell.  This is from my own evil actions in the past - haunting me now.  Legit, no lie.  The smallest stuff over time - no evil goes unseen - for we are the ones that commit it.  I regret ever giving into evil.  This is desperate motivation your reading here people!  At least writing it here helps me feel less alone in the struggles we face in this mysterious reality.

I pray & wish to the prayer listening ones to let me be solid enough to make it through the rest of the day and get in a deep meditation session and reflection tonight and then finally sleep so that I can wake up fresh.  But it may not be that easy.  This one may take a while - who knows. But god dammit facing down this kind of stuff within myself while tripping is bad enough if it doesn’t go right - but sober isn’t any easier.  Even after 2 years away from opiates minus one night with opium  6 months ago...I guess that’s just 6 months away then really, right? No point in prettying it up.  But fuck using ever again. Especially today.  It’s not the solution my brothers - it’s everything but.

This is why I try my best and follow the Buddhist way & precepts, it inevitably saves me from myself - to the degree in which I commit to letting go and getting out of my own way.  Better late than never.  This always happens when I stray from the path.  I suffer.  And when I feel it cut this deep - by my own hand - the tendency is to take a needle in the other one, feel me?  Here’s to another day away from that sickly sweet swill poison pushed everyday to enslave the minds of men for a dollar.

I’m going to go on a run now and see if that speeds up the karmic burning off.  Plunge into the fire.  Extinguish the flame by consuming it.  It usually helps set me up for access to the Jhanas.  Pray for me.  Much love to everyone.  Much of it..

& bless the Buddha way for being so beautiful that it will never fail to bring a tear of joy to my eyes.  Without it the world would seem so much more crazy and solid than I feel I could handle at my low level of wisdom.

This username suits me perfectly.


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


Edited by The Blind Ass (08/27/20 06:28 PM)


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OfflineDoc9151M
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26906374 - 08/29/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I say do whatever it takes,  if the methadone clinic is working, NA, AA, inpatient,  outpatient, it doesn't matter how you accomplish the goal as long as it get done.

I have been on opiates since 1994, Methadone has been both a curse and godsend. once I got away from pain management and went to the methadone clinic as well as getting my MMJ card, my life finally started coming back together.  I also have to credit Psilocybe cubensis for helping to push me in the right direction. I was on every opiate out there at one point, but once my methadone dose was started at 80mg a day,  the docs wouldn't increase it for any reason and that led to a decades long nightmare of just trying to feel normal. It was only after going to methadone clinic that things started to change for me.

When it comes to relapse, I agree that it's part of recovery,  but it's what you do after you relapse that matters,  not the fact that you relapsed. We are always vulnerable to a relapse not matter how long you've been clean, it's dangerous thinking that causes us the most problems because we start thinking that we got this and can control it this time.  When in reality we don't have shit and am setting ourselves up for certain failures.  This is big reason why I think using Kratom recreationally and having an addiction to opiates is playing with fire, you're tickling the beast and one day it will bite you in the ass. Using Kratom long enough to get off other opiates is fine,  as long as you put it down and not pick it up again.


--------------------


Psilocybe cubensis data collection thread. please help with this project if you hunt wild cubensis.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=26513593&page=0&vc=1#26513593


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Doc9151]
    #26907188 - 08/30/20 07:28 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Appreciate the response.  Maybe you missed some parts of my last post or I wasn’t clear but  I made it through that night just fine. Ie -  I did not use/relapse.  Here’s some back story about my addictive past & how I’m doing today since my last post.

For years I used to be on either methadone (1.5 years) or suboxone(8.5 years) and though they were beneficial for a time in my life...
getting completely off of those was the best choice for me as they hindered life too much in myriad ways.
Mentally I’d never be 100% on them even with the “right” dose - physically things would never be as good too.
I always wanted to be off them when I was on them - and that was something that never went away till I finally got off.

Nowadays I just do my best to be a good (person) Buddhist, and though I struggle in keeping all of the precepts & following the path at all times - Im sure this is the way that’s best for me.  No opiates/oids of any kind since that one night with opium 6 months ago - and before that 2 years of absolutely nothing. 

