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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! * 5
    #22503188 - 11/10/15 12:23 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Duuuuuudes...........

Night before last, or should I just say last Saturday?
ok, ok, Last Saturday, my husband has friends over to watch some sports crap that I really didn't care about. All I know is that I got stuck playing hostess while they stuffed their faces puffing on e-cigs.

I served up wings, weenee tots, peel and eat shrimp, deviled eggs, and some ass-dripping hot wings.---- because I tossed some ghost pepper sauce in them... sat them in the middle of all the other culinary adornments.

I'm walking around with one red eye because I got some spice in it. The guys are munching on the goodies.... I sat in the eat in kitchen watching TV and surfing the web for flip phones. (Yes, I'm tossing my iPhone for an old flip phone) data and security crap has gotten out of hand.

I'm just about to eat me a shrimp and I hear "GAWWWD DAYAM"! Then I look up and see 7 guys hovering around me with saucy fingertips and napkins.

My husband waded thru the middle of the men like they were tightly packed penguins.

Baby...... the wings are hot! What DID you DO?

Me.....  Sweetie they are just wings... look (grabs one, eats it with a straight face like trooper).

As I chewed, I could feel the pain, but I just kept on chewing with my right eye looking past the guys at the fridge- im dying on the inside.

I take another wing and suck off the meat like its nothing. <--- lol no pun.

Couple of the guys moved the bowl towards me and asked me to do it again. This time I twisted the wing in my mouth and they just watched.

I was hurting though.... and stopped at 6 wings.  "See? I ate a 6 piece, what's wrong with yall?"

They looked at each other and took the basket back.
I was murdered inside.... and got me a glass of milk and ice.

The night went on and Everyone left, had a great time,.,.,.

Sunday!
I get up and ride my motorcycle and had forgotten all about the nuclear holocaust that raged inside me... until I stopped by waffle house and ate a large hash brown.....

I left and drove on the highway doing 75mph and realized that the wings wanted OUT.. So I'm tearing up in my helmet, hauling ass on a crotch rocket doing 75, ass in the air, hot dookie in the que trying to melt a hole thru my jeans- only to splatter someone's windshield and cause a 5 car pile-up.

I start looking at the exit signs. Well fuckety duck....... No gas stations for a few miles, just rural exits to towns that were about 4 miles away.... with questionable service because its Sunday. 

I seriously started crying which fogged up my visor....which made me slow down..... which made it a longer ride to find a place to poop.

FINALY I come across the exit with restroom.. I could hear the violins playing as I pulled into the gas station.

Walk in, the gas station guy is like hello ma'am. I'm like key to restroom please... He's like, Women's restroom is occupied...
I'm like... gimme men's key please... He's like.. I cant allow that.

I'm like dudeeeee (explains the nuclear event about to happen in the store)... The key attached to a 6 inch piece of 2x4 is floating towards me...I catch it, haul ass.

Get into the restroom, come back out and grab a mini bottle of cholrox from the store... Gas station guy---ma'am! I toss him a wadded up $5 and go back to clean the restroom so I can have a clean pristine shitting experience.

I wipe down the toilet and plop down to a wild turbulent havoc of involuntary lower abdominal dry-heaves. My stomach went from hungry Ethiopian big to Al-Roker skinny in seconds flat.

PROBLEM.... the poop was ghost pepper hot which pretty much left my ass un-wipeable because my hole was raw meat. Good thing was, I had plenty of T.P.. Bad thing is that I was starting to choke on the bleach smell. Had to get out of there.

So I leave feeling drained like I ran a marathon sitting on the toilet. The gas station guy grins at me and I simply flipped him off. He smiles. I jump on my bike and go home...

I get home and the house is quiet. I look in the living room and see a half eaten chick fil-a biscuit and coffee.

He's in the 1/2 bathroom heaving and muttering ancient hymns.

"YOURE WINGS has me peeing out of my asshole" he yells as I stand at the door. 

"I love you too" I reply."

Texts start pouring in on his cellphone as it vibra-danced its way off the coffee table. "Can you get me that phone please?"

I slid it under the door (iPhone 6) slim as hell. His buddies were in group MMS texting their shitting pain.

