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InvisibleMorphrying
Innocent as Hell
Registered: 06/22/00
Posts: 2,465
Loc: seated
Pooping at work
    #2121594 - 11/19/03 02:36 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles & suddenly felt somthing brewing down below. As much as we try
to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who
hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking  a dump at
work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has  been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left  your
pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in & check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave & come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a  poop
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of  embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
>happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend  you
did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a maching gun pace. This  is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,  do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everone has left the bathroom to  spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.  This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.  This
can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just  stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone  walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does  not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work & is damn proud of it. You will often see  an
Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper of magazine
under his/her arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the
Closet  Pooper before entering the bathroom. 

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes  off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of  Out
of the Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building, where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall & tries to force  the
door open. This is one of the most shocking & vulnerable moments that  can
occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all  uncomfortable
eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you  are
in a stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an  ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe tap that is used to alert portential Turd Burglars that you
are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that tthe stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This  is
also an emparrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,  create
a diversion. See CAM-COUGH.

:smile:
Happy pooping


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InvisibleTremor1127
Mental Member
Male

Registered: 08/10/03
Posts: 3,404
Loc: In a Van Down By the Rive...
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2121613 - 11/19/03 02:45 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

:lol:


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InvisibleCoolBlue
n00b
Registered: 09/16/03
Posts: 619
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2121615 - 11/19/03 02:46 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

LOL truly excellent 5 shrooms!


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OfflineMuppet
Nomadic Jester
Male User Gallery

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Registered: 08/14/02
Posts: 28,785
Loc: (523) 327-2836
Last seen: 11 years, 18 hours
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2121622 - 11/19/03 02:48 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I obviously don't understand Pub humor  :confused:


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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OfflineoDin
Registered: 08/13/99
Posts: 5,789
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2121655 - 11/19/03 03:05 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

hehe thats was some funknee stuff there mr OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER..you know you are :smile:

nice post


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InvisibleXochitl
synchronicitycircuit
Registered: 07/15/03
Posts: 1,241
Loc: the brainforest
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2121679 - 11/19/03 03:20 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I am proud to say I am an out of the closet pooper :thumbup: 


--------------------
As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know.

-Donald Rumsfeld 2/2/02 Pentagon


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Offlineseraphim
pugilist andstamp licker

Registered: 08/01/00
Posts: 441
Loc: brooklyn, ny
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Xochitl]
    #2121688 - 11/19/03 03:26 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Seriously. 8hours+ at work, 5 days a week, damn right I am going to do plenty of pooping there.
A great feeling is needing to take your good morning poop and finding that you are fist person to use them since they have been cleaned. Ah, it's like your first time, all over again...


--------------------
trying to lose the monkey mind a little bit


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OfflineoDin
Registered: 08/13/99
Posts: 5,789
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Pooping at work [Re: seraphim]
    #2121699 - 11/19/03 03:33 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

hehe

or like sometimes...you go in there and make that stall your own man....i mean totally....the ceremonial flush ....you feel lucky to have survived and to have that rank evil out of you.....and you leave undetected...thank god....cause you know what horror you left....and from a safe vantage point a hapless soul is spied innocently walking in to olfactory hell....good times


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OfflineDobie
Dopeless Hopefiend
Male User Gallery
Registered: 08/15/02
Posts: 52,835
Loc: ON DA BLOCK Flag
Last seen: 22 days, 17 hours
Re: Pooping at work [Re: oDin]
    #2121902 - 11/19/03 05:53 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

when i was in jail courtousy flush was the rules fools get beat down for not


--------------------
This place is gayer than when the balls touch


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OfflineDMJ
creepyatmosphere

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 233
Loc: Dungeon
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Dobie]
    #2121976 - 11/19/03 07:40 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

My sitch: I work 3rds. There is only ONE bathroom, that the crackheads and other junkies can't seem to keep the shit in the toilet. They have a shit flinging fest in there.....soooooo, what to do. Unlike the other 2 shifts, I am all alone in the middle of the night. Oh, what to do??? It pisses off some customers, but I just lock the doors, and make a bee-line for home(about a 4 minute drive), then I comfortably relax on my throne. Afterwards, I spark one up, just for wasting some more tim while on the clock, then head back to work. Total time is usually around 30 minutes away from work. FREE $$$$!! Now, even IF the toilet area IS clean, I still go home, as I can't leave the store open and unattended, as it would definitely be robbed. Besides all of that, if you think you have a shitting in public restroom problem, you never met me!!! I acquired crabs at the age of 13, in a public restroom, try explainig THAT to the DR.!!!! No one ever believes you, but it does happen. This caused me so much paranoia, that I have never used a public toilet since....13 years and going!!! I'd rather squat in a ditch on the highway, then wait for the next reststop!


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I come alive in the darkness.


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OfflineSheepish
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/02/02
Posts: 10,137
Loc: Exile
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #2124249 - 11/20/03 03:00 AM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I don't know why some people fear shitting at work. All the places I've worked at had somewhat decent toilets, that were always cleaner than your average public toilet. Take your sweet fucking time when shitting, cause they're paying you for it!


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
Other


Registered: 06/05/13
Posts: 11,059
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #22691420 - 12/23/15 07:34 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

hahaha I've been looking for a good poop thread all day
this one cracked me up. Cheers!


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InvisibleRustifer
prestige worldwide
Male

Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Cowb0yNeal00] * 1
    #22691580 - 12/23/15 08:05 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

They used to call me 3 shits at one of my old jobs. Because I would go to the bathroom 3 times a day for 5-10 minutes.

I was fixing dope, not shitting.


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
Other


Registered: 06/05/13
Posts: 11,059
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Rustifer]
    #22691642 - 12/23/15 08:14 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

lol what kinda doope


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InvisibleZombi3
Bella Ciao!!
Male User Gallery

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Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country Flag
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Morphrying]
    #22691645 - 12/23/15 08:14 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

This is the only lolsy poop thread lol


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Youve Met With A Terrible Fate, Havent You?

Click here to enter this weeks Ban Lottery!!
In Crust We Trust


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InvisibleRustifer
prestige worldwide
Male

Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Cowb0yNeal00]
    #22691649 - 12/23/15 08:15 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

black tar heroin sir. Sometimes meth or coke too.


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Offlineclock_of_omens
razzle them dazzle them
I'm a teapot

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 4,097
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
Re: Pooping at work [Re: Rustifer]
    #22691687 - 12/23/15 08:20 PM (6 years, 27 days ago)

Lol, the Astaire. This thread is ridiculous.


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