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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #23324684 - 06/09/16 04:55 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

As of now I am trying to quit marijuana but I am doing a really bad job at it. I have been a marijuana user, in a country where it is illegal, for over 8years now. It's become a huge part of my life and I do believe I am addicted to it.

There are plenty of reasons why I want to quit and there are plenty of reasons why I can't seem to stop.

From my perspective I think I have an addicting personality and attach to something really quickly, it's a very easy numb inner pain, it's available everywhere, all of my friends smoke it and just generally gives me a false sense of security of not giving a fuck. This recent breakup was a pretty bad one. I wanted to deal with it in a sober state, more so to just get a better perspective on myself and work on becoming better but I can't seem to get over it and I end up smoking just to mask the sadness. Its become a huge financial burden on me a lot and has deprived me a lot of other fulfillment. I no longer practice archery, don't do shopping anymore, don't cook anymore, don't work on my projects anymore. I just wake up, smoke and deal with the shit that needs to be done but most of the time it's me sitting on my ass, lurking on these forums, playing hearthstone and watching episodes. I'm 25, and I feel like I can't get my shit together and I end up panicking, feeling depressed and sometimes I do think I'm better off dead cause this way of life is not what I had in mind. I don't know how I ended up here, especially when marijuana has also given me legal trouble and threaten my freedom.

I've become very lazy through it, my dreams have stopped where before they used to be so vivid, I feel very neutral towards everything, I no longer find joy in meeting up with friends for a coffee, going out and just having ''normal'' fun. Sometimes I feel so dirty about myself as well, like I'm some smack addict, I know it's further from the truth, but you get my point. I just keep going back to it.

I have tried to quit it multiple times. In the past, I had a lot more resistance to it, my mind was a lot more disciplined and when I said no, it meant no. I used to go weeks sometimes of not smoking it and I would be unphased by it. Nowadays I just feel like kidding myself all the time. I say stupid shit like ''I won't buy anymore'' ''This will be my last bag'' ''I need to stop smoking'' ....etc

Pros of quitting
-more financial stability
-more productive
-clearer mind
-memory improvement
-less legal trouble
-ability to deal with myself in a healthier way
-more independence
-admirable
-over all self improvement
-Gain back my happy chemicals

Cons of quitting
-I'll end up with no friends
-More vulnerability to BPD episodes/mood swings
-Emotionally/mentally draining during the process of quitting

Last summer I managed to quit but I relayed on my girlfriend at the time, booze, spice and work to make up for it. It was also forced by a court order cause I was being screened. I saw it as a positive thing and I really started enjoying myself as a non marijuana user. As soon as the screening ended though I immediately went to buy shit so I didn't learn anything at all :sad:

I don't know what I should do but I am glad I found this topic. Its nice to know I am not alone in this :shineon:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (06/09/16 05:20 AM)


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23327999 - 06/09/16 11:15 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

Thing is I've said to myself that stupid shit as well ''oh yea just one joint a day after finishing my work'' Bullshit. I wake up, 2 cups of coffee and 3 joints later I've ended up missing school, already made the conscious decision that I am not doing anything and basically get ruined.

I don't like to substitute anything cause I want to quit something, not replace something. The problem is the personality, not the drug. If I switch to another drug, I'll get addicted to that instead cause then I can have the satisfaction of saying ''I don't smoke pot'' while loosing all point of quitting it.

The thing that's making this harder, is knowing that my gf of 5years left me and she's doing better than me. I know it is very petty, and I should be happy for her but at the same time it fucking hurts that I have to struggle, while everything looks like it's handed to her. I realize it's just my attitude, but it's still fresh and knowing she left like a breeze and 5 years meant nothing just digs deeper in the hurt, my mind plays games and overdrives my imagination and then I go look for it to subside the thoughts and pacify me. It sucks. I'm quiet the strong person, mentally and physically, but man I feel like I lost all powers.

