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isthisreaI
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Anonymous #9]
#24664718 - 09/27/17 03:52 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Day six now starting to feel better.. Leaves on the mountains are turning yellow, anxiety is leaving sleeping again finally and I'm feeling hope. This fall Im getting sober finally after 15 years of misery. This is doable.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: isthisreaI]
#24664829 - 09/27/17 04:34 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Remember take it one day at a time
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Amanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24665927 - 09/28/17 12:30 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thayendanegea said: Pretty much the only time I think of a drink now is either when I'm in a meeting
I will say one thing that's been rubbing me the wrong way about meetings is the constant dwelling on drinking. It's sort of a self shaming convo similar to how in the early days people would brag about how much they drank or did and the crazy things they would get into but now it's in a shameful context instead of bragging. I imagine being its AA that's the point but it would be cool if we could get some card games going or some activity to where during some meetings, maybe the topic of drinking doesn't even come up because everyone is "congregating".
It's not a big issue and I'd never bring it up there but it seems like more of a temptation creator to keep your focus on only drinking and not allowing chance to move past it in a topic sort of sense. "If you focus on it you'll hit it" is what they told us in tkd and it seems to hold true.
Again no biggie, just one thing I've been thinking.
--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Amanita86]
#24666020 - 09/28/17 02:31 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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That's part of where I think the 12 step programs fail, despite all the good they do...which don't get me wrong I know they have a lot to offer. 1)There's too much of an emphasis on not using/drinking. Sometimes that's good but sometimes its not, especially when you're out of the initial stages of recovery.
When the concept of not using is shoved at you, you can't help but to think of using. I mean you inadvertantly HAVE to picture doing something in order to picture not doing it!
I mean if using/drinking isn't on your mind, what good is there in digging it back up? There isnt any. The most important aspect to recovery is self analysis. That's why I believe the group therapy aspect of 12 step is the most beneficial part. You can get it all out on the table. Sometimes saying something aloud and to sympathetic ears is super helpful.
I believe when you're out of active addiction/acute withdrawal you should be most focused on developing new healthy coping mechanisms and really diving into your own personal "demons." When I say demons I'm directly referring to the issues of the past (traumas and such) that you've been bottling up and attempting to medicate away for so long. Sometimes, maybe even often times it's shit you're not even actively aware of. You may even be able to boil it down to one big thing, one event in your life.
2)There's too much emphasis on clean time and relapse.
I know there's the chips and such for clean time. There's also a tremendous guilt that follows as result of this durring a relapse. Guilt is a monster that'll consume you if you let it, it'll trigger the same cycle of use.
I feel relapse is a thing not necessarily to be completely ignored but certainly not overly hashed out/ dwelled on.
Often times it's a fleeting urge that you succumb to.. a moment of weakness that causes you to pick up and use. You often can see it as such, see that its something you wont/don't want to do again.
It's one of the reasons that I intentionally not keep track of exact number of days clean. One bad day doesn't undue or ruin all your progress
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Thayendanegea
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
#24666329 - 09/28/17 08:19 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Lol...yeah, I hear ya...re: #1) When I first got sober...this guy with several years sobriety would describe a ice cold draft beer in a frosted mug with the sun hitting it and sweat running down it's sides almost every time he shared. Then he would say how happy he was when he finally took his first solid shit. It drove me crazy...one day I finally said to him that I know a good taxidermist that could probably mount one of your prize turds if you want. He just laughed and never stopped his story telling. I told my sponsor that this really bothered me and he just said....He's keeping himself sober, not you" "We are all sick...some are sicker than others". God, I miss that guy...he always had a way of making sense out of stuff like that. This kinda goes with your second point...this man never told anyone his sobriety date and rarely ever spoke of sobriety as anything longer than a 24 hr. thing. All we knew was that he got sober some time in the 1960's. He also never treated anyone differently whether they were just coming off a relapse or were celebrating 10 yrs. sober. We are all one drink away from a drunk.
