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Offlinehalo
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Registered: 11/01/07
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22468660 - 11/02/15 09:20 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Fishoil I think we just have to power through it.

Ugh, I had an experience over the weekend where I thought my girlfriend was trying to get me to agree to be possessed by the devil. It turned out she was just making a joke and telling me something she saw on the simpsons but at the time my mind couldn't handle it.

Also, I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my grip on thoughts. Cognitively I feel so so so dumb right now. Dumber than I've ever felt in my life. It's like I'm reacting on impulse to things and I'm not able to think things through logically at all. I have moments where I basically break down and just don't do anything.

I can still work and do my job but that's because it's always been incredibly easy for me. If I was in school right now I don't know if I could continue. My job has been so boring and so intellectually unstimulating. I talk to elderly people on the phone and do basic basic data entry and stuff letters. That's about it.

I can see exactly how this all happened, and how I fell. I just wish I had a time machine and I could slap the shit out of my past self and convince myself not to take the acid that night and to just take it easy and drink and smoke pot and have a chill weekend.

I did buy some Niacin earlier today, 500mg. I'll let you all know how that goes. For real though if anyone has any other suggestions for how to get my mind back I'm all ears.

So far what I've got is to exercise and meditate.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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OfflinePresent Day
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Registered: 06/30/13
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22468912 - 11/02/15 10:35 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Halo,

You are OK. You are not going crazy. I love you.

I was drawn to your post like a moth to a light-bulb. This is one of those synchronicity things. I haven't looked at this site for months, first post I find is yours, and I wasn't even looking for it... just trying to find some new TEK ideas. hmmmm hrrmm hrrrrmmmm... so listen up :smile:

First of all. Relax. Like seriously. CHILLLL THEEE FUCCCKKK OUTT DUDE. YOU ARE OK! I went through what you went through earlier this year. You are ok. and you are going to be even better! but no pain no gain, right? hahaha

First things first, like everyone else has said: stop doing drugs, stop smokin' green, stop drinking, reduce taking meds as much as possible (unless you really feel they are necessary, I am not your doctor, so listen to him/her and make your own decision). You're gonna slip up and have a beer or a smoke every once in a while. Don't feel guilty; you're human. Just avoid situations where you might slip up ALOT. Stick to the path of clean living from here on out. This may feel like forever, but it will be over sooner than you think. It is all up to you and how clean you live for the next few years. Yes, that's right, this can take a while. Relax. You're still you. Only, the fake you is fading away, and the real you is coming through. It may happen quicker than you think if you really embrace it!

Next EAT WELL. Cut out sugars as much as you can stand to. Fruit and veggies are good. Eat some meat, but not too much (became a vegetarian this year as part of my awakening, but I still eat some meat as an honoring of the animal if I know it will be thrown out). Eat things that are alive, or were very recently killed (read: fresh). Get natural carbs (breads, granola cereals, etc), not energy drinks and other garbage from a can.

Your body is a big alkaline battery, it needs loads of potassium (fruit/veggies). Salt is bad, avoid foods over-salted as much as you can. It displaces potassium chemically and will push your pH acidic (this is bad). Potassium good; salt bad. Oh and avoid man-made chemicals and food with any kind of preservatives. It will just slow you down as its shit your body will need to constantly be working hard to flush out.

Exercise regularly, daily if you can, but be gentle. Don't go train cross fit or P90x right now. Easy does it. Walking good! Yoga good! Chigung very good! Taiji good! Meditation great! Walking more good! Why run when you can walk and take it all in? :wink: Move your body on a regular basis to keep it from becoming stagnant. Stretch every day. It is a temple after all (I really don't like that phrase, but it IS true).

Here's the bottom line with exercise: when this energy (big K) is going to finally pop, you want your spine in as near perfect alignment as possible and held steady in place with strong muscles. Exercising daily will help ensure a good chance for this when it happens. The more out of shape you are the more painful it can be (as it WILL put your body straight before it fully ascends!! and you'll feel like the wolf-man if you're a slouch and didn't prepare the body property).

Next:
Any time the world and your thoughts get to be too much, just call a time out on life and just find a quiet space and chill. Keep in contact with friends who make you feel chill. Call them up when some days/moments gets too "intense". You'll know what I mean.

You will notice people drift away in the next few months and other people come closer. This is normal. Don't fight it. The Tao is aligning you for your awakening by surrounding you will people that will help you along, and it is moving others away from you (maybe even long time friends) because at this stage of the unfolding they will only serve as a distraction. Do your best not to burn any bridges while this is happening.

