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Anonymous #1
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 Chronic pain is ruining our relationship! (Sex) 
#22670157 - 12/17/15 10:45 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Edited by Anonymous (07/13/20 11:53 AM)
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 Crystal G
Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 10 months, 21 days
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 Re: Chronic pain is ruining our relationship! (Sex) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22670695 - 12/18/15 03:15 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Has she been diagnosed with vulvodynia, OP? The only person that I know of that suffered from this complained about never being able to have sex because of chronic vaginal pain. She said this made relationships and finding partners extremely difficult for her.
I'm not a doctor, but has she tried exercising? I've noticed when I have chronic muscle pain from opiate tapering or withdrawal, lifting weights has really helped alleviate the pain. I was looking into it, and it turns out exercise actually resets your endorphin receptors. So if the pain is stemming from an imbalance of endorphin chemicals or whatever, then this is one way that pain could be legitimately alleviated.
Did the marijuana help? I notice you said it made her couch-locked or fall asleep. So maybe you can try the type of marijuana that is low in THC but still has the pain-relief effect. I forget what the strand is named, but several children with epilepsy take that strain. I think one of them is called Charlotte's Web, but may only be available in states that have dispensaries, such as Colorado or California.
I can't imagine how hard it must be finding a relationship where sex is something that is taken off the table completely. I mean that would pretty much limit me to finding partners who are incapable of having sex (like erectile dysfunction) or partners who are completely asexual.
You two seem like you have a really loving and supportive relationship though, and you seem like a solid stand-up guy OP. 
Edited by Crystal G (12/18/15 04:20 AM)
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Chronic pain is ruining our relationship! (Sex) [Re: Crystal G]
#22670719 - 12/18/15 03:51 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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CBD. I have to second that working out does wonders for pain if you can push yourself
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To define is to confine.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Chronic pain is ruining our relationship! (Sex) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22678515 - 12/20/15 07:40 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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My apologies for the delay. I haven't had WiFi since I saw your OP.
First and foremost, you are not alone. If you're anything like me, this kind of thing left me questioning my manhood and ability to be a good husband.
We have been dealing with the same thing but for ten years. It is a tough road. I ain't gonna lie to you.
I've spent maybe 50 grand on therapies and medications and medical pot and cbd. You name it and we have tried it. We uprooted our lives to move to a climate which doesn't change so drastically. It's helped in its own way but hurt in others. Frankly it's made me miserable and now I've gotta lock up my guns when I trip and I haven't had to do that since I was 21.
The lack of a sex life (a "normal" one) was terrible at first. I felt inadequate, useless, pointless. Then when things started to really go down the pisser, I fell into a dark depression, and had planned my suicide. That doesn't help any tho, who would take care of the woman I love?
Sure I might have to work 60 hours a week, do all the cooking, do all the cleaning, errands, bills, dishes, fuck, everything. It is taxing. It sucks. I feel like I'm pulling the weight for more than 2 people. Sometimes it fucks me up so bad that I just sit there and my hands shake and I don't know why we've been put in such a shitty situation. Sometimes I'll just lose it and cry.
She refuses to go on disability. We don't spend time in bed anymore since it hurts her pressure points. I don't know how many beds we have tried in the past two years. Four maybe five? They weren't cheap either. Probably about just as many nights we've spent together.
In the end I guess it comes down to how much you love this woman. I love my wife very much but man some days it's just too much and I feel like I'm deluding myself that we are still happy. I snapped at her the other day, and I hate to and never really do, and all she had to say was she took care of me in college. For two years, fifteen years ago. I can't even broach the subject.
On the other hand I love her for everything she does. If I'm on the road for work I'll come home and some minor things will be done but they mean the world to me.
I wish I had advice for you big guy. I guess take it day by day and wank away. There are support groups for husbands with disabled wives. They've helped but not really. It's easy to fall into depression, drug abuse and alcoholism.
Just keep on doing the best you can caring for your lady. If you love her the sex becomes unimportant... sort of. I wish I knew what to say to make things better but there really is nothing. I guess this is life and it sucks, but if you truly love her, do everything you can for her and remind her how much you love her.
Failing that, and God save me for saying it, but maybe going off and living life for yourself might be an option. It doesn't necessarily make you an asshole. You sound like a good guy with good intentions and you truly give a shit for her.
Keep doing what you think is right and keep communication open. I've found that to be key. Being honest with her, yourself and with each other is the only way you'll find a solution. It's something only you two can do.
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 CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub
Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,168
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Re: Chronic pain is ruining our relationship! (Sex) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
#22691732 - 12/23/15 06:28 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rebelutionsssss said:
CBD. I have to second that working out does wonders for pain if you can push yourself
Depending on what's causing the pain this can be a very bad suggestion. But yes exercise can be very beneficial for pain but when dealing with injuries (prior injuries) you always want to go light and slow. Stretching/yoga can help alot if it's muscular too but I wouldn't suggest that unless it's almost entirely muscular and you're working with a trained professional.
Either way it is crucial to stay active. An inactive body will protest more to activity and an inactive body is one more likely to fuel depression.
Personally, for my own chronic pain, kratom has been a godsend. You should look into it, it has a very low addiction rate. Especially when being used to treat pain.
As for reintroducing sex back into your lives... that is also good advice. Light and slow, don't push it, don't even try to force an orgasm, just go for easy going pleasing sex. Have you tried different positions, OP?
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