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Apollop


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Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites
#22496391 - 11/08/15 04:02 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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So it might be too generic of a question to ask whether or not one should be with someone who has similar personality traits/flaws because it would make the relationship more harmonious and less friction but my specific enquiry is related to dealing with things.
I have depersonalisation so when something personality related bothers me, i just suck it in and do not make an issue of it with my gf, but the other way around is not true. she makes an issue out of mine. two different approaches. hers is probably the better one, but i am how i am. so the question is, assuming that i will not change, is it better to be with someone who deals with things the same way and wants to talk about everything and make issues out of things that i just drop since they're not major?
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Apollop]
#22496721 - 11/08/15 05:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apollop said: i just suck it in and do not make an issue of it with my gf, but the other way around is not true. she makes an issue out of mine. two different approaches. hers is probably the better one, but i am how i am. so the question is, assuming that i will not change, is it better to be with someone who deals with things the same way and wants to talk about everything and make issues out of things that i just drop since they're not major?
I'd leave her tbh. Pussy is not worth emotional abuse. I can't stand when a girl makes a big deal about every small little thing.
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head



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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22496757 - 11/08/15 05:08 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I thought depersonalization was an anxiety-related thing where you sort of lose a robust sense of self, feeling somewhat disconnected from the body? Correct me if I'm wrong.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Apollop]
#22497238 - 11/08/15 06:27 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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This doesn't seem too complicated. It sounds like you're a guy, and she's a girl, and you're laid back, and she's bitchy. I fail to see any mystery here. If she doesn't treat you with proper respect, or sympathize with your depersonalization, then if you can I would end it. Or you could just put up with her bitchiness, as a lot of guys do. Depends on what it's worth to you. This seems pretty straightforward.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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Kickle
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Apollop]
#22497375 - 11/08/15 06:55 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apollop said: So it might be too generic of a question to ask whether or not one should be with someone who has similar personality traits/flaws because it would make the relationship more harmonious and less friction but my specific enquiry is related to dealing with things.
I have depersonalisation so when something personality related bothers me, i just suck it in and do not make an issue of it with my gf, but the other way around is not true. she makes an issue out of mine. two different approaches. hers is probably the better one, but i am how i am. so the question is, assuming that i will not change, is it better to be with someone who deals with things the same way and wants to talk about everything and make issues out of things that i just drop since they're not major?
I developed depersonalization to emotions after some emotional traumas in youth. I say this as a self-reflection, not as the result of a formal diagnosis. And my subsequent path towards re-integration has been in the form of my girlfriend. I learned to see my emotions in her. Literally. Her emotional state started to be my cue-card for self-reflection. What is she feeling? Ok, start to look for that in myself. Really start to look! And while slow to start, over time I've re-integrated some of that emotional identity.
Now, while this may sound extreme, in truth for me it hasn't been. I haven't suffered consequences from this. It was largely meditation that brought it to my attention. A concentration on the moment lead to an awareness of an emotional response in my gf that better fit my circumstance than her own. And that lead to an awareness of my own depersonalization.
And again, while I haven't suffered consequences, I did lose some rewards. I think emotions are critical to socialization. Athough identifying emotions and queuing up social standards is socially functional, it is not the same as reacting to your own emotions.
I wonder if you can relate
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Apollop


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: DividedQuantum]
#22498786 - 11/09/15 12:50 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said: This doesn't seem too complicated. It sounds like you're a guy, and she's a girl, and you're laid back, and she's bitchy. I fail to see any mystery here. If she doesn't treat you with proper respect, or sympathize with your depersonalization, then if you can I would end it. Or you could just put up with her bitchiness, as a lot of guys do. Depends on what it's worth to you. This seems pretty straightforward.
i wouldn't say she's bitchy, she's far from bitchy. she's just emotional and gets sad from every little thing
-------------------- For years on end I have been sitting here, impatiently awaiting potency: some explosive revelatory surge that will carry me away and permit no looking back. But this moment of deliverance has not arrived, and I have done nothing to hasten it. Perhaps it doesn’t matter. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to do anything. In which case, I have succeeded admirably.
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Apollop