@Amanita....The Big Book tells us to share our experience, strength, and hope ...What it was like, What happened, and what it's like now....sometimes I spend too much time on the first part....it's an easy thing to do because it took up so much of my life...I can joke about going the wrong way on a one way street for 13 blocks while half the Baltimore City cops were trying to stop me...believe me, it wasn't funny when the cop busted my window and pointed his glock at my head. It happened though, and that was the date of my last drink. My spiritual awakening came shortly after that. Out of those three things, the last is the most important to me...What my life is like now since working the steps and applying them to my life....for me, it meant a ton of service work and I find that today, I am most at peace when I'm trying to do some good somewhere...whether it be with the environment or with people...doesn't matter.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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isthisreaI
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24667912 - 09/28/17 05:46 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Charley, Alcoholic here. I can relate to the prejudices toward 12 steps as I have been in and out of these rooms for five years by choice, 15 court ordered. In my opinion there's too many whiners in AA nowadays and people treat it like therapy, or a fucking self help group. When the newcomer walks into an AA meeting on day one, literally insane, the last thing they want to hear about is Bobs bad day, Dick's divorce, or how Brenda thinks she might need to move to Denver because she "has a feeling". It becomes a free for all for nonsense bitching and venting excess emotional/thought garbage. And then the end of the meeting they tell you to keep coming back, fuck that I'm going to get a beer because you losers MAKE me want to drink.
I listen to the guys who are the real deal alcoholic, and you know by their aura that they too have been through the trenches and have a solution. They tend to stick with the real AA, not the softened pussified PC AA, and tell you about their experience strength and hope. They are not there to get sympathy for their bitch fest, they are there to work a spiritual program of recovery, be accountable for their actions in life and help newcomers get sober through the 12 steps.
If people don't like the 12 steps or want to treat meetings as a platform just to whine and bitch they should make their own group for that, get therapy, or talk to their sponsors but keep that shit out of the group. It might get someone killed. For me, despite my own prejudices towards some of the personalities in AA, and initial distrust, AA and the fellowship as a whole has more than everything I need to get and stay sober. And some of the people you meet in the fellowship are the among the most solid you'll ever meet.
Edited by isthisreaI (09/28/17 06:35 PM)
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Anonymous #9
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: isthisreaI]
#24667960 - 09/28/17 06:08 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
isthisreaI said: Charley, Alcoholic here. I can relate to the prejudices toward 12 steps as I have been in and out of these rooms for five years by choice, 15 court ordered. In my opinion there's too many whiners in AA nowadays and people treat it like therapy, or a fucking self help group. When the newcomer walks into an AA meeting on day one, literally insane, the last thing they want to hear about is Bobs bad day, Dick's divorce, or how Brenda thinks she might need to move to Denver because she "has a feeling". It becomes a free for all for nonsense bitching and venting excess emotional/thought garbage. And then the end of the meeting they tell you to keep coming back, fuck that I'm going to get a beer because you losers MAKE me want to drink.
I listen to the guys who are the real deal alcoholic, and you know by their aura that they too have been through the trenches and have a solution. They tend to stick with the real AA, not the softened pussified PC AA, and tell you about their experience strength and hope. They are not there to get sympathy for their bitch fest, they are there to work a spiritual program of recovery, be accountable for their actions in life and help newcomers get sober through the 12 steps.
If people don't like the 12 steps or want to treat meetings as a platform just to whine and bitch they should make their own group for that, get therapy, or talk to their sponsors but keep that shit out of the group. It might get someone killed. For me, despite my own prejudices towards some of the personalities in AA, and initial distrust, AA and the fellowship as a whole has more than everything I need to get and stay sober. And some of the people you meet in the fellowship are the among the most solid you'll ever meet.
I am not a Christian but I have definitely seen a force, whatever it is, work in my life that is benevolent and wants the best for me. I feel it in those rooms. Its sad to me when I see people shrug AA off as a cult or nonsense, but I know where they're at because Ive said and felt the same. They might make in the rooms eventually, find another solution that works for them or die. To each their own I guess.