Love you babe---


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #22503242 - 11/10/15 12:48 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Did you even cook them? :rofl: that's not normal If it was just spice lol I eat whole habaneros and no amount ever made he "piss out my ass"


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 25 minutes, 7 seconds
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Rebelutionsssss] * 1
    #22503277 - 11/10/15 01:21 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Ghost peppers will. I posted a recipe a while back on my last real batch of hot wings. It was 2-3 ghost peppers simmered in butter for about 20 minutes (to get it all nice and absorbed and soften up the pepper slices) and then it's about a half cup of hot sauce and some Tabasco for that vinegary twang.. This is the sauce for about 2 dozen wings (pieces, not whole wings, it's about 12 whole wings). I love having my face feel like it's melting off, but the digestion troubles are off the charts. It won't even be but a couple of hours before the worst stomach cramping you've ever had in your life begins. When you finally expel the waste to these wings so hot even Satan would start coughing, it is painful. Not to mention, you really have no control over it. You can't just hold it in. :lol: It's get to the bathroom now or face the consequences.

And yes, I have a real tolerance to spicy food. I can eat habaneros fine. I can eat ghost peppers and not start freaking out like so many do, but it definitely does have a strong kick, and they will fuck your insides far worse than a habanero will.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 1 hour, 31 minutes
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Shroomslip] * 2
    #22503320 - 11/10/15 01:45 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

OP talks about shitting the way most people talk about sex.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 25 minutes, 7 seconds
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: koods] * 1
    #22503333 - 11/10/15 01:52 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I'm aware of that. :lol: I'm the one who always says something when farts or shit isn't mentioned in their OP.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineLuSiD enthusiast
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/13
Posts: 4,325
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Shroomslip] * 1
    #22503418 - 11/10/15 02:56 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Sliding the iphone under the door sounds like an ad.:lol:


--------------------
I'm addicted to coke, weed, booze, ludes and speed.
Not LSD, you can't get addicted to LSD, it was built by scientists.

I ain't got no demons that gonna get woke.


In erowid we trust.

Just take your damn pills and don't ask any questions, you'll be fine.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22503548 - 11/10/15 04:27 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

He was mad at me because the chick fil-a was leftover from Saturday morning. LOL I ate some good ole waffle house and didn't fix him jack!


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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Invisiblekr0nik0
Ole' Salty
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 17,756
Loc: Western Slope, CO Flag
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Macey Howard] * 2
    #22503563 - 11/10/15 04:35 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

What an epic story!

Your graphic depiction of your raw asshole coupled with the beauty of sucking down meat & riding a motorcycle made this a story for the ages. It gave me smiles, frowns, farts, but most of all, fun!

I applaud you, and bid you adieu. :hatsoff:


--------------------

“[...]the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”



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OfflineRoostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: kr0nik0]
    #22503582 - 11/10/15 04:47 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I poor Santa good tiding fuckers


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Invisiblekr0nik0
Ole' Salty
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 17,756
Loc: Western Slope, CO Flag
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Roostertail]
    #22503958 - 11/10/15 08:11 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

LoL

You're in Lauderdale.

Wanna hang out and do butt things?


--------------------

“[...]the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”



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OfflineRoostertail
Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: kr0nik0]
    #22504015 - 11/10/15 08:22 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

No anal  no no no..


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InvisibleSheekle
FREE BURKE
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #22504086 - 11/10/15 08:47 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

shut the fuck up macey howard your threads are fucking disgusting


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineGreenBean
Stranger

Registered: 10/29/15
Posts: 489
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Sheekle]
    #22504105 - 11/10/15 08:55 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

This is the worst story...


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OfflineTNK
Pleasures of Africa
I'm a teapot Unread Journal User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/10
Posts: 14,237
Loc: I AM THUNDERBOT
Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #22504112 - 11/10/15 08:57 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
shut the fuck up macey howard your threads are fucking disgusting




Quit flaming users who posses more creative talent than yourself.

