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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: ShroomyBudz]
#22714515 - 12/29/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
ShroomyBudz said: If you all don't mind me asking.. I am trying to understand what some of my close friends are struggling with on a deeper level. They don't really like to open up.. What exactly draws you to wanting to drink, and what feeling does it provide you that makes it so appealing? I personally have tried to enjoy alcohol many many many times, and rarely do I ACTUALLY enjoy drinking.. 
Thank you in advance, much love.. 
-SB

As with any addiction my friend, it's a progression.
I originally started drinking because I liked the effects. Getting drunk was fun, and it gave me a confidence I couldn't dream of while sober.
Then, as my drinking progressed, I drank merely to self medicate. I wasn't happy, and drinking temporarily fixed that.
In the end, I drank because I hated the person I had become so much, I lived with so much regret, that I drank because I believe I deserved every ounce of misery i was experiencing.
In the end, will power means nothing. Any addict has the ability to stop. Now, what's lingering beneath the surface is the main thing preventing that from happening. Everyone must go through their own journey.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: neznaika2]
#22734840 - 01/04/16 07:35 AM (8 years, 26 days ago) |
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Hey alexei.
Don't give up man. Everything you just described is pretty normal for a recovering alcoholic.
There's hints of self hatred there in your post, which isn't going to go away overnight. Recovery is a journey man. You didn't become sick overnight so keep in mind you're not going to get well overnight either. There's a lot of ideas and beliefs you formed during your alcoholism, and it's going to be a struggle to overcome those thought processes. But as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, I promise you things will get better.
For me personally, I showed up to AA two years into my sobriety. Not because I felt like drinking again, but because I was two years sober and I wanted to commit suicide. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
I know a lot of people in the program who have commit suicide because of their depression. AA ISNT the answer, but it is definitely part of the puzzle. If you feel like you need to see a psychiatrist, I would do so. Look at all areas of your life. Your diet, your recovery, your mental health, your social life. Start taking steps towards building these areas of your life and things WILL get better my friend.
Much love, M4d
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: neznaika2] 1
#22735062 - 01/04/16 09:16 AM (8 years, 26 days ago) |
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Alexei.....
You're not lazy. You just don't believe you're capable of or deserving of a better life. That is BULLSHIT dude. I am a firm believer that my alcoholism wants me dead, and what you just said are the very thoughts that fuel my addiction.
You're stuck on the pity pot dude. Not to offend you, but in early sobriety that's how it often is. "Poor me. My life sucks. Things are never going to get better." You know what? You're right! IF that's the attitude you're going to carry moving forward.
Big deal, you messed your credit up. Who hasn't these days?
I wanna tell you. At the end of my alcoholism, I led the police on a high speed chase, intentionally rammed one of their cars in the hopes that they would shoot me, and when they didn't, I drove my car into a river and attempted to drown myself. I am only writing this post because a fireman at the scene pulled my lifeless body from my submerged car. I know exactly what you're feeling right now, maybe even to a greater extent with my own experience.
But your life will get better. Little by slowly. as I stated before, AA isn't the sole answer. But you should give it a chance. Maybe you went to a boring meeting but not all meetings are boring. There's people there who understand you, and who can support you in this difficult process.
I tried everything man. Journaling, yoga, meditation, psychedelics, medication, natural supplements, exercise, diet, acupuncture, this list goes on. My life never really improved until I started going to AA, met some good people who made me feel like I was a good person again, that I was and am an awesome person to be friends with, and got myself a sponsor with some life experience who shows me the ropes.
I'm not a bundle of joy all the time, and I still to this day can think in ways that reflect your post, but man, I've come a long way dude. And I'm not where I wanna be but I'm where I need to be. And life gets better all the time.
Yours can too. Give it a shot man.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Quote:
RipvanBongBowl420 said: It's right that this popped up. I've been battling with booze for as long as I've drank it. I've done a stint in rehab, cleaned me up til I got out. I went to jail, cleaned me up till I got out. Both of those times, I was really fooling myself into thinking I didnt want to drink anymore. It feels like I almost like the pain and the shit that goes with it. The only time I've actually been able to clean up myself, cause I wanted to, was with a heavy LSD dose. I lasted 17 days that time, all on my own. (I smoke marijuana daily, also) I went to a baby shower, and my groups baby showers are pretty much small house parties. So I went to it and all the guys were hangin in the garage doin dabs and smokin weed, takin shots drinkin beers. Kinda of a music festival family, if you will. Well,I decide, whats one beer? I ended up only drinking about half that beer and leaving. But that left me with the thought that I had this shit beat. I can drink just one. HA. Im sitting here right now, on my second day not drinking, still not as powerful as I thought I was. A few days ago, I was at a b day party and took 2 shots back to back and when I did I felt myself gettin sick so I ra to the bathroom. When I threw up, It was more blood than I ever imagined could come outta a stomach.. So Im scared, only 24, 2 OWI's and a failing body. Goddamn I gotta get over this shit
Hey man, I know the feels.
I was 25 years old, had 4 dwi's, multiple rehab stints, loony bin stays, and in n out of jail for drinking related situations. I was shitting blood and throwing up stomach acid every morning. I would take a swig, throw up, take a swig, throw up, take a swig, before I could hold down my alcohol in the morning. Had it not been for my mom who I know would've killed herself if I had done the same, I would not be here today.
