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InvisibleCognitive_Shift
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23683102 - 09/27/16 12:35 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Dope dreams and stuff like that will go away after 2-3 months of being away from it (for the most part).  It also depends if you're filling your time with positive things or are just sitting around hoping someone else will do the work for you to turn your life around.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23683117 - 09/27/16 12:41 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I have no life and there would be no point hoping anyone will do anything, what with having a total of zero friends IRL/in this country.

I am slowly working towards the right head-space and physical condition to do a detox, maybe in a facility, maybe with my mother in some rented property in the middle of nowhere.. Gonna be a while yet, but it is on the horizon and sure to happen sooner than later hopefully.

:peace:


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"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23683132 - 09/27/16 12:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Ill have to look into that stuff (cream) however i dont think it'll help much. But its worth a shot. Glad you're doing a bit better. The dope dreams are the worst, i get em from time to time.

Its been like 7 months or so since i quit. Me and my girl bought a few bags each around that time. I did the shot passed out cold and woke up on the ground. When i got up i saw that my girl was hunched over, sitting in a stool pretty much dead with the needle in her arm. I picked her up and set her on the bed. I slapped her a bit, tossed water on her, checked for a pulse (faint), and listened for breathing.

Then i did cpr.. Nothing.. I went into tunnel vision, grabbed the phone and called 911. Im almost certain she would be dead right now if i didnt. It effected me on a deep deep level. Ive OD'd plenty of times (never was revived always came to on my own) and it never scared me. Actually for a while i was hoping the heroin would do what i couldnt. But this time i was actually scared. Of course not scared enough not to finish the 3 bags left over when i came back from visiting her in the hospital.

After they were done (the left over bags) i quit and one or two months later had a relapse. That time, i passed out in such a fucked up position that when i woke up i couldnt feel anything at all below the knee on both of my legs and the numbness ran all the way up to my butt.

I could barely walk for 2 days, i couldnt feel my feet on the ground and kept dragging my toes when i walked. It was awful, and that was the last time.


Edited by Mush 4 Brains (09/27/16 01:05 PM)


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23683149 - 09/27/16 12:59 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

You might have zero friends now.  I had zero real friends when I was homeless ripping and running 100% certified grimeball dope fiend.  If I wasn't such a pussy I would have blown my brains out or walked in front of a train.  Utterly hopeless situations can turn around is my point, even if you don't see how they can.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23683212 - 09/27/16 01:27 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

The weird thing is my addiction has had nothing directly to do with the loss/lack of friends. My 2 closest friends, the brother feeling type, both died within 3 years, one drowned, other suicide..

I am certain a large percentage of people I considered friends for years just heard the word "heroin" and made a snap decision as to what that meant.

I have never ripped anyone off, lied, been unreliable etc by any stretch of the imagination, I genuinely believe if I had lied and not told people I was using, most of them would never know and would probably just wonder why I wasn't constantly so depressed and angry all the time; again always directed that stuff inward and was kind of a given, humorous trait of who I am to most people, always raging against the world, but in a way that tended to make people laugh, not scared or worried.


I put real gravity on the importance of honesty and loyalty though, so am maybe too honest for my own good sometimes. Funny thing is a lot of these guys are 10-15+year coke addicts, but have that "my drug is ok" attitude going on. I have even had people who sold me coke get angry because of my ROA (IV).. I tried telling them, all I am doing is filtering all the cut/crap outta your product and making it more fun/efficient, but the needle stigma is a deeply ingrained one I guess.

Think we all know the way opiates are viewed by the majority of people, though I get the feeling that is gradually changing in the US at least, no such luck here, but we don't have the Rx epidemic over here, in fact they hardly exist, never been offered anything but morphine after people had operations in hospital, just isn't a market over here, ignoring DNM's for personal use I guess, it is basically heroin or nothing for majority of addicts.


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23683255 - 09/27/16 01:43 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mush 4 Brains said:
Ill have to look into that stuff (cream) however i dont think it'll help much. But its worth a shot. Glad you're doing a bit better. The dope dreams are the worst, i get em from time to time.

Its been like 7 months or so since i quit. Me and my girl bought a few bags each around that time. I did the shot passed out cold and woke up on the ground. When i got up i saw that my girl was hunched over, sitting in a stool pretty much dead with the needle in her arm. I picked her up and set her on the bed. I slapped her a bit, tossed water on her, checked for a pulse (faint), and listened for breathing.

Then i did cpr.. Nothing.. I went into tunnel vision, grabbed the phone and called 911. Im almost certain she would be dead right now if i didnt. It effected me on a deep deep level. Ive OD'd plenty of times (never was revived always came to on my own) and it never scared me. Actually for a while i was hoping the heroin would do what i couldnt. But this time i was actually scared. Of course not scared enough not to finish the 3 bags left over when i came back from visiting her in the hospital.

After they were done (the left over bags) i quit and one or two months later had a relapse. That time, i passed out in such a fucked up position that when i woke up i couldnt feel anything at all below the knee on both of my legs and the numbness ran all the way up to my butt.

