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CaptainTrips420
SevereConvict

Registered: 09/28/21
Posts: 1,902
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
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I am worried if I keep drinking it’s going to negatively effect my health. I don’t know how to quit though I have a strong desire to be more healthy but I think my desire to get drunk is stronger. I want to get more involved with AA but I feel like I just don’t take it seriously enough. Like I can go a few days without drinking but I give up so easily because I want to. It’s hard to stop yourself from doing something you find enjoyable. I’m going to try to stay away from alcohol but I really feel like getting drunk. I wish a power greater than myself could restore us to sanity. I don’t think it works maybe I’m cursed or something or I pissed off the greater power cause I pray and it doesn’t work.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Just keep trying..
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Tight Lunchbox
Drunk cat


Registered: 11/06/16
Posts: 2,116
Last seen: 4 months, 7 days
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Have you went to a meeting?
-------------------- "it's all a joke between mom contractions and coffin fittings" The most useful tool for noobs
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Anonymous #24
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Yeah man i felt like this for a long time. It took me completely hitting rock bottom and waking up in a hospital in a foreign country to fully realize just how fucked i was with alcohol and fully trust god to help me.
Desperation was the greatest gift i was given as an alcoholic because it pushed me over the edge to take AA seriously as i possibly could.
Had i not fucked up that badly id still be drinking and trapped in hell
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:40 PM)
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CaptainTrips420
SevereConvict

Registered: 09/28/21
Posts: 1,902
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
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I’m still sober but I just feel like I should spend my money on better things. I have $2,000 it’s just I really want to buy hunting equipment and get a license for next season. I need a car though and I’m not getting closer there spending money left and right. Im probably going to have to wait till next season but I can still spend money at a shooting range. It would be so much more healthy I enjoy it a lot it gives me a high just holding a weapon you feel the power. I know it has the power to kill I respect that and treat it as a dangerous object you treat carful. When I fire a weapon it’s like a high I’m so focused and in the moment I forget all my problems everything but the moment ceases to matter. Skateboarding can do that to but is far more difficult and dangerous. I’m trying to replace my addiction with a healthy addiction I enjoy almost as much. I still haven’t attended AA I don’t have a car but everyday that passes without drinking feels like victory.
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Anonymous #29
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Went apeshit crazy last night. Just..... fucking insane. Its insane how insane I am.
This is gonna kill me. This is gonna fucking kill me.
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gopher
Coffee Bean Extraordinaire



Registered: 11/22/17
Posts: 12,990
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 14 hours, 37 minutes
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Yup, it will kill you, but whatever you did someone in program has done worse and came back from it, you can too
-------------------- For most of the normies out there, an operating system is just a bootloader for Google Chrome. Since Disney has obtained tremendous value from the public domain, knows how important the public domain is, and is firmly determined to never contribute anything to it. My pronouns are He and Him, and my adjectives are Fat and Jazzy
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Anonymous #29
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: gopher]
#27900000 - 08/12/22 03:29 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I wake up the next day. MY MIND IS FULL OF ANXIETY. FULL OF REGRET. Its horrifying. Its a TERRIBLE experience. I cant fucking STAND the feeling. And I cant escape it for HOURS AND HOURS.
Yet every GOD DAMN TIME I start drinking again.
You fucking DUMB ASS. You fucking DUMB ASS.
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Anonymous #29
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Id like to say "Hey man ya know I gave quitting a try I just failed this time"
But its just not the case. I CANT quit this. I CANT be sober.
I want to. But then the bottleshop opens. THEN THE BOTTLESHOP OPENS.
Jesus fucking christ. How the fuck am I so addicted to fucking alcohol?????!?!?! Its like its fucking meth or something. What in the FUCK. What in the FUCK. Fucking ALCOHOL!?!?!?!
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Anonymous #29
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I'm calling the doctors today to setup an appointment to get the drug that makes you sick if you drink alcohol.
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Anonymous #24
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Still sober. Practicing anger management at work today. Anger is one of those things that would put me into that auto pilot leading to a drink.
I recognized i was starting to get into that mindset today and just got out of there and got some food. I dont have time to go immediately to a in person meeting but posting here helps when i dont have the time for a meeting.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:41 PM)
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Anonymous #29
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Day 2 on Disulfiram!
I'm pretty sure this drug is going to cure me.
I lost a lot of weight all by myself. Even though friends and family who were fat got one of the surgeries to lose weight. I have been very proud of myself for losing the weight solo with no help.
I need to keep in mind. That we are all different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And we all over-estimate or under-estimate our abilities from time to time.
I wanted to beat this alcoholism solo. On my own steam. Be a badass.
But its not working. And though those friends and family who got the surgery and needed help for weight loss..... and they dont need help with drug addictions...... that doesnt mean I can do both too.
I'm leaning on this drug entirely to save me. I am weak. I know I am. I am extremely thankful this drug exists. All I have to do is do the right thing in the morning. And I'm trapped. For 2 weeks!
So if I wanted to drink.... I'd have to be determined for 2 full weeks and not take this drug.
God. I cant even imagine failing this regiment.
I do feel like im cheating. I do feel like I'm getting an unfair edge. But jesus christ a doctor telling me about Wernickes and explaining where my memory problems are coming from....... I'm gonna take this edge. And I do have a cheeky grin. Because its nice to get a win.
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Patchouli_Savage


Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
Loc: Somewhere between here an...
Last seen: 2 hours, 20 minutes
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There is no cheating here. You're using a tool that is available to help save your life.
Good for you and I wish you all the very best.
-------------------- "You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"
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Anonymous #32
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I am the Alcoholic. The one who was voted most likely to succeed in Junior year of High School. The shy one, the weird one, the one with a raging alcoholic Mother. The one who never held back a thing when I was drinking with friends. Diagnosed with advanced cirrhosis of the liver and not expected to live more than 5-10 years. Yet I am the one still drinking 8% beer instead of straight vodka so I convince myself I am doing better. Went through the first 3 years assuming my D-Day was around the corner and now I am still here. I feel worn down but figure hey I am not dead yet maybe I can still quit and live a little longer. Travel a bit.
Something made me just start to reject the whole situation since I figured I would die. I have no kids, a family that hates my demon side and I have had run ins with the law because of all this. I went my whole school years without even a detention. Now this monkey on my back seems planted. People call me crazy and I know it's just the drink. Where do I stand?
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gopher
Coffee Bean Extraordinaire



Registered: 11/22/17
Posts: 12,990
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 14 hours, 37 minutes
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I can find you an online sponsor if you want to try AA
What kinda sponsor do you want? I know someone with a list of 2000 online sponsors, she can help you find the right one
-------------------- For most of the normies out there, an operating system is just a bootloader for Google Chrome. Since Disney has obtained tremendous value from the public domain, knows how important the public domain is, and is firmly determined to never contribute anything to it. My pronouns are He and Him, and my adjectives are Fat and Jazzy
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CaptainTrips420
SevereConvict

Registered: 09/28/21
Posts: 1,902
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: gopher]
#27949843 - 09/14/22 02:48 PM (1 year, 4 months ago) |
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I think I have been negatively effected by prescription medication. I been off some pill for over a month now and I’m actually feeling way better. I have a bottle of scotch right now but I don’t drink it I kinda want to but I just don’t because I don’t really feel the need. Maybe it’s been the massive amounts of psychedelics I been using but it’s strange that bottle has lasted me a long time normally I would have drank it all in like 3 days. I feel a lot less strong desire to drink like it used to be actually hard almost like something was possessing me to do it. I feel more in control of myself than I have for a long time. Doctors are dumb that stuff messed me up and they disapprove of psychedelics as medication even though they are actually helping me.
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oursoulsinmotion
🐵🙈🙉🙊



Registered: 10/04/21
Posts: 3,380
Last seen: 1 day, 20 hours
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Quote:
CaptainTrips420 said: I think I have been negatively effected by prescription medication. I been off some pill for over a month now and I’m actually feeling way better. I have a bottle of scotch right now but I don’t drink it I kinda want to but I just don’t because I don’t really feel the need. Maybe it’s been the massive amounts of psychedelics I been using but it’s strange that bottle has lasted me a long time normally I would have drank it all in like 3 days. I feel a lot less strong desire to drink like it used to be actually hard almost like something was possessing me to do it. I feel more in control of myself than I have for a long time. Doctors are dumb that stuff messed me up and they disapprove of psychedelics as medication even though they are actually helping me.
Im currently craving some 2C-B.....mmm Dependd on what ur drinking (Vodka str8 fckscme UP , same w Whiskey)
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CaptainTrips420
SevereConvict