(if I were a Sheekle I would report you for flaming)


--------------------
Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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OfflineGreenBean
Stranger

Registered: 10/29/15
Posts: 489
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: TNK]
    #22504202 - 11/10/15 09:24 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

This one time I shit out my mouth




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InvisibleBoomer The Great
Male

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: GreenBean] * 1
    #22504282 - 11/10/15 09:51 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:lol::rofl2:

I love reading your stuff it is always entertaining. And low and behold you can actually write detailed, descriptive, and creative sentences!! Not like most people on the internet. It really makes it enjoyable to read. You should write a blog or something lol.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: TNK] * 3
    #22504661 - 11/10/15 11:30 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

TheNatureKid said:
Quote:

Sheekle said:
shut the fuck up macey howard your threads are fucking disgusting




Quit flaming users who posses more creative talent than yourself.

(if I were a Sheekle I would report you for flaming)



You're a stallion bro


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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InvisibleCidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #22505639 - 11/10/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Me.....  Sweetie they are just wings... look (grabs one, eats it with a straight face like trooper).

As I chewed, I could feel the pain, but I just kept on chewing with my right eye looking past the guys at the fridge- im dying on the inside.

I take another wing and suck off the meat like its nothing. <--- lol no pun.

Couple of the guys moved the bowl towards me and asked me to do it again. This time I twisted the wing in my mouth and they just watched.

I was hurting though.... and stopped at 6 wings.  "See? I ate a 6 piece, what's wrong with yall?"

They looked at each other and took the basket back.
I was murdered inside.... and got me a glass of milk and ice.







See, I couldn't do this, even if I could tolerate the pain with a straight face. My own body would betray me. When I eat something that's too spicy, I break out into an instant sweat. Weirdly enough this can also happen with foods that are vinegary (even ketchup) or particularly salty. No clue why that is. So yeah, I would have had sweat literally dripping off my forehead by the end of the first wing. :lol:



I've also never understood when people talk about spicy food (or mexican food) murdering their asshole. I really like spicy food, and I can't recall ever having experienced problems on the other end. Does my body just process this stuff differently, in some weird way? I don't get it. :shrug:


--------------------
------------------------
I am me. We are You.


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OfflineLuSiD enthusiast
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/13
Posts: 4,325
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: CidneyIndole] * 1
    #22505768 - 11/10/15 04:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

CidneyIndole said:
Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Me.....  Sweetie they are just wings... look (grabs one, eats it with a straight face like trooper).

As I chewed, I could feel the pain, but I just kept on chewing with my right eye looking past the guys at the fridge- im dying on the inside.

I take another wing and suck off the meat like its nothing. <--- lol no pun.

Couple of the guys moved the bowl towards me and asked me to do it again. This time I twisted the wing in my mouth and they just watched.

I was hurting though.... and stopped at 6 wings.  "See? I ate a 6 piece, what's wrong with yall?"

They looked at each other and took the basket back.
I was murdered inside.... and got me a glass of milk and ice.







See, I couldn't do this, even if I could tolerate the pain with a straight face. My own body would betray me. When I eat something that's too spicy, I break out into an instant sweat. Weirdly enough this can also happen with foods that are vinegary (even ketchup) or particularly salty. No clue why that is. So yeah, I would have had sweat literally dripping off my forehead by the end of the first wing. :lol:



I've also never understood when people talk about spicy food (or mexican food) murdering their asshole. I really like spicy food, and I can't recall ever having experienced problems on the other end. Does my body just process this stuff differently, in some weird way? I don't get it. :shrug:



Im the same way when it comes to food exiting the building. People always bitch about taco bell killing them, but unless I'm excessively drunk or high, and go way overboard my ass is fine. Even if i do go overboard, it really doesn't matter where i got the fast food, fast food just isn't meant to be eaten in intervals of over 5$.


--------------------
I'm addicted to coke, weed, booze, ludes and speed.
Not LSD, you can't get addicted to LSD, it was built by scientists.

I ain't got no demons that gonna get woke.


In erowid we trust.

Just take your damn pills and don't ask any questions, you'll be fine.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Holy lord jesus...... Hot wing aftermath and motorcycle havoc! [Re: Sheekle]
    #22506165 - 11/10/15 05:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
shut the fuck up macey howard your threads are fucking disgusting




I love you too.

I love you..... tooo


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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