Psilocybin (2-5 times a year) or similar natural hallucinogenics, meditation, following, studying, and practicing the dharma - plus eating very healthily and exercising daily - I find all the above to be much more beneficial for me than anything a doctor could prescribe to help me - or a counselor / therapist could say/do.

After my last post I’m glad to announce that things have neutralized.  After much reflection I’ve uprooted the cause of the animosity that was causing me so so much distress - and after being uprooted & let go, I feel light, bright, and calmly happy & at peace with myself once again.  Conscience clear.  Mind & body clear.

All I had to do was open the doors of my own heart & gently invite myself in.  Not just let in the positive parts of myself- but all of it, even the flaws & less wholesome parts - warts and all - and everything else worked itself out naturally.

The 5 hinderances. The 3 poisons. The effluents.  They are what’s to be closely guarded against so that peace & freedom may regain their primacy.

Case closed!

I Hope everyone out there is doing their best, happy, and at peace.


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


Edited by The Blind Ass (08/30/20 07:37 AM)


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OfflineTyperwritermonky
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Apu]
    #26914299 - 09/02/20 06:24 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Apu said:
Quote:

Typerwritermonky said:
Kratom can work well as an MAT... actually probably better then suboxone in many ways and definitely better then methadone.  The only problem is dosing it constantly, as well as a significant high is still possible to obtain on it.  Methadone IMO is the worst MAT.  You can get LIT from it, you can still use heroin on and off or whatever your opiate of choice is, and the slavery to the clinic is terrible.  Suboxone is better then methadone by leagues and miles, but then it requires a long, slow tapering phase that isn't super pleasant and inevitably ends stepping off the last 2mg very unpleasant and slowly.  Like I suggest people who stop suboxone to go from 2mg, to 1.5mg, to 1mg, to .75mg, to .5mg, to .25mg to .125mg etc and then jump.  And do that over the period of a few months.  But suboxone definitely works when used correctly, it just takes a strong mindset.  As well, it takes fentanyl to break through the bupe, so most people like I when taking it didn't even bother to try to use knowing I just wouldn't even get high (never used fent on purpose and wasnt worth using pure fent to breakthrough the bupe).

Kratom though beats methadone and suboxone, but IMO the best way to handle it is to use suboxone and over a year taper to >1mg and then start using small amounts of kratom to make the jump.  Then use kratom for the first two weeks in the smallest amounts possible, then taper off of the kratom over the next few weeks during the worst of the PAWS phase.  Then once you've got your life together, your mind together, and know what you want - taper off the kratom and reach no opioid/opiate activity at all in your body.  Small supplements of ibogaine at the end are very helpful too.

So yeah, thats the way I did it.  Suboxone->Kratom for a month->small supplements of ibogaine daily for a week or two.  Then nothing.  Last year around this time I was shooting speedballs on the streets in the ghetto of SF overnight stealing from my friends to support myself - and now I'm comfortably healthy, happy, saved up lots of money, have the car I always wanted, have the job I always wanted, and it looks like my legal stuff is going to get dismissed.  Have my family back, my friends that I want back... it's beyond crazy.




Your story sounds incredible. What a inspiration. Ive had over a decade of opiate abuse. I only started using heroin for the last 3+ years or so. That and crack. So i went downhill quick. But it's been a long ass road and now I am clean 1.5+ years and have a great job and my own apartment. Got out of jail after doing almost a year and got my old job back. But I am on suboxone. I quit the SSRI already and have cut the suboxone intake in half. So I'm in the process of quitting that. I have a lot left and have already got down to 4mg per day. So i don't really feel good all the time due to the taper but I have momentum. I do psychedelics and whatever. I will never touch another opiate again though. Hopefully. That is what I truly desire. I have used enough opiates for at least one lifetime my receptors need a break forever lol





Thanks man.. that means a lot.  I'm really close to relapsing after two years now of being clean because my kitten just suddenly passed away today after I spent over 8 thousand dollars in surgery.  She survived the surgery, but then afterwards just stopped breathing and her heart stopped.  I spent pretty much every dollar I had... and she still passed away.  The love of my fucking life... I'm seriously so close to relapsing.  Just fucking going out and fucking just spending a day or two shooting speedballs.  I fucking hate being alive right now.


