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zia
Stranger
Registered: 04/10/16
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Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
#23102491 - 04/10/16 05:44 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Long time lurker for 5+ years and had to join when I saw this thread.
Charley, alcoholic. I've been sober two weeks or so, ever since I sent it on St. Patty's day, kept drinking for days and didn't show up to work. This is what made me want to quit entirely, forgive me if it's longwinded.
So just a few weeks ago I worked a sick job at Jackson Hole mountain resort, on the mountain, got to snowboard for free and shit and I blew it. I had numerous chances. I had been drinking at work all day, then stayed after-hours drinking whiskey and passed out on the floor at my place of work. I didn't even make it to halftime and there were shit tons of people and Im just laying there all haggard and passed out on the floor. My snowboard buddies didn't know what to do, they tried giving me water and I threw it at the wall. my boss had to drag me behind the bar to keep me from being arrested. Yeah, and then I kept drinking when I came to after a few hours and the next day I disappeared to Vegas. I didn't show up to work for two days. THEY STILL DIDN'T FIRE ME. I got a last warning and they were real chill about it and said they want to give me a raise and keep me for summer, just stop fucking up. I drank a shit ton of whiskey, nearly killed myself snowboarding solo, drunk, without avi gear in the backcountry, and kept drinking whiskey while exerting my body and severely dehydrating myself. by the time it was over I could not even fucking move. I was paralyzed. I called my boss and told him, he said fuck bro we're all hurting get to work, but nah, I just laid there all fucked up and twisted on the bathroom floor and surrendered to the shit. It broke my will to do anything at all. I literally drank away my 700$ check within a few days so I was broke, no job, and no way to get alcohol.
The first night was terrifying. Like schizophrenic shit, voices, images in my mind of torture and twisted shit like that, and a terrifying bout of sleep paralysis (something I had gotten used to during withdrawal, I think some can relate to this) where I was being choked to death, caught between dream and waking life, not able to escape and it was scary as fuck. It sucked. I didn't sleep for three days. I don't really characterize alcohol withdrawal (for me at least) to be as physically uncomfortable as it is mentally and psychologically terrifying. It feels like you're dying but you're not and it's hard as fuck to breathe. The visual imagery and the auditory hallucinations are the scariest for me though. Who would have thought all those good times drinking brews with friends, on the mountain, could lead to this level of mental agony and paranoia just by stopping so abruptly.
Not my first rodeo, being 27 now I've been going hard since I was 13. and 2 years of jail, warrants in three states, ungodly amounts of money owed to hospitals and detoxes and three kids later... I'm really just sick of being a fuck up man. It's like I found a way, while I was drinking to glorify all my fuck ups and damage I've inflicted on myself, it was a joke to me, I drank cheap malt liquor and whiskey and even followed that shit to the streets from age 23-26 when it destroyed everything else in my life around me, drove away people I cared about, but instead of getting smacked with reality I would find some way to rationalize what was going on by drinking, saying fuck it laugh now cry later or whatever, well now shit's fucked and I'm really hoping I stick with it this time for the sake of my life, my kids, and all those people who have believed in me, saw something in me who I repeatedly let down. My homegroup in AA too, they don't even take me seriously anymore because I show up, get a 24 hour coin, literally walk out the meeting and find a liquor store. Its a joke. I haven't even been back these two weeks sober but I intend to go soon.
So I realize this is a lot of writing and probably hard as hell to read, but thats where Im at, starting to feel a little better and venturing outside more. Got a new job in a nice restaurant and gonna get back on my grind, but lately I've just so lethargic and unmotivated since quitting alcohol, been inside cracking out on live leak videos of apache hellfire missiles destroying some muslim family somewhere, or watching people get hacked to death by machetes in brazil, thats my thing now, binge watching fucked up shit on live leak and sporadic episodes of furious masturbation. I am not active at all, and I am an active person. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I can't even fuck properly, just feel lethargic and weak all the time, motivation wise too. shit I know thats gonna pass but when. the sleep cycle is all fucked up too, It's 5:44 in the morning for fucks sake and I'm writing this essay on shroomery that may or may not even be read by anyone.
It's all good though, good to know theres more of you guys out there.
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: zia]
#23102564 - 04/10/16 07:11 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
...My homegroup in AA too, they don't even take me seriously anymore because I show up, get a 24 hour coin, literally walk out the meeting and find a liquor store. Its a joke. I haven't even been back these two weeks sober but I intend to go soon.
The sooner the better. You got a sponsor? You should probably watch puppy/baby monkey/time-lapse nature videos instead of gore and destruction, too.
What I really like about AA is that they know what it's like to be powerless over alcohol and/or dry goods. Even when you feel like the worst boozebag, there's somebody who's been there(or worse) And these people don't pick up that first drink, every day.
I needed hospital Detox 3 times and finally a 28 day program to finally accept that I'm an alcoholic and have been ever since my first buzz. You need to do this for yourself, your kids will thank you later for it, maybe others will too. Stay strong and focused, and don't drink today. The first one is always the worst one... . . .
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"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday]
#23107199 - 04/11/16 03:51 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
JustForToday said: Just wanted to share I am sober 2 years today

