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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Roostertail] * 3
    #22604524 - 12/02/15 03:03 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Mark, alcoholic.
I think Shane did a nice job setting this up. This program saved my life and made it worth living....that is the absolute truth.
I try to live the steps to the best of my ability ("try" being key) on a daily basis.
I stay active in AA and institution work...I figure...If someone came to see my sorry ass in jail, I could return the favor.
I got sober in march of 99 and can't say life has been a gem through the years...life is life, good and bad..but with AA, i can navigate the storms rather than avoiding them with drugs and alcohol.
I love what I have today and cherish that above anything money could buy.....I have "peace of mind". If anyone questions whether AA is for them or not....it's simple...lol..Have you tried everything else yet?..AA is usually the last house on the left, so to speak...because it requires actual change in thinking and in behavior. None of us want to let go of that.

Anyway, hope you all have a great day unless you have other plans.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 1
    #22604642 - 12/02/15 03:22 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Good luck, Rueben....hope that works out for ya....for me,cutting back or trying to cut back never worked.


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Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: usulpsychonaut] * 1
    #22608240 - 12/03/15 10:46 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

lol...Thanks for sharing and keep coming back.:wink:


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss] * 1
    #22608279 - 12/03/15 11:00 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Unfortunately, you sound like one of us...But, letting go and giving up the fight is the beginning to getting better. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can't have a drink...ever...I lost that battle long ago.

First thing to do at the bottom of the hole is to stop digging.

You are already halfway there by coming to this thread.:sunny::peace:


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Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny] * 1
    #22608777 - 12/03/15 01:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Nicole:

First off...I absolutely LOVE your signature...but, about the drinking, I know those feelings well. I did learn, for myself,over time that experimenting with drinking....like changing to beer or wine or not drinking before noon...they never work out good. I always wound up with that fuck-it attitude you mentioned. My whole vocabulary was pretty much..."fuck it and I'm sorry"...because the I'm sorry's always followed the fuck-its...lol.

I can't just drink one of anything and it took me a long time and a lot of heartache to loved ones and myself before I could get that through my thick head.....that...Once I take the first drink, all bets are off....I have no control. That's a tough one to swallow and alot of us fight it to the bitter end. It took 6 DWI's and lots of jail time to get that through my head though.
.....jail is not the bitter end though...death is...a fucked up , miserable, painful death.


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Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: yogabunny]
    #22609283 - 12/03/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah...I was too (high functioning) Started a business,traveled all over the place, kept halfway decent looks....all that stuff kept me out longer...That, plus the fact that my brothers and father were all hard drinkers....yeah, I deserved that drink...earned it....work hard, play hard...all that shit.

Lol...add cocaine to that and you have a ticking bomb.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22612034 - 12/04/15 08:23 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Just don't drink today...don't be afraid to ask God for help...any conception you may have. It works. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow...all we got is today. An old timer told me..."If you got one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow, then you're shitting on today."


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Roostertail]
    #22629559 - 12/08/15 11:08 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Good to hear you Joel....The Dr.s opinion is a very important preface to the Big Book. Dr. Silkworth was way ahead of his time and was the first to treat alcoholism as an "allergy". Also one of my favorite parts of the book.

On another note...two guys under thirty that are friends that never got the program died in the last month. One had pancreatitis three times and kept drinking...fell over dead in front of his mom after coming home from a bar. The other was found dead from a H overdose by his wife....left behind 3 small children and a wife.
I just dropped my business partner of thirty years off at a hospital because his liver is shutting down after repeatedly cheating death from alcoholism...round the clock maintenance drinker that survived encephylepathy a couple years ago ...took a 3 month stint in the hospital and dr. called him his miracle patient...he kept drinking when released.

All I could think when I got back to work was...."But for the grace of God, there go I".


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Roostertail]
    #22629921 - 12/08/15 01:03 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not a fan of using anything on a daily basis...(other than prescribed meds for legitimate disorders.)The big book mentions to beware of vicarious pleasures. I know there are some who smoke weed on a daily basis and I've heard of it referred to as "the marijuana maintenance program". Keep in mind, I've been around a few 24 hrs....and been involved in AA all of this time...March will be 17 yrs....anyway, I've seen alot of alcoholics say that they started drinking again after a period of using marijuana....Just my observation. Not telling anybody what they should or shouldn't do...just what I've seen.
The program is about living life on life's terms.That said, I do dose LSD and psilocybin a couple times a year for spiritual reasons mostly...and there are a shit ton of AA's that aren't on board with that.:sunny::peace:


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Roostertail]
    #22630954 - 12/08/15 06:13 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

That's good stuff Joel...Most people miss that "service" part of the program and wonder why they went back out. I have been taking meetings to a treatment center for over 15 years and was institution rep for my home group for 8 years....nothing like going into a jail to speak where you had been previously incarcerated.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday] * 1
    #22633937 - 12/09/15 12:16 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, that is a poignant paragraph....has to do with acceptance. I got sober with the 3rd edition and pg.449 dealt with acceptance...I think the 4th edition it is on 417. Very good story...one that caught my attention early in sobriety.

