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Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
    #2263123 - 01/22/04 05:19 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

ive been a posted under this name for um.. almost kind of close to a year and a half? boy. no one here knows me in the least, no one ever mentioned me and it just proves how horribly anti-social i have become.. or seem to have become. this blows.

i'm too depressed and unmotivated to even make internet friends.. real friends i rarely trust, if ever... People try to communicate with me on a deeper level.. random people try to become my friends, but each time the wall around me just gets stronger.

I realize that I'm likely going to be alone in everything throughout my life, but I don't really care. I want to connect with someone, sure, but it keeps mattering less and less to me.. I have everything I need to live and express myself.

Maybe I'm lazy and a little bit afraid

but should that matter all that much? Every time I begin something "useful," I just abandon it because it's not good enough.

I became rather close with two people in my life and missed the mark with another... The two girls ( 1 i was close with, the other.. took a strange turn ) that I really tried to share my mind with told me that they felt like they could tell me anything... within a week, each friendship was completely dead. The third, a male friend, well.. he never really takes what i have to say too seriously and has his own complexes...

There's a host of people I became acquainted with.. some well, some not so well.. but none of them really mattered much.

People tell me to just "have fun," but I can't, nor do I really want to. I'd really like to take psychedelics again, but I refuse to until I find someone to try them with again.. the last time was too painful and I need some sort of guide, at least at first.

I just feel like a specter of a person who should be there.. someone well regarded, but never explored or accepted...

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Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2263409 - 01/22/04 07:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Im like that right now. I feel like i need some connection, but I keep taking myself further away and I don't really care.

sucks eh


"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks

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Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 754
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2263842 - 01/22/04 09:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I don't have any advice, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm in a pretty similar situation.

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Exposer of Truth
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Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 3 months, 14 hours
Re: observation [Re: jarby]
    #2263934 - 01/22/04 10:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

You can be my friend if you want...

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ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: observation [Re: ]
    #2264295 - 01/22/04 11:56 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

How soon they forget! :wink:

I notice you and I think about you as well.  I've been very appreciative in regards to many things you've displayed towards me.  Little things don't go unnoticed.

I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

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