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Kickle]
#22498790 - 11/09/15 12:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kickle said:
I developed depersonalization to emotions after some emotional traumas in youth. I say this as a self-reflection, not as the result of a formal diagnosis. And my subsequent path towards re-integration has been in the form of my girlfriend. I learned to see my emotions in her. Literally. Her emotional state started to be my cue-card for self-reflection. What is she feeling? Ok, start to look for that in myself. Really start to look! And while slow to start, over time I've re-integrated some of that emotional identity.
very smart.
and yeah i can relate for sure.
ive actually gotten to a point where im no longer bothered by my depersonalization and it has come to define my personality so i'm kind of enjoying its unintentional positive attributes now
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Apollop]
#22498840 - 11/09/15 01:33 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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maybe depersonalisation is related to the child's transition from the family parent-child relationship, with definitive moral codes and boundaries, into the society-individual relationship?
which is terrifying imo,
in a context of capitalism, stripping the nurturing family morality as we fall into a competitive environment where our worth (our personal narrative and emotional development etc) is reduced to what we can show as a success..
or maybe it was ever thus?
idk
i def feel depersonalisation.
maybe it's a male thing.. finding it hard to express emotions i actually have. or even know what emotions i actually have.
or finding it hard to learn which emotions i think i have, are by society's standards acceptable and real and which, by society's standards are paranoid or bad or nuts..
or maybe society's standards are shifting anyway.....
my psychologist keeps telling me that this event that happened to me while i was growing up is my trauma, and that i need to accept that..
and maybe she's right.. but i dont know what it means or ought to mean i feel like i lost the person who i thought i was a while ago.. that ive had a bad trip for a while too..
now things are going decent and my life is balancing out a bit..
but i still feel a lot of confusion and lack of identity
but i see that in my peers as well
so it's hard to know where to draw the line for 'me'
maybe this is what it feels like grow up?
idk
maybe it was ever thus
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
Edited by quinn (11/09/15 01:38 AM)
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22498885 - 11/09/15 02:11 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
quinn said: in a context of capitalism, stripping the nurturing family morality as we fall into a competitive environment where our worth (our personal narrative and emotional development etc) is reduced to what we can show as a success..
Parents generally give their child a very high value because the child is their genetic legacy.
Society values those who contribute.
honestly, i feel better about being someone who can contribute and i think thats a better yard stick of worth than being mommy's special little genetic payload.
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quinn
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22498933 - 11/09/15 02:43 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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good, i think you are right ( )
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22498938 - 11/09/15 02:46 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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with the additional caveat that 'contribute' could vary greatly from person to person depending on their personal beliefs n values (which they prob need to work out for themselves)
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22499750 - 11/09/15 10:16 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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The problem I think with capitalism is that what's valued as a contribution can be dumb cause value is often determined by the plebs.
e.g. this guy is highly valued:
over a hard worker who helps build and maintain our infrastructure.
The plebs need their bread and games I suppose. I guess this is the cost of freedom from totalitarianism.
I think it's less of a problem with capitalism, and more so with human nature. Capitalism just allows this sort of shit to happen, but it's people who ultimately give it value.
Now I feel bad cause I linked to that shit, causing more views and thus more value to be attributed to that garbage. 
This thread has been officially derailed.
Edited by White Beard (11/09/15 03:30 PM)
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22500560 - 11/09/15 01:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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he seems fine to me..
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22500607 - 11/09/15 02:04 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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It sounds like an intro for the whole song. When does the actual rapping start?
Edited by White Beard (11/09/15 02:06 PM)
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quinn
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard] 1
#22500653 - 11/09/15 02:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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lol i guess it's more about bopping
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn] 1
#22501268 - 11/09/15 04:45 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
quinn said: lol i guess it's more about bopping
It's more about cunting nothing. White beards point about what is valued due to capitalism/human nature is spot on. Some clown like that probably gets millions and legions of adoring fans, whilst the person doing a good job of raising the children or saving our lives gets a shite wage and a box of chocolates for recognition, at best.
I can't help much with OP, other than to back DQ's camp:
Quote:
DividedQuantum said: This doesn't seem too complicated. It sounds like you're a guy, and she's a girl, and you're laid back, and she's bitchy. I fail to see any mystery here.
I've never known it to be much different to this, over a dozen relationships. It always varies to a greater of lesser degree of course, but I certainly don't expect to ever escape it. Men and women have different end goals man. We work differently. It's shit (IMO), but it's reality.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#22501529 - 11/09/15 05:23 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
It's more about cunting nothing. White beards point about what is valued due to capitalism/human nature is spot on. Some clown like that probably gets millions and legions of adoring fans, whilst the person doing a good job of raising the children or saving our lives gets a shite wage and a box of chocolates for recognition, at best.
I can't help much with OP, other than to back DQ's camp:
it's about a whole bunch of different people learning the bop that's pretty fucking important if ive ever seen it. how else are they gonna learn it? where did you get your moves from?
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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LunarEclipse
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22501643 - 11/09/15 05:46 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Kickle
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 1
#22501698 - 11/09/15 05:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
DividedQuantum said: This doesn't seem too complicated. It sounds like you're a guy, and she's a girl, and you're laid back, and she's bitchy. I fail to see any mystery here.
I've never known it to be much different to this, over a dozen relationships. It always varies to a greater of lesser degree of course, but I certainly don't expect to ever escape it. Men and women have different end goals man. We work differently. It's shit (IMO), but it's reality.
I disagree fellas. I don't think the end goals need differ. Momentary goals, sure. Each of us has a different approach to what's going on. That's pretty cool IMO. But end goal? Hell I'd hope that aligns between your partner and you. If you're headed to different end goals, ut oh IMO. Every passing year is going to drift you farther apart rather than closer together.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Kickle
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22501725 - 11/09/15 06:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
White Beard said: The problem I think with capitalism is that what's valued as a contribution can be dumb cause value is often determined by the plebs.
e.g. this guy is highly valued:
over a hard worker who helps build and maintain our infrastructure.
The plebs need their bread and games I suppose. I guess this is the cost of freedom from totalitarianism.
I think it's less of a problem with capitalism, and more so with human nature. Capitalism just allows this sort of shit to happen, but it's people who ultimately give it value.
Now I feel bad cause I linked to that shit, causing more views and thus more value to be attributed to that garbage. 
This thread has been officially derailed.
Have you looked into the history of Pop music? That shit is down to a science bro. I'm not sure being the face of pop is where anyone wants to land tho
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard] 2
#22501761 - 11/09/15 06:07 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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i know this is a bit of an aside now but this morning i drew an illustration inspired by whitebeard and i's discussion about growing up.. it's called 'growing up'
 seems bad
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Kickle]
#22501766 - 11/09/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Tons of money for doing something requiring little skill. I'm sure lots of people would love to be in that position.
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Kickle
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Apollop] 1
#22501768 - 11/09/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apollop said:
Quote:
Kickle said:
I developed depersonalization to emotions after some emotional traumas in youth. I say this as a self-reflection, not as the result of a formal diagnosis. And my subsequent path towards re-integration has been in the form of my girlfriend. I learned to see my emotions in her. Literally. Her emotional state started to be my cue-card for self-reflection. What is she feeling? Ok, start to look for that in myself. Really start to look! And while slow to start, over time I've re-integrated some of that emotional identity.
very smart.
and yeah i can relate for sure.
ive actually gotten to a point where im no longer bothered by my depersonalization and it has come to define my personality so i'm kind of enjoying its unintentional positive attributes now
That's cool. The thing I fear is isolation over time due to lack of strong social bonds.
One guy I watched recently said that he motivates himself to go to the gym by taking inspiration from the Greek character Odysseus. In the story Odysseus, knowing that a future event will overpower his will, lashes himself to a mast. Then they sail their ship into Siren filled waters. Odysseus can hear the Sirens song but he is not moved by it, because he cannot move himself. In this way his preparations allowed him to do what his will alone would not have allowed him to do - listen to the Sirens.
So, in regards to the gym this gentlemen said that he uses prior arrangements to "lash" himself to going. He uses a social engagement as his lashing. But in order for something like that to work, one has to feel a strong pull by such a social engagement.
I think isolation can be damaging. When left to oneself, one has only oneself to depend upon. And at times that is detrimental. An Odysseus without a mast to lash himself to. The Siren call will overpower.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22501777 - 11/09/15 06:10 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Nice. Show that to your children when they're growing up to teach them about life.
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Kickle
Wanderer


