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Anonymous #24
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Hello everyone,
I've been on this forum for a long time I don't really post that much but I love reading it.
I have struggled alot with not being able to control my drinking. In the past I used to smoke weed quite a bit and it would help things but since I'm in the military I can't smoke anymore. Have for almost 8 years.
Last weekend I had a complete mental break down at a friends house that I don't remember but I scared the shit out of all them and when I woke up the next day realized I needed help and that I have suppressed alot of shit. I had just gotten back from a deployment when the quarantine shit started to happen also and I was essentially isolated by myself for almost 4 months now. That also I think lead to the alcoholic mental breakdown.
In the past I have have been able to gonlokg periods of time with out drinking. For example all of 2019 I was sober. But every day of that is a struggle. I do believe in God and I know he is the reason I was able to stay sober that long. But I don't think I can do this on my own anymore.
I got in contact with a therapist and that will start pretty soon. Also I'm going to start going to AA meetings online since we can't go in person.
I've never been to an AA meeting before. I don't think I am able alcoholic yet but I do believe I have every single trait of an alcoholic. And it runs in my family on both sides. Right now how it goes is I'll be okay just drinking beer or something but soon I don't realize the stress I'm under and eventually it will lead to a black out. So like I think this can help
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:52 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Thank you guys for the warm welcome!
Just checking in still sober. If any of you guys need to reach out for support feel free to P.M. me I am beginning to get more active on this forum and will check for pms consistently
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:52 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Quote:
TheFakeSunRa said: I’m FSR and I’m an alcoholic and an addict
I’m addicted to prescribed Xanax and recently my Xanax use reminds me of the stage when my alcoholism started to snowball.
I’ve considered giving up my sobriety to alcohol to amplify the Xanax effect.
I’ve been very depressed and I have health problems and recently had to go to the ER.
I’m really tired. I’m tired of being poor. I’m tired of not going to meetings. I’m tired of getting rejected for every job I apply for. I’m tired of everything going nowhere no matter how hard I try. I’m tired of being a huge disappointment to my wife.
I’m still riding 24 hours but it’s been a long time.
I’m sorry it’s been hard for too goddamn long. I haven’t caught a break in a long time.
I’m not giving up on my sobriety (from alcohol) but I need a little cushion you know
The part about fear of financial insecurity will leave us
I don’t believe that. I’m scared tbh
That’s all thanks for letting me share
Its good to hear from you man! You are strong! Thank you!
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:53 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: Doc9151]
#26745726 - 06/15/20 06:26 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hey everyone,
Im 780 im probably an alcoholic. I definitely didnt show up here by accident
Still not drinking. So I actually started going to A.A. meetings online.
They have been super interesting like hearing others stories and especially reading the big book its like the author when he was writing it was just reading my mind and taking notes on me while I was blacked out.
Another thing I learned or am Learning is that like in order to be an alcoholic or have alcoholic tendencies like it doesn't really matter if you drink every day or not its like how you drink and the lack of control.
I have like no control over my drinking. Like sure ill be fine for a little bit doing the whole moderation thing but eventually it will come to a point where I blackout and dont even really realized it happened.
Like the effects of the alcohol changed. I rememeber when I was a teenager and in the first part of college like alcohol would get me so fucked up like mentally I could witness it and shit too.
Now of days like if I do drink what happens is I will feel it very slightly then its nothing complete black out that i have no control over.
I hate alcohol. THere is not moderation for me like I understand that if I am drinking it may feel like moderation is working for a little bit but I will eventually black out and do crazy shit like that is so certain it might as well be a law of physics.
Thanks guys
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:53 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Man Alcohol is so insidious.
I am checking in again. I just had a major test in trying to not drink. Its funny how alcohol can use the positive habits you begin picking up against you to convince you to drink.
I have been riding my mountain bike around quite a bit in the English country side and at times can be extremely beautiful.
I found like a pub hidden away along a picturesque river and was thinking damn how nice would it be to have a refreshing pint after this like long awesome bike ride.
Thankfully I didnt have any money or my phone on me so i couldnt buy anything but damn I almost rode back home just to get some cash and ride 5 miles back to get a pint.
The thing to remember though is while that pint might be nice and maybe it wont lead to any problems that night. its what is after that matters. its when your guard is down and then switching over to liquor and not remembering anything.
Its that first nice little picturesque pint that is going to lead to the shame, cold sweats and extreme dread.
Fuck man its scary. Its scary just how quickly the sobriety can be broken. I need to go back to my local meeting.
