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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Toadstool5]
    #22510123 - 11/11/15 04:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

The quality of care and consistent care is incredibly hard to find. I didn't realize how lucky I was having the same therapist for 8 years. Even the twin cities sucked, Fargo sucked, the rural country obviously sucked, and so far Oregon sucks. I'm in the Salem area anyway, so no surprise there. I highly doubt I'll ever find someone as helpful as my first MHC professional. And it's like, yeah I'm a little frightened of people with some mental disorders, but that example is the guy yelling about Jesus and banging on my car window. I almost assaulted a guy last week, don't touch me or my property, fuck, especially screaming about Jesus and the old testament. I feel bad but come on, what is someone supposed to think when some ragged random comes up to your car screaming and bangs on your window with a closed fist? The only thing I could think of when my adrenaline chilled out was that he seek help and get better. It's a flawed rotating-door system which exacerbates the stigma. I'd imagine most homeless people are products of the failed system, or drug addicts, or people who have given up on themselves.


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Invisiblerefried

Registered: 06/14/13
Posts: 3,675
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22510411 - 11/11/15 05:25 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

well that's a startling inconvenience but I'm glad you can look upon that guy with compassion because he's got it worse than us and there are many people who would have just beat him up.

Mother's side: mom, sister and grandpa bipolar.  Grandpa became a fervent Christian preacher that beat his children and when in a manic or depressive state he and his followers said that he was grappling with Jesus or being punished by God.  Obviously nothing like mental health care existed in those days.  Sister and mom have it worse than I do, sister especially.  Her life is and always has been a mess.  I'm little better except I manage to function somewhat but have used drugs since age 13 and so has my sister to both our detriment.

I've had the same therapist for 9 years so I feel you on that one.  I always have this fear that she will die or retire and then what the hell would I do?


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,805
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22510448 - 11/11/15 05:32 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

In an area for cubensis, the season starts right about now I might find some organic medicine soon enough.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: sudly]
    #22510560 - 11/11/15 05:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

If you have any notes on micro dosing please see my journal and either start a thread or PM me, please. I would very much appreciate it.


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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22511186 - 11/11/15 07:52 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

yo. I'm bipolar, sorry for the wall of text I've got here, but I've been learning how to deal with it and I think I've been getting better and better. My shrink actually told me I was in remission recently.

I've been diagnosed as bipolar 1 because when I get manic it can turn into psychosis, but I have more issues with the depression than the mania. The psychosis is oddly manageable now that I've experienced it a few times, once you're not afraid of it, it's rather benign in my case, feels a little like the beginnings of an acid trip, the white noise morphs with racing thoughts and layers and layers of sound build and build upon each other and form some of the most beautiful music I hear like I would if it was playing through speakers. You would never know it was going on if you talked to me while it was happening unless you knew my tells - I stop sleeping, and at times I'll seem a bit more distracted than usual, my mom is the only one that can even begin to guess when I'm in the thick of it. A

It's gotten scary before, but I have PTSD too and honestly the two have very intersectional qualities that makes it hard for me to tell where one ends and the other begins. The most important advice I would have for you would be this :

partition off apart of yourself that remains as objective as possible regarding how you view yourself, how you view the world. If you've managed to maintain composure while heavily tripping, you already know how to do this. This part of you is going to help you through everything, because no matter what you feel, or hear or see(if you're like me), that part of you is going to stay in touch with reality the only way it can be achieved - through objective reasoning. It will be the voice inside your head that says "This is temporary, by the very nature of this disorder, this is temporary" when you're feeling incredibly low, and it will be a reminder for you to watch for symptoms of impending depression if you're hypomanic.

Believe it or not, once you recognize your personal symptoms and 'red flags' that warn that a crash or mania is in the works, you'll learn to control it. First it might take medication, but get yourself into cognitive behavioral therapy, put solid effort into figuring out how that weird fucked up brain of yours works(I say that with love, and as an owner of a weird fucked up brain btw) and there is a real chance you could live a very normal life even without meds.

Currently I'm in "remission". I've been off my meds for a few months, and I feel better than I did before, I do smoke a lot more weed than I was for the majority of the year - but honestly it's been helping me so much, I feel so..human lol. I do think I was starting to slip and fall into a depressive phase at the beginning of this month, and honestly I do feel like I avoided it by the skin of my teeth..but I still fought it off!