NOW ALL THAT BEING SAID, ITS TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU TECHNICALLY (as far as I under-stand it so far):

It sounds like you have definitely stirred up the "snake". Overdoing it with psychedelics can cause this. What most don't realize is that these "drugs" actually alter the frequency your nervous system vibrates at. Forcing your bio-electrical system to higher and higher states of frequency. Over-doing this can wake up this energy. This is why you see shit and crazy colors and patterns when you begin doing mushrooms and LSD. You ARE prying open your third eye and this imagery pours in (if your pineal gland is not calcified). I know of post kundalini-awake people who see no difference when they eat an entire bag of mushrooms. It's the same as they ALWAYS see normally now, but things maybe just get a little brighter. :wink: They can see auras and energy constantly after their awakening. But everyone has a different experience. Don't expect any certain outcome, just go along for the ride.

Commonly called Kundalini energy (there are many other names) online right now, this energy is the untamed female; it is the creative energy of the universe. It is very ACTIVE and powerful, so please respect it but realize that it is a part of you and you are a VEHICLE for it. Surrender to it and let it run it's course. You are in the process of waking up and becoming a complete human being. They say it rests dormant, wrapped around your sacrum 3 1/2 times. Once stirred up enough, a transformation of sorts will be kick-started in the person.
This energy is imprinting an energetic blue-print on your body and energy systems. This corresponds exactly to the traditional 7 pointed chakra system (perineum, dant'ien (below belly button), solar plexus, heart, throat, minds-eye (pineal), crown chakra).

Right now you are at ground zero. Chakra #1) perineum. This corresponds to raw energy and is associated with the sexual organ and sexuality. The reason you feel feminine right now is because your other half is waking up. This corresponds to right brain thinking, left eye viewing, left hand creativity. This also corresponds to GRATTITUDE, instead of LOVE. Love is YANG (goes OUT). Grattitude is YIN (comes in). This is why you had the feeling of "being loved", rather than being the one who loves. EMBRACE THE FEMININE ENERGY WITHIN YOU. Embrace the mother (earth;yin), and do your best to understand how women feel and think right now. Spend time talking with your mom, or sister, or any female friends but don't try to GET with them, just have a conversation and try your hardest to see through their eyes.
Practice doing something ambidextrous (drawing, writing, even close your right eye and try and REALLY look with your left eye for long periods at a time, 10 - 20 minutes to start. Do what you can to gently wake up the right hemisphere of the brain and use it as a primary information filter).

The lower 3 chakras are "hell" phase movements. In the sense that they will suck. They correnspond to impulse, instinct, and untempered will power. All of your dark parts will be revealed to you as you climb and activate and cleanse each chakra. old memories, feelings, emotions, things you've hung onto since child-hood will ALL come to the surface. Your job is to own those feelings, relive the experiences (in order to finally heal), and then discard them and cast them aside, never coming back to them (no need anyways). Forgive the people that wronged you, and ask for forgiveness to the universe for the people you may have wronged. Then let those things go and never come back to them. They are transitory illusions that got tangled up in your energy centers. It's time to let that junk go. It was just holding you back anyways.

You will climb and cleanse and activate each of your chakras, but I'll give you a "short-cut" so to speak: FOCUS ON THE HEART CHAKRA.
All of this energy has to do with re-aligning how we think. In the west we are all will power and brain power (this is left brain energy). Moving your thinking back to the HEART, will shift your energy to coil through your body in a more open, loving, caring, connected, enlightened, sunlight, alignment.

It's good you BELIEVE in a higher power. This has been very difficult for me as I have been an Atheist since adolescence. Much re-wiring has taken place and is still taking place (I havent popped yet, but I can tell I am getting close). One peice of advice, let go of any notion you have of EVIL, the devil, fear, etc. Its not real. That is the ego. The devil is really the ego. The ultimate trickster. It's job is to protect us from getting killed in the wild. It has the unfortunate side-effect of convincing us that we are separate from everyone and everything else. This is simply not true. It's an illusion. GOD (Generator, Organizer, Destroyer) exists in all things and is everywhere as consciousness itself. All matter, is energy, all energy, arose from a thought. Thought arose from love. If pure chaos can ultimately come to know consciousness then god is everywhere. It is the symbol of the snake eating its tail. There is only love. Pure love throughout the universe. All evil and darkness comes from an EGO convincing itself it is separate from this love. So have no fear. Let go of it. There is no devil save for the devils we make with our minds.

