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OfflineTNK
Pleasures of Africa
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Registered: 01/30/10
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: mndfreeze]
    #27665213 - 02/19/22 01:49 PM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Just bumping/posting so I get the thread to pop up in my unread-thread list.

Hope all are doing well, today is the 30th full day off of opioids for the first time in nearly 8 years; been using for almost 15 years now; this is the longest period I've had clean and sober while not being in jail/rehab or on probation; it's a trip. My brain feels like it's on fire and I can't control my emotions or thoughts-

Thankfully I feel like maybe I have finally become desperate enough to kick this shit once and for good- I used meth on day 2 of being off of heroin thinking it would make me feel better; it didn't. I just want to feel 'normal' but I know I likely will never feel 'normal' again.

I used Heroin and other downers to medicate myself and keep my mania from getting out of hand, then used stims to make myself productive when I had sedated myself too much to get shit done, a vicious cycle for sure. I've finally reached out and am seeking mental health help; I have an absolute fear of being committed again.

It terrifies me, to think of being held against my will- I know it's a true possibility if I let my paranoia and mania get the better of me; however the only thing that scares me more than being forced back into a mental health hospital(permanently) is the thought of dying- and I know the next time I go back out to use I wont make it back; I feel it in my bones, heart and soul. This is my last chance to try and live the life I want. Wish me luck and I shall wish you all the same!


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Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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OfflineTNK
Pleasures of Africa
I'm a teapot Unread Journal User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/10
Posts: 14,237
Loc: I AM THUNDERBOT
Last seen: 1 month, 17 days
Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Doc9151]
    #27666510 - 02/20/22 01:31 PM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

TNK said:

My brain feels like it's on fire and I can't control my emotions or thoughts




Chronic drug & alcohol abusers often have an obsessive craving for control.

And an intense fear of experiencing a wide range of human emotions.




Yes, my substance abuse was more or less about control; allowing me to have the means/a-tool to control my emotions, life and thoughts at will and or on that whim of myself; now having given up those tools it feels like pure chaos. Although I am finding great solace in this, I have felt asleep- only now awoken to the world. I slumbered for too many years deluding myself and my consciousness/sub-consciousness that I was the one in control even though I was not.


Quote:

Doc9151 said:
I'm pulling for ya! I'm working a program myself, I have chronic pain issues and that combined with withdrawal has always kept me using. 

I have to say that this time I'm not quitting because I want to, but because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired from doctors playing fucking games with my health. It's sad when you can go to the methadone clinic and get all you want but if you're really sick they jerk you around, take your money and leave you hanging. Love my weed card, it's been a lifesaver at times, but some days nothing helps, no matter how much I take and I'm on a fixed income and  can't stay on the clinic for $500 a month, thats a rent payment for some.

It has gotten to the point that I have stopped ALL medications, because I just don't give a fuck anymore. Every time it's time to see the doctor or god for bid go to the ER, I'm treated like a criminal instead of a patient and I'm just done with it, because no one person that can do anything about it, will stand up for people like myself. As a matter of fact, they say that helping people in chronic pain today that can only be prescribed opiates, aren't worth risking their licenses over. I get that the DEA has their hands tied, but there's no excuse for treating people like this.

My experience with withdrawal from opiates due to chronic pain issues is exactly why I can relate to the recreational users battle to get free. Add a medical condition to withdrawal and you have a recipe for disaster, it will make you suicidal.

I'm also tired of being afraid of the blood thinners, they scare me way more than a blood clot, which I've had several.  I just want to live what time I have left on my terms and not being controlled by drugs.

LSD and Mushrooms with cannabis, that's all I need, to Hell with the drugs that cause physical dependency!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rant, but do want to sincerely wish you all the best and say I feel you and anyone else who travels this path, because it's full of quagmires.




I am praying for you my friend; I've had multiple surgeries on my hip, knee and ankle all on the right side of my body; unfortunately or fortunately however you want to look at it- I have learned to walk a total of three times, after each major surgery/accident I was unable to walk and told several times walking again may not even be an option for me- yet here I am; walking.

I understand pain, I understand the desire to stop the pain; to be able to live without that constant agonizing throbbing; I am on Buphernorpine for my OUD but I am also prescribed it for minimal pain management, so more or less I will be on this medication the rest of my life. It helps with the pain; slightly but it is always still there- much more so now than ever before. I'm going skiing later today and my knee already akes just thinking about it.

Sending good vibes your way man, If you ever need anybody to talk to :pm:


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Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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