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Invisiblevampirism
Stranger
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Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
observation
    #2263123 - 01/22/04 05:19 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

ive been a posted under this name for um.. almost kind of close to a year and a half? boy. no one here knows me in the least, no one ever mentioned me and it just proves how horribly anti-social i have become.. or seem to have become. this blows.

i'm too depressed and unmotivated to even make internet friends.. real friends i rarely trust, if ever... People try to communicate with me on a deeper level.. random people try to become my friends, but each time the wall around me just gets stronger.

I realize that I'm likely going to be alone in everything throughout my life, but I don't really care. I want to connect with someone, sure, but it keeps mattering less and less to me.. I have everything I need to live and express myself.

Maybe I'm lazy and a little bit afraid

but should that matter all that much? Every time I begin something "useful," I just abandon it because it's not good enough.

I became rather close with two people in my life and missed the mark with another... The two girls ( 1 i was close with, the other.. took a strange turn ) that I really tried to share my mind with told me that they felt like they could tell me anything... within a week, each friendship was completely dead. The third, a male friend, well.. he never really takes what i have to say too seriously and has his own complexes...

There's a host of people I became acquainted with.. some well, some not so well.. but none of them really mattered much.


People tell me to just "have fun," but I can't, nor do I really want to. I'd really like to take psychedelics again, but I refuse to until I find someone to try them with again.. the last time was too painful and I need some sort of guide, at least at first.

I just feel like a specter of a person who should be there.. someone well regarded, but never explored or accepted...


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2263409 - 01/22/04 07:12 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Im like that right now. I feel like i need some connection, but I keep taking myself further away and I don't really care.

sucks eh


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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Offlinejarby
Stranger
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Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 754
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2263842 - 01/22/04 09:57 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I don't have any advice, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm in a pretty similar situation.


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OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
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Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
Re: observation [Re: jarby]
    #2263934 - 01/22/04 10:25 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

You can be my friend if you want...


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2264295 - 01/22/04 11:56 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

How soon they forget! :wink:

I notice you and I think about you as well.  I've been very appreciative in regards to many things you've displayed towards me.  Little things don't go unnoticed.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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