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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23681513 - 09/26/16 10:20 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Ive been doing really well with poppy seed tea the past few months as a form of maintenance. I was clean of opiates completely for several months before using the tea. I found myself relying on alcohol almost daily though in that time.

I had a strict rule of never drinking before dark and never drinking more than a halfpint of booze or a 6pack of beer. I feel like the needle forever fucked me. I really dont see myself being completely sober in my lifetime.

I look down at my forever needle scarred hands and arms and it deeply bothers me. No matter how healthy i am, how nice i dress or how much i keep up on my physical appearance.. Its like I'll always be tainted.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23681713 - 09/26/16 11:26 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Definitely truth in that. The more i try to hide it and worry about it, the more i actually draw attention to myself. Mostly i dont care but it still is something that gets me down when i am down. Then every once and a while i get looks from people and then they act different around me.

Funny thing is that due to a medical condition, ive been forced to dose my medicine intravenously for my whole life. Id have to and still have to do iv injections as frequently as 3 times a week. People would see the marks on my arms and accuse me of being an addict long before i ever was. 23 gauge butterfly leaves a hell of a mark too.

I used to be able to keep the track marks at bay until i started with the heroin. Its wrecked my hands/arms. Its a special kind of hell having to do iv injections for medical reasons. It gets my mind racing regularly...


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Lucis]
    #23681809 - 09/27/16 12:03 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

No man, mine will never heal unfortunately. They're bad, they've faded but are still very visible. Its not just the dope, ive had medical reasons to iv my medicine for my whole life which has left me with lifelong scars.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23683132 - 09/27/16 12:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Ill have to look into that stuff (cream) however i dont think it'll help much. But its worth a shot. Glad you're doing a bit better. The dope dreams are the worst, i get em from time to time.

Its been like 7 months or so since i quit. Me and my girl bought a few bags each around that time. I did the shot passed out cold and woke up on the ground. When i got up i saw that my girl was hunched over, sitting in a stool pretty much dead with the needle in her arm. I picked her up and set her on the bed. I slapped her a bit, tossed water on her, checked for a pulse (faint), and listened for breathing.

Then i did cpr.. Nothing.. I went into tunnel vision, grabbed the phone and called 911. Im almost certain she would be dead right now if i didnt. It effected me on a deep deep level. Ive OD'd plenty of times (never was revived always came to on my own) and it never scared me. Actually for a while i was hoping the heroin would do what i couldnt. But this time i was actually scared. Of course not scared enough not to finish the 3 bags left over when i came back from visiting her in the hospital.

After they were done (the left over bags) i quit and one or two months later had a relapse. That time, i passed out in such a fucked up position that when i woke up i couldnt feel anything at all below the knee on both of my legs and the numbness ran all the way up to my butt.

I could barely walk for 2 days, i couldnt feel my feet on the ground and kept dragging my toes when i walked. It was awful, and that was the last time.


Edited by Mush 4 Brains (09/27/16 01:05 PM)


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23683289 - 09/27/16 01:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I shot coke a few times and found it  quite terrifying. Each time i was sure i was gonna die. Chest gets tight and heart goes from 0-100 in a second.

I dont really like coke though. It makes me ultra paranoid and uncomfortable plus i despise the comedown. I heard someone describe cocaine abuse like going through the months of motions you would on heroin (addiction, wd, and a desire to never use again) all in a matter of an evening.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23684781 - 09/27/16 10:23 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Think im gonna grab some lope and try to get off the poppy tea. Though it has been working well, i can afford it and i can more than function on it. In fact it really feels like it gives me the edge with work.

Its all good til amazon leaves me hanging and im in full blown wd. Shitting, lethargy, insomnia. When im in that state im most vulnerable to relapsing on heroin, anything to get out of pain. The two things that have held me back is knowing that heroin has nothing to offer me, I remember and i wont EVER let myself forget.

Also many months ago i deleted all contacts on my phone for dope. I dont know anyone so that really helps too. The biggest thing is my head is in the game, I'll never let myself feel/get so down mentally.