Last piece of advice for now:

SURRENDER.

You are becoming a conduit for the creative energy of the universe to flow through you and do great deeds in the world. Let it drive. Do every thing you can to keep your ship on the river, but keep that divine wind in your sails my friend. It can be VERY VERY powerful at times, but it will never steer you wrong. It is pushing you towards your destiny.

YOUTUBE the teachings of:

-Swami Vivekananda

his Guru:

-Sri Ramakrishna

-learn about the chakras and how they work and how they can be opened
-Listen to other peoples awakening experiences

This may seem like this will take an eternity, but take one day at a time. Once you arise from your lower 3 chakras things become much brighter and easier to see your path unfolding before you. Until then, chill, chill, chill.

(p.s., your music is too aggressive right now. Listen to very very calm music. Flute music, meditation music, massage room music, stuff like that. Take things easy from here on out, don't try and force situations, but be diligent in preparing your mind, body, energy, spirit, for the next step ahead of it.)

We may not know how we get to the summit, but if we look we can always see the next step in front of us.

Let go of your old "programming" and embrace who you really are: a spirit with a body, doing your duty while you're here to make the world a brighter place for everyone around you.

Peace be with you my friend, always :smile:


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


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Offlineeehoo
Stranger


Registered: 09/26/15
Posts: 711
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Present Day]
    #22473282 - 11/03/15 08:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

All these words are very discouraging. Nobody has ever reached the peace they talk about in yoga by writing it out in a novel and logic. You're logic is on overload... Do you happen to be from the UK by chance? I really hate that culture... Super logic nerds that turned guns on more primitive humans and have completely changed the tide of natural selection among humans. You may be hopeless if you continue down this logic road


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Offlinehalo
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Registered: 11/01/07
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: eehoo]
    #22476143 - 11/04/15 11:53 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Present Day thank you very much for the post.

I'm still trying to digest everything you wrote. I'll try to apply your advice. I definitely need more exercise, I think I'll go on a nice long walk today. Thank you again. And then do some meditation.

I actually took the day off of work today to sleep more. I slept a little bit more this morning and had many dreams which I have just recorded. I've been having so many dreams the past couple of months. I haven't been able to have regular deep sleep. I just have very light sleep with vivid dreams. It's been bizarre.

I'm trying to surrender now I just hope it's not too late. I've spent the past 2 months rebelling against this feeling. It honestly feels like all of this should have happened a few years ago, but since I didn't act on things then it all came to bite me in the ass now. It seems like this is happening because earlier this year I neglected my gut feelings and I did not quit my job and pursue my real passions. I'm trying to surrender and let go but the thought that I fucked up royally persists in my head.

The physical effects are still present. Lack of sleep, bad/little digestion, less energy than normal, hair falling out, no sex drive, no desire in general aside from getting better, reduced cognitive functioning, not being able to be "on the ball" in conversations. Wit is gone. No appetite, food tastes different, some music sounds different etc.

I'm going to try to practice the whole "forgiving those who have wronged me" thing. One of the big things in my life was last year when a coworker stole lots of money from me. I know who did it, but have no proof so I haven't been able to do anything about it. Ultimately it led to me just shutting down at work and closing myself off from everyone because I can't let go of that. Worse is this person is somewhat similar to me and almost seems like an alter ego. Very strange, it's hard for me to love him. I know I should but I've harbored so much hate for him the past year and half. Arguably the only person I've ever felt so negative towards.

It's just hard, I read your advice and so much of it is things I have already read before but only practiced in a half-assed manner. I first read Be Here Now when I was 17 or 18 and it changed my life. Yet here I am at 24, failed to apply those principles to my life, and now it seems I'm paying the price. I really hope there's a way out of this.

As far as drugs go, I literally have no desire. I mean drinking does nothing for me and neither do cigs. I'm pretty much too fearful to even try smoking pot again. This is all weird for me too.

Also eecho, I know what you mean. And no, I'm not from the UK. I'm definitely overthinking things but I don't know how else to do it. I always tend to overthink things and worry too much. I thought I broke free of that thought pattern but it has been coming back the past couple of years.

