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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Sketch Turner]
    #23443518 - 07/15/16 10:14 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I'm about 48 hours since my last shot.  Only been using about 6 weeks nonstop so I hope it won't be that bad.  Used on and off for a couple months before that except 6 weeks around new years.  Before that I was hooked for nearly all of 10 years, which is just crazy when I think about it.  I've been on opiates for 1/3 of my life.

I'm honestly feeling sort of ok.  Like total shit, but not incapacitated.  Could get worse still tho my doses were pretty high and I still haven't gone any nights without sleep.

Kicking in the summer is 10x easier than the winter.  I'd rather be too hot and sweat any day than have that chill I just can't shake.

I have to go back to work Monday morning.  I hope I'm ok enough by then to at least put on a decent front.  I hhave my doubts though.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group [Re: Fert Nitty]
    #23443544 - 07/15/16 10:23 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah there is always a little calm before the storm where I think things are as bad as they'll get.  I probably won't sleep for a couple nights but hopefully it won't be 8 days like the last time I stopped after years without a break.

Thanks for the support.  I can really use it now.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: T-Rex]
    #23460408 - 07/20/16 07:22 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah I've done the trainspotting method.  I find the key part is the breaking down at the last second to go and get one more hit to take the edge off.  There's really no preparing for a c/t kick.  Music and porn is pretty essential to me, so having the internet is nice, and replaces the TV porn etc.  I never shit in a bucket it's always either a toilet or occasionally my drawers if things are really bad.

Ended up puking all over myself going to cop on Sunday.  Did I turn around to change my pants which looked like I pissed myself?  Of course not I have my priorities in order.  Juan-Pepe even threw me an extra bag, must have felt bad for me.  I did make it five days, but I wasn't getting any better and going to work Monday morning scared me too much.

I don't know what I'm going to do.  I think I'm going to try and taper down and switch to kratom after skipping a few days because I just can't get clean and work at this point.  Fuck that happened fast.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: daz01]
    #23461149 - 07/20/16 11:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

That's great to hear Daz.  This is encouraging!


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Sketch Turner]
    #23478926 - 07/26/16 02:16 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Sketch Turner said:
...I'm going to see if I can manage to keep a bag around without using it.
....




:yeahthatsfunny: I plan to do this every time.  I can't even save my cottons for the morning though, its not gonna happen.

I'm 48hrs in so far and kratom has been helping a bunch.  It definitely doesn't get me high whatsoever, still got the yawns and some lethargy but that is about my worst symptom.  Don't know why I didn't get some sooner, really makes a world of difference.  Mostly it was hard to wrastle up the $20-$30 because I was spending $100 every other day on dope.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Fert Nitty]
    #23488157 - 07/29/16 03:20 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

One heaping tablespoon seems to do it.  If I take two tablespoons in a short period I start to feel a little icky.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone else starting kratom.  Best to start small and revise because taking too much kratom at once is very unpleasant.


Edited by moonrockmushy (07/29/16 03:24 AM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Fert Nitty]
    #23488164 - 07/29/16 03:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I dunno I have heard a level tablespoon is 6 or 7 grams (from here http://www.sagewisdom.org/kratomguide.html) so mb 10 g.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Enjoywho]
    #23519596 - 08/07/16 05:30 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Three days with just Kratom again, doing ok.  Works much better than I expected but I tried using for about a week and then jumping back on kratom without tapering and it was quite uncomfortable and I had to get some bags to do at least a little taper. 

The shit is fucking repulsive, but it keeps me from being sick and I'm not compelled to replace with alcohol or even weed.  Coffee seems to have a huge benefit with kratom, but I don't even try to drink since I know it will give me headaches and no benefits while taking kratom.  The two (coffee and kratom) can get me through a day of work without being too miserable.  I think the fact that it grosses me out will help not to develop a long-term habit and motivate me to get off.

I'm socially withdrawn and kinda out of it, just slightly anhedonic, but that is nothing compared to cold turkey.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23522097 - 08/08/16 02:09 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Kratom is definitely addictive, otherwise why else would it work, but for me it is definitely a big step in the right direction.  For a while I was set on bouncing between masochism and absolute indulgence.  I felt like it was better to be miserable than accept anything less than getting as high as I wanted, so it was heroin or nothing pretty much.

I could probably theoretically be pretty comfortable on like $20/day of heroin, but even that is alot, and no matter what I always end up binging and spending assloads of money in one day.  It sucks how much I've spent.

I think I have been borderline overdosing alot lately too.  Two times this week I had to go into work and make up excuses because my face was all fucked up.  Once from a fall and another time from nodding into the edge of a table all night and making red lines on my forehead that are still kinda visible days later.  Also track marks suck in the summertime.

I don't really want to be clean in the long term, and I fear losing all my connex if I stop for too long, but a good long break is due and I am pissed off at the crew I go to for saying 10 minutes and taking much longer, even though they're open every single day without fail and have fire.  I would probably not quit if I had people who would be punctual, but my friends all stopped talking to me.

Nice work Conno :thumbup: here's some inspirational music for ya:



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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23525353 - 08/09/16 04:19 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You should just stop.  7 weeks isn't even that long, and it would be so much better to be clean.  I was clean for 6 weeks around new years and I was not even back at 100% then.

I'm wondering if I will make it through my next payday without using.  5 days on just kratom today and I'm feeling good enough, starting to be a little social again, but I feel like I'm probably gonna be compelled once I have money, which just sucks really.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Ruyguy]
    #23528532 - 08/10/16 03:20 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks for the encouragement T and Ruy.  I made it through payday, and tomorrow will be a week.  I can't even afford it anyway I got bills and shit that I'm behind on. 

Got some good sativa, whiskey, and still taking kratom 3x/day.  Considering I should still be sick and I feel ok I think I should count my blessings and not fuck it up.

Work is going pretty well, got a paid vacation coming up at the end of August.  Heading to the mountains with my family for camping which I'm pretty excited about.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Ruyguy]
    #23531789 - 08/11/16 02:45 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah at a full week since my last shot.  Every day I think "tommorow I'm probably going to end up getting some bags" but I haven't yet.  Tomorrow is Friday which will be hard, but  I think I got my head on straight enough to do the right thing.

Wondering how hard it will be to get off kratom.  Yesterday I only took 1TSP 2x/day instead of 3x, but right now I am fairly sure I would relapse if I stopped taking it.

I generally don't take benzos.  When I am sick nothing works but opiates and taking other downers usually makes me feel drowsy but I just can't sleep, like I'm trapped in insomnia hell.  I'm sure some combo would work, but it also could force me to relapse because I feel even worse or lose my good judgement.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Ruyguy]
    #23534907 - 08/12/16 01:45 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

:crazy2: I got out of work and my stomached dropped because I realized I was planning to use, somebody said to me I looked injured while I was thinking that, just trying to piece together what good I could possible get out of it. 

At every exit on the highway I was like magnetized to turn around and head to the city, but I resisted, and now that I'm home I'm glad I did. 

I've been trying to quit for way too long.  It's pathetic.  The number of failed attempts is one of the main things that makes me think I'll never be clean in the long term, but I am optimistic right now.

Oh and it is 1 Tablespoon, a massively heaping one at that.  I thought 1tsp was teaspoon and 1TSP was tablespoon for some reason.


Edited by moonrockmushy (08/12/16 01:47 PM)


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Lucis]
    #23537100 - 08/13/16 05:47 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
Hey fellow junkies, and ex-junkies I have a question for you!

I am curious when you guys get the itch to buy dope, how hard is it for you to go about doing so?  When I was using I would have to make a 45 minute drive to downtown ATL to buy, but if there was traffic it might take an hour or more, ATL traffic was horrible.  Usually once I was downtown things would go smoothly, and I would pull up on my guys corner, make the deal and keep on moving.

Just curious how easy some of you have it.





The city I go to is like 30 mins away.  I can get it any time 9-5 but the dudes don't work nights, so I really just have to make it through the day and then I am cut off until morning. 

Most of the time they are there within a 10 minutes of calling, but occasionally I will have to wait 30 mins or so getting told "any minute" "any minute" "oh he just ran out it is gonna be 20 more minutes" :shakefist: I hate that shit and it is a big reason I am quitting. 

When I lived in the city it would just be a phone call delivered to my door.  It's all cell phones and runners in cars here.  There are open air markets but they are sketchy as fuck and unreliable, so having a number is key.

I almost ran out of kratom too, but I have a kilo on the way.  It's really working splendid.  I'm drinking a decent amount of beer and liquor past couple days, but have pretty much cut out cigarettes.  I just have no taste for them without being faded.


Edited by moonrockmushy (08/13/16 05:50 AM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Ruyguy]
    #23537972 - 08/13/16 01:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

failball :sad:

-snip- apologize for triggering pic.  Inappropro

Sincere thanks for the kind supporting words.  It did help but I got drunk early in the day, which was a mistake.  I'm doing ok and just going to put this minor setback behind me and keep trying.


Edited by moonrockmushy (08/13/16 06:13 PM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Connoisseur]
    #23538644 - 08/13/16 06:20 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Connoisseur said:
Dayum that looked nice



I shouldn't have posted that here.  Sorry.  Know that doesn't help.

Stay clean folks.  I am just making things difficult for myself.  I love having people here that are rooting for me, and I really hope I am not too much of a disappointment.  IRL I can't tell anyone tho, after so many failures it gets hard to be open with people, but I am still optimistic , happy I made it a week, and going for a month clean now, which I believe I can do.

Again sorry for posting that.  I'm not helping anyone and I will not do that again.  I'll post in ODD if I feel so inclined I guess.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23544469 - 08/15/16 03:50 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

What if we're never ready though.  I don't feel any more ready to stop than I did 5 or 8 years ago. 

I was looking back on my old treads as well not too long ago.  I've been trying to quit opiates for an embarrassingly long time.  Longest time I made it in the past 10 years is 18 months, but it is not like I was sober I was just off opiates.

I always thought I was in control, mentally tough, and able to live within my means, but I am struggling these days as well.  Once I get to a certain point mentally I am going to do what I'm going to do and just be able to observe, no self-control.  I used to say shit like "I never nod, I just take enough to feel it" but that changed now I will nod out in front of my mom regularly, then lie and tell her I am clean even though I gave her my word I would tell her if I relapse.

I've also got a fair amount of debt.  I'm paying interest only on ~ 4k, but that has been hanging over my head for years and I can't get it under control enough to set aside the money.  I'm just lucky they cut my limit when I went on a crazy binge years ago.  Cash advance are the devil.

Anyways I'm rounding 48 hours :doingmediocre: again.  Kratom helps alot but I think it would be a miracle if I made it through the week without getting high.

+ thanks daz and ruy for the responses.  Means alot to me.  I have nobody in my life who I can be honest with at this point, so it helps to get things out and get feedback, whatever it is.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23544530 - 08/15/16 04:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Naw I just kinda try to eat healthy.  I am usualy happy when I am eating, because when I don't feel healthy I hardly eat, but eating the wrong things when I do feel ok probably contributes to my feeling bad. 

I also think that nothing can make kicking easy, but if you can tell me foods that will help I will probably at least give it a try.


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23550529 - 08/17/16 04:50 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah it's nuts you blink your eye and all the sudden 10 years passed and nothing is changed.

I was hooked on fentanyl before, I would extract the gel in the old duragesic patches and evaporate off the solvent, and smoke it off foil.  Wasn't even a great high, but it was so strong in terms of side effects and the absolute worst kick I ever experienced.  I couldn't even feel an OC80 at that point.  Trying to maintain by switching between fent and suboxone ruined my tolerance even more, and put me through precipitated withdrawal that is hell on earth.

These days I can't stop taking speedballs.  Mostly heroin, but the cocaine doesn't help I'm sure.  I try to tell myself that I'm better than some addicts because I don't steal, and I've never been hospitalized, but I'm not a total retard I know it is only a matter of time before it kills me. 

I really don't know what to do I'm a shell of what I once was, and I was never that well put together, sobriety seems like a distant dream.

Take it from someone who sounded like you 5+ years ago.  Get out soon, and stay out.  Get help and never let your gaurd down.  If you want advice on what maintenance is like or tips for kicking let me or someone here know.

:peace: much love brother


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Re: Opiate addicts support group (moved) [Re: daz01]
    #23614164 - 09/05/16 09:08 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

2 weeks.  Got my kratom dose down to 1x/day effortlessly.  Have been jogging.  Have had a few weak moments but luckily it has always been at a time where I can't get high anyway, like 3am laying in bed or just paid a bunch of bills so have no money.

Still can't bring myself to clean up or engage in any hobbies aside from jogging, but I did make some dank soup from scratch last night.  It only took me half the week from when I started planning until I actually got it done :facepalm: I feel I am improving though.  Gonna try and keep lowering my kratom dose.


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