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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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My latest kick attempt...
#22494397 - 11/08/15 06:24 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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...was a staggering failure. Here I am again at t+1h from my last shot, and already the anxiety is out of control. I'm actually high I think, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm really at the point where it's starting to be a health-risk to continue using, there are some things going on with my body that are concerning to me, and I'm not really that young anymore.
I've turned over my car keys and wallet to my mother yesterday after fucking up, and am trying to come up with a plan with her as to how to handle this. I hate to put this burden on my family and feel like an utter POS, but the alternative is to self-destruct and that would only hurt them more.
I guess I am going to try and wait it out in-house for as long as possible, then if and when I start to feel my health is at risk I will go to the ER. My friend tells me that they will just put me on methadone, which is not something I want, but I don't really have any extra weight to lose, and am not sure my immune system is up to the challenge right now.
Very unlikely I'll be up to posting after 24h or so. You all have helped me through some really rough times, so thank you friends and shroom family. I'll be reading, so any kind words I will appreciate, but I wouldn't blame anyone for being sick of hearing me gripe about my self-induced torture.
If and when I make it to the other side I am going to be the type of obnoxious pro-active ex-addict I used to despise. I always thought that you could stop taking opiates and still be a cool guy, and maybe some can, but I need to do whatever it takes. Meetings, therapy, anti-depressants, whatever it takes. I'm not going to smoke weed or drink. I just want to be ok being me for once so badly.
Thanks for reading. If anyone has any questions about opiate addiction don't hesitate to ask, I will do my best to answer them. If anyone else is suffering from opiate addiction please take it seriously and don't let yourself lead a double life, it only gets worse.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Aw man. I'm sorry to hear this. I know you were doing really well for a while?
What triggered you?
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22494984 - 11/08/15 10:04 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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My suboxone Dr kicked me off the program for allegedly not taking suboxone. The test came back negative for the metabolite of buprenorphine called norebuprenorphine I think. I was taking it as prescribed tho, and didn't mess up once, so it really kinda shocked me and I think it made me really bitter. That whole industry is fucked and they always will let you down in the end, which is why I really don't want to go back on maintenance.
I had just started a school program, and when I started running out of bupe I guess I panicked and all I could get was heroin, and so I was like I'll just do a tiny bit then get another Dr and taper down once I finish my program, but I was in class 8-4, and couldn't find a Dr that took my ins and could work with my schedule so before I knew it I've been doing dope for weeks. Now the program is over and I need to find a job but I just can't go in hooked, I know it will end badly. I tried to get clean starting Friday, but woke up yesterday and learned I can no longer trust myself to make the right choices. I would have a solid 2.5 days down had I not done that, but now I'm back to day 1.
Really I have no excuse. I'm an addict I guess and I wasn't doing the legwork that I should have in terms of getting counseling and treatment for depression. I was a relapse waiting to happen, just switched my addiction to bupe. This is all the result of my poor choices when I was younger and thought that opiates were an acceptable treatment for depression and anxiety.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Don't beat yourself up. You are extremely self-aware and you are taking the right steps. Have you ever considered Ibogaine treatment?
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pachoo
Witchakookoo



Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
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Hey man, I hope you kick this. I can't imagine what you're going through. But I can imagine how your family is handling this and it still sucks.
Just stay calm. Are you thinking about maybe going into rehab? Like... a well known good one.
And def start seeing someone about your depression and anxiety.
I hope the best for you man.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22495088 - 11/08/15 10:39 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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If you want it you'll do it. We all slip up in life, for us addicts it involves a whole lotta shit to clean up though. Hang in there buddy, you can do it!!!
Oh and PS methadone is not that bad bro. If you go at it like it is maintenance rather than feeding an addiction you'll make it. Methadone wasn't supposed to get us high, it does wonders for pain management without all the bullshit.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: pachoo]
#22495233 - 11/08/15 11:16 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yknow I don't think my nerves can handle ibogaine. I'm pretty skeptical it would work in my case and considering I am a long term addict I think it could be potentially dangerous. If it were a thing I could go in and be supervised by a doctor I would consider it, but that's not the case unfortunately.
I am considering going into a medical detox if I get to the point where I can't eat for an extended time. I already lost a bunch of weight tapering down on suboxone over this past summer, so any more and I think I would be putting my health at risk. I really don't want to do methadone. I know myself and it will just keep me in limbo for that much longer. We'll see what I say after a few days without sleep, but right now I really don't want that.
My family is amazing and I can't keep doing this to them. It sucks because my health insurance is awful and nobody around here will see me, but I'm going to keep trying and do whatever I have to do.
Thank you all for the support. I really hate making a big deal out of my problems because I am really lucky and just feel like such a failure, but there's only one way out at this point. Im just trying not to think too much, its going to be a long week. Hopefully by Thanksgiving I can at least stand to get out of bed and put on a good face even tho I'm sure it'll be months until I'm anywhere near comfortable.
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Gets harder the longer it goes on, but you can do this man. It's gonna suck, but there's light on the other side of the mountain.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Dark_Star]
#22495410 - 11/08/15 12:10 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I hope so. I'm scared shitless and trying to brace myself for the worst, but its hard to even imagine until I'm in the midst of it.
I definitely more than want it. I feel like I need to stop. The alternatives at this point just aren't acceptable to me. I don't think I can live with myself being hooked anymore. I'm never really happy even when I'm high as shit, and I don't like what I've become.
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maynard
Stranger