Quote:

LittleDaddy said:
The first days are going to be hard, but I bet you it looks up in about a week. And if you lose friends because you stop smoking it is my honest opinion that they aren't true friends. Maybe give yourself some time to become comfortable with saying no and quitting and then see if they're still cool with you while youre not smoking. Good friends aren't products of circumstances. If you live in a community maybe there are some group opportunities of interest you can get involved in? those will bring you around people with similar interests.




It takes approx 3 days for me to recover and accept my life without it. This is what past abstinence has taught me. I won't lose friends cause of pot, at least not in the sense that they abandon me but rather I would have to abandon them. They are absolutely fine with me not smoking it, support my decision and sometimes even expressed that they need a break albeit they have better control then me. No, the reason I mentioned friends is to bring to your attention that I am surrounded by it, so it makes it harder to quit, cause it's so friggen available. I don't have much friends, about 3-4, and I do not wish to lose them for now cause they are helping me survive this break up.

Quote:

LittleDaddy said:
I think the big thing is just occupying your time and feeling good. Working out helps so much for setting the tone throughout the day. Little things like gardening, walks, reading, hiking, and music can help pacify those moments of boredom that spark interest in smoking.




I have been trying to hit the gym for a while now and I still have not applied. Its been like 4-5weeks of me saying ''this week I'll apply'' and I end up doing nothing about it. I saved up a 100euros for membership and I managed to keep it cause I really want to improve my body and get naturally hgh and feel good.

I actually have a couple of gardening jobs, with really good pay and I don't even take advantage of it. I just leave early cause I am so liberated on time just to go home, play hearthstone or league or dragonsaga and just drink coffee and smoke pot all day. Hell these friggen jobs are not even that huge, couple of hours once a week for each garden, I manage 3.

I have tried to pacify myself with other things but my mind just keeps saying ''this is better with weed'' Ugh. :sad:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #23328182 - 06/10/16 12:42 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

It is pretty damn rough especially when this was the first girl I ever loved and actually was deadly loyal to. But I fucked up and she walked and weed has been such a good pacifier for the pain. I try to keep my chin up, visualize someone better as I wasn't happy in the relationship and try to keep in mind that this is my opportunity to finally grow and become a better version of myself. Hence why I am trying to pressure myself to stop bloody smoking pot all the damn time.

Man, one joint is not enough for the morning alone, let alone the entire day. God damn man it's come to that point where I out smoke all of the hippies in my area. Went to Amsterdam, smoked everything underneath the sun, barely phased. I was smoking 10-15g a week spending shit tons of money on it for what.... to feel a 5min buzz until the craving comes running back.

I need to take a few days, lock myself away from life, focus on other shit and just get things done.

Yesterday I managed to do 3/4s of the day without weed and I didn't have a craving. It was nice.... and I got hopeful, until my friend asked if I want to chip in some smoke and ended up spending money I do not even have :facepalm3:

JSB

''Please heal me, oh, I can't sleep. Thought I was unbreakable but this is killing me''



--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23505299 - 08/03/16 11:43 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I've just had a very traumatising weekend where we smoked pot all day. Literally, my friends were like zombies, one of them slept the entire day and could barely muster a word, his house is a mess, people constantly kept coming in and out of his apartment and I slept on a really old mattress only to be woken up 2 hours later with like 10people in the room some whom I didn't even know and everyone is just smoking up. It felt very junky-ish and made realise that I need to kick my own ass

For some this might sound like an average weekend but it made me realise on how much of a fucking loser I made myself become from excessive smoking.

Marijuana is destroying me, is putting me in places which I don't want to be, made me broke, made everything else second priority and because of that I lost someone very special to me which I'm still grieving over even though it's been months.

I told my friends I'm not smoking anymore so I'm out of friends now

Anyway

Day 2 of not smoking complete. I went all out cold turkey, it was the only way. No pain no gain I suppose

Here's to more and hopefully the climb of a better future


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (08/03/16 11:44 AM)


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #23511299 - 08/04/16 11:22 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

They did not shun me. They respected my decision.