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OfflineDoc9151M
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Typerwritermonky]
    #26914407 - 09/02/20 07:12 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

@Typerwritermonky, I'm sorry you're going through this but your not alone and that's definitely not the reason to get high. I totally understand the connection you had with your cat, I  had to put down 2 of my dogs earlier this year, had them for 15 years and 8 year, they were as much family as any human.  It hurt so bad, I'm on the floor in the vets office sobbing so bad I had snot pouring out like a little kid while holding my big boy while he passed away. 

2020 hasn't been a good year,  My dad is dying from cancer and could go at any time.  My oldest daughter is 29 and battling an aggressive cancer along with my stepmother and biological father. A neighbor my kids grew up with,  he's 24 and has a year or so to live from cancer.

It sucks when we lose something or someone we care about, I know that I don't want to feel all that grief, but I have too. If I try to stuff all that shit inside and medicate the heck out of it, it isn't going to do me or anyone else any good.  The only thing that will come of us going out and using is more misery, that leads to more dope being used inflamming the whole situation.

If there was ever anything to justify my using,  it would be what I'm dealing with on a daily basis for now,  but I keep reminding myself that using will only make a terrible situation even worse.

Think about it, you go out and dive back into something that you know is destructive, you know exactly where it will take you,  remember how difficult it was to get clean.  Next time you use, you might not have to worry about it anymore because it might be that final trip or it could take decades for you to find your way back to sobriety, if you ever find your way back.

You might want to ask yourself. am I using the death of my pet as an excuse to get high and complicate life further?

I've realized a few things over the years I've been battling addiction.  There are certain periods during my clean time that I would sabotage myself by convincing myself it was ok to use, that I'm in control or it would only be the one time.

Hopefully,  you will get through this, getting back on the dope definitely isn't going to make anything magically better.
wishing you all the best!

Regards,
Doc


--------------------


Psilocybe cubensis data collection thread. please help with this project if you hunt wild cubensis.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=26513593&page=0&vc=1#26513593


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Doc9151]
    #26914962 - 09/03/20 05:22 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I appreciate that Doc & Monkey have spent some time to follow up with me and each other here in this thread.  I do wish this thread was more active at regular times, but that it’s here at all is a mini blessing. I’m doing well since my inner struggle the other night (just had to let go & lay down the psychic “burden”) and I sincerely wish & hope you both are too.  Keep being wholesome & good - and may you all have well-being.  Let’s rise above our own petty small minded views that would have us harm ourselves & others by misleading us through unclear thinking and distorted emotions into using again due to the delusive ways of the illusory ego.  We’re perfectly fine as we are naturally without adding any narcotic into the mix  ( which would just end up making life more dark & confusing eventually) and we will continue to be so till the so called end!  We are human and we stand strong & unified - May we carry on lightly & easily - secretly knowing deep within our heart’s core that the struggle is the blessing in disguise.

And as always,

We think of the key, each in his prison
thinking of the key, each confirms a prison.


T.S Eliot, The Waste Land


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

T.S.Eliot, Little Gidding

Much love,

    TBA


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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Offlinecurious.mind
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26966656 - 10/02/20 08:57 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Hello
I am Mark
I had some issues with pain pills
Now I am using a government used
medicine for getting off opiates
I smoke cigarettes
I have recently started examining my life
I want to find new ways to focus
and/or prevent bad thoughts influence
I hope to find a community to communicate with


--------------------
_-() Insert Signature Here!!! ()-_

** All Post are from a fictional character and his false thoughts and experiences **


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: curious.mind]
    #26973955 - 10/07/20 02:38 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

curious.mind said:

I have recently started examining my life
I want to find new ways to focus
and/or prevent bad thoughts influence




There are no "bad thoughts" and you have no control over what thoughts pop into your head.

It can take some work to integrate these facts into your life. The prize is freedom.


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Offlinecurious.mind
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26981603 - 10/12/20 02:01 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

curious.mind said:

I have recently started examining my life
I want to find new ways to focus
and/or prevent bad thoughts influence




There are no "bad thoughts" and you have no control over what thoughts pop into your head.

It can take some work to integrate these facts into your life. The prize is freedom.



I am thinking about taking up some kind of beginner meditations in the mornings before work.
Anyone have any suggestions? I hope everyone is doing better than the day before.


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