Registered: 08/02/13
Posts: 164
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Methadone is not ideal, but it was the only way I could kick heroin and OxyContin. Kicking methadone was no joke, but at least I was a year removed from dealers and the liestyle. I had a halfway house, a support network, and more healthy coping skills.
Stay strong
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: maynard]
#22495683 - 11/08/15 01:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Idunno I've only been on heroin for 6-8 weeks really, and at this point I hate the lifestyle so much. I really think I just need to tough it out. I could have kept going yesterday, but I had $100 sitting in my wallet and it was just too much temptation.
At this point I can't go anywhere, and there is nobody that would deliver to me, so there is really not the same level of temptation, and the stakes are alot higher. I've been on ~2mg bupe for over a year other than the past weeks, but obviously my tolerance shot up over those weeks.
Some people seem to think that switching what opiate you take kinda resets how addicted you are, which I am very skeptical of, but maybe it will not be as bad as I think. I am expecting things to get worse and worse for 72h to a week and then probably in 2 weeks I will be able to start walking a bit and slowly getting back on my feet, though I'm sure I'll have chills and random sweats, insomnia, and energy imbalance at least until the spring. It sucks to do this in the winter, but like I said I don't see an alternative. I can't spend another year of my life feeding this habit, especially having to drive to a clinic every single morning for my dose. I can't manage that.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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well, hope you're well.
DXM can help withdrawals, I know when I kicked I downed a bottle of that crap here and there just to help get my mind off of things.
But feel free to pm me anytime if you like, I have been through a very long struggle with heroin, but have been clean almost 3 years now. I know when I was sick it was sometimes helpful to sit up and talk about life with folks on the webs, took my mind off of how I felt.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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dude dont go to the fucking ER because you need drugs or you're uncomfortable because you're not using drugs. If you are withdrawling from benzos or alcohol and think you're going to start seizing then fine, but jesus christ put your big boy panties on. Either get some real health problems or stop bringing them onto yourself. *Mod Edit: reminder that this is a harm reduction forum. Speak with compassion and with the intent to help or NOT AT ALL*
Edited by yogabunny (11/09/15 06:56 AM)
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Lucis]
#22498627 - 11/08/15 11:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I actually feel alot better than when I made this post. I think the dope I was doing was cut with something weird. Would make me grind my teeth and just feel off. These dudes had some fire a couple weeks ago, there was actually a handful of times where I just came to on the ground with shit dumped all over me. All the sudden I can do a gram in a day and it just makes me a nervous wreck.
The good dope wasn't bitter at all, but the shit now is bitter as fuck, dark brown, and smelled like dog food. Weird stuff, it holds me off but no rush and shitty high.
Starting to sweat and get some chills. always like getting my emotions back tho
Fuck you sprankle I do what I want. I'm not really planning on it. A couple people told me if it gets bad then go to the hospital to try and get into a detox or at least get iv fluids n shit. My friend was freaking me out saying last time he kicked he ended up almost dying from kidney failure, and told me if I puke for days on end not to fuck around. Doubt it will come to that tho.
Edited by moonrockmushy (11/08/15 11:36 PM)
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Well I made it a full day again. This is when I took a suboxone last time and ended up 10x sicker.
Pretty sure I can eat something, and I don't have really bad chills or that feeling up my spine that makes me chicken dance, so pretty sure I will continue to get worse still over the next day or two. Pretty bad right now, bot overall feeling ok. Few more days and I might start to feel better.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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You got this.
Do you have iTunes?
There's a podcast on there you might find inspiring. It's called SoulFeed and podcast #20 is a spoken word poem by one of my yoga teachers. Listening to that at least once a day has really been helping me work through my alcohol problem. Although, I'm not 100% sober yet, I am in a *much* better place now.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22499403 - 11/09/15 08:32 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I just downloaded that and gave it a listen. The only thing that allowed me to get clean last time was this amazing epiphany I had after I prayed for strength. Alot of what she is saying kinda reminds me of how I felt then. Kinda give into the universal strength that I know is all around me, and in turn use that strength to heal the sickness of the world. Even if I can only do small things to help people, it is better than being totally wrapped up in my own problems.
Thanks for sharing that and the kind words. I'll probably give it a listen again later.
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Khancious
da Crow