I had a fuck up in my shipping for my seeds and it cost me a potential new job. I was too  physically sick to go to the interview. I was able to do the bare minimum of my obligations and no more. The seeds are fucking crazy potent and loaded with bits of pods. I forced myself to a strict dosage of only a 1.5cup dose every 24 hours and the wd is still rough when im out.

I kinda also have this feeling of not wanting to rock the boat. Life hasnt been this good in years. I have stability unless theres a fuck up in my order. So should i stock the hell up and never run out or just try and give myself the week or so to fight off the physical wd and find a new plan? I dont know...

Im waiting for the gov to come in and fuck up the whole seed deal. I mean theyre blowing their stack about kratom now, these seeds, this legalish opium i should actually say makes kratom its red headed stepchild. However those that i follow on Reddit and other places believe that it would be really difficult and unlikely for them (the government) to interfere because its more of an fda issue and not something that can be scheduled or cut off as easily


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Cognitive_Shift]
    #23684940 - 09/27/16 11:10 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thats all i want it for. It never did anything for me either, other than that. I can fight everyrhing else, im a glutton for punishment. But i cant work if im shitting myself.

I hit rock bottom in the winter when I was utterly defeated and wanted to die, wanted to kill myself but couldnt bring myself to. Everything after that passed has been easy as pie in comparison. I made a promise to never let myself lose hope that bad again.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24082311 - 02/11/17 02:01 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

I often hear people say how bad their alcohol wd was when they quit and how it was worse than even h wd. And I know that it can be fatal so it obviously can be potentially worse. But even after long stretches of daily/heavy drinking I never experienced anything too terrible. I mean it wasn't pleasant but didnt hold a candle to opiates ime.

I experienced anxiety,physically at first felt maybe a little shaky/minor muscle spasms, depression and nightmares(like CRAZY vivid ones, I looked into it and the science on it has something to do with rem sleep being inhibited from prolonged alcohol use that upon abstinence from can cause some sort of great rebound in REM sleep.. which causes the excessive/vivid dreaming)

The anxiety was really bad as well though. For the first few days of wd, i was on the verge of having a full on panic attack and or psychotic breakdown. That's something I never really got with h wd.

With h I was too busy hating life to be anxious, just so low and depressed that there was no room for anxiety. The only kind of anxiety I could muster was a sometimes impeding thought that I was going to be permanently stuck in that hell.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24082588 - 02/11/17 04:12 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

Sure absolutely and I also noticed that it's not so much how much you drink but how often you drink/how long alcohol is actively in your system as far as wd severity.

I have a few hardcore alcoholics in my family. The one guy drinks like maybe 12 beers or so a day. Sometimes more and sometimes less, but he's  always drinking. From the moment he gets up to the moment he lays down at night he has a beer in his hand.

He's shaking like a leaf in the morning til he gets through at least 3 beers or so. I believe that constantly having alcohol in your system at all times/never letting it leave your system for many many months or years is what causes the bad WDs.

When I was really hitting the booze in the past, I drank way more than 12 beers in a day. It would be often at the same time every day and limited to only a few hours of drinking. The booze would actually be out of my system typically before drinking again which I think is the difference


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Libbz]
    #24099252 - 02/18/17 12:48 AM (6 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Libbz said:
My "friends" showed up out the woodwork to borrow money when I got my paycheck and when I found out they were buying dope later on they helped me jump back on the wagon and get myself into a whole. Really feel like shit and just wanted to vent. 700 gone in three days like it was nothing despite my plans



You know you gotta drop em man. I think a lot of us can relate, weve been there.. You just gotta take the lesson and move on


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24099632 - 02/18/17 07:40 AM (6 years, 11 months ago)

I've always been a bit of a loner and of the friends I did have, most didnt use. I retreated away from them the deeper I got into my addiction.

It got to the point where it was just me  and my long time girlfriend aiding in one anothers self-destruction. That was the hardest relationship to drop, but we both knew in the end that it just had to happen.

It was sad but after enough time had passed we both did so well and were now able to at least be in each other's lives again.

