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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23661575 - 09/20/16 12:20 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Genuine thanks to both of you for the responses.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.  I did see your list of good foods egodeath, which I bought some.  That was actually what I spent the $70 on which made me feel like I was shooting myself in the foot, but I spose that's better than shooting myself in the arm :shrug:

I bought some good tequila for the weekend.  I wasn't even thinking about dope all day, just having a drink.  Monday will be three weeks.  Now I just gotta get off the kratom, but that should be managable especially if I taper down.  Maybe it is for the best that it is being made illegal in my case, since I will be forced off it at some point.





So glad to hear that was what ya spent the $70 on! Think I saw ya mention in WCA I believe, ya fgotta stick with the nutrition side though, that is the most important part, staying with it and helping to reforge your mental processes and neural pathways/reward systems etc.

Never met ya Moon, but ultra proud and happy for you man. Been away from the boards for few days just laid up in bed with same old depression bullshit, managed to eat and shower today. Prob done the least amount of dope in couple of years the last 2 weeks, just PPT and that has been fairly minimal, partly cos too hungry/weak/miserable to even brew it..

Keep it up Mushy, and Conn and all you other beautiful folks, my long term detox plan has had some interesting developments this week, promises made about sobriety and being helped with some life-changing support if I make it stick.. We will see, keep on keeping on y'all.

Much love. :heart:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Offlineolson
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23665392 - 09/21/16 03:22 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

It's incredibly frustrating that I can never seem to pass the 2 month mark.
Once I get a month clean the idea of taking opiates just seems so appealing. Not even cravings but just an abstract feeling of curiosity and boredom.
It's like the more time passes the less threatening and more benevolent opiates seem.
I'm 2 weeks clean but I already feel myself wanting to dip my toes in once again...


--------------------

Kinesin, a motor protein, shuttling a vesicle full of cargo
such as glucose or even neurotransmitters across a cell.
This little guy struts along the microtubule using ATP as fuel.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: olson]
    #23665413 - 09/21/16 03:28 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah kratom has been helping me get past those impulses I think.

It's crazy though.  The second I ease up on myself just a tiny bit, it's all over.  I'll be like "well I can at least think about getting high, that won't hurt anything, I just won't actually do it" and next think I know I am on my way to fucking it all up.

Those dreams I get when I am clean where I am trying to get high but just can't manage to pull it all together, those are the worst.  I have relapsed a bunch of times because I dreamed I wanted to get high then when I woke up my willpower was just gone.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23665496 - 09/21/16 03:53 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Exactly, once you even entertain the notion you're halfway to a relapse. Addiction is a strange beast that we still know so little about.
It's as if I'm most vulnerable when I think of scoring as just a holiday from the daily round as opposed to an escape from suffering. Seems pretty paradoxical.


--------------------

Kinesin, a motor protein, shuttling a vesicle full of cargo
such as glucose or even neurotransmitters across a cell.
This little guy struts along the microtubule using ATP as fuel.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: olson]
    #23665623 - 09/21/16 04:32 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Dreams of trying to get high and never QUITE getting the hit seem very common. I cannot count the number of times I have the dope, the water, the rig...then no lighter or whatever, or constant interruptions stopping ya from shooting up. It is so weird, the brain can do so many awesome things in dreamland, ya would think your mind would cut you a break and just let you imitate the feeling of a shot while sleeping.

Maybe that would be worse, being high in a dream and waking up fiending..? Who knows, s00per common though, and I think an unavoidable part of the addict mentality..

Stay strong any and all with even a day or 2 under your belt. I seriously believe if I could get a month under my belt I would be so god damn happy to be free of that daily hell. Don't let your mind play tricks on you, do you wanna have to kick from scratch again??

Good luck and even gooder vibes y'all.

:heart:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23665652 - 09/21/16 04:40 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I have been able to fix in a dream on rare occasions, but it's not like I get high normally it just gets really intense, I get dizzy and feel drugged in a bad way, then I wake up.  It is totally weird.  I used to have a recurring dream where I would get a bag and then look forever for a place to prep a shot then when I finally find one the bag has somehow turned into a big ziplock of dirty strips of carpeting.  I'm like :confused: why did I buy this?


