Home | Community | Message Board


Phytoextractum
Please support our sponsors.

General Interest >> Music, Art, and Media

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
Offlinetastyshroom
Mr.Shroom
Male

Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 821
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
a few poems
    #2313754 - 02/08/04 08:17 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Just a couple poems i wrote
Im trying to see what people think..so i need some feedback please

I wish

I wish I could fly in the sky
To soar like eagles do
Have no worries so I won?t cry
Want to look down on you

I wish it was all over now
But then - at the same time
I want to see what time shall plow
But for now I walk in slime

I wish I could know the answers
For every question ? I think
I wish I could, Oh yes I swear
But for now I wait?waiting

......................

I look at the world from the sides
Wacthing everyone, helping them die
The next person i see is what fate decides
Each person effecting me, helping me die

..........................

When my time comes
I will gladly go
Leave this dirty slum
leave it all, all behind
Go far far away
or maybe nowhere at all
Glady i will go, gladly

....................

Who is watching me?
Someone near me?
Watching me...watching me
i must hide, i must flee
Get away from it all, just for me


--------------------
Perspective on life always changes


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 2 years, 11 days
Re: a few poems [Re: tastyshroom]
    #2313824 - 02/08/04 09:48 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

The only advice I can give you is, don't rely so much on rhyme.. relying on rhyme tends to make us try to find words to fit the rhyme more than we concentrate on conveying a thought poetically, which is what should be the main focus.

Not bad, though, I like this one:

I look at the world from the sides
Wacthing everyone, helping them die
The next person i see is what fate decides
Each person effecting me, helping me die


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineaje
Why not?
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 16,392
Loc: in some small dive
Last seen: 2 months, 8 days
Re: a few poems [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #2314439 - 02/08/04 02:51 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

very nice


--------------------



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinetastyshroom
Mr.Shroom
Male

Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 821
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: a few poems [Re: aje]
    #2315266 - 02/08/04 08:52 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

thank you..yea sometimes i rhyme..other times i dont...

I got like a mixture..sometimes i get too caught up in trying to make a rhyme and i lose my train of thought


--------------------
Perspective on life always changes


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

General Interest >> Music, Art, and Media

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Short poems.
( 1 2 all )
MisterKite 2,958 34 07/17/06 07:39 AM
by mr_kite
* wrote a few poems today. plz let me know what you think Real_Poopypants 879 9 03/16/06 07:48 PM
by Real_Poopypants
* detailed, long, beautiful poem that took me 10 days to perfect....titled "The Letter D" MiRrOr 559 2 12/09/05 09:39 AM
by X24
* Rate my Short Poems(Begginer seeking Constructive Critisism) Northernsoul 992 9 04/21/04 02:54 PM
by KthxBye
* My First Poem Earth_Droid 657 7 02/25/04 08:21 PM
by BigNerd
* first poem LoverofEarth 952 10 11/12/02 09:47 PM
by LoverofEarth
* Ode to my shadow (A poem, so skip if youre not gonna read) plexus 556 2 12/02/05 09:40 AM
by JacquesCousteau
* 1984 inspired poem/lyrics JonnyOnTheSpot 1,755 11 02/05/04 07:05 AM
by filthysock

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, automan, sui, DividedQuantum
505 topic views. 0 members, 0 guests and 0 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Original Seeds Store - Cannabis Seeds
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2018 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.031 seconds spending 0.008 seconds on 19 queries.