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 628
Loc: Behind Everything
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Brother,
I know nothing of the dope game within and without,
but I will say get some kratom man ($100-$200 a kilo with threshold doses at 3-5g). It can save your life.
Yes it is possible it may become a new addiction, but is a gift from God and the Earth, and very gentle (for me atleast) with enough recreational value and euphoria.
Also get a high bio-availability magnesium supplement which helps refresh your opiate receptors.
Good luck and fly safe
-------------------- I am that, which is.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Khancious]
#22499919 - 11/09/15 11:08 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've tried kratom before. Just doesn't work at all when I'm sick, so I end up taking too much and it makes me vomit and fucks up my stomach, which is something I'd like to avoid. Also want to make sure that I'm not doing anything to prolong my withdrawal.
I never really put much stock in supplements, but I will look into making sure that I've got enough magnesium in my diet.
Thanks for the input, but I just want to eat right and get back to exercising as soon as I can.
I can't sit still, think I have a cold, and didn't sleep last night, but I really don't feel that bad overall. Still could get alot worse, but I think not drinking alcohol or smoking weed has made things alot easier so far. I always used to lean on those when I tried to stop, but they just make the anxiety worse in the end.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Things got really intense last night I ended up taking a tiny bit of methadone I had sitting around and managed to get 5 hours of fitful sleep, which under the circumstances was heaven, but I feel guilty and weak for having given in again. I swear I'm really trying Now I'm technically back to 12 hours clean at 3 this afternoon, but I've still got chills and RLS, not like I got high whatsoever, so I'm hoping it will just kinda serve as a rough taper.
I think it's not even the sickness that gets to me, it's the emotional swings from feeling so alive and intense to so empty and drained. Guess that is where the exercise and creative outlets need to come in. Music and drama tv/movies help alot. I'm going to go take a walk.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Hang in there buddy. Did you take the methadone to get high? If not don't be so hard on yourself. The kicks of RLS will send most straight to their dealer.
Just be honest with yourself and you'll make it bro!!!
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Well I wanted to sleep I think, but there's also that sorta junkie logic, 'now is better than later' I can handle RLS but once that restlessness grows into my back, neck, and shoulders, that can be a bit much. I had only missed one nights sleep tho, which is nothing. It's not like I had somewhere to be today.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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you're alright bro. better to use it now than later. I know what you're going through and it isn't easy man. You can do, and fuck one day at a time. Try
one hour at a time.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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sure aint gonna be easy, good luck man 
i'd def consider switching over to weed, that's like the universal medicine nowadays.. works for everything.. "can't sleep?, tire went flat?, no problemo!, just hit this shit dawg!"
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: zZZz]
#22507161 - 11/10/15 09:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I actually just smoked a bit for the first time in a couple days, and it does help as long as I don't overdo it, which can be hard so I sometimes think I am better off without it most of the time. It never really helped me with sleep tho. It actually keeps me up, but it definitely helps with appetite and helps me think about things more clearly for a bit.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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53 hours clean. Not sure I will be able to pull this off, very touch and go, but I'm going to keep sticking it out as long as I can. Last time I slept was 5 hours on monday night. My record is 5 days not sleeping, and after that even I usually get 1-2 hours only at first. Guess I could try to get sleep meds, but if they don't end up working they make me feel 10x worse and I lose my good judgement.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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woot woot, I was just thinking about this thread while making my morning coffee.
I know what you mean when you say you don't know if you can make it, I really hope and think you can.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Lucis]
#22512677 - 11/12/15 06:07 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah I just know if I use again it will start the clock over, or even make things worse. drives me nuts that in 30 mins I could be fine tho, even just for a day.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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yeah, I feel ya.
when I was living near ATL I lived 45 mins away from the dope spot, would kinda like being a bit sick and riding down GA400 blasting music and cussing all the slow drivers out, made me feel alive, sucked when I felt like I would shit my pants anticipating the dope though, also gagging on cigarettes made me puke a few times.
-------------------- ©️
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Lucis]