But of course, objective reasoning tells me that I need to be on the look out for a crash, and I'm always wary that any happiness I feel is actually hypomania, which is honestly the one thing that I hate most about being bipolar. That constant question.

If you have any questions or want to pm me to talk ever, please feel free to.


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Invisiblerefried

Registered: 06/14/13
Posts: 3,675
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: pirate-blues]
    #22511553 - 11/11/15 09:13 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Interesting. Great to hear you're doing well, but this is the first time I have ever heard the word "remission" used in a sentence with bipolar disorder.  What I have read, been told and experienced is that symptoms actually worsen with age and that goes double for those who remain untreated and medicated.  In other words, I think your psych is wrong or perhaps trying to soften the blow: there's no "cure".

Also, what you describe is reminiscent of schizophrenia so it's certainly possible to have both disorders, I would not discount that.  How old are you if you don't mind me asking?  Schizophrenia usually appears in your 20 and can be  uncovered more rapidly and easily with the use of psychedelic and other drugs.

I'm also curious about micro dosing and know almost nothing about it.  But it seems strange to do something like that without working with a psychiatrist or therapist at the same time.  Is this part of your plan?  How do you measure a micro dose, how long do you do it for, and what do you hope to get from it?  Why mushrooms?  Is there literature on this?


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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: refried]
    #22511638 - 11/11/15 09:28 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Remission is not cure.
There is no cure. This is something I'll be managing my whole life, but it is still very much a medical term that applies to psychiatric disorders as well.
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/bipolar-disorder-defining-remission-and-selecting-treatment

I have to look at it frankly and say that I will definitely relapse again, and honestly, I wouldn't rule it out in the near future. I'm already on the lookout.

And while I have thought in the past that I might have schizoaffective disorder, but again, contrary to popular trains of though, psychosis appears in bipolar patients as well as in people with depression. It's still possible, but honestly I will no consider anti-psychotic medication unless the benefits outweigh the negatives, and I am so not down with those negatives at the time.

I'm 23, I was diagnosed with depression at 13, and re-diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ptsd. The psychosis began at around 20, and yes, I know psychedelics can hasten the onset. I think they did in a way, but I also feel like they've...quieted my brain down in a way. I think that if I overuse them or get reckless it's possible I could fly off the rails, but I think anyone is capable of flying off the rails with enough drug use.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,805
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: refried]
    #22512149 - 11/12/15 12:05 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Microdosing with magic mushrooms works because the psilocybin metabolises into psilocin which is almost chemically identical to serotonin, an important mood regulating neurotransmitter.

If people are iron deficient they are given iron tablets, if someone is serotonin deficient, why not simply give them serotonin? (psilocin)

I told my psychologist about it and they had no idea what I meant, maybe the psychiatrist will understand better.

A microdose of shrooms is no more than 0.8g dry. 0.3g is good to begin with but over the days it goes higher as tolerance growns. 3 micro doses a week of 0.5g dry keeps tolerance in check.

I intend to start microdosing again because it put me inbetween hypomania and the norm, just a little above which was perfect. My subjectivity was highly inhibited and I had a overall objective outlook throughout the day.

The only thing not to do with microdosing is take it in the afternoons because you will have difficulties sleeping, if taken in the morning sleep is wonderful.

I'll make a thread for microdosing again when I begin but that may not be for several weeks.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisibletrekie
Metal man
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 11,085
Loc: Larger cities Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: sudly]
    #22512167 - 11/12/15 12:11 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

didnt read thread cause bi polar


sometimes its great I get so much done.......



I want to die......


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: pirate-blues]
    #22512326 - 11/12/15 01:16 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Did everyone else experience some type of psychosis around age 20, exacerbated by psychs or not?


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Invisibletrekie
Metal man
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 11,085
Loc: Larger cities Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22512344 - 11/12/15 01:33 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

well before my time in the miltary I didnt use any drugs like besides the acceptable legal ones.


tabacooo and booze. maybe underage but yeah ....... I had a bar tab before I was 21 



wizh i could help but yeah own shitr


--------------------
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.