I could barely walk for 2 days, i couldnt feel my feet on the ground and kept dragging my toes when i walked. It was awful, and that was the last time.




:lolsy: that is scary shit when you wake up and your limb(s) are not just asleep but literally dead.  My god does it hurt when circulation returns too.  Ouch.  I think I still have weirdness with the nerves in one arm from doing that shit.

Somehow I avoided bad tracks, even though I was an IV user for at least 5 or 6 years.  Honestly don't remember when I made the switch but I know I've maybe snorted dope once in my life, and been a dope addict at least that long, and I had been shooting the old good OCs for years by then.  I do bruise like an annoying woman tho, so I'm pretty sure everyone at my work knows I have a problem.  All I have after a week or two is a barely noticeable red mark on the easiest vein for me to hit.

I gotta say tho, was shooting coke this weekend and I only brought one point.  It got so I was literally digging around under my skin trying to puncture a vein again and again after so many hits.  I was too geeked out to go get more points since I am off dope, shit got ugly so I made myself break the tip off after I finally hit, which was a good idea because I definitely would have kept going otherwise.  It's one of those moments where I'm like "my god I am a mess" tho.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23683289 - 09/27/16 01:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I shot coke a few times and found it  quite terrifying. Each time i was sure i was gonna die. Chest gets tight and heart goes from 0-100 in a second.

I dont really like coke though. It makes me ultra paranoid and uncomfortable plus i despise the comedown. I heard someone describe cocaine abuse like going through the months of motions you would on heroin (addiction, wd, and a desire to never use again) all in a matter of an evening.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23683327 - 09/27/16 02:02 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah I kinda hate it without the heroin, but I was feeling like shooting something and I do love the rush.  I try to get to the spot where I just almost puke but not quite, but it is scary because I wont get that from one shot, then 5 minutes later I am like "hey lets just dump a heap in that should do it" :shrug: then I end up puking and thinking I will die.

It's not nearly as addictive for me as heroin, since it kinda sucks, which is how I justified it I guess.  I had to take a xanax and drink a bunch but that makes the coke not work as well, which makes it all the more dangerous.

Still haven't fully recovered 3 days later.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23683564 - 09/27/16 03:30 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I thought alcohol had a severe impact in terms of potentiating coke and make it last longer..? Coca-ethylene or something??

Correct me if I am wrong, I only do crizzack if I have a few drinks in me as it seems to last far longer and hit harder, am I just having some weird placebo??

:popcorn:

Few more boozezes

PPT

Vape nico

Mebbe a 30mg of mirtaz in a bit to make sure I sleep before pay day and certain chaos/relief...


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23683577 - 09/27/16 03:36 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah alcohol seems to be ok, but I can't handle the amount of alcohol it takes to make cocaine ok, and benzos are a definite shutdown on the rush.

Also cocethalyne or w/e is highly cardiotoxic.  Not worth it in the long run for sure, but hey, I'm trying to get through a saturday night :shrug:

cocaine and heroin.  fucking love it.  heroin sucks though because it really gets under your skin in a bad way.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23684781 - 09/27/16 10:23 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Think im gonna grab some lope and try to get off the poppy tea. Though it has been working well, i can afford it and i can more than function on it. In fact it really feels like it gives me the edge with work.

Its all good til amazon leaves me hanging and im in full blown wd. Shitting, lethargy, insomnia. When im in that state im most vulnerable to relapsing on heroin, anything to get out of pain. The two things that have held me back is knowing that heroin has nothing to offer me, I remember and i wont EVER let myself forget.

Also many months ago i deleted all contacts on my phone for dope. I dont know anyone so that really helps too. The biggest thing is my head is in the game, I'll never let myself feel/get so down mentally.

I had a fuck up in my shipping for my seeds and it cost me a potential new job. I was too  physically sick to go to the interview. I was able to do the bare minimum of my obligations and no more. The seeds are fucking crazy potent and loaded with bits of pods. I forced myself to a strict dosage of only a 1.5cup dose every 24 hours and the wd is still rough when im out.

I kinda also have this feeling of not wanting to rock the boat. Life hasnt been this good in years. I have stability unless theres a fuck up in my order. So should i stock the hell up and never run out or just try and give myself the week or so to fight off the physical wd and find a new plan? I dont know...

Im waiting for the gov to come in and fuck up the whole seed deal. I mean theyre blowing their stack about kratom now, these seeds, this legalish opium i should actually say makes kratom its red headed stepchild. However those that i follow on Reddit and other places believe that it would be really difficult and unlikely for them (the government) to interfere because its more of an fda issue and not something that can be scheduled or cut off as easily


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23684810 - 09/27/16 10:31 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Mush 4 Brains said:
Think im gonna grab some lope



Loperamide has never done a damn thing when coming off of opiates (for me heroin.)  It didn't help make me feel better, it didn't help with any of the symptoms.  It was a complete waste, the only thing it did help with was stopping up my butt.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23684940 - 09/27/16 11:10 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thats all i want it for. It never did anything for me either, other than that. I can fight everyrhing else, im a glutton for punishment. But i cant work if im shitting myself.