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23665722 - 09/21/16 05:04 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, sure it takes infinite forms, but something bizarre usually stops the actual hit, sure there are 1,000 ways to interpret these things...

Addiction. What a hoot. :tongue:


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"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux] * 1
    #23666951 - 09/22/16 12:48 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I got 72 days myself.  This time I decided to get off of Heroin and not do the suboxone thing.  Staying clean from almost all substances helps a lot too, i've only had 5 drinks in that time too,.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23667138 - 09/22/16 04:14 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

You are kicking some serious ass Cog Shift, how did you kick then? Taper and cold turk? Kratom taper? Or just hardcore it like a boss??

Or did ya do some kind of inpatient stuff? Still trying to decide how to go about it next time, determined that if I do it again, it has to be the last time I ever go through that hell.

Keep it up man. :vibin:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23667241 - 09/22/16 06:20 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

In early-mid July I did a 7 day Subutex taper inside a detox facility.


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OfflineAVShroomer
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23667689 - 09/22/16 11:03 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

egodeathflux said:
Dreams of trying to get high and never QUITE getting the hit seem very common. I cannot count the number of times I have the dope, the water, the rig...then no lighter or whatever, or constant interruptions stopping ya from shooting up. It is so weird, the brain can do so many awesome things in dreamland, ya would think your mind would cut you a break and just let you imitate the feeling of a shot while sleeping.

Maybe that would be worse, being high in a dream and waking up fiending..? Who knows, s00per common though, and I think an unavoidable part of the addict mentality..

Stay strong any and all with even a day or 2 under your belt. I seriously believe if I could get a month under my belt I would be so god damn happy to be free of that daily hell. Don't let your mind play tricks on you, do you wanna have to kick from scratch again??

Good luck and even gooder vibes y'all.

:heart:




I still get dreams every once in awhile where i cop some dope and im getting it ready and right when im sticking myself about to do my hit is when i wake up.  The first few months of being clean the dreams I would have were VERY vivid theyd fuck me up all morning but now that im going on a year here in a couple months the dreams have reduced down to maybe one or so a month and they arent anything I cant brush aside thankfully.


--------------------


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: AVShroomer]
    #23668075 - 09/22/16 01:14 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

AVShroomer said:
Quote:

egodeathflux said:
Dreams of trying to get high and never QUITE getting the hit seem very common. I cannot count the number of times I have the dope, the water, the rig...then no lighter or whatever, or constant interruptions stopping ya from shooting up. It is so weird, the brain can do so many awesome things in dreamland, ya would think your mind would cut you a break and just let you imitate the feeling of a shot while sleeping.

Maybe that would be worse, being high in a dream and waking up fiending..? Who knows, s00per common though, and I think an unavoidable part of the addict mentality..

Stay strong any and all with even a day or 2 under your belt. I seriously believe if I could get a month under my belt I would be so god damn happy to be free of that daily hell. Don't let your mind play tricks on you, do you wanna have to kick from scratch again??

Good luck and even gooder vibes y'all.

:heart:




I still get dreams every once in awhile where i cop some dope and im getting it ready and right when im sticking myself about to do my hit is when i wake up.  The first few months of being clean the dreams I would have were VERY vivid theyd fuck me up all morning but now that im going on a year here in a couple months the dreams have reduced down to maybe one or so a month and they arent anything I cant brush aside thankfully.





These kind of posts give me real hope for the future, thanks for contributing now ya are free and clearly, hopefully for good, stay strong, know the fight never ends completely.

@Cog Shift, ok man, good to know, a lot of people talk trash about both sub tapers and short term facility use, nice to hear a positive story about both.

Keep going one and all, much love n support to everyone. :peace:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23668197 - 09/22/16 02:00 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

egodeathflux said:
You are kicking some serious ass Cog Shift, how did you kick then? Taper and cold turk? Kratom taper? Or just hardcore it like a boss??

Or did ya do some kind of inpatient stuff? Still trying to decide how to go about it next time, determined that if I do it again, it has to be the last time I ever go through that hell.