Some meetings are better than others try shopping around. I know what you mean some groups are just a bunch of whiners and they can be toxic. I can relate to wanting to get plastered just listening to those idiots.
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isthisreaI
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Anonymous #9]
#24668052 - 09/28/17 06:42 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah I've found a few good solid groups that I fit into. As for those idiots, I tolerate them a lot more now than I used to. I am newly sober so I really don't have a place to judge. But the vast majority are solid, the fact that I keep crawling back to AA after mindless ragers and nearly destroying myself, they always welcome me back in and help me. Some guys even let me detox on their couch or got me a motel when I was homeless. All in all AA is full of very good people who want to help. I'm glad I found my tribe .
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blazedandconfused


Registered: 06/23/13
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Loc: mothership
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: isthisreaI]
#24668363 - 09/28/17 08:53 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hi all I'm Mike and I'm an alcoholic. I'm a couple weeks sober not really counting days. I lurk this forum often but stumbled upon this thread today and I appreciate everyone sharing here as I felt a strong urge to drink today.
I have never been physically dependant and most times I drink nothing bad happens. Once in a blue moon I binge and shit hits the fan. Last time I drank I made death threats against myself and my fiance destroyed my house and somehow managed to not get arrested after multiple encounters with police in the same night.
I find it very difficult to find the root issue that makes me an angry drunk, seems like it comes out of nowhere but I have been soul searching and meditating which helps. I have picked up my guitar recently and a few other old hobbies. I don't plan to attend AA meetings for they make me want to drink :/ Thanks for reading. best of luck to everyone!
-------------------- of all the things ive lost i miss my mind the most.
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Quote:
Lol...yeah, I hear ya...re: #1) When I first got sober...this guy with several years sobriety would describe a ice cold draft beer in a frosted mug with the sun hitting it and sweat running down it's sides almost every time he shared. Then he would say how happy he was when he finally took his first solid shit. It drove me crazy...one day I finally said to him that I know a good taxidermist that could probably mount one of your prize turds if you want. He just laughed and never stopped his story telling. I told my sponsor that this really bothered me and he just said....He's keeping himself sober, not you" "We are all sick...some are sicker than others". God, I miss that guy...he always had a way of making sense out of stuff like that. This kinda goes with your second point...this man never told anyone his sobriety date and rarely ever spoke of sobriety as anything longer than a 24 hr. thing. All we knew was that he got sober some time in the 1960's. He also never treated anyone differently whether they were just coming off a relapse or were celebrating 10 yrs. sober. We are all one drink away from a drunk.
Thats hilarious. Its true, everyone has their own way of dealing with things. Actually dealing with people like that could be a good growing experience id suspect. Your sponser seems like he was a great guy. I noticed the people who like always keep their shit together if you will, are super consistent and you can set a clock to their routines.
Quote:
isthisreaI said: Charley, Alcoholic here. I can relate to the prejudices toward 12 steps as I have been in and out of these rooms for five years by choice, 15 court ordered. In my opinion there's too many whiners in AA nowadays and people treat it like therapy, or a fucking self help group. When the newcomer walks into an AA meeting on day one, literally insane, the last thing they want to hear about is Bobs bad day, Dick's divorce, or how Brenda thinks she might need to move to Denver because she "has a feeling". It becomes a free for all for nonsense bitching and venting excess emotional/thought garbage. And then the end of the meeting they tell you to keep coming back, fuck that I'm going to get a beer because you losers MAKE me want to drink.
I listen to the guys who are the real deal alcoholic, and you know by their aura that they too have been through the trenches and have a solution. They tend to stick with the real AA, not the softened pussified PC AA, and tell you about their experience strength and hope. They are not there to get sympathy for their bitch fest, they are there to work a spiritual program of recovery, be accountable for their actions in life and help newcomers get sober through the 12 steps.
If people don't like the 12 steps or want to treat meetings as a platform just to whine and bitch they should make their own group for that, get therapy, or talk to their sponsors but keep that shit out of the group. It might get someone killed. For me, despite my own prejudices towards some of the personalities in AA, and initial distrust, AA and the fellowship as a whole has more than everything I need to get and stay sober. And some of the people you meet in the fellowship are the among the most solid you'll ever meet.