I hit rock bottom in the winter when I was utterly defeated and wanted to die, wanted to kill myself but couldnt bring myself to. Everything after that passed has been easy as pie in comparison. I made a promise to never let myself lose hope that bad again.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23685354 - 09/28/16 04:03 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Cognitive_Shift said:
Quote:

Mush 4 Brains said:
Think im gonna grab some lope



Loperamide has never done a damn thing when coming off of opiates (for me heroin.)  It didn't help make me feel better, it didn't help with any of the symptoms.  It was a complete waste, the only thing it did help with was stopping up my butt.




So it actually was effective for a pretty bad symptom of withdrawal is what you're saying?  I wouldn't call that a complete waste unless you ate tons of them expecting to get high.

I would definitely try to get off the PPT mush.  It is pretty damn addictive from what I understand.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23685392 - 09/28/16 04:33 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

The past 3 weeks have been :mindblown:
Nutrition is 100% EVERYTHING. The first few days I started eating non processed, fresh food (and also "super-foods" such as raw cacao, reishi, coconut oil, raw garlic cloves, fish oil, seaweed [specifically for its high iodine content] and turmeric) it literally removed 90% of PAWS. Now, I would not consider it all PAWS, just a severely under nourished and uncared for body/brain. And it has been getting better over the past week. My sex drive and mood has stabilized, no crazy swings. Cognitive function is 10 times better and much more consistent. I can play competitive games at a high level but I still get mentally fatigued quickly.
No cravings for sugar or unhealthy fats/carbs.

:feelsgoodman:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: daz01]
    #23686245 - 09/28/16 11:22 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

daz01 said:
The past 3 weeks have been :mindblown:
Nutrition is 100% EVERYTHING. The first few days I started eating non processed, fresh food (and also "super-foods" such as raw cacao, reishi, coconut oil, raw garlic cloves, fish oil, seaweed [specifically for its high iodine content] and turmeric) it literally removed 90% of PAWS. Now, I would not consider it all PAWS, just a severely under nourished and uncared for body/brain. And it has been getting better over the past week. My sex drive and mood has stabilized, no crazy swings. Cognitive function is 10 times better and much more consistent. I can play competitive games at a high level but I still get mentally fatigued quickly.
No cravings for sugar or unhealthy fats/carbs.

:feelsgoodman:




Really great to hear firsthand confirmation of this, been pushing all the info I have on the nutrition approach since I read about it and started down that road myself, plan is to build up body/mind to optimum level before I begin my detox, then stick to some strict dietary plans throughout, no red meat etc that cause inflammation etc and make joint pain and other symptoms more severe.

Plan to use pregab/gabapen and benzos for the acute WD's, then soon as I can move without shitting myself and whatnot, get as busy as possible, need to get some precise details nailed down in regards to how I will stay busy, but have plenty of options, just need to pick a couple and get stuck in.

Gonna be gradual build up, but think that is the only way I am going to succeed.

:heart:


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"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux] * 1
    #23688062 - 09/28/16 07:24 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Grats Daz on your success!

I have been lowering my daily h intake to begin a kick, also been working on general nutrition and health. I was working A LOT just until this last week and really got into good shape fast/ Plus I exercise.

Today I came out and told my Mother that I was on opiates again and it felt really good to get that little bit of weight off my shoulders. She is my step-mother, but we are very close and always have been. She is gonna kick me down a shitload of gabapentin and a little pregabalin (I guess that shit is very expensive [Lyrica])to help, since in all my experience. I am gonna ask for some benzos for when shit gets too bad. My anxiety is a fuckin killer - probably my #1 relapse trigger.

My mother is very understanding when it comes to opiate addiction, she had to kick an oxycontin addiction once or twice back in the day in hospitals. We talked about the kratom crisis, she wasnt aware of what kratom even was, but is appalled at the situation.

I sold the few suboxone strips i had because I don't want to go that route. too drawn out and I want to get this over with.

Just thought I would share where I am at in my addiction. keep on keepin on guys


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Fert Nitty] * 1
    #23688087 - 09/28/16 07:28 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I've got 87 days off of opiates today:woot:


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Fert Nitty]
    #23688093 - 09/28/16 07:31 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah honestly suboxone sucks.  If you're going to quit you're going to quit.  Otherwise if you start putting it off with subs you are more likely to be addicted to your DOC and suboxone, and that just ends in horrible precipitated withdrawal sooner or later.

It's cool that your mother is understanding.  Try to do the right thing and not take advantage.  Be strong man. 

If I make it till monday I will match my #2 amount of clean time in over 10 years.  6 weeks


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23688105 - 09/28/16 07:33 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Suboxone sucks and doesn't suck.  It is a good alternative to being on heroin.  It let me lead a normal life for a period of time, but eventually you gotta come off of suboxone and coming off suboxone is pure hell.  I had to relapse on heroin and kick that to come off of subs.


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