Keep it up man. :vibin:




I never had any luck setting ultimatums for myself.  I find that slow determination is really what is needed, a stable lifestyle, and a heap of self-love.  If you love yourself you will make the right decision, most of the time at least :grin:

Just trying to be like "ok I am gonna get super high because this is my last time, then I am going to quit and never get high again" never worked for me.  It turns sort of fatalistic where you start thinking that if I fuck it up I might as well go full bore, and I think that is where it gets dangerous, when you stop caring because you fuck up those ultimatums again and again.

Be patient with yourself and try not to die.  You can handle alot more that you think, and really dopesickness ain't shit in the big picture.  It feels like torture but you can always heal from it, unlike actual torture.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23668446 - 09/22/16 03:14 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Quote:

egodeathflux said:
You are kicking some serious ass Cog Shift, how did you kick then? Taper and cold turk? Kratom taper? Or just hardcore it like a boss??

Or did ya do some kind of inpatient stuff? Still trying to decide how to go about it next time, determined that if I do it again, it has to be the last time I ever go through that hell.

Keep it up man. :vibin:




I never had any luck setting ultimatums for myself.  I find that slow determination is really what is needed, a stable lifestyle, and a heap of self-love.  If you love yourself you will make the right decision, most of the time at least :grin:

Just trying to be like "ok I am gonna get super high because this is my last time, then I am going to quit and never get high again" never worked for me.  It turns sort of fatalistic where you start thinking that if I fuck it up I might as well go full bore, and I think that is where it gets dangerous, when you stop caring because you fuck up those ultimatums again and again.

Be patient with yourself and try not to die.  You can handle alot more that you think, and really dopesickness ain't shit in the big picture.  It feels like torture but you can always heal from it, unlike actual torture.





I am actually trying to do exactly what you suggest. Been gradually building up my physical health, taking all kinds of supplements and altering diet, to focus nutrition on what is needed for the body to rebuild and adjust after and during a detox.

I have a long steady plan and am not going to rush into anything until the time is right. For now I am just separating myself from negative/toxic people in my life and avoiding actual H as much as possible to avoid needles so I am not trying to go straight from injecting multiple times per day to "never again".

I haven't set any intended date and probably won't, just get myself into the best place possible, stick to the PPT as maintenance and take the plunge when I am ready for sure. My mind has been firmly set on quitting for at least the whole of this year, my main reasoning being just the slave nature of the lifestyle, not being able to leave the country, reach any long term goals etc.

Luckily I don't get any real pleasure or euphoria from H anymore, maybe a nod if I poly use with benzos, but a 10 second rush is about all I really hope for, too many years, tolerance, receptors saturated or whatever.

My biggest concern is the mental health issues I have had that predate my habit by 25+ years, 'loving myself' is going to be a hard hill to climb. Pros of stopping outweigh the cons of being bound to this shit forever though, got a very logic based mind, so hoping that will over rule any self-esteem issues etc.

Know I can get there, but agree totally, for me it is not something I can rush, tried before when not ready and that is why I haven't tried since, still loved it and was trying to quit for other people, not me.

Thanks for the input though, good to have my mindset reaffirmed by others. :heart:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23669495 - 09/22/16 09:26 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I mean I would rather go through a 7 day Subutex taper then kick cold turkey.  I was still dope sick for 2 weeks after they took me off the Subutex, but it was much more manageable then a straight heroin kick.  I'd chose a 7 day subutex taper 10 out of 10 times then having to resort to a straight kick.  Coming off of heroin sucks and it's going to be painful and uncomfortable no matter what method for detoxing you chose, but the sub tape was the most comfortable route i've taken.

I would have preferred an accelerated heroin detox because I was back to being 100% sooner but that was much more painful then a Subutex taper.  I just would have preferred it because it was over after 5-7 days.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23669502 - 09/22/16 09:29 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I'd prefer a 3 month kratom taper.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23669511 - 09/22/16 09:32 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
I'd prefer a 3 month kratom taper.



3 months is way to long and no matter what you do you're going to kick anyways.  Accelerated detox or 7 day bupe taper all the way in my book.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23669516 - 09/22/16 09:34 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

No way dude I am not going to be sick this time around :justno: only been 10 years


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23669520 - 09/22/16 09:35 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I've never done a taper in which I got off scott free with no WD symptoms.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23669529 - 09/22/16 09:38 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah well you never did a 3 month kratom taper now did you?  That is the golden ticket.  :tongue:


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