What I meant by that is that I have less reason to meet up with them. In fact I haven't talked to them or even met up with them once since, and I don't expect them to either. I've had some good talks with them, we shared stories, our hobbies...etc Pot was just a major influence. I am not sure if that means it's based on pot. I've had many meaningless friendships, and honestly I just let them happen cause I have no choice. I was never a people person.

Thank you for your kind words and critism, this is something that I need to evaluate myself :biggrin:

For now I am focusing on other things, like today I attended Archery for the first time after a year haitus. I started to find joy in, normal things :lol:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (08/04/16 11:23 PM)


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: jimmyBbuffet]
    #23517472 - 08/06/16 11:56 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I have had my share of anxiety and I have over come it.

The only fear I have is rejection from women hence why I don't put efforts into chatting them up. But after years of constant bullying, people betraying me, getting me in trouble with the police, sending me to hospital, not understanding my plight, eventually leaving me in my time of need....etc yea.... people are not for me. I've passed through all my trauma, operations and pain on my own and I am used to it. My family wasn't there much for me, mostly due to the domestic abuse happening at the time. I don't blame them and I try to connect with them, they are all I have. I also am the only one from the family that still visits my abusive father, out of pity cause he's just alone in the world now

Not sure what QFT means JSB

Anyway I came here to report that I just finished my first week of not smoking pot, well, not entirely true. Yesterday I had a small joint, the same size of a rollie cigarette. I was on my way home, met an aquitance whom I haven't seen in a while, she offered me to smoke so I did cause I was over worked, sleep deprived, depressed, it's the weekend. I wasn't proud of myself cause as soon as I arrived home I slept and the effect immediately went.

still, I pat myself on the back cause it's a lot of progress from the 3grams I used to smoke every day

Quote:

p0stij said:
Archery > smoking pot




Definitely, it was so much fun and I missed the feeling of being focused :biggrin:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23523765 - 08/09/16 12:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

wow you hit the nail right on the head with that one :lol: I think I've used all of those excuses to help me justify my use, except for the ''I hate my ex girlfriend'' part considering it's mostly ''I love her. she doesn't love me. Time to use and ignore this shit''

Hell this weekend I have a party and I already have my excuses ''its summer, I haven't done much partying, roll up'' :wow:

I think that is just the human experience though. We always find some way to rationalise and justify what we do, be it drugs, sex, betrayal, relationships, music, the whole notion of morality, religion....etc There is always some stupid excuse to support what we do. I find it hard, for example, to come up with excuses when I know I am wrong. I am usually the type that owns up.

I think at this point, for me at least, it is absolutely crucial to not buy anymore pot and not being constantly high from dawn till dusk. I see nothing wrong with a balanced smoke session but the problem with me is that I go from normal to extreme in a few hours so I really gotta watch out on that


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23526798 - 08/10/16 01:21 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I mix the two a lot or used to. I used to get so loaded that I didn't know which one was which. I feel like both of my decisions, to use and stop the use, all come from my head. I follow my heart when it comes to doing the right thing and I am naturally kind to people and am the type of person that wears his heart on his sleeve but even the heart can makes us selfish and irrational and there is always something to back up our decisions

I just don't want to hurt people and myself anymore and my gut tells me that this is the right thing to do. My mission is always the same, to find balance in the things I do, having BPD makes this very difficult


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23533476 - 08/12/16 01:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:

It's one reason I crave getting high sometimes. To hide from my heart.




and to cloud my head from overthinking


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: infected_2]
    #23588893 - 08/29/16 12:28 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I finished my stash yesterday and today is Monday so I am going to try and cold turkey this week for the 2362898492834859032485093th time

I only managed to do a week and I slipped all over again. At least all of my debt is paid now! Just this weed monkey doesn't want to get off my back. I agree, it is a time filler for me. I don't feel anything from the affects and I use it to dampen the sound of boredom. It's difficult when your social circle is all pot heads, everyone you met is a pot head or a dealer and everyone is smoking it or do stuff thats related to smoking.