My sponsor died from cancer a couple years ago....He always loved pg. 449...spoke of it often. On his death certificate...he died at 4:49 am....I call that a God moment.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: JustForToday]
    #22637492 - 12/10/15 08:16 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

JustForToday said:
What is your month and year sobriety date so I can add it to the thread?



Mark, alcoholic....The worst and best day of my life was 3/15/1999. The day of my last drink.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss] * 1
    #22638616 - 12/10/15 01:41 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

You sound alot like me back in the day Reb.....not necessarily a good thing. I remember always being the last to leave the party...sometimes getting kicked out lol. Unfortunately, you may be one of us. But, life can be beautiful without alcohol.

The thing that I liked about booze was that it made it easier to talk and come out of my shell...unfortunately, that went away somewhere between the 6th and 16th drink. I would increasingly find myself in a state of oblivion...wondering how I got that way. Then I discovered coke and all was well again...lol... for like 10 minutes. The coke would help me be able to drink as much as I wanted and still talk peoples ears off...thought it was magic dust. Anyway, that story didn't end well....It's called "Living better by chemistry" and that never works out well in the long run.


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Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Adolin] * 1
    #22642303 - 12/11/15 11:26 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

That is one of the signs of early withdrawal Gresh, although taking a drink usually gets you back to normal...You may have something else going on too...When was the last time you checked your blood pressure? I was primarily a beer drinker and was drinking between 15-30 beers a day at the end....and somehow managed to not start drinking till noon the next day....Sweated out those first few hours....fucked up way to live.

I'm gonna tell you guys (and gals) a story about my business partner. He has struggled with alcoholism his whole adult life...he's now 58 yrs. old. 5 years ago he almost died and became a partial wet brain because of his drinking. He called the cops because there were aliens in his house...this is true...from alcohol. Miraculously, because of some amazing dr.s in Baltimore area he made about a 90% recovery...his liver was nearly shot and encephylepathy almost put him in a home.His recovery took 3 months.

Anyway, like a good drunk, he started drinking about 6 months after being released...kept it pretty normal..I think...was trying to control it and did for a while(By the way, he drinks straight vodka)...So,a few weeks ago, he started drinking round the clock maintenance style and started getting sick...last weekend he got very ill and I wound up taking him to the hospital Tuesday...he was drinking to stop the withdrawals when I took him in.
When they checked him, his BAC was .36...and he was walking and talking almost normally. Long story short, I checked on him yesterday and Dr. said he was having serious dt's...halucinating and yelling at everybody...they had to strap him down. Today...he could remember his name, but, that's about it.Bottom line is..he has dissed his body so bad that his heart is barely working from myopia, his liver is beyond help...and they are recommending hospice care upon his release, whenever that is.
Alcoholism


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22642660 - 12/11/15 01:39 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

yeah, grand mall (sp?) seizures are usually the culprit...he is in danger of that now....I used to think I was drinking too much coffee in the mornings....causing shakes..lol. Alcoholism is a disease that tells you that you don't have one.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #22683527 - 12/21/15 03:52 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

I hope everyone is making it through the holiday crap without too much troubles. I know alot of people lose their sobriety around this time of year. Pray extra hard and use the serenity prayer over and over if you have to.:sunny::peace: Remember that it's a shit ton harder to stay away from the second drink than it is the first.
If you are alcoholic....you understand that statement.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22720015 - 12/31/15 08:40 AM (8 years, 30 days ago)

Welcome chaka!. Mark, alcoholic...My drinking started out just like others have said....hard partying. I started in my early teens (dad had a half keg hook up)....It was fun then but somewhere along the way, I crossed a line where the fun was less and less...people started saying I changed when I was drinking but I didn't see it.

My drinking really took off when I first tried cocaine in my early twenties...could drink around the clock and not feel fucked up as long as there were lines to snort...I went downhill fast from there...almost died a couple times from the combination(heart stopped for a couple seconds once)Pretty soon DUI's were part of the picture...Thing was...that I hid it really well...started a successful business,got married, had kids...by the way, they took the brunt of my alcoholism and I continue to make amends to this day. Marriages ended and shit kept getting worse till I was drinking over a case of beer a day and ending in oblivion. Racked up 6 DUI's and started doing stints in jail..(Baltimore city jail)...a fucking nightmare.
I had been introduced to AA via courts long before I got sober...I still thought that my will power would prevail...I couldn't be powerless over anything.Alcohol will eventually bring any alcoholic to his knees....it always wins.