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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22513283 - 11/12/15 10:16 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Dys said:
Did everyone else experience some type of psychosis around age 20, exacerbated by psychs or not?





yes. Possibly exacerbated by psychs, but I think it was more so triggered by emotional trauma/that shit, I trip once every few months, sometimes more, sometimes less, psychedelics generally make me feel like my brain is quieter after the experience. For some time, too.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 6 hours, 17 minutes
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: pirate-blues]
    #22513304 - 11/12/15 10:21 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

When I was 16 I was diagnose with depression. I was medicated for it and was ok for a while.

When I turn 21-22 I began having cycles where I was either super depressed or ridiculously ambitious. I thought of course that it was totally normal, but my parents told me that my behavior was erratic and delusional. To think that I actually had a full time job at that time kinda makes me feel weird because now I realize that my cooworkers might have though I was completely off my rockers.

My mother whom I inherited my disease from, finally got diagnosed bi-polar by her psychiatrist after decades of having cycles of depression and 100 work weeks... Since we have thesame doctor, I was suggested to try bi-polar meds to see what would happen. And there you have it. From that point on in my life, I was officially level headed. I'm still a basket cases, but at least I can have somewhat of a normal life.


--------------------


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InvisibleToadstool5
A Registered Mycophile
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 1,359
Loc: The Golden State
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22513558 - 11/12/15 11:34 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

No but I was much more unstable around 16-20  :heresjohnny:

I think the closest i have ever come to psychosis was seeing puffs of smoke and blue lights that didn't exist.


--------------------
If you do not know where the mushroom products you are consuming are grown, think twice before eating them. :badshroom:
- Paul Stamets

AMU Teks :mushroom2: Stro's Write Ups


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Toadstool5]
    #22513675 - 11/12/15 12:08 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I completely lost my marbles. I'm glad my original account got swiss cheesed. I don't think I could stand to read my old posts here. It was bad.


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InvisibleToadstool5
A Registered Mycophile
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 1,359
Loc: The Golden State
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Patlal]
    #22514146 - 11/12/15 01:55 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

having cycles where I was either super depressed or ridiculously ambitious




I can relate to that! Being too ambitious and then failing would cause me to become very depressed. I still get upset sometimes when projects fail but don't completely melt. I failed to germinate 30+ hylocereus undatus recently and I simply accepted it :lol: no attempted murder or property damage this time :thumbup:

Glad to hear you are doing better now Dys! I have definitely caused my fair share of shit too but like you i have found better ways to maintain and coexist with people.


--------------------
If you do not know where the mushroom products you are consuming are grown, think twice before eating them. :badshroom:
- Paul Stamets

AMU Teks :mushroom2: Stro's Write Ups


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InvisibleThayendanegea
quiet walker
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Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Toadstool5]
    #22514282 - 11/12/15 02:30 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I have a lot of alcoholic friends (no longer drinking) that are diagnosed bipolar....I wonder if there is a connection other than just using alcohol as a mood stabilizer.:shrug:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #22514296 - 11/12/15 02:33 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Most people I've known, including myself, have had problematic drinking either before getting diagnosed, during, or currently. It's a sad state of affairs. My Lamictal and Xanax work well and I'm hitting a remissive state, but PAWS is throwing my thought processes for a loop. If you couldn't tell by my posts of course.


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Invisibletrekie
Metal man
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 11,085
Loc: Larger cities Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: Adden]
    #22514303 - 11/12/15 02:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Dys said:
I completely lost my marbles. I'm glad my original account got swiss cheesed. I don't think I could stand to read my old posts here. It was bad.



yeah wish you where around i want to be done with this site but some people i still should talk too......


While its always been about the LOLS this place has hit a new low. A low that I am not going in I keep waiting to hit bottom and just get worse and worse


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: Bipolar experiences? [Re: trekie]
    #22514327 - 11/12/15 02:42 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

You're a good man and life hasn't been easy on you. I'd stick around. There's a lot of support here. I've also noticed if you reach out privately to a person, they're almost completely different than their posts. It's weird.

And sorry I didn't respond to your message in full last night. I am very sorry for the loss of your comrades. I'm sure though that they're glad you made it back stateside. :hug:


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