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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Didn't drink at all Saturday or Sunday. Had two drinks yesterday. Will not have any today
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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I'm struggling today. Lonely depressed hungry sad. I'm trying to busk some money but I have no motivation and am playing like shit.
This sucks.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28144537 - 01/17/23 02:41 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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I'm pretty close to getting drunk.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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Nikon Addict
Another Earthling



Registered: 01/16/18
Posts: 285
Loc: Colorado USA
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
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I wish You the very best while walking this path.
-------------------- personal note: "It’s fair to say I’m stepping out on a limb, but I am on the edge and that’s where it happens.”
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28144593 - 01/17/23 03:20 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
sui said: I'm pretty close to getting drunk.
Are you newly sober or longtime sober?
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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I've had one beer in two weeks. I just broke and got one.
I feel like shit.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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Nikon Addict
Another Earthling



Registered: 01/16/18
Posts: 285
Loc: Colorado USA
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28144608 - 01/17/23 03:26 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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It's all good. We love you sui
-------------------- personal note: "It’s fair to say I’m stepping out on a limb, but I am on the edge and that’s where it happens.”
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28144614 - 01/17/23 03:28 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
sui said: I've had one beer in two weeks. I just broke and got one.
I feel like shit.
Don't beat yourself up
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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I became homeless by choice to play guitar everyday. I'm amazed at how easy it was for so long. 10 years went by before I even knew it.
Now I don't know what to do. My entire family has ostracized me.
Nobody will hire me. My resume is shit and the medical problems are piling up with no way to deal with them.
I have a cyst in my palm from overdoing the guitar, but if I stop playing I starve.
It's not getting any better. So now my options are go to work and fund war and nuclear weapons and I just do not agree with it.
I donnt feel I can be a moral person and pay taxes for war and nuclear weapons.
My mother said, "I can't have a relationship with you if your playing guitar on the street"
I think about suicide all the time now. I'm priced out of California and have no hope of renting anything there, I have never driven cars so I can't even get anywhere have anywhere to sleep or put my things.
I keep losing everything. I went through 3 guitars this month and am on my 4th.
I'm sick and tired of the hypocrisy of American society. Ugh.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28144671 - 01/17/23 04:02 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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Love you dude
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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Love you too bro. Not having weed around is making me crazy.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
Edited by sui (01/17/23 04:46 PM)
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28145048 - 01/17/23 07:52 PM (1 year, 10 days ago) |
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Why no weed? You're in Cali, no?
There's no way I could quit but drinking and smoking weed at the same time unless I went back into treatment
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Prolific Koi
CheeseHead



Registered: 12/26/22
Posts: 556
Loc: Lakeshore, MN
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: sui]
#28147838 - 01/19/23 04:54 PM (1 year, 8 days ago) |
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Wish you well man and good luck with whatever steps you take next… have you hit your rock bottom? Is that what you’re saying? Do you accept that you are not your higher power and do you surrender yourself to this disease? If not then maybe it might just keep getting worse man, hate to tell ya… This shit is no joke, obviously we all know that but we all have a breaking point where action is required. Ask for help, doesn’t have to be your family, maybe go to a meeting? Sounds crazy but that’s all it takes sometimes. Getting that job might not be the worst thing for ya! Again, love you brother and God bless you. Have faith! Drink that koolaid she SWEET!
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Prolific Koi
CheeseHead



Registered: 12/26/22
Posts: 556
Loc: Lakeshore, MN
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Lord grant me the serenity, To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
Messed around the other day and thought it’d be fun to try out some oysters…

Have a blessed day y’all ! Love ya !
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Prolific Koi
CheeseHead



Registered: 12/26/22
Posts: 556
Loc: Lakeshore, MN
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Anonymous #24
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Still sober. Want to go to a meeting but unfortunately there isnt any tonight in my area so im going to post here.
Ive recently moved back to my home town ive been sober now for a little bit but every now and then you do hear people bring up how you used to be.
One of my friends today was talking about how I was when i was 18 and drinking. I left around that time and was in the service for 10 years. Even though i acted like a maniac when i was a drunk teenager it still affects me now at almost 30.
I think its all part of acceptance and not burying the past. That part of me that would come out when I was extremely drunk was all of the darkness within distilled and made manifest. All the light snuffed out by liquor.
That Dark side of myself was extremely scary. But its something I cant ignore and lock away within my own mental prison for it.
I tried doing that many many times and eventually he would be able to escape the bars I tried to build.
It wasnt until i accepted that person and stopped trying to ignore that I began to feel a recovery from alcoholism. The steps helped enable this.
Something I can never do is ignore my Shadow. I kind of noticed my personality change slightly when i did that as well. Like the shadow part of myself has mixed with my light side and I feel like more of a complete and whole person.
Its weird. That conversation i had with my friend made me start thinking about this so i had to talk to someone so that i dont ignore it.
Thanks for listening everyone. Im going to go to the gym.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:39 PM)
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Anonymous #29
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Relapsed.
Was on disulfiram. Intentionally got off it for 5 days and drank heavily last night. Still had a bad reaction to the disulfiram.
Drank anyways.
Immediately started problems. A bit of a fight. And then forced myself to puke and went to sleep.
Life is shit and endless. Being sober forever isnt possible. So fucking stupid.
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Anonymous #34
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Since alcohol is so ubiquitously available, I've tried getting a buzz out of it many times, and I can honestly say, I've come to the conclusion that I find no joy or pleasure in it whatsoever.
That being said though, I do know multiple other people with a drinking problem, who've told me they think it's the best thing in the world. One of my best friends, actually, told me that being drunk takes away his worries, and lifts the weight of the world off his shoulders (unsurprising, since it's a powerful anxiolytic).
I ran into a serious drunkard a few days ago, who had let himself slide way down the rabbit hole of booze... The poor man seemed to have lost all basic motor skills, was bumbling and stumbling about wildly, mad-eyed and smacking, his face convulsing uncontrollably; he was dragging a trolley full of bottles around with him, that was soaking wet and leaking all over the place... Truly a deeply saddening and disconcerting sight, I was embarrassed just looking at it.
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Anonymous #29
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After a few weeks of insanity. I threw all my drugs out yesterday morning.
I will continue drinking this weekend but then I am back on the disulfiram.
Try this sober thing again. I think I made it like 4 or 5 months. Longest ever.
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