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OfflineTwirling
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Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven
    #2253240 - 01/19/04 05:32 PM (13 years, 7 days ago)

This was my second time doing shrooms, and I took 30ish grams fresh. I started out listening to a mix CD I made while playing Mario Kart Double Dash. One funny moment I had, I was playing on a desert track, and I noticed that there were heat waves, which I never noticed before. I thought it was a nice little detail, until I realized it wasn?t the game, it was the shrooms!

Anyway, the first hour or so was incredible. I really got into the music, and I was enjoying the visuals. However, I soon found a bunch of anxiety come up, as well as depression. I tried doing all the standard psychedelic trip-setting changes, but none of them worked. I tried watching TV. Let me tell you, television is extremely negative! Sometimes you don?t realize how negative until it actually has an effect on what you?re feeling. There were specials on war, or on MTV, people judging each other on surface differences, etc?. You get the point.

Anyway, I tried to sleep it off, but I could only focus on all the negative stuff that has happened in the past. All my anxieties that I have been hiding in past few months came up all at once. Sometimes you?re aware that they are there, but denial makes it seem non-existent. I reassured myself that everything was ok, and I just had to wait it out, but it was only a small comfort. I became aware of the negative ways I reacted towards other people. It wasn?t so much that I was mean towards anyone, but rather I changed myself in reaction to the traits in others that I found threatening.

I decided to take 25 mg of seroquel to help aid me in ending the trip. The minutes stretched out, like they always do when you?re waiting for anything to end a terrifying experience. Old memories of the way my life used to be kept popping up. I forgot how awful and empty things used to be. I felt like I?d do anything just to feel good again. I started to drift away a bit, and put on some relaxing music. After a song or two, I was almost in a trance-like sleep, but still awake. After I ?woke up?, I felt like the whole experience was just a really bad dream.

You can hold a grudge or resentment towards others, but really the only reason to do so is because of lack of control over your own life. I guess I had to learn that the hard way. I?ve been avoiding a lot of my responsibilities in applying for college, and much of that is because of my own insecurities about the future. But what I can say is different now, is that I realize I can impact my own life depending on what I choose to do. I can continue to be negative about others, and avoid the things I fear, or I can face those things and become more optimistic about life in general. Having the negative repressed emotions come up for me to experience and deal with really helped. Having every comfort I used to avoid my fears, shatter, was a terrifying experience, but extremely important. It was a hellish, nightmare trip, I can?t wait to do it again!


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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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Offlinenicechrisman
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: Twirling]
    #2253269 - 01/19/04 05:42 PM (13 years, 7 days ago)

Yeah, I found on a recent trip, watching TV really sucked. The commerials were really fucking with my head. It was like each one was talking to me and trying to play on my insecurities about myself. I think that's what alot of commercials do. They play on your insecurities to make you feel like you need their product. If you buy their product, then everything will be better right?

Mario Cart is fun though. I played that the other night on a low level trip. It was fun as hell. Video games are wierd while shrooming though. I would be totally sucking at at most of the time, but every so often, I would get total focus, and totally kick ass over everybody else.


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineTwirling
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: nicechrisman]
    #2253319 - 01/19/04 05:58 PM (13 years, 7 days ago)

It's funny how you're not aware of the sub-conscouis effect commericals have on you. I guess shrooms make you more connected to those things.


I know what you mean about shrooms & video games. I was pulling off some amazing moves that I couldn't do sober, but somehow I was in 2nd or 3rd each time. Not that I cared, lol. I could have been in 192th place and I still would be enjoying it.


--------------------
The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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InvisibleOctopusDr
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: Twirling]
    #2253598 - 01/19/04 07:22 PM (13 years, 7 days ago)

I think you need to explore music a little more.

Good music is how I have good trips. During trips I occupy my mind with it. It helps you get stay away from negative though loops.


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OfflineIamHungry
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: Twirling]
    #2253831 - 01/19/04 08:52 PM (13 years, 7 days ago)

what works for me is not thinking about the mushrooms at all...just convince yourself that everything is going to be ok. usually i get distracted and end up having a great time.


--------------------
Here comes the sun, do n do do,
Here comes the sun, and I say,
It's alright...


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OfflineTwirling
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: IamHungry]
    #2255919 - 01/20/04 01:40 PM (13 years, 6 days ago)

I tried both changing music and refocusing myself on other things. I think this is one of those times where I just had to face the problems I was hiding. Today (the day after) I was much more positive and outgoing than normal. I think I left a lot of those old issues behind, at least I feel a difference. I just hope it lasts!


--------------------
The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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OfflineSnooganator
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: Twirling]
    #2256631 - 01/20/04 05:36 PM (13 years, 6 days ago)

Wow... video games while wasted. It's a very unstable concept. I remember I was play Tony Hawk in my friends living room after smoking like 4 bowls of hella-good weed. As I was playing, my attention kept getting diverted to a window shade. I dunno why.


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Offlinerecalcitrant
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: IamHungry]
    #2257216 - 01/20/04 08:54 PM (13 years, 6 days ago)

This guy is the answer.

distractions are where it's at. Trying to reach heaven is a bad idea, Led Zeppelin knows this. Ever see a movie or read a story where the protagonist does something selfless and is given an unexpected gift? Take drugs for all the people who can't, and you will be given a halo.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineGinseng
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: recalcitrant]
    #2264215 - 01/22/04 11:31 PM (13 years, 3 days ago)

^^ word bredren


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OfflineTwirling
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Re: Trip Report: Experiencing Hell In Trying To Reach Heaven [Re: recalcitrant]
    #2265465 - 01/23/04 01:00 PM (13 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

recalcitrant said:
This guy is the answer.

distractions are where it's at. Trying to reach heaven is a bad idea, Led Zeppelin knows this. Ever see a movie or read a story where the protagonist does something selfless and is given an unexpected gift? Take drugs for all the people who can't, and you will be given a halo.




I wasn't trying to reach heaven in an escapism mentality, I don't think that works too well. The real reasons for taking mushrooms, for me, have to deal with exploring life and finding new perspectives for myself. The more introspective work I do, the better I approach life as well as being more compassionate and understanding of others.

In order to understand what happened during the trip, I've analzed what my goals were.I wanted to know more about myself, and how I've come to be the person I am. In doing that I uncovered a lot of old, repressed memories that affect the way I approach life. In reexperincing all those "bad" moments, I was better able to understand how my old behavior and approach didn't work.. Also the situations I was in were so negative that I couldn't escape them, but now that I'm older, I have more power to influence my life, and I'm aware of that. Best of all, I realize how I carry that grudge around trying to rectify it, but never really "being myself".

It took a lot of post-trip introspective thought, but I think I have let go a lot of the past by thinking in the present tense. To me, it's not so much being self-less because the field of work I'm in already is rewarding in that way, it's about getting to understand who I am, and how to change it. Sometimes that means seeing the things you rather not admitt exist. Psychedelics cut through directly to the sub-conscouis and will not allow you to fool yourself. This is why I agree that escapism to paradise doesn't work, but understanding how to turn hell into heaven does. Of course I'm not there yet, but in a collective sense, I understand how it could all work. I don't know if that makes sense.


--------------------
The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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