I gave AA a try finally because I finally, utterly was beaten into submission....I gave up...I won't get into my last drunk, but it was pretty bad. That was March 15, 1999. And since then, AA has not only saved my life, but made it worth living...My sons are grown and I am now a proud grandpa...My son's wife nor my grandaughter has ever seen me drunk...this March will be 17 years without a drink and most people in my life can't even fathom the thought of me being drunk.lol
I have been doing what others before me have done...made peace with a God of my understanding, cleaned house, and continue to try to help others in and out of the rooms as they present themselves....that's it. None of us have more than 24 hrs. sobriety...it is what I do with today that counts...that's all.

If you're an alcoholic and haven't had a drink today...then, the miracle has happened.:sunny::peace:


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: m4dScientist]
    #22736114 - 01/04/16 03:18 PM (8 years, 25 days ago)

Alexei, I went to jail two times in my first year of sobriety...had $40,000.00 credit card debt,kids that hated me and no friends left that I hadn't fucked over sometime. I could expand on that list but I think you get my point.
I was in AA (court appointed) for 10 years before I finally had enough pain to put both feet into the program...I had no problem with the first step...finally. Alcohol beat me...I lost...all my attempts at control failed miserably...I was absolutely powerless and my life was completely and utterly unmanageable.
If you have a big book...read pg. # 417 (fourth edition) 449 in the third....this was one of the first readings in the big book that actually made sense to me. Also, get a sponsor that has a working knowledge of the program and ask him to help you work through the steps...this is the key...AA does not work if you don't work. There is no half-assed, watered down version.

The other thing that you should do is just ask God to help you stop drinking and do his or her will...I say this simple prayer every morning...I was told to, even if I didn't believe in God....Say..."If there is a God, please help me to not take a drink today and to do your will, not mine"....then say thank you at the end of the day. I fought this for a long time until I was beaten into submission...but, this is the key...I make no bones about it.Prayer works if followed by constructive action.:sunny::peace:


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: morrowasted] * 1
    #22738741 - 01/05/16 08:26 AM (8 years, 25 days ago)

Thanks for that morrowasted...thanks for the honesty.I've been involved in AA for all of my almost 17 years sober...have taken mushrooms half a dozen or so times and feel, like you, that they help with my program rather than hinder it....I make my intentions before the trip to help my spirituality by asking God for help with insights and have never been let down.I feel and see the divine in almost everything now adays...a connectedness that I never had.  I also agree with you that there are many AA's who wouldn't understand this. I sponsor people and don't bring up my use of mushrooms unless I feel they are well on their way and could benefit themselves....so far only one pigeon....I don't want them to get crossed signals about the use of them.
I also don't bring up my use of them in meetings when sharing but I did tell my sponsor, who has  mixed feelings about them.

I also like to read about what makes drugs and alcohol do the things they do and why I am alcoholic and others are not. I have discussions with friends in and out of the rooms about these things but don't feel like they should be seriously discussed in the rooms.I feel like "information" does not help to keep me sober and have the level of "peace of mind" I have today...actions do...and the 12 steps are the actions that got me here.
I don't give advice in rooms, I just tell what I did to get me to this point...One of the most critical is prayer, of course, but the other is 12 step work...I was my groups institution rep for 8 years and volunteered a meeting at a rehab facility every Friday night for 15 years...this kept me active by reaching out and finding speakers and such...as well as sharing my experience, strength and hope. I just stopped the friday night thing because they relocated their facility too far away and feel a need to fill that void.Ya see, the one thing I love the most about the gift of sobriety is seeing that look of hope come to a face of previous hopelessness.
The big book says that nothing insures my sobriety like intensive work with another alcoholic.....and, that is what I've witnessed as people who have latched on to this better life or who have failed and gone back out. I have seen many take their will back and have almost grown cold from all the deaths...Alcoholic death sucks and brings down many lives around it.But, the risk of that fate matters little to anyone  still drinking because, in their mind, it won't happen to them.
Anyway, great post morrowasted...keep coming back!


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Re: Alcoholics Anonymous (Come and share thread) [Re: morrowasted]
    #22739099 - 01/05/16 10:25 AM (8 years, 25 days ago)

Yes...I remember a guy that would describe a draft beer with the ice at the bottom of the mug and the sweat pouring down it...glistening in the sun coming through the window...lol. I used to get pissed off in the beginning ...but then, I realized he was keeping himself sober.
Amanita...eventually, you will begin comparing yourself in, hopefully...and not the opposite. There is a solution...but like morowasted said, you have to keep an open mind, a level of honesty as best as you can scratch up at the time, and a willingness to go to any length to achieve this peace of mind that is promissed...and, yes...it is promissed...after taking step nine.

One foot in and one out never works and, the only thing I tell anyone that struggles is just to ask them..."How's your way working out for ya?". Not in a smart assed way...but a heartfelt, I give a shit way.

And, yes, people come to meetings drunk...and, no...they don't get kicked out....it is in our traditions.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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