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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Tattoo Therapy 2
#23164053 - 04/28/16 06:09 AM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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I've been feeling like a straight up train wreck lately, so I do what I usually do when I'm feeling my most destructive. I go to the tattoo shop. I don't always do it when I'm hurting. Sometimes I do it when I'm celebrating too... but not this time. I have a lot of tattoos.
I went straight for the ribs. Just over 2 hours in the chair, catharsis. I am a fucking professional at repressing emotions, I don't even do it consciously. I just lock that shit up tight until I can't even function anymore... It's been 2 days now since the tattoos, and they are all sore and scabby and I feel like crying for no reason. Of course there are 6 reasons, I just can't identify the alpha, and it doesn't even matter because it just has to come out. I think I understand people who cut themselves.
As it heals, I heal. Until next time.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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For no reason?
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nuentoter
conduit


Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 20 days
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Re: Tattoo Therapy [Re: CherryBom] 1
#23164082 - 04/28/16 06:21 AM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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Physical suffering sometimes feels deserved for mental anguish. We beat ourselves up by choice sometimes because we believe we deserve it and no one else has exacted the deserved punishment upon us. Sometimes it is simply misdirection of pain. I don't want my head/heart pain to be the only pain in me so I will cause physical pain, because THAT I know how to deal with.
My experience with self deprecation and pain. I do this too often to myself, unfortunately it seemingly works until internal pressure meets a critical mass and I blow up. Then feel awful about blowing up and persecute myself for that as well afterwards.
I tend to be harsh on people sometimes, but I am infinitely harder on myself, to an unhealthy level sometimes. Working on that though.
Edit: didn't mean to post anonymously. Dunno why it did.
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
Edited by nuentoter (04/28/16 07:28 AM)
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I tend to be harsh on people sometimes
You're Prisoner aren't you? I always knew you were secretly a nice guy.
Or are you Zappa?
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I tend to be harsh on people sometimes, but I am infinitely harder on myself, to an unhealthy level sometimes. Working on that though.
This is typically the case. A good reason to be even MORE compassionate with those who are hypercritical because as judgmental as they are toward others, they are even more so toward themselves.
Bom - I hope the tattoo helped you work through some of your stuff, but why have you been feeling like a train wreck lately? I know what you mean about tattoos, but I'm not sure covering up your stuff with pain is going to quite do the trick? That being said, the last time I got a tattoo I breathed through the pain instead of gritting my teeth and struggling with it, and I was HIGH for like 2 hours after. Pure magical (temporary) bliss. And that was only a 20 minute tattoo.
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Physical suffering sometimes feels deserved for mental anguish. We beat ourselves up by choice sometimes because we believe we deserve it and no one else has exacted the deserved punishment upon us.
Yeah. The night before I was thinking about what I was about to do and a lot of my long past stuff was coming into my thoughts. Stuff from more then a decade ago. That's what made me realize how connected it all was. "WHY AM I FIXATING ON THIS STUFF NOW?" Because it all comes from the same pool of hurt.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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My tattoos and scarification have been, and still are, one of the most therapeutic experiences in my life:
No only in the wonderful, dreamy, endorphin release of having them done, but in their persistent reminding me of my core self.
Can you share a pic of yours?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Dude, your scarification freaks me out. That's some next level stuff there.
What does that look like healed?
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 20 days
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Daily reminder to me and all that revelation is always at hand. It is simply a matter of opening your mind, broadening your spectrum, and choosing to change the way you see things.
I also believe that technology and computers are a beautiful thing, akin to pieces of art emulating nature out of reverence. Hence digital revelation alluded to by the 1337 SP34K.
Or, I'm a lame geek lol. Either way works.
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
CherryBom said: What does that look like healed?
Like this:
Hook me up with some pics of yours girl! PM me if needs be..
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Zombi3
Bella Ciao!!



Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country
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Is scarification expensive? I've always wanted to do that but have never heard of it being done local. I just get a lot of tattoos and piercings. I woul love some more ink right now.
-------------------- You’ve Met With A Terrible Fate, Haven’t You?
Click here to enter this weeks Ban Lottery!! In Crust We Trust
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Sketch Turner
Eco Warrior

Registered: 05/12/13
Posts: 2,291
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Re: Tattoo Therapy [Re: Zombi3]
#23165112 - 04/28/16 01:03 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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It looks pretty fucking painful, I'll stick to ink. I'm the same man, just way expensive if you get them done properly.
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Zombi3
Bella Ciao!!



Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country
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I've got a really fair prices tattoo artist so I'm lucky for ink. But piercings are always the same expensive price. I want some dermal anchors but they're like $50 a piece. I do my own piercings when I can, I just did my nipples myself a few months ago, but I own proper sterilized piercing needles and clamps, I don't use sewing needles like a 14 year old.
I've even done a few of my own tattoos that don't look bad. They're nothin crazy but they're cool and they were essentially free.
-------------------- You’ve Met With A Terrible Fate, Haven’t You?
Click here to enter this weeks Ban Lottery!! In Crust We Trust
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Sketch Turner
Eco Warrior

Registered: 05/12/13
Posts: 2,291
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Re: Tattoo Therapy [Re: Zombi3]
#23165179 - 04/28/16 01:18 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah I've got the Nirvana smiley face on my leg that I did myself when I was 16, it does look shitty though haha. I've got tattoos from a few different artists but the one guy I know really is an artist, so he's all I'lll go to these days, might post some pictures of his stuff in a bit.
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pachoo
Witchakookoo



Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
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Well it's not the worst thing to do with emotional anguish. At least you have some good art on your body after its done.
Nuentoter - I understand what you're saying exactly. I just ball up all my shit to any unhealthy level and then explode. I've learned over the years to not do that as much but really fell off the band wagon last year.
Zombi3 - how long did your nipple piercings take to heal? I've been thinking about getting both of mine done for years. I just don't know how I'd react having a metal allergy.
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Zombi3
Bella Ciao!!



Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country
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Re: Tattoo Therapy [Re: pachoo]
#23165567 - 04/28/16 03:12 PM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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My nipples were fully healed at about 4 weeks. I used a 16g needle and jewellery. Cleaned them daily with either salt water or 70% isopropyl. It was also one of the least painful piercings I've gotten.
-------------------- You’ve Met With A Terrible Fate, Haven’t You?
Click here to enter this weeks Ban Lottery!! In Crust We Trust
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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I've found tattoos to be cathartic as well, although I have not gotten one in response to inner turmoil, rather as commemorations or simple symbolism.
However, the experiences have been healing. Maybe it's the pain, but I think it's more about knowing that we can take the pain, that we can handle it, with a beautiful work of art engraved into our bodies. It's great!
That being said, it's so important to let ourselves express our inner feelings. What we've got clouding up our glass has got to come out at some point. Curious, do you live in an urban environment? I find that the pace of city life tends to leave one without much time for internalization and release. Unless of course you've got those skills down, those meditative skills.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Can you share pics of yours CS? PM? Based on what I know of you through your posts seeing the kind of work you have would interest me greatly.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Quote:
Chakra Shock said:
Curious, do you live in an urban environment? I find that the pace of city life tends to leave one without much time for internalization and release. Unless of course you've got those skills down, those meditative skills.
That's funny you brought that up. I do live in the city, and I get the fuck out every chance I have. Last night, I was leaving yoga and I stepped out onto the sidewalk and I just stood there and looked around. People rushing by, construction in the street, skyscrapers looming overhead, all the noise, all the concrete.
I just wanted to drive away. I got in my car and entertained the thought of heading north, there's a quiet forest about one hour away where I go sometimes. How beautiful would it be to look up and see trees overhead? To listen and hear the forest rustling, maybe critters in the bush? When I'm in the city I think too much. I over think, over analyze, make myself crazy. When I'm in the forest, I just feel grounded. Everything makes more sense. I don't have to think, think, think, think, think. I can just sit and be.
For a yoga gypsy, I suck at meditating. I just think.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: Tattoo Therapy [Re: CherryBom] 1
#23168232 - 04/29/16 07:30 AM (7 years, 8 months ago) |
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It sounds like you're too grounded in your environment and not grounded enough in yourself. You can play with your psychology a bit and start to learn how to build that foresty feeling in your mind even when you're in the middle of rush hour traffic. When you can get some power over your feelings like that, then you can start to get some power over your world too, and then you start to realize how shallow it feels to take out your frustrations on yourself for catharsis. That catharsis pales in comparison to the satisfaction you get from using your thoughts and emotions to impact the world around you for the better. But, like any reward worth having, you've got to be willing to build the discipline and learn to take the right risks before you can get something worthwhile back, and even then it's still a huge effort with lots of room for messing it all up repeatedly. That's okay though.
On a related side note, do you do anything with corpse pose at the end of a yoga session, ms. yoga gypsy lady? It was one of my favorite yoga poses because it was focused heavily on the psychological side of yoga while making it harder to get distracted by the physical side like you can do during a difficult stretch or balance. It's a great place to explore your emotions a bit if you're feeling like you want less structure, and it's also a great place to work on flexing your emotions with the same level of consciousness and awareness that you use for your muscles. If you don't learn to use your emotions then they get stuck in autonomic mode, just like breathing. And you can do the equivalent of hyperventilating with your emotions when they're stuck in autonomic mode.
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