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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 10,000
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program
#22774633 - 01/13/16 01:59 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Source
THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense announced today that it has purchased five million Powerball tickets at a cost of $2 per ticket, with an aim of providing a funding windfall to the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter program.
“This is a minor fiscal gamble, but the Pentagon is always willing to lay out a few extra bucks in order to ensure we continue to have the most advanced military in the world,” said Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter, flashing a giddy smile. “Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, and a dozen new F-35s for the Navy’s Pacific Fleet.”
The F-35 program has been beleaguered by cost overruns, with a projected lifetime program cost of at least $1.5 trillion. The estimated $1.5 billion dollar Powerball jackpot would amount to only one-tenth of one percent of the total program cost, but it’s an important step in the Pentagon’s search for additional sources of revenue in the face of Congressional questions about the program. With the odds of winning the Powerball jackpot standing at 1-in-292,000,000, the five million tickets give the Pentagon a 1-in-58 chance of winning the jackpot.
A reporter brought to Carter’s attention that the jackpot only totals $1.5 billion dollar jackpot if the Pentagon elects to take the annuity paid out over 29 years, and the alternative lump sum payment would amount to less than $900 million.
“Well, shit,” said Carter. “There’s no sense in taking a 29-year annuity when the F-35 will be obsolete by that time and on the auction block to Iran and Saudi Arabia. But the lump sum payment would still buy three or four F-35s today, I believe.”
The reporter then pointed out the IRS would take almost half of the lump sum payout, leaving the Pentagon with around $500 million. They also noted the Navy’s F-35C variant costs $337 million per unit, leaving the Pentagon able to buy less than two F-35s for the Navy. “I don’t understand why you guys would even question this,” said a visibly frustrated Carter. “That would still be two more F-35s than we had previously, with a capital expenditure of only ten million dollars in Powerball tickets. That’s a steal.”
Some reporters were critical of the Pentagon gambling taxpayer money in a lottery, leading Carter to become more defensive.
“Look, we’ve already wast—er, expended an extraordinary amount of taxpayer money on this program, so a paltry $10 million is a drop in the bucket,” said a defiant Carter. “No one would have ever noticed this program accruing an extra $10 million in costs if we hadn’t announced it. That’s a damn rounding error.”
As reporters vied to ask the next question, Carter complained, “Gee, I thought you guys would have been more excited about this announcement,” before throwing his hands in the air in exasperation and walking away from the podium.
UPDATE: Duffel Blog has learned that due to a clerical error the Pentagon submitted only five combinations of numbers, with each combination submitted a million times. This has reduced the Pentagon’s chances of winning the Powerball jackpot from 1-in-58 to 1-in-58,000,000. Despite the setback, Carter remains optimistic the Pentagon will now be holding a million winning Powerball tickets.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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Adolin




Registered: 06/28/11
Posts: 8,292
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Shiithead]
#22774655 - 01/13/16 02:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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from wikipedia:
Quote:
The Duffel Blog is an American military news satire organization featuring satirical articles reporting on US military news. It is often described as "the military version of The Onion."[1] It was founded in March 2012 by Marine veteran Paul Szoldra, originally as a way to drive web traffic to his website CollegeVeteran.com.[2] It eventually branched out and became its own entertainment website. The site enjoys a large following among civilians, veterans, and servicemen alike.[3] The blog has more than 150,000 fans on Facebook and about 10,000 Twitter followers.[2][3]
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JvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
Posts: 2,662
Loc: Chicago
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Adolin]
#22774658 - 01/13/16 02:06 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Adolin] 2
#22774660 - 01/13/16 02:07 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank god I don't have to nuclear facepalm. I already have a bit of a headache.
Wait, you read that article and didn't immediately know it was satire? That one is obvious as fuck.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Webster10
Up like Trump


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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Shiithead]
#22774661 - 01/13/16 02:07 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quawonk
Nobody Special


Registered: 03/20/13
Posts: 242
Loc: Planet Bob
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Adolin]
#22774663 - 01/13/16 02:07 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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As if it wasn't obvious that it's satire.
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Adolin




Registered: 06/28/11
Posts: 8,292
Loc: USA
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Quawonk]
#22774669 - 01/13/16 02:09 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Quawonk said: As if it wasn't obvious that it's satire. 
yeah, i didnt actually read the article before posting pretty funny website
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Adolin]
#22774696 - 01/13/16 02:16 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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that's funny as fuck.
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,373
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: akira_akuma]
#22774729 - 01/13/16 02:25 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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besides gambling is forbidden in the Federal workplace.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: badchad]
#22774734 - 01/13/16 02:27 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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the whole thing is funny as fuck. the Onion is the shit. this "Duffel News" (LOL) is the shit.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Shroomslip] 2
#22774737 - 01/13/16 02:27 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Shroomslip said:
Thank god I don't have to nuclear facepalm. I already have a bit of a headache.
Wait, you read that article and didn't immediately know it was satire? That one is obvious as fuck.
Some of the knives in the drawer are only good for cutting butter.
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Ellis Dee
Archangel



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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Shiithead]
#22776631 - 01/13/16 10:22 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Funny story thanks.
But seriously everything I've read about the f-35 is they are a waste and even inferior to old f-14s in many areas like maneuverability. The stealth doesn't work against modern anti-aircraft systems like Russian s-400 or Chinese or Indian equivalents. And the stealth kind of suck to operate because if it gets scratch they need to replace whole panels at huge cost, and can't keep it out on the runway because if it gets dirt on it can hurt the stealth which doesn't even work against modern countermeasures anyway. I think for every hour of flight time it requires something abhorrent like 30 hours of maintenance. So even keeping them in the sky in rotation could become difficult owing to the high state of maintenance they require.
-------------------- "If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Shiithead]
#22776634 - 01/13/16 10:23 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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That's how fucked we are as a society ladies and gentlemen
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Webster10
Up like Trump


Registered: 12/03/13
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Loc: Strawberry Fields
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Re: Pentagon Spends $10 Million On Powerball Tickets With Hopes Of Bolstering F-35 Program [Re: Connoisseur]
#22777802 - 01/14/16 10:25 AM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Connoisseur said: That's how fucked we are as a society ladies and gentlemen
It is super fucked up that some people in our society believe anything they read.
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