I really lol'd at Brenda. Ha yeah FUCK Brenda though, the dumb cunt. I so can picture the type.
I havent been to a whole lot of meetings but Ive known many close to me who have, theyve lent me books and filled me in plenty on the details of meetings... I feel i have a really good grasp on it all due to that.
From what Ive been told by a close friend (AA member of 20ish years) is that in some of the meetings shes attended, the group would call individuals out on their bullshit...fairly often.
Quote:
blazedandconfused said: Hi all I'm Mike and I'm an alcoholic. I'm a couple weeks sober not really counting days. I lurk this forum often but stumbled upon this thread today and I appreciate everyone sharing here as I felt a strong urge to drink today.
I have never been physically dependant and most times I drink nothing bad happens. Once in a blue moon I binge and shit hits the fan. Last time I drank I made death threats against myself and my fiance destroyed my house and somehow managed to not get arrested after multiple encounters with police in the same night.
I find it very difficult to find the root issue that makes me an angry drunk, seems like it comes out of nowhere but I have been soul searching and meditating which helps. I have picked up my guitar recently and a few other old hobbies. I don't plan to attend AA meetings for they make me want to drink :/ Thanks for reading. best of luck to everyone!
You should look into therapy. I was the exact same way when I drank. Never physically dependent but had incident after incident like you described. I can tell you for a fact that it comes from somewhere. Thats deep deep repressed pain right there from the past. Very possibly has its roots in childhood trauma.
Im almost 30 and finally learning/discovering things about myself that I wish I understood years ago. Realizations about why I am the way I am. The anxiety, depression, self destructive tendencies. Dont be so close minded about going to meetings or seeking other kinds of help. You just have to keep searching for what works for you.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Mush 4 Brains] 1
#24668748 - 09/29/17 01:06 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Eh I haven't been 100% sober but i've been barely drinking. Maybe a beer or 2. I'm getting myself out of the toxic household my girl and I are about to get a house. She's not really a big drinker. Stoner more than anything. So i'm not constantly having to go buy alcohol all the time. Which I'll naturally always get myself something.
Plus all the anxiety at my current household making me want a drink as i'm shaking from all of the nonsense. I actually stopped into my house for a second to grab some new clothes and felt anxiety just going in there. I said all of about 2 words and left again.
So waking up feeling pretty decent. Plus been doing a lot of stuff as she's always doing something. Keeps me busy. Probably start smoking pot again but I got to probably pass a drug test for work here soon. So I decline that atm.
Pretty optomistic about how things are going at the moment. Something will work out for me it always does. Just happy to wake up not stressed out every morning. On top of withdrawals that is literal hell.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Enjoywho]
#24669246 - 09/29/17 08:26 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Welcome Mike and Charley! It's great to hear from new members. Congrats to anyone that is alcoholic and hasn't had a drink today! The miracle has happened.
Mike made me think of my homegroup years ago....My group is a pretty hard ass AA with no frills group and some of the original members have ties back to the very beginning...like my old sponsors..sponsor was Jim Burwell (The Vicious Cycle) from the first printing of the Big Book. There were some old salty guys in the group that got together and put a nipple on a large plastic bottle and whenever anyone would start whining about stuff....the bottle would be passed to them and someone else would be asked to share.
That practice has been long gone thanks to group conscience but most of the members try to steer newcomers away from belly aching. That should be between them and their sponsor.
Dr. Bob used to write prescriptions to newcomers that said..."Trust God, clean house, help others"...that is the true crux of the program of AA. On the other hand, we must always be aware that there is only one requirement of AA members....3rd Tradition.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24671108 - 09/29/17 07:00 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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one week sober from alcohol and have cut back a shit ton! feel very proud and strong
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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isthisreaI
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
#24673200 - 09/30/17 05:16 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Rebel, Me an you are neck and neck bro, when's your sober date? 9/22 here.