It's also funny to me that you think I'm being overlogical, to be honest it seems like my logic is not functioning as normal. I've been given to superstitions this past month as well as having problems spelling and solving problems. Aside from thinking about my own experience it feels like my logic is broken.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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OfflinePresent Day
Alchemist
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Registered: 06/30/13
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Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22478087 - 11/04/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I sent this to you in a PM but in case anyone else find this thread this is a great video to start with that helped me on my way:

episode 11: The dark side of kundalini


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


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OfflinePresent Day
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Registered: 06/30/13
Posts: 6
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #22478233 - 11/04/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

halo said:
Present Day thank you very much for the post.

I'm still trying to digest everything you wrote. I'll try to apply your advice. I definitely need more exercise, I think I'll go on a nice long walk today. Thank you again. And then do some meditation.




Good!:thumbup: good!:thumbup:

Quote:

halo said:
I actually took the day off of work today to sleep more. I slept a little bit more this morning and had many dreams which I have just recorded. I've been having so many dreams the past couple of months. I haven't been able to have regular deep sleep. I just have very light sleep with vivid dreams. It's been bizarre.




This is normal. Dreams will be very vivid for some time. They're still dreams and not real. Learn what you can learn about yourself, but don't obsess or hang on to them too long as if they are real.

Quote:

halo said:
I'm trying to surrender now I just hope it's not too late. I've spent the past 2 months rebelling against this feeling. It honestly feels like all of this should have happened a few years ago, but since I didn't act on things then it all came to bite me in the ass now. It seems like this is happening because earlier this year I neglected my gut feelings and I did not quit my job and pursue my real passions. I'm trying to surrender and let go but the thought that I fucked up royally persists in my head.




You have not fucked up! You are a blip in time, god is infinite. As long as you've got the will to climb, the universe will have the patience for you :smile: don't feel guilty, don't feel bad. Just get back on the wagon when you fall :smile: :thumbup::smile:

Quote:

halo said:
The physical effects are still present. Lack of sleep, bad/little digestion, less energy than normal, hair falling out, no sex drive, no desire in general aside from getting better, reduced cognitive functioning, not being able to be "on the ball" in conversations. Wit is gone. No appetite, food tastes different, some music sounds different etc.




Never hurts to see a Doctor and get a Physical. Not suggesting anything is wrong, but it may bring some peace of mind to get some clean lab results and clean bill of health from a MD Dr.

Your wit and all that is gone because it's like trying to write your name with your left (or opposite) hand right now. Your right brain is coming in and out of control. Feel free to come up with a common excute to tell people (under the weather, not feeling myself lately, etc). It will come back eventually and will get better and better with time.

Quote:

halo said:
I'm going to try to practice the whole "forgiving those who have wronged me" thing. One of the big things in my life was last year when a coworker stole lots of money from me. I know who did it, but have no proof so I haven't been able to do anything about it. Ultimately it led to me just shutting down at work and closing myself off from everyone because I can't let go of that. Worse is this person is somewhat similar to me and almost seems like an alter ego. Very strange, it's hard for me to love him. I know I should but I've harbored so much hate for him the past year and half. Arguably the only person I've ever felt so negative towards.




This stuff was the hardest for me to get over. It may take more time because this sounds recent, but yeah, this guy is a prick ass hole jerk and he's easy to hate. But ultimately you realize that it was his ego that lied to him and told him he was separate from you. Its in the past, its now an illusion (just memories), and you can let go of this and other things. Holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgiving feels like you die (and the part of you that HATES them DOES!), but then you feel whole and healed again.

Quote:

halo said:
It's just hard, I read your advice and so much of it is things I have already read before but only practiced in a half-assed manner. I first read Be Here Now when I was 17 or 18 and it changed my life. Yet here I am at 24, failed to apply those principles to my life, and now it seems I'm paying the price. I really hope there's a way out of this.





There is: face forward, see now, forget yesterday. Love yourself, love others. Stay positive, don't dwell in negative for too long. :thumbup:

Quote:

halo said:
As far as drugs go, I literally have no desire. I mean drinking does nothing for me and neither do cigs. I'm pretty much too fearful to even try smoking pot again. This is all weird for me too.




:thumbup::smile: sounds good to me!

Quote:

halo said:
It's also funny to me that you think I'm being overlogical, to be honest it seems like my logic is not functioning as normal. I've been given to superstitions this past month as well as having problems spelling and solving problems. Aside from thinking about my own experience it feels like my logic is broken.




Syncronicities and 11:11 stuff is the tao trying to get you to pay attention to something, so you can face a certain direction. But... at the same time dont get too sucked into this stuff. Its just a hint to get you to see whats usually staring you in the face :smile::thumbup:

Dont take yourself too seriously mate. It will help to find a comfortable space to find time to laugh, watch a comedy, something funny to take your mind off things.

