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BreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic


Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
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What is a real 'friend'?
#22499538 - 11/09/15 09:18 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey guys, just wanted to ask you a quick few questions here before I go off to work...
What do you define as a 'friend'? What would you expect from a friendship? What qualities would this person/thing inhabit if they are your 'friend'?
Does gender define what form your friendship takes? Should gender define friendship or the depth of a relationship? Are the levels of emotional interactions affected by gender when it comes to friendship?
This should be in the sexuality/relationship forum because the intent behind my questions are personal - in that way
but... this is not about me this is about you, what do YOU think?
I am still thinking about the answers to these questions...
I am curious
Peace and Love

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nicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard



Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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The term "friendship" covers too broad of a spectrum for any kind of definitive answer.
-------------------- "Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not." John C. Lily
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Shortknight



Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 2,164
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
nicechrisman said: The term "friendship" covers too broad of a spectrum for any kind of definitive answer.
Ya, hes right. You really have to define it yourself. To me its the people I seem to gravitate to and see on a daily or an often basis!
Cheers, 
Shorty
-------------------- Did I say it too loud? Big heart? Or a little misleading!
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mytehdogizflying
Surrender to the flow


Registered: 02/20/07
Posts: 806
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Quote:
nicechrisman said: The term "friendship" covers too broad of a spectrum for any kind of definitive answer.
This. However, providing the OP with our perspective on these questions should help provide a clearer understanding of this truth.
What do you define as a 'friend'?
Someone whom I feel a close emotional and psychological bond with. We don't have to agree on things or share the same interests, although this certainly helps, but someone whom you can connect to in a meaningful way.
What would you expect from a friendship?
I've come to expect virtually nothing from any of my friendships. I've been disappointed by every friend I've ever had, to some degree. But that disappointment comes from me having expectations of our friendship. Which are usually never actually articulated, just assumed to be something they will automatically know or understand.
If you have any expectations of an individual, these must be properly communicated. Otherwise, you're creating your own disappointment.
What qualities would this person/thing inhabit if they are your 'friend'?
There's no set rubric by which I hold my friends to. Every individual is unique in the qualities they have to offer. Friendship is about appreciating this individuality.
Does gender define what form your friendship takes?
To some degree it can, but more so in what role their friendship serves. I have male friends whom I can talk to about things that I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with my female friends. And vice versa. That doesn't change the nature of our friendship. It's merely a reflection of what unique qualities that individual has and how they enrich my life.
Should gender define friendship or the depth of a relationship?
Absolutely not. You're gonna miss out on much of what others have to offer if you allow gender to dictate the depth of a relationship, and not simply your connection with the individual.
Are the levels of emotional interactions affected by gender when it comes to friendship?
It can be. This largely comes down to the individual in question. I can make sweeping generalizations about my friends based on their gender, much of which would hold true, but I can't apply that rubric universally. They don't all fit the same mold just because they share the same gender.
The level of emotional interaction I have with my friends is based on the individual and the connections we share. This in no way is dictated by their gender.
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There should be a science of discontent. People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles.
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Astral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
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A good friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body.
-------------------- "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out" -Bill Hicks-
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Astral Pain]
#22499822 - 11/09/15 10:41 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Astral Pain said: A good friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body.

i would say just someone you can always turn too when you need help and know that theyll be there for you. too many people think going to partys and getting fucked up with people makes them your friend. if you have no place to live are those people going to offer their home to you?
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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To me it is someone who will not fuck you over even though they could. Someone you can let your guard down with. It's about respect and equality, without that there can be no friendship.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 6 hours, 52 minutes
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A real friend is one that will offer his help to help you move before you even think to ask him
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Turtletotem
Dutch Delight



Registered: 09/02/13
Posts: 3,763
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Astral Pain]
#22499868 - 11/09/15 10:55 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Astral Pain said: A good friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body.
This joke is wiser than it may appear.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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A friend is someone who knows you well, yet still loves you in spite of this.
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makaveli8x8
Stranger

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Le_Canard]
#22499915 - 11/09/15 11:07 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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a friend is someone who uses you for things, a real friend is someone who doesn't get caught doing it
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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LeningradCowboy
Yes, my name is you?



