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OfflineCrystal G
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Registered: 06/05/07
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Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? * 1
    #22489243 - 11/07/15 04:53 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I had THE MOST amazing date tonight. Literally did not think I would connect on that level with anybody. After running through tons of hot but super basic and BAF (boring as fuck) guy after guy, I finally hit it off with somebody who's on my cerebral level.

We are both the same age, I loved the smell of his pheromones almost instantly from the moment I got in the car with him, we ended up having a lovely conversation all night on the beach for close to 6 hours and stargazing watching shooting stars and comets. I swear there was a meteor shower tonight, because we ended up seeing 3 shooting stars. Almost felt magical.

But, just before I was about to have sex with him, he dropped the bomb on me. He told me he has a 5 year old CHILD who he shares joint custody with, which has always been a deal breaker