Rome wasnt built in a day. This process takes time, dont think it will all be solved in a single day or weekend. It will take months and even a few years. Easy does it, pace yourself. Youre gonna be just fine :thumbup::smile:


--------------------
You can live your life one of two ways:

Believing that nothing is a miracle
0 != 1

or believing that everything is
0! = 1


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Offlinehalo
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Registered: 11/01/07
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Present Day] * 1
    #23163721 - 04/28/16 01:02 AM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Wanted to update.

Everything ended up going back to normal more or less. Life is happy and everything works.

Thanks again for your kind words in what was a dark time for me.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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InvisibleJufin
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Registered: 03/31/08
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #23163839 - 04/28/16 02:48 AM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Glad to hear man.  Nice 999th post.


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OfflineVahn421
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: Jufin]
    #23164177 - 04/28/16 07:05 AM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Halo, glad to hear things are smoothing out.


For future reference, *nothing* grounds me faster than doing anything mathematically related.... music and singing in particular.

Keep on keepin' on!


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: halo]
    #23170302 - 04/29/16 07:15 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I cannot know from here whether you are experiencing a "spiritual emergency," vis-à-vis, "Kundalini," and as a psychotherapist, I cannot simply accept your self-evaluation of whatever is behind the psychophysical phenomena you are reporting. Disturbances such as those you describe as being "paranoid," are based in unconscious dynamics. In fact, the connection you made between paranoia and being gay are connected. Freud wrote that paranoia is caused by "fear of rear assault," as in fear of being sodomized. So that is one issue that should be resolved therapeutically. I specialize in hypnotherapy, so I would address that issue by the 2nd session. I recommend that you stop conflating psychological (paranoia), mythological (Lucifer, Pan, Mother Goddess), and mystical (Kundalini, chakras), phenomena. These subjects have all run together in your mind so it's no wonder you are experiencing confusion, a confusion which includes using this forum as a method of self-help. You are unclear yourself as to what is happening, expressing a confused concatenation of subjective experiences to the general public here, and expecting some sort of help. Corroboration from other people's subjective experiences are not going to relieve any cause, even if they help to sooth some associated anxiety.

Psychedelics have a way of dislodging obstacles that are rooted in unconscious processes. In the case of those with pre-existing psychoses in a state of latency, if the boundary between conscious and unconscious is breeched, unconscious material floods consciousness in an uncontrolled way. That is what a psychotic episode is. I'm not saying that is what's happening to you, but drop all that intellectualizations that you're using when talking with your therapists and simply report what thoughts and emotions are troubling you. Your therapists, especially your psychiatrist, will probably only evaluate mythic and mystical talk as being symptoms, certainly not diagnoses according to the language of psychiatry.

Kundalini is only one yogic pathway. Self-Realization is the goal, not the arousal of Kundalini-Shakti, and that is only the path of Tantra - the evocation of pranic energies. It is not all of Yoga, and is not even recommended for most people (unless you're a Sikh and belong to the 3HO Kundalini Yoga association founded by Yogi Bhajan). The chakras and nadis that belong ostensibly to the Sukshma Sarira, Astral or Subtle Body, is not all of your being, and not even the deepest level of your being. It is like the electron cloud activity around an atom, wherein one's Hridayam is the nucleus, the Atman, the Center. Leaving the turbulence of the surface, one dives deeply below the waves into the cool, calm depths of one's being, not remaining at the electrostatic chaos at the surface of one's psyche. Leave your Head and enter the Heart by following you breath from nose to head to throat to lungs which surround the Heart, and chill out. Maybe interview a hypnotherapist to discern and release whatever the hell is constellating this emotional obstacle in your unconscious.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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Offlinehalo
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Re: Bad Trip: lasting effects 1 month later, is there redemption [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #23187172 - 05/04/16 12:47 AM (7 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks Markos

Luckily pretty much everything has gone back to normal.

Although I do occasionally have moments where I could feel myself slipping back to the pattern of thinking.

I really like your assessment and you're right I definitely conflated differing phenomena.

I feel fine with everything, however I haven't taken any psychedelics since this  happened. I'm unsure if or when I will trip next. That kind of upsets me, I don't like feeling like I can't trip if I would want to. However, I can't risk all of this happening to me, or something worse. I was never really paranoid about tripping before but I think it will be quite some time before I trip again.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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