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22501788 - 11/09/15 06:13 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
White Beard said: Tons of money for doing something requiring little skill. I'm sure lots of people would love to be in that position.
I dunno man. I think Howard Stern for example is super honest about what drives him and he describes it often, wondering if it's a big black hole within that is insatiable. Constantly desiring approval and the attention. I think over time as a celeb who has gotten high, it's hard to fade away. And pop stars fade pretty quick. Money won't curb that feeling at all IMO.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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quinn
some kinda love


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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Kickle]
#22501808 - 11/09/15 06:16 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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i often feel i need to lash myself to a mast in order to socialise
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: Kickle]
#22501810 - 11/09/15 06:16 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Maybe. I'd go into it just for the money, not the attention, and I'd expect to fade rather quickly. Then I'd have a nice little sum to do whatever I want to without having to worry about supporting myself.
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quinn
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22501824 - 11/09/15 06:18 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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what would you do? would you still contribute
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: quinn]
#22501857 - 11/09/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
quinn said: what would you do? would you still contribute
maybe. I'd probably want to stay involved in my science, but I wouldn't have to worry about it from a financial pov. I could volunteer doing field work occasionally or focus on research.
Or I could write the novel I've always have been meaning to write that no one would ever read.
Or I'd lock myself away in my room, playing games, and slowly drinking myself to death. Then I could donate my body to medical research.
Edited by White Beard (11/09/15 06:45 PM)
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quinn
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Re: Relationship Advice From Psychologists- Similarities vs Opposites [Re: White Beard]
#22502174 - 11/09/15 07:18 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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yeah i think youve got the right idea, i'd be pretty similar (except the science, i dont have a science )
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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