That Libbz poster, should have a breeze disassociating with his user friends by comparison. I mean they came out of the woodwork as he said which makes me believe he hasnt seen them for a while and like typical addicts first thing are asking to borrow money.

Then they find him dope and poof there goes his paycheck. It's like a kick in the dick, you know something you don't want repeated.

As a general rule, I've found that any "friend" that's looking into your wallet is generally not the kind of person you want to be around.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Connoisseur]
    #24177346 - 03/20/17 10:33 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Sweet dog money! In time you'll distance yourself so much that you'll forget all about ever even wanting it


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #24260556 - 04/20/17 09:26 PM (6 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
its getting more difficult

thank god i dont have any way to score now

if i did i certainly would

no one ever said being a junky was easy

thinking of going back on poppy tea instead of kratom



Be careful relying on poppy tea.. Its not a habit you want to pick up because it can be VERY difficult to quit. I mean if you're doing the ktatom thing alone, why make that step back up to poppy tea?

The only reason I believe it would be ok to rely on poppy tea is if you know that given the chance you could/would fall back into heroin..

Poppy tea is the lesser of two evils by far. It kept me off heroin and booze, it allowed me stability in life at a time I struggled... but the wd is awful and you are still dependent.. all things considered it's better than relying on suboxone ime


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: daz01]
    #24261554 - 04/21/17 10:48 AM (6 years, 9 months ago)

I wouldn't quite call it as bad as heroin. The wd can be just as bad if not worse imo but there are some key differences that make it safer/much better than h.

For one thing you pretty much can't take poppy tea any other way than orally.

The half life is much longer than heroin which means less redosing.

And being able to obtain it easily/legally can be a good thing. More stability, less ups and downs like with heroin. No risk of incarceration...

I've never OD'd on poppy tea, yet I have several times when using heroin. I've never stolen or done other questionable things for pst like I have heroin.

I believe that unless you have extensive history of opiate use or heroin habit, you really have no business messing around with poppy tea.

I've been able to taper down my pst dose when I wanted/needed to. Can't say the same for h...

All the same I agree that most should stay away from the stuff especially if you've been able to deal without any opiates...


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Connoisseur]
    #24261689 - 04/21/17 12:12 PM (6 years, 9 months ago)

Good shit, keep it up


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24263506 - 04/22/17 07:42 AM (6 years, 9 months ago)

Poppy seeds are easier/as easy to get as ktatom..

Price wise, I'm not sure what's a cheaper habit to maintain.. I'm spending at least 50 (more like 70) a week on seeds and it's adding up. I can't really save money with the extra drain seeds have on my wallet. And there are other issues as well.

I want to quit the seeds so bad, it's been weighing heavily on me these past 2 months. Thing is life has been so good all around lately that I'm afraid to fuck with things.

I'm scared shitless of going through WD right now. The way it changes my whole outlook is frightening not to mention the wonderful physical side effects. I fear it more than death.

I have some 8mg subs set aside for if I ever run out but last time I tried some  when in need and it hardly helped at all.

I've been working out like crazy lately and eating very well, I'm hoping that these things will aid me in quitting. Hitting the gym on a regular basis in the past seemed to give me a little resistance to the negative aspects of drug use/abuse.

I'm gonna have to bite the bullet sooner or later. Its just so difficult to taper your dose with poppy seeds.. There's a very fine line with effects. Its like a dose works and you feel well or it doesnt.. there isn't any half measure where you'll feel almost ok, it's all or nothing..


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: daz01]
    #24264181 - 04/22/17 01:53 PM (6 years, 9 months ago)

I appreciate the words, and you definitely hit some points for sure.. it in the end is a monkey on my back...But

There's more to it than it being legal and cheaper per dose than h. You can't shoot it so that's one big positive. It has an extremely long half life which is good if you're trying to dose minimally. The high is different and it's a much easier habit to maintain.

The trade off is it's just as addictive like you said and the withdrawals are imo worse than h. Honestly most of the time I have my habit under control..
I feel and act normal, but when I'm out...well then there is a BIG problem.