Before sobriety and after!!
Congratulations Shane...how'd ya do it?
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: zia]
#23107221 - 04/11/16 04:00 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Your story sounds like sooo many that I've heard through the years. Don't give up on AA...the most important words you can hear in a meeting are "Keep coming back". Myself and others can relate to the showing up drunk at meetings or getting drunk right after...this is your disease saying fuck you to it's enemy.
This disease will keep getting stronger until you embrace the "program" of AA. Please keep coming back.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#23107806 - 04/11/16 06:39 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thayendanegea said:
Quote:
JustForToday said: Just wanted to share I am sober 2 years today

Before sobriety and after!!
Congratulations Shane...how'd ya do it?
I almost didn't tbh. I will come back last saturday of the month and tell everyone how.
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday]
#23117023 - 04/14/16 01:20 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have to share here.
Shane, Alcoholic
I do not feel like going to a meeting. I cut this woman off that was messing with me some days ago. I am at my halfway and I just finished reading all of our texts and stuff and right now I just want to commit suicide. This is not fair. I seen all the promises she made to me and everything. How she led me on then when she went back to her husband she flipped and started saying how she was only my friend.. This is fucking with me so bad mentally.
I should ruin her marriage. I should kill that fucking cock sucker. I even went back to when we first met when I found out she was married. All she ever said was how bad she was treated. And he didn't even know about me then. He finds out about me THEN ALL OF SUDDEN WANTS TO CHANGE. And she falls for it. And I swear I would kill this mother fucker.. I wonder how long his act will last.
Fucking people on this website knock me for fucking falling in love with someone who is married. I DIDN'T CHOOSE THAT IT JUST HAPPENED! BTW she was already about to divorce him before I even came into the fucking picture!!
I have a burning desire. I'm going to explode.
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
Edited by JustForToday (04/14/16 01:20 PM)
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20 Year Taper
random vector



Registered: 03/22/16
Posts: 269
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday] 2
#23120138 - 04/15/16 09:21 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Admitting you were powerless over something always seems counterproductive to overcoming it. Also, a bit cultish. "You are powerless, only this book and our advice can save you." "If if doesn't work, though, its because you weren't being truthful and brave enough, no fault of ours."
"The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous"
I appreciate the intention, I guess, but the process seems assbackwards and harmful, to me.
Carry on! Thy will be done...
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owls
just let go!


Registered: 02/22/09
Posts: 6,485
Loc: dancing
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
#23121372 - 04/15/16 04:25 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: Congrats!!!
yogabunny, have no idea if you remember me or not. but i could tell you were an alcoholic like four-five years ago. takes one to know one, hahahaha!
anyways guys, just stopping in to say hello. i am an alcoholic as well. i will read more of this thread later, i just happened to stumble upon it a second ago and it caught my attention
-------------------- i love you ♥ you are beautiful! COME TOGETHER, JOIN THE PARTY!! "what beith a man if he doth not enjoy cannabis?"
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20 Year Taper
random vector



Registered: 03/22/16
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: owls] 1
#23121529 - 04/15/16 05:23 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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hahahaha!
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starsky7
The Sponge



Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: 20 Year Taper] 2
#23126748 - 04/17/16 09:04 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Aaron, addict. Avid member of NA, I'm here to crash your thread.
Been clean for 11 months tomorrow if everything goes well today. Extremely pleased to have stumbled across this thread. Grateful to be clean and have my serenity intact. About a year ago I hit m y bottom. I had finally had enough of the self inflicted, soul diminishing pain I had caused myself. Today I am free, and I have a choice to use. I can't express how my life has changed I the passed year. ThiNgs that I ad never thought possible have come true. Relationships have been mended, and my sanity has returned.im an addict through and through, and I also suffer from bipolar disorder. Staying clean for so many days in a row is nothing short of a miracle. TFLMS
-------------------- "In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll
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Adolin




Registered: 06/28/11
Posts: 8,292
Loc: USA
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: starsky7]
#23126965 - 04/17/16 10:29 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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welcome to the thread, and early congrats on 11 months!! i bet you can't wait to get that 1yr coin. i know i would be excited. i'm only coming up on 4 months myself but feel pretty great already. ive been keeping myself pretty occupied, boredom must be a big trigger for me
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starsky7
The Sponge



Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Adolin]
#23126993 - 04/17/16 10:41 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Boredom does s a huge trigger from me as well. I try to keep myself extremely busy ad stay out of my head. I've always been told when I'm stuck in my head, I'm with the last person I used with. Thanks for the congrats. I am. Very excited.
-------------------- "In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: 20 Year Taper]
#23127631 - 04/17/16 02:31 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
20 Year Taper said: Admitting you were powerless over something always seems counterproductive to overcoming it. Also, a bit cultish. "You are powerless, only this book and our advice can save you." "If if doesn't work, though, its because you weren't being truthful and brave enough, no fault of ours."
"The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous"
I appreciate the intention, I guess, but the process seems assbackwards and harmful, to me.
Carry on! Thy will be done...
This article you posted sounds somewhat like it was written or sponsored by the beer, spirits & wine industry.
Curious if anyone here has tried the drug naltrexone?
I'm glad some people have had success moderating their drinking using this pill, but personally I am looking to be completely sober and alcohol free. I don't want to take a pill just so I can continue to poison myself with alcohol in moderation.....
I agree with the article in that we could and should be doing A LOT better in terms of options for treatment for addiction. Would love to see psychedelics being widely used for this purpose once again. I think they have great potential if used in the right setting and with the right guidance.
owls - well, you knew years before I did then! I didn't start considering myself an alcoholic until very recently. It was about 3 years ago when I finally admitted I "might have a problem". May I ask what exactly it was that tipped you off to my alcoholism?
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starsky7
The Sponge



Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
#23127853 - 04/17/16 03:49 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Powerlessness is realizing that the only thing you can control is your own actions. Not the outcomes of said actions. I can't control my feelings, but I can control my reactions.
-------------------- "In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
#23130050 - 04/18/16 08:18 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: Curious if anyone here has tried the drug naltrexone?
I got the once a month shot in the for 11 months when I got out of rehab, definitely helped with the cravings.
 
I was pretty bad though, having been ICU detoxed twice and still not able wanting to stay stopped.
I should go back and thank nurse Mary. She got my ass more that first year than my ole lady did. . . .
--------------------
"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: starsky7]
#23130289 - 04/18/16 09:48 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
starsky7 said: Aaron, addict. Avid member of NA, I'm here to crash your thread.
Been clean for 11 months tomorrow if everything goes well today. Extremely pleased to have stumbled across this thread. Grateful to be clean and have my serenity intact. About a year ago I hit m y bottom. I had finally had enough of the self inflicted, soul diminishing pain I had caused myself. Today I am free, and I have a choice to use. I can't express how my life has changed I the passed year. ThiNgs that I ad never thought possible have come true. Relationships have been mended, and my sanity has returned.im an addict through and through, and I also suffer from bipolar disorder. Staying clean for so many days in a row is nothing short of a miracle. TFLMS
Welcome. What is your date? I will add to the OP.
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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starsky7
The Sponge



Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday]
#23130437 - 04/18/16 10:48 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
JustForToday said:
Quote:
starsky7 said: Aaron, addict. Avid member of NA, I'm here to crash your thread.
Been clean for 11 months tomorrow if everything goes well today. Extremely pleased to have stumbled across this thread. Grateful to be clean and have my serenity intact. About a year ago I hit m y bottom. I had finally had enough of the self inflicted, soul diminishing pain I had caused myself. Today I am free, and I have a choice to use. I can't express how my life has changed I the passed year. ThiNgs that I ad never thought possible have come true. Relationships have been mended, and my sanity has returned.im an addict through and through, and I also suffer from bipolar disorder. Staying clean for so many days in a row is nothing short of a miracle. TFLMS
Welcome. What is your date? I will add to the OP.
May 18.
-------------------- "In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: starsky7]
#23130993 - 04/18/16 02:44 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Congratulations Starsky...almost through 1 of everything! One fourth of July, one Christmas,Birthday...etc. That's what I remember as being so special after that first year...knowing that I could get through one of everything without a drink or a drug. Welcome to the group!
Also a welcome to Owls....and Vinsue...I've heard good things about naltrexone working with cravings...drunks can use every edge there is to live alcohol free. But, that's it....it is just a tool for the tool kit. We have to get down to the causes and conditions ....do some work on ourselves to not want to drink or use again. That is what the program of AA is about.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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starsky7
The Sponge



Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#23131635 - 04/18/16 05:37 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm truly living as a responsible, productive member of society. That's what shocks me the most. That, and the realization that when you took the drugs out of my life, I still had a right to be a hippy. If anything, it brought it out more. I'm more caring and understanding than I ever have been. Acceptance and surrender are always key for me. Keeping my acceptance higher than my expectations keeps me so fucking happy. It's crazy. Today was weird tho. I've done a whole lot of tripping in the past, lots of LSD and DMT. A whole lot. Today, for the first time since I stopped using, I felt like I was coming up on a strong trip. For hours. It was super intense. I didn't use or drink anything but coffee. The only thing different about the day was that I used some blue agave to sweeten my coffee. That's it. IDK. It was super weird. I'm just grateful I didn't have to use to feel that. I was worried for a bit that someone dosed me. Lol. FREELAPSE! But I'm grateful for the day being so damn beautiful. I spent the day with my dog and we went out and got some supplys, and took an order from the holistics shop "Willow's Star" for some Lion's Mane and Maitake. Good day. Really good day. Tomorrow I'm back at work. TFLMS!
-------------------- "In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll
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Speckles
Sober AF


Registered: 09/19/13
Posts: 236
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: starsky7] 3
#23150461 - 04/24/16 03:18 PM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm an alcoholic named John, I haven't gotten on the shroomery in months but I'm sittin outside and thought I'd get on here and try searching "alcoholics anonymous" cause i remembered seeing JustForToday's posts, and then this thread popped up! Pretty cool.
I'm 34 days sober today, my third round in AA in the past 9 years. I had a sponsor and worked the steps both times before, made it almost 3 years then almost 2 years. The last few months of sobriety each time I started trying to run the show again and stopped going to meetings. Then the "good ideas" came along and I kept them too myself. The first relapse started with the idea I could just smoke pot, a week later I was getting black out drunk. The second relapse I thought "well I'm turning 21 maybe I can drink a beer or two like a normal person now" that turned into nearly 4 years of daily drinking.
My last night drinking I closed out a local bar and got some limes from the bartender to make some tea. Being real drunk I threw in a little more PE than I usually would and split the tea with two buddys. I passed out on the come up, came to around 3:30am and got back to drinking. I used shrooms frequently to extend my drinking or allow me to drink more. That night they gave me a moment of clarity around 4:30am, I was fucked up but didn't feel any better. The void was just as empty as it had been that morning when I got started. I cracked another beer but didn't want to drink it. I woke up the next morning and took one more hit of weed. Then after walking around a park for a few hours I hit a meeting. Since that first meeting back I've haven't had to drink or use, one day at a time, thanks to the program, fellowship, and primarily my HP.
I've been going to as many meetings as I can, at least one a day but 3 or 4 if I have the day off work. I got my old sponsor back and got a service position at a ypaa meeting. I'm so fucking happy to have another chance at sobriety, I was so used to waking up hungover that I forgot what it's like to wake up energized and happy! I know I'm on that pink cloud but I'm diggin it.
During some of the loneliest periods of my drinking I would sit on the shroomery for hours reading grow teks, reading funny threads (homeboy who did an a/b on his piss and smoked it haha) and occasionally posting some shit. This site and you other members helped me not feel so alone. It's really cool to see other people in recovery on here. Thank you for starting this thread Shane, I'll definitely be visiting more often!
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