I'm almost 4 years away from a drink and my life gets better everyday. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm where I need to be. AA is probably the best thing to ever happen to me, although I don't always agree with everything that goes on there. I no longer wake up wanting to kill myself, and I have REAL friends today. I don't think I'm the piece of shit human being that I believed I was 4 years ago.
You don't have to live like that. When you're ready, you're ready. Everyone has their own journey, but as has been stated in this thread many times, life gets WAY better man. Keep your head up
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Connoisseur]
#22826740 - 01/26/16 01:14 PM (8 years, 3 days ago) |
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Connoisseur, we get your point, lol. And it's totally valid.
In my own experience, I'm almost 4 years away from a drink but reset my date count to 6 months ago because I was using psychedelics during that time, n my sponsor and network frowned upon that. You're not really sober if you're using ANY mood and mind altering substance, which I totally agree with, because all it is is another form of escape, which makes us addicts in the first place.
However, I do think this thread is a good thing for this community. When I signed up to this site, I was broken and lost, mentally n spiritually. I've grown a LOT since then, and have since made a lot of friends in the "real" world, but I'd imagine that there's many in this thread who aren't comfortable enough with themselves to go out and be social and make friends, so the shroomery is sort of their safe haven, their social network so to speak. So while I agree that an AA thread being on this site is contradictory, I do think it serves a purpose.
Hope all you fellow alchies out there are doing well. Bunny, keep up the good work
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Thayendanegea]
#22827424 - 01/26/16 04:54 PM (8 years, 3 days ago) |
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Gresh, I wasn't talking about prescription medication, or any natural substances for that matter. I should have clarified that.
I'm talking about mood or mind altering substances that people use to escape, not to increase their sense of well being. I.e, people in NA who say they're clean, but then get shitfaced from Friday-Sunday. I also know a guy in AA who says he has 4 years of sobriety, but still occasionally abuses prescription painkillers, because he's in "pain", and they're not prescribed.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
#22909918 - 02/15/16 10:09 PM (7 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said:
Quote:
JustForToday said: Here is a homework assignment for you bunny. When you read this. The next morning I want you to wake up bright and early before the sun comes up. I want you to stop the sun from coming up. I will know once you complete this task. Good luck.
I get what you're saying, but I don't know if this is the greatest metaphor.
I have changed other aspects of my personality - jealously, anger, through changing my thoughts and mindfulness practices...why not this?
Hey bunny.
I see what the both of you are saying, but changing aspects of your personality is simply working on your character defects. Alcoholism isn't a character defect, it's who you are at your core. I believe we are born alcoholics. I don't believe we develop into alcoholics. Yes, progression happens, but we develop addictions because alcohol does something to us which it does not do to other people.
Alcohol isn't my problem, it's the solution to my problem. Whether 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years from now I pick up a drink, the result will ALWAYS be the same. Life experience has shown me that no matter how long I'm removed from a drink, whenever I pick up, I am powerless over making the decision to stop drinking.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22912136 - 02/16/16 02:08 PM (7 years, 11 months ago) |
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I see what you're saying, but your concept of AA is highly flawed.
The God concept is whatever you make it out to be. I don't believe in God as a dieity, but I do believe there have been situations and circumstances in my life that can't be explained as mere coincidences, so while I don't believe in a "God", I do believe in something greater than myself, n I keep it at that.
N while I see the point you're trying to make, yes, when I start drinking I'm unable to stop. In hindsight, yes, anyone can put down a drink if they put their mind to it, but when I'm caught in the grips of addiction, I am unable to stop drinking until I get thrown into a rehab or jail. The physical withdrawals are so severe, the level of anxiety is unbearable, and the amount of self hatred I possess is the reason I drink like that in the first place. I was simply drinking as a means to slowly, and eventually die in process.
AA showed me that there's another way out. There's a lot of wise people in AA who don't spew preachy nonsense, but simply have more life experience than me and show me how to live.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Enjoywho] 2
#24518347 - 07/30/17 03:05 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Back to the shroomery! Lol. Been on hiatus for over a year, just came back recently and been lurking around.
Anyway, I completed the 12 steps and realized I felt just as shitty when I was done as I did when I started. N I worked them with a SAVAGE of a sponsor, circuit speaker, dude who sponsors 30 guys and is everything I wanted to be as a human being. But I said fuck AA and dropped him as a sponsor and started getting high which I justified because im really an alcoholic. Funny how that works.
Anyway, been drug free about a month now (minus 6 ketamine infusions I did for depression which didn't do shit.) just checking in, hope everyone's doing aright.
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Enjoywho]
#24557342 - 08/16/17 05:52 AM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey man.
I've always had a drug problem but I always convinced myself that it was never an issue because my alcoholism is so obviously fucking glaring that I convinced myself since it was MUCH more severe, that it was my only problem. But I know thats not true. So when I get high I justify it but in my heart I know I'm playing with fire hardcore.
Anyway, I didn't post that to bash AA. I think AA works for a lot of people. And some people in this thread are allllll about AA n I respect that. But it wasn't for me. Like the big books says AA does not have a monopoly on recovery. I know plenty of people who have been to AA and left because they weren't getting the help they needed, n they found something else and are now happy. But then there's guys like my old sponsor who are convinced that AA is the ONLY thing that helps, and for him it works as a miracle program.
You never know until you try it
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