Registered: 09/28/21
Posts: 1,902
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
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I don’t know I want to drink all the time but I don’t because I been feeling bad from it more. I think I’m getting older or something cause I used to be able to drink way more without a hangover. I can have like 2-3 shots without much negative effects the next day but I don’t really enjoy that much. I like to be completely zoned out like unable to walk. But idk it’s to dangerous psychedelics at responsible doses just cause like cool visuals and thinking outside the box. Everything can be dangerous if taken to much but alcohol just is to abusable like you can drink daily and get effects but with psychedelics I have to wait a while it helps me understand to be patient. I don’t want to ruin my health no more as long as I have psychedelics I want to live as long as I can and be peaceful to everyone and everything.
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Anonymous #24
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Today marks a year and a half without a drink.
Quitting drinking has been the most awesome experience of my adult life and has just lead to more and more freedom not only from alcohol but other aspects of life/society that leave us bonded or act as chains.
I no longer give a fuck about alot of different things but in the most healthy positive way possible
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:41 PM)
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Speckles
Sober AF



Registered: 09/19/13
Posts: 236
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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I haven't logged in or posted here for years but it just popped into my head and I'm glad to see the shroomery AA thread's still movin and groovin.
I'm eternally grateful for psilocybin's assistance in getting off alcohol. It took a lot of trips, and lot of instances of the same messages received, followed by my inability to follow through on my own. On my final night of drinking and tripping the idea of trying to go to a meeting to take a day off alcohol came uninvited into my mind. I was never going to come back to AA, but I trust that consciousness that mushrooms unlock so I gave it a try the next day, and haven't had to take a drink since.
All those suggestions I heard on mushrooms have manifested. I spend more time with my family, I became a better partner, a better friend, a more content and peaceful person. I wouldn't have seen the vision without mushrooms, and I wouldn't have found the path without AA.
Quote:
gillagin780 said: Today marks a year and a half without a drink.
Quitting drinking has been the most awesome experience of my adult life and has just lead to more and more freedom not only from alcohol but other aspects of life/society that leave us bonded or act as chains.
I no longer give a fuck about alot of different things but in the most healthy positive way possible
Congratulations Gillagin!
"elimination of our drinking is but a beginning" pg 19
I came back to AA because I wanted freedom from alcohol, but there is so much more we get from being sober and living with new strategies. I used to get extremely anxious when I left the region I live in, now I can travel and actually enjoy being in new places. Most of the travel I do are roadtrips related to AA functions. Not only did it give me a reason to get up an go somewhere, and people to go with, but one of the many side effects of the personality change brought about by taking the steps is that I live with less fear and give less fucks about stuff that doesn't matter.
Quote:
CaptainTrips420 said: I don’t know I want to drink all the time but I don’t because I been feeling bad from it more. I think I’m getting older or something cause I used to be able to drink way more without a hangover. I can have like 2-3 shots without much negative effects the next day but I don’t really enjoy that much. I like to be completely zoned out like unable to walk. But idk it’s to dangerous psychedelics at responsible doses just cause like cool visuals and thinking outside the box. Everything can be dangerous if taken to much but alcohol just is to abusable like you can drink daily and get effects but with psychedelics I have to wait a while it helps me understand to be patient. I don’t want to ruin my health no more as long as I have psychedelics I want to live as long as I can and be peaceful to everyone and everything.
Yup. The hangovers get worse, and simultaneously the tolerance increasing requires more alcohol which makes for even worse hangovers. I remember I was a few weeks sober, finally got a full nights sleep, and woke up without a dry throat, a headache, or intense fatigue and suddenly realized I had been hungover every day for a couple years. What I used to call a hangover was when I was puking in morning and wanted to die, I had forgotten that those other symptoms weren't normal cause they had become normal for me.
That zone where you don't want to drink, but keep drinking sucks. I hope the psychs keep helping and you break free of it man, even the health effects of moderate alcohol use suck. The way us alcoholics drink is extremely damaging. I'm not real current on this thread but have you tried working the steps?
Edited by Speckles (09/19/22 02:27 AM)
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