Registered: 08/01/15
Posts: 1,962
Loc: Siperia underground
Last seen: 20 days, 9 hours
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Astral Pain]
#22499989 - 11/09/15 11:25 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Astral Pain said: A good friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body.
YEP
-------------------- From tundra with love!
FREE HAMHEAD 2020!
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mytehdogizflying
Surrender to the flow


Registered: 02/20/07
Posts: 806
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Reading these replies makes me really wonder how many of you actually bothered to read the OP, or just saw the title and replied to that.
Most of these replies are reasonable answers to the title, or at least entertaining, but you all seem to be intentionally ignoring the subtext of the OP or simply didn't bother to read it at all.
Half of his six specific questions in the OP are pertaining to how gender can effect friendship. He also mentions that this post should really be in the Sexuality and Relationships forum. Seems kinda obvious dude is trying to deal with how he feels about a female friend.
OP really should come right out and explain the situation if he wants any advice or insight which will actually apply to the specific circumstances he's dealing with. By that same token, ya'll could put a little effort into your responses. Maybe actually tailor them to the content of the OP, and not just the title?
Or just keep throwin' out one-liners. Gotta pad that post count.
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There should be a science of discontent. People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles.
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GreenBean
Stranger

Registered: 10/29/15
Posts: 489
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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If you can't get into a fist fight with your friend over something stupid then shake it out 20 minutes later, then you were never really friends (at least with guys)
Friends get over things easily. If you can't make fun of your friend to his face then laugh about it, then you were never actually friends
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SoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,059
Loc:
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You ever think about how everybody's friends are the people they grew up with or went to high school with and if you grew up on the other side of town you'd have an entirely different set of friends? And you might have even gravitated toward a different clique haha. Thus I define a friend simply as somebody you know. I would say know and not despise but some of my friends I despise to varying degrees. And yeah sexuality definitely complicates friendships. I can't even go to the bank without getting turned on by the bank tellers. There's no escaping it.
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Edited by SoloTrip (11/09/15 12:28 PM)
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GreenBean
Stranger

Registered: 10/29/15
Posts: 489
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: SoloTrip]
#22500331 - 11/09/15 12:45 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
SoloTrip said: You ever think about how everybody's friends are the people they grew up with or went to high school with and if you grew up on the other side of town you'd have an entirely different set of friends? And you might have even gravitated toward a different clique haha. Thus I define a friend simply as somebody you know. I would say know and not despise but some of my friends I despise to varying degrees. And yeah sexuality definitely complicates friendships. I can't even go to the bank without getting turned on by the bank tellers. There's no escaping it.
Yeah but people know plenty of people, doesn't mean they're all friends. If there was a dude who fucked your wife, you know him, but is he your friend? Definitely not
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SoloTrip
Help Ever, Hurt Never


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,059
Loc:
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: GreenBean]
#22500366 - 11/09/15 12:55 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Nobody's so called friend ever fucked their wife though? Whereas maybe someone you hardly know exists would be willing take a bullet for you.
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Edited by SoloTrip (11/09/15 12:57 PM)
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Bright light almost blinding, black night still there shining, I can't stop, keep on climbing, looking for what I knew.
Had a friend, she once told me, "You got love, you ain't lonely, " Now she's gone and left me only looking for what I knew.
Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now, Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just...
Met a man on the roadside crying, without a friend, there's no denying, You're incomplete, they'll be no finding looking for what you knew.
So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down, although it grieves you, Some day you'll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew.
Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now, Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just...
I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now, Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now,
It's very easy...
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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BreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic


Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
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Thank you for taking the time to consider my questions carefully. I was in a rush so I didn't exactly explain what I meant and what I was asking help with.
I apologise beforehand if I don't make sense with my questions or queries or even my way of speaking. English is not my first language.
I'm struggling with my own sexuality and there is confusion within me and conflicting. I cannot say it is denial or what about my own sexuality, because I think to myself I am 'gay' but I don't know whether I am actually 'gay', of course no one but me would know that question's answer but then again I could be in denial.
The reason why I decided to focus on 'friendship' is because I want to come out to my best male friend.
I am incredibly conflicted because I love him dearly, he goes out of his way for me and he has been there for me through tough times but I don't know whether he will be accepting or not, or should I bother if he rejects me as a friend. I can't get support from my parents because they are muslim and they culturally they would reject me even if I questioned my own sexuality. He also, is from a muslim background but he is open-minded enough to question religion and reality etc...so I suppose there is hope.
I have one lady friend who is incredibly caring and I dared not to hurt her or get close to her until I know who I am.
I don't have a standard model of friendship that I judge people on, I just want to be understood, I was thinking perhaps through this post I could get insight into what people regard as true friendship and I apologise if I didn't make that clear.
It is difficult to explain.
Many people will say that if a friend rejects you, then they weren't a 'real' friend but at the end of the day, should I deny my emotions? If I give time and love and energy and I put a lot of effort into my relationships but I am afraid I will be rejected and made a fool. I can't tell you, or convey to you all the problems of my being human. I can't pose any statements or questions that will make you understand me enough to give me help etc..., I'm not trying to caress my ego and say - look at me how loving I AM, I should receive love etc...
I am only careful and patient with coming out because it is incredibly personal to me, it is hard for me to say how I feel. To many coming out is not a big deal, but circumstances are unique to each individual. Perhaps if you have been in a similar situation to me you can relate.
And I don't expect absolute answers I don't know who I am so how can I expect others to know who I am?
Maybe I am beating around the bush, who knows.
Thank you everyone for your input.
Peace and Love

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Turtletotem
Dutch Delight



Registered: 09/02/13
Posts: 3,763
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
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That's some harsh stuff you're dealing with. I wish I had some advice for you, but I have no experience that even comes close to yours.
At least, I can wish you good luck.
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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The best way to handle these situations is to just dshsb.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 24 minutes, 55 seconds
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For the sake of this, this is all based on mutual friendship. There is probably also some clafication needed on my answers that I really don't feel like getting into right now. There are some generalizations that are not absolute.
Quote:
BreathlessVision said: What do you define as a 'friend'? Someone you enjoy spending time with. What would you expect from a friendship? Don't lie to me (when it's to benefit you, if you learned something that could hurt me, it might be an exception, extremely dependent on the circumstances though), don't steal from me, don't purposely do things behind my back you know are going to hurt me thinking "I'll never know". What qualities would this person/thing inhabit if they are your 'friend'? No idea how to answer this besides what's mentioned above. Does gender define what form your friendship takes? To a certain degree, yes. Should gender define friendship or the depth of a relationship? Are the levels of emotional interactions affected by gender when it comes to friendship? Again, to a certain degree, yes. One example is women are generally more emotional and men are generally problem solvers. If you need emotional support, you need a woman friend for that. If you're lost and don't know how to fix whatever it is that is going on in your life, your best bet is most likely a male friend who can think in practical terms and find a solution.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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starfire_xes
I Am 'They'



Registered: 10/24/09
Posts: 21,590
Loc: Dallas with all the assho...
Last seen: 7 months, 2 days
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Shroomslip] 1
#22503326 - 11/10/15 01:50 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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A friend is the guy who sucks the poison out when a rattlesnake bites you on the cock.
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IF THE NEIGHBORS COMPLAIN BECAUSE THE MUSIC'S TOO LOUD, TURN IT UP SO YOU CAN'T HEAR THEM BITCH
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Astral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
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An even better friend could convince a chick to suck it out. Without a bite.
-------------------- "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out" -Bill Hicks-
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RobZombie68
The Shaman's Apprentice


Registered: 06/22/14
Posts: 820
Loc: Palookaville, US
Last seen: 30 days, 5 hours
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I am 47 and have learned that there is no such thing aside from a significant other (with many years invested in a relationship).
The older people get, the more lazy and self absorbed they get.
My philosophy at this age is to never count on anybody as a friend, everybody only cares about themselves.
I am an empath and have cared so much and helped a lot of people,,, only to realize over time what self serving fuckers they are. It has hardened me, I am now numb to "friendships", everybody is an "associate"
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: RobZombie68]
#22506851 - 11/10/15 08:06 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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A true friends someone your mother knows on a last name basis.
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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a friend is basically what a brother should be
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
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Re: What is a real 'friend'? [Re: Astral Pain]
#22508475 - 11/11/15 09:07 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Astral Pain said: A good friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body.
lol'd
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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BreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic


Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
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Amazing thing happened guys, I came out to him and told him I was pretty much gay and he said it doesn't change his opinion of me or how he sees me. No judgement was passed and the friendship is as tight as ever. I am so relieved, I used to cry and stress out for no reason.
Now I think I can lift my chin up more. A real friend does indeed accept you no matter what.
That is true divine love.
 
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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DSHSB to test the integrity of that love.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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