I've basically been letting my tolerance grow to a point as it naturally will, then I cut back and I repeat that cycle.

I'm not at all in denial, thinking that it's sustainable forever. It was a big stepping stone that got me away from being a broke ass heroin addict, living for the needle.

Its helped me and others I know so much in pulling their lives back together so I'm a little defensive of it. I recommend it to everyone I know who's caught on heroin. It literally can be a lifesaver. I've seen people cold and lifeless from heroin with a needle in their arm. You can't use heroin responsibly, poppy seeds however allow you to have more control.

I view it (pst) as a stepping stone down the opiate ladder. Ktatom you're next


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #24513544 - 07/28/17 08:10 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I've been struggling quite a bit
lately. Getting intense cravings to score some dope. The pain and depression due to my current situation in life has been getting to me.

Ive been clean off dope for a long while now, I've lost count..definitely over a year minus a single slip up in that time. Which I didn't let get to me because I knew it was an isolated incident that didn't make all my progress/hard work disappear.

I was gonna hit up a meeting (na) yesterday but i ended up getting drunk and eating a burrito lol.

I've been hitting the weights hard lately which helps quite a bit but still isn't a cure all.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Errl_Shmirl]
    #24519310 - 07/30/17 09:59 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
What is you current situation?

Of course whatever it is heroin will just make it worse.  I would focus on making some life improvements.  Have some things in you life to look forward to which are more meaningful than fleeting relief followed by more sickness and depression.



Quote:

JustABoxOfRain said:
Good job lifting Mush 4  Brains, we can hit up the weightlifters thread if you want. I just want to say stay strong brothers/sisters, addiction is such a base  element  of the human condition. Much  of what  Buddhism  teaches  is  in  relation to our cravings and desires,, and the suffering they bring with  them. Love  to all,, you have more power then  you  know.



Thanks guys, it sucks I'm very isolated at the moment and in a dark place mentally. Had to push a lot of people out of my life and the good ones are long gone.  I meant to respond quite a while ago but you know how you type out a big post, just to delete it? Yeah did that a couple of times which if nothing else was cathartic and sorted some stuff out. It's like you want to spill your guts but don't at the same time?

I sure will check out the weightlifting thread btw. I've been slowly getting more organized and steady in that aspect of life which is a great start but just one little part of life.


Edited by Mush 4 Brains (07/31/17 01:32 AM)


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: czech]
    #24556867 - 08/15/17 09:25 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:


Role of mu and delta opioid receptors in alcohol drinking behaviour.

Méndez M1, Morales-Mulia M.
Author information
Abstract
The dopaminergic mesolimbic system plays a key role in the mechanisms of reinforcement elicited by alcohol (ethanol) and other drugs of abuse. Numerous lines of evidence indicate that ethanol reinforcement mechanisms involve, at least partially, the ethanol-induced activation of the endogenous opioid system. Ethanol may alter opioidergic transmission at different levels, including the biosynthesis, release, and degradation of opioid peptides, as well as binding of endogenous ligands to opioid receptors. Several studies suggest that mu and delta opioid receptors play a major role in ethanol reinforcement and dependence. These studies implicate enkephalins and beta-endorphin as physiological mediators of ethanol's actions in the brain. In this review we describe the pharmacological characteristics of opioid receptors and their distribution in brain, as well as the major functions of their endogenous ligands. Thereafter, we present evidence supporting the participation of mu and delta opioid receptors in ethanol reinforcement mechanisms and high alcohol drinking behaviour. The use of opioid receptor agonists and antagonists, as well as ethanol-preferring selected rodents and knockout mice, has contributed to understand the role of mu and delta receptors in these processes. The effects of ethanol on binding of selective ligands to opioid receptors in different experimental models are also reviewed. The relevance of opioid receptors in human alcoholism is further evidenced by the association of mu receptor polymorphisms with ethanol dependence. The clinical implication of these findings is discussed regarding the differential responses observed in some alcoholic patients to treatment with opioid receptor antagonists such as naltrexone.




https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19630722


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