Ugh... shit terrify's me how it can sneak up on you like that.
Still sober though. and i havent smoked or had any form of nicotine for like 130 days which i still cant believe.
I just finished class for the semester too.
Thats one of the things i think that triggered me to drink on top of the beautiful day i dont have like the good "eustress " school gives to me and the dopamine hits of getting good grades.
I pray to God to always give me the strength to resist or to just be aware of when that insanity is beginning to fuck with my decision making
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:51 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous [Re: Doc9151]
#26877195 - 08/12/20 05:01 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey thanks Doc I really appreciate it.
Yeah those cravings fucking suck. The best thing you can do right now did is just to decided you are not going to drink today.
I am not going to drink today with you. Fuck tomorrow like tomorrow can be worried about tomorrow alcohol wise but choose today to be sober.
Thank you for checking in and coming to this sub forum.
It really does help sometimes. I really feel where you are coming from man.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:51 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Soularize]
#27205170 - 02/14/21 09:43 AM (2 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hey guys to people working on step four this may help a little bit.
I was kind of confused about how to actually go about doing the step four but I kind of utilized this and a couple other things to try and go about doing it.
It is kind of crazy when you begin listing all of the things you have done out on paper like this but it really does help.
It kind of allows you to begin getting everything out in the open so it stops fucking with your head.
Also helps you deal with resentments.
I am still new to this A.A. shit. I have posted here a couple times.
Went through various sprints of not drinking. Longest one was a year but that
Was before i ever considered going to A.A. so I was able to do it but I wasnt able to work on the resentment aspects of why I was drinking.
Still working on the Step 4 shit. Step 1 through 3 for me were honestly easy but i would go through a cycle Sober drunk cycle because i never went farther than that.
But yeah going to continue working on this shit. Hope you are all doing well
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:50 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea] 1
#27392211 - 07/18/21 07:30 AM (2 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hey guys I am checking in. I started going to AA last year of June 2020 following a mental breakdown triggered by drinking. It was good for a little bit but I wasn't working the steps with a sponsor and didn't quite understand the program yet. I started drinking again until I ended up in the hospital after a drunken spree.
I went back to AA but took it extremely seriously this time got a sponsor and worked the steps to the best of my ability. I have been sober for four months now but I take it a day at a time. This biggest difference I am noticing this time and working the program the way the book says is that I am actually healing mental trauma and my soul. I did a year of sobriety back in 2018. I managed to get through it but each day was torture I was thinking about alcohol constantly and not dealing with the underlying issues that were contributing to the drinking. This past four months hasn't been like that at all because the program is working out all of those issues.
I am so incredibly grateful that this program exists.
Also thank you everyone for your posts here
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:50 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
#27507055 - 10/16/21 06:23 PM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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Almost at 7 months.
It has been. Quite the trip so far. Working the AA program has really been saving me.
Lost a friend to a motorcycle accident 2 days ago and had alot of bad work bullshit happen too.
If I didn't have AA I would have been completely fucked lost in a blackout.
Since I have AA I am still sober and able to exercise these demons that exist in my mind in in forms of thoughts and obsession with alcohol.
Going to a meeting tomorrow though because I can definitely tell I need to go I can feel my mind getting "wobbly"
Don't worry though guys I'll make it there I am not in a danger zone I can just feel the spidy sense telling me I need to go soon.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:49 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
#27534058 - 11/07/21 04:49 PM (2 years, 2 months ago) |
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Almost to 8 months sober. Just checking in. I am beginning to realize how important step 12 is.
I noticed when I was first doing the steps I would feel the progress and healing however when I got hung up or procrastinated on a step like when I was first doing step 4, I would begin to feel my old mental difficulties begin to resurface. Once I continued working the program the healing also continued.
I worked all the steps with my sponsor and the healing continued.
However, now I am beginning to feel the pull from my higher power to go into service. It's strange it's like you can feel something tugging on your soul. I used to drink on feelings like that. Now it drives me to go to meetings. Now I cam feel that pull urging me to start meetings.
The base I am stationed at doesn't have a meeting for service members stationed here. I think I am going to make one.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:49 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Mr Piggy] 1
#27559612 - 11/27/21 02:08 PM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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Man that is so awesome keep going dude your five years is a huge inspiration
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:48 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: gopher]
#27560596 - 11/28/21 10:41 AM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey man that is awesome. You can go to a 1000 meetings but working the steps is where the magic and the solution is.