#22512782 - 11/12/15 07:09 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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oh man I was really so close to cracking for a minute there. Just flailing around all night and knowing that they were opening shop. I waited and I feel slightly better. I just want to sleep, but lying in bed is torture. Much better to be up watching something or walking around. I can eat, I can walk, I have internet and cable tv here. I really shouldn't complain.
I think the thing that stopped me is I didn't want to have to lie. It's almost like I forget that I care about being an honest person sometimes, especially to the people who would do anything for me.
Anyways thanks for the responses man. You've helped me out.
Another hour down.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Well I've just talked to a potential employer, and am meeting with them on Weds. Still feel like shit, but no going back now. Really hoping I feel ok by then at least. Usually I am good at putting a good face when I need to, so this will probably be the best thing for me.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Good luck man! I hope everything works out for you!! Stay strong
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Thanks. Yeah I can't believe I nailed a bunch of interviews in a row all strung out, but I was too scared to take the jobs while using. They're being persistent though, it's nice to be in demand for once. It's actually something I think I can make a career out of too, but if I am on dope I will definitely screw it up sooner or later.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Holee fuck. I just went to the car I was going to go grab something. I thought I should bring a pin, so I went back in. Now I am sitting here trying to stop myself. I sat down and turned on the news and a 17 year old girl the next state over just died of a fent OD I guess, and they are charging two guys with her death.
Just a couple more days. More or less at 60h now. Can't give in so easy.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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You CAN DO IT!!!!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22513883 - 11/12/15 12:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thank you. I had to get a little mad at myself. I might fuck up tomorrow, but not today!
I went to get some McDonalds and a couple drinks instead. Not ideal and I may regret it later, but the lesser two of three evils for sure.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Stay strong, you are almost out of the worst of it! Good luck with the job, that will help immensely.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Thanks man. What a fucking day. I managed to hold out though. I did just go and buy some nice weed, but I don't think that will be a problem. Might even help me sleep, definitely will help me eat and exercise.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Smoke that shit until you pass out if it keeps you from using. Getting up and moving always helps too, it's just so fucking hard to actually get up.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Hey Moonrock -
I wanted to share this video with you. It's a little bit woo woo, but it's been helping me so I figured I would pass it along.
I have been practicing kundalini recently, and came across this, and decided to add it in to my morning practice two days ago. I wasn't even really trying to stop drinking because I've been doing so well with just having one or two glasses of wine a day, but since I started this meditation, or kriya, as they call it in kundalini, I have not really even craved a glass of wine. If it doesn't work while you're still withdrawing, maybe it's just something to keep in mind.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22517161 - 11/13/15 08:38 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey, I'll try anything at this point. I don't really like the feel of pressing my back molars together tho. Feel like that could grind my teeth down, but maybe I am not doing it right or it is because I have a slight cross-bite.
Thanks for the thought. Will definitely try that soon.
Still kinda having a rough time physically, traded chills and sweats for a sick stomach and of course the restlessness is as bad as ever, but at least it didn't all come on at once and mentally I feel like I've turned the corner. I've been playing guitar, trying to learn some new classical songs n stuff.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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I don't really like it either, so I've been doing 3 sets of 1 minute each, taking a little break in between to shake out my arms and shoulders and stretch my jaw....
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: yogabunny]
#22526026 - 11/15/15 01:32 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just finished 5 days. Feeling alot more human, but everything still hurts, and still no sleep. One more day and I'll break my personal record.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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GREAT JOB BUD!!! Your almost at a week now!!! Get yourself some melatonin and take as much as you need, but don't use it until you are ready to lay down and
go to sleep. I find that 10-20mg will help me even on the worst nights. I also tried some herbal sleeping pills that kind of helped. Just don't do any that
can be habit forming.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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lumadaylight9
Stranger

Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 1,132
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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This is my first time hopping on the Shroomery in ages. You got this man. Feel free to send me a message if you need to. I'm almost 2 years sober now. I was on 118mgs of methadone, 6mg of xanax, and about 1.5 grams of heroin a day.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Hey thanks for the support lumadaylight and TrippieHunter. Made it a full week, and I feel like I haven't slept still, but I remember a dream from last night, which means I must have slept.
The encouragement does help. Every morning laying in bed I'm convinced that today is the day I'll crack, but somehow I don't.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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No problem man, keep it up. At this point your more at the mental game more than anything. For me the worst of the shit was over by this point but I was
only kicking pills. You got this shit, if you get the urge just remind yourself of the hell the past week has been and ask yourself if you want to do it again.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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EDM
Stranger


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 856
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Every morning laying in bed I'm convinced that today is the day I'll crack, but somehow I don't.
-moonrockmushy
Good for you man. For best results and/or living longer, this needs to be a life style change, not just a temporary relief. Obvious bullshit aside, I like working out at my home and gym. I also enjoy hiking by myself.
-------------------- Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: EDM]
#22554504 - 11/21/15 08:15 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Somehow I did I got another 48 hours clean under my belt tho and haven't been set back too much I don't think.
Hiking and running is a big help to me, right now it's just hard to do with the stomach cramps but that will work itself out soon I think
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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I am glad to hear that you are still going strong bro! Keeping yourself preoccupied with activities is very important to your success, so good job
for getting out there and doing shit! Keep it up bro!
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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StickyIcky Fingers
Free DOOM!! Available Here

Registered: 12/03/13
Posts: 178
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I hope you can keep the clean streak going
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Saw that you slipped up bro. It's all good, shit happens. Get back on the horse and don't bat yourself up man. You won't have nearly any withdraws compared to
before, it's just a mental game at this point. You can do it if you want it!!
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Thanks man. I'm still determined as ever, I guess I just needed to remind myself how regrettable the whole experience was. I've still been doing better than I have staying clean in years. I'm gonna try and not smoke so much weed and drink like I originally set out to do. Especially the drinking is insidious and corrodes my judgement over time.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Quote:
moonrockmushy said: right now it's just hard to do with the stomach cramps but that will work itself out soon I think
Have you tried loperamide, it's immodium so will stop you up, but helps many going through WD's with stomach pains. I believe it's an opiod or derived from one, which is why it helps. The shitty thing (no pun intended), is that those pills are anti diarrhea pills, so you have to be careful that you don't get constipated for a long time, so drink a shit load of water too if you go that route.
-------------------- ©️
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Lucis]
#22581813 - 11/27/15 10:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah I do take loperamide sometimes which does keep me from shitting my pants, but it doesn't really help with the stomach cramps, that's something different and only really happens when I move around. It's the one thing I make sure I have before I try to kick, because it is so helpful. I just take a regular dose, I know some people will take massive overdoses of it trying to get high but that seems like a bad idea to me, plus I don't think it works like that.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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2 days again still working at it. I finally ended up following my original plan after using more and more throughout the past month. I'm going to group meetings 7 days/week, not smoking weed, not drinking. Having that to go to in the mornings is making a difference I think, as usually I make the decision to use at some point in the night laying there not being able to sleep, but I go there from 8-12, then the day is half over. The other people in the group are super nice, they all pretty much have worse problems but are further along in recovery than me, so there is hope I think. Guess I gotta let myself get brainwashed, maybe it is for the best.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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2 weeks I got this. Finally feeling ok. Am still blazing and boozing moderately tho.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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hell yeah, keep going man, you got this.
Not trying to tell you how to live your life, but be careful you don't substitute one substance for another, specifically alcohol. I know this guy I was friends with for a while, he quit dope but turned into an alcoholic.
Keep on partaking of that tree of life though, herb is good medicine.
-------------------- ©️
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Lucis]
#22682865 - 12/21/15 11:40 AM (8 years, 1 month ago) |
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I know, I'm not drinking most days, and keeping it at 3-4 drinks. I never really liked drinking that much, and don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I definitely agree 100%. I think as much as risking alcoholism I've gotta look out of getting strung out on booze and going back to what I know will cure that in an instant.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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4 weeks off all opiates, started a new job today, I feel fucking fantastiq Noting can stop me now.
I'll post when I get to 6 months if I remember, but thanks to everyone who listened and offered support. It does mean alot to me.
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pachoo
Witchakookoo



Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
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Fuck yea!!! Good job man.
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Madcaps
mushroom stalker


Registered: 06/17/11
Posts: 1,643
Loc: north-south-east coast fl...
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: pachoo]
#22736444 - 01/04/16 04:44 PM (8 years, 27 days ago) |
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Good job, now take life by the horns...
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Madcaps]
#22736666 - 01/04/16 05:58 PM (8 years, 27 days ago) |
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If paying down my debt is taking life by the horns then fuck yeah I'ma do that.
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Madcaps
mushroom stalker


Registered: 06/17/11
Posts: 1,643
Loc: north-south-east coast fl...
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well its better then giving your money to the dope man
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Re: My latest kick attempt... [Re: Madcaps]
#22789825 - 01/17/16 11:01 AM (8 years, 14 days ago) |
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FUCK YEAH, hope you're still going strong bro! Good luck with the new job and life!!!
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Ehh, had one tiny slip but no biggie, wan't my fault was that damn cocaine and alcohol making me feel like shit, so I just gotta watch out for that. Still going strong and I am calling this 6 weeks. Feeling pretty good.
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