Mike I feel you. Its gonna be a long recovery but its amazing just to get through the withdrawals. That life anxiety that just hits you like a freight train when you wake up, worried about shit, sweating and heart racing mind stuck on repeat about how much this sucks, yeah I gotta remind myself I never want to feel that way again. Its a god damn nightmare
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
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Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: isthisreaI]
#24677533 - 10/02/17 09:41 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Good job guys....you're through the tough part...been getting to any meetings?
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Anonymous #14
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24697049 - 10/09/17 02:47 PM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Drayce-alcoholic here:
1st thing- this is awesome, AA REALLY is everywhere.
2nd thing- If you need help, Please find a face-to-face meeting in your area. EVERY meeting has someone in it that knows a bit about what you're going through, and many that know EXACTLY what you're going through. Your experience is NOT unique, and YOU are NOT ALONE. (I didn't go wayy back to see if someone already said this, but I don't believe it maters)
ABOUT COINS: Yeah, I quit with the chips after a few years, THAT shit really bothered me. Like- this one guy always fidgets with his XXX whatever gold-plated shiny piece so's you HAVE to see it. I realize he's probably just nervous, but the WEIGHT some put on 'time in' is ridiculous... "WE celebrate YEARS in THIS group" pffft. I stopped collecting chip/coins and could FEEL the weight lift. It was strange, 'cuz I chaired a group for a few years and some of the newer members that were there more than a year asked: So, when's your B-day? How long you been sober? And I had to tell them, honestly, that I didn't know exactly, and then asked them: 'does it matter?'
ABOUT GOD: I am 'agnostic', and cringe a little inside every time someone goes on about how God did this or that to them, or for them, or with them or whatever. But it's how the program got it's start. There's lots and lots of stuff about people fighting the 'God Stuff' in AA's history and will always be so.
MY problem was I couldn't detach with what I was taught as child, the wars fought over religion, and so & so forth... with SPIRITUALITY. Took me YEARS to get over that, and find my own higher power.
Anyway, thanks for being here. ~peace~
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Anonymous #14]
#24698946 - 10/10/17 07:59 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Welcome to the group Drayce! So far, I've been sober for 3 hrs and 34 minutes. We have been granted a "daily" reprieve, not a "yearly" reprieve is what I was taught.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24699024 - 10/10/17 08:44 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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I’m a few days out from a thirty day chip. The only real use I think they would have for me is being a visual reminder of the time I’d be throwing away. Something about visual vs. thought. I may go get it I may not.
--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Anonymous #14
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#24699340 - 10/10/17 11:01 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Right on, Thay!
I got about 46min. 'in'today already, and what a fine October day it is! I am glad to be free and clear today. Nobody is looking for me, out to get me, trying to get back at me today. Most everyone I know I can say I am 'right by them'. No more hiding. No more lying, stealing, manipulating, coercing, etc, etc... And... haven't been sick and tired for quite a few 24hrs. It's good to be alive, and firing on most of the cylinders again. I was pretty lost for a few years after sobering up. Had no clue as to what to do next, much less the 16hrs ahead of me, so- I went to meetings. Lots and lots of meetings, 3, 4, 5 in a day, everyday just to be safe. i'm blessed to be in a large metro area where there are literally hundreds of meetings, plus I can easily swing into NA or similar meetings and not feel like a poser ('cuz I'm a'real' addict AND alcoolic)... But, I'm Drayce alcokolic at AA, Drayce addict at NA. It sothes the feathers of strict 'scripture' types the bristle when people say" I'm an obsessive-compulsive, manic, alcoholic-addict, with daddy issues w/sugar on top" or something. Go with the flow. I'm NOT so special I need to be cute about it.
I happen to be an alcoholic named Drayce- Ha-ha!..
Thanks again for being.
Off-topic: Hey, since you're here , maybe you know how or where I can learn to post "so-and-so said" [boxes] in my replies??
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Amanita86
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Anonymous #14]
#24699382 - 10/10/17 11:23 AM (6 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hit the quote button on the post you want to quote and it’ll show up in your reply box.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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