Do you have a sponsor or anything? A sponsor is so important when you are working the steps especially step four.
Be fearless and through when you are doing your step 4. Don't hold anything back it is so important to really get it all down on paper it will help you understand yourself and make you fully prepared for step 5.
I agree man I have the thinking problem as well. That is what has been messing with me for the past week or so. I am going to a meeting in a couple minutes. But yeah man the program is a miracle and I'll go a while feeling great and free but every now and then those old thoughts come back. I realize why I used to drink for oblivion when I was drinking but I am so happy I have the program now because now I don't have to do that anymore.
I wish you the best if luck man and try to find a good home group if you cant find one also if you are having problems finding a good group you can PM me because I have I have really good Zoom based meeting I go to that I can share with you.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:49 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: gopher]
#27578491 - 12/12/21 10:14 AM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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I am almost 9 months into sobreity now. I am in the service so I can't do psychedelics or herb but when I got out I had no realm qualms with experimenting with those. But honestly the longer I am sober now and working the program like my desire even for those substances is leaving now too. I never had a problem with stuff like that only alcohol however I think I am just going to he done with all of it even when I can use them again. Like I am pretty happy now. My mental health is the best it has ever been in my adult life. Like being sober I am getting the spiritual insights that I was seeking from psychedelics it takes longer but I kind of like that it takes longer now because it's just been making me enjoy life much more. Like honestly being sober for a long period of time is psychedelic in and of itself
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:49 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: gopher]
#27578591 - 12/12/21 11:40 AM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah man I did all the steps. Steps 10, 11 and 12 your never really finish they are continuous and are called the maintenance steps.
For your step 4 it's important to be as thorough as you possibly can so don't rush it and don't leave stuff out you got to be completely through. If you leave stuff out it may lead to a relapse or having to go back and do it over again. Don't get me wrong going back and doing the steps again isn't a bad thing alot or people do that because they begin to understand more things the longer they work the program.
Also it's good you are doing your step 5 with your doctor however I recommend you do it with a fellow alcoholic who has been in the fellowship for a while and knows the big book and the steps inside and out and has a strong foundation in the program and sobreity.
I strongly recommend you find a sponsor who is also an alcoholic who has some sobreity and a strong foundation in the program like its crucial.
The reason I say this is sometimes doctors while they have immense knowledge of alcoholics in a scientific sense they don't understand us to the level other alcoholics understand alcoholics.
Now if your doctor is also a recovering alcoholic who is in the program than that would be fucking incredible. But yeah man let me know if you have any other questions I usually check this thread a couple times a week. You can also pm me anytime you want.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:47 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: gopher]
#27578618 - 12/12/21 11:55 AM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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Also Gopher do you have a meeting you can go to regularly?
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:48 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Doc9151]
#27601421 - 12/31/21 05:02 PM (2 years, 27 days ago) |
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Going into 2022 sober. 9 months now. This year 2021 was both the worst and best year of my adult life. I got in more trouble than I ever had because of drinking but at the same time met major milestones and accomplished more in this year than alot of people do in 20 years in the career field I am. Fucking crazy what our alcoholic minds are capable of while in the madness and when you are out of it.
It's been a fucking insane year. Ready to get the fuck out of the military though and return to my house back in the states.
Wishing you all the best.
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:48 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: CaptainTrips420] 3
#27625383 - 01/20/22 06:34 AM (2 years, 8 days ago) |
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Checking in 10 months sober now. Getting close to that year
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:47 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday]
#27635206 - 01/27/22 01:32 PM (2 years, 23 hours ago) |
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Kind of a funny but darkly true image from ye olde times. One of the first things I learned when I first started understanding alcoholism is that its been the same. What I experienced with alcoholism in the 2010s to 2022 is the same as what people experienced back in the 1930s and is the same as what people experianced 3000 years ago. Alcoholism is truly timeless haha
But yeah thought you guys would enjoy this
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:47 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
#27635232 - 01/27/22 01:53 PM (2 years, 23 hours ago) |
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That picture was first published way back in 1846
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:47 PM)
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Anonymous #24
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: CaptainTrips420]
#27637589 - 01/29/22 02:32 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Hey man I have certainly been there before as well. I am also a PM away dude if you ever need help or want to know more about AA.
I only have like 10 months so far but I stay sober 1 day at a time.
I have worked all the steps and i know of a really good online meeting that kicks ass.
All the best man
Edited by Anonymous (08/17/23 01:46 PM)
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