I dont think I'll ever get rid of this monkey off of my back. I signed up with NA but still haven't been to a single meeting. Don't think I'll go either


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #23731233 - 10/12/16 01:12 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

LittleDaddy said:

I now have the conscious ability to check in with how I'm feeling before I actually smoke.



Have you identified your motivation to smoke?

In other words, what are you trying to achieve by getting high?

Every motivation I have to smoke is rooted in escaping my present experience.




That's what happens to me too and is motivated by negative feelings. The most common ones are boredom, disappointment, rejection, panic and anxiety which is often stimulated from boredom disappointment or rejection. I feel like these are what usually motivate me to smoke or find smoke because like you said I am trying to escape my present experience, my present situation. I do not want to feel that way anymore or I do not manage to find motivation to do the things I need to do so I smoke to fill up my time or numb the pain away.

But it doesn't, it's always temporarily and always got me itching for more


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
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Registered: 12/06/14
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23733787 - 10/13/16 11:21 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yes I get that sometimes too where I feel the need to escape positive situations. It could be about anything, simply being at a dinner and I am having a great time I still feel the need to escape into my own little world. So I get loaded

Everytime is a good time to get loaded :facepalm:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #23739095 - 10/15/16 02:31 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I have tried that a million and one times

I got my thesis coming up, lots of research that still needs to be done, I got my mushrooms working, I read and I cook when I can cause I'm always so friggen broke due to blowing all my cash on smoke. Literally there is 0.73cents in my bank account. I spent my last bit to buy around 3g of really intense buds and my fridge is bare. In summer things were going for me too, I had a job that paid alright, I got my license....etc yet I still found reason to get loaded, infact, having a job kind of intensified the ''need'' for it due to my mindset of relaxing after work so I always had some for after work until that expanded to getting high AT WORK

After my recent break up I tried to quit numerous times but it's impossible. It has too much of a hold in my life, all of my friends are enablers and literally even if I casually go out to a bar, with no smoking in mind, there is always some fucking chump with smoke.

I've smoked so much I literally don't know what it's like to be sober anymore and the thought of finishing a day completely sober or dealing with life sober scares me so much that I can actually feel a little trinkle of piss coming out

I've tried to reach out for therapy cause I desperately need it but by the time I make an appointment I would have already smoked all of my cash so I end up cancelling. I also tried to attend to NA, and by attend I just sent an e-mail, got a response and never really gave much of a fuck about it

I fear with this problem I may never evolve to my full potential and I will never reach my goals in life with all this smoking and what scares me even more is that I am accepting of that. I've become empathatic and a bit of nihilist because of marijuana. Life feels so pointless sometimes, this sickness makes me go nuts and I fear I may never be good enough to ever meet someone new and have a decent realistic normal relationship.

:trekfacepalm:

I fucking hate this. Its over ridden my life and now it controls it.

No wonder my fucking ex left, who wouldn't with this train wreck

''Fuck weed man'' He says as he's prepping to go to his friend's house to smoke bowls all day


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (10/15/16 02:33 AM)


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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #23772498 - 10/26/16 07:38 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I already threw out all of my paraphinilia, everything just went in the trash and I never looked back. My biggest problem is my friends and the places I hang out at. I have a lot of social anxiety and I don't get along with just anybody, my friends are the same and like the places and things that I like to go/do. I don't club or go to any parties and I really don't want to interact with those type of people (which is about 90% of people around my age) cause it's just a waste of time for me. I am genuinely not interested. Even at uni where I go, I swear that 99% of the students there are all into smoking pot so I am literally everywhere where marijuana is available, sometimes I even get it for free!

It's taken me a long time to get here, especially after my gut-wrenching break up this summer. Abandoning my small circle of friend will just get me back to square 1, lonely and depressed, and in that state, with or without them I will definitely find/use weed. Finding marijuana here is piss easy and if you delete one dealer, 5 more will show up. Everybody my age has sold/is selling/knows someone that sells.

I fucking hate broccoli but lately my diet has improved. My coffee binge is over and now it's limited to 2 mugs a day instead of the usual 8, I don't pour in as much sugar or use as much coffee as I used to and I got used to it. I eat a shit ton of chicken breast and I either make my homemade stir fry with fresh vegetables or cook it in spices and herbs with some chips, carrots and peas. I eat fruits as well, mostly bananas and fresh squeezed OJ and lately I've been trying to remind myself to eat one apple a day

I am not going to give up on mushrooms. It's one of the few things I am good at and I just spent a bunch of money constructing a laminar hood + agar supplies to improve my gourmet small farm. Hell mushrooms are the main idea behind my thesis and the past year I have been desperately trying to get better at IDing mushrooms and just spent over 250euros for a small Fungi ID online course and about 80euros on the biology of fungi. I can't set them aside, it's a lifestyle and a job I do during winter when I am a full time student. Everybody knows me as the mushroom guy. They pay my bills, feed me and clothe me. Fortunately for me I do not want weed when I am high on magic mushrooms and it's not the first time where I thought it would be a good idea to buy a small bag of weed before I trip only to end up giving all my weed to everyone else to smoke cause my shrooming body does not want contact with that filth. If anything, using active mushrooms has been keeping my mental balance in check :lol:

I haven't been buying much weed lately but I've been getting a lot of free doobies from my friends seeing as they are always buying. At school I smoke a lot in the morning/afternoon and during the last 3 hours I don't touch anything cause I would need to drive home. I just got my 4x4 and started driving, it makes me anxious and nervous so I put a lot of effort into focusing on the road because I have no cash to blow out on legalities and insurance and all that shit. Yesterday, for example, I gave my friends a lift to this bar and I stayed there a while, met some people, had one cider and a joint and that was it for me. The rest of the night I had to decline one joint after another, including free booze, because I didn't want to get blasted before I get behind the wheel. I felt proud of myself because I took an adult decision and a bit of a loser at the same time.

I want that man, I want to be sober so I can start enjoying things and finding things stimulating when I am sober not everything has to be weed related or it's only fun when I'm high. I am really sick of that attitude I have on life and activities and I am really sick of always forgetting. But the pull sometimes is too much and when it's so easy to find the temptation can be even worse. I feel a lot of mental strain between actual me and my addiction, it's a constant fight and sometimes I get really really tired.

Money is what worries me. Although I fully comprehend that money is not everything there is also a fine line that defines life is not F2P. You gotta pay and you gotta pay hard. So on that aspect nothing matters neither my perspective or self development. Money is a need and that's that. Its stuff like that that make me worry, even though here hospitals/medical care are free I have other responsibilities such as paying my bills, a loan, food and emergencies (vet bills..etc). I think about my future a lot and the more I think about it the more I worry I am not capable and the more I worry and panick the more I use. I want to be stable, responsible and someone who thinks of the future in money terms but sometimes even that fear is not enough to hold back my use.

Ugh I don't know, maybe something like meeting a woman whom I genuinely like and is against use will help me regulate my use and eventually quit. It happens, I see people improve and blossom when they find the right partner

Thank you for your kind words and your time to speculate on my situation :shineon: I really appreciate it and will keep some of the things you said in mind more!


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Registered: 12/06/14
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Re: Marijuana Abstinence Support Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #24043782 - 01/27/17 01:19 PM (7 years, 1 day ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Rupert says, "The fact the mental expansion has brought about a physical lethargy."

A stoner for 25+ years, I'd debate being stoned is a "mind-expanding" experience.

Don't get me wrong, myself and millions of others have used this as rationale to smoke weed.

But does being stoned really "expand" one's mind, or dull and constrict it?




I think it clouds the mind which becomes dull and constricted. I've been smoking it for years, had some trouble letting go and posted on this thread a few times as well. IME I found it to be very counter productive, it kept my mind in a state of haze, were everything was alright cause I was numb to everything, I felt that constant state produced physical lethargy due to false justification for my actions. I still do it to myself and things take time to be done but I've managed to pull the breaks on keeping my cool and going a few days to weeks without it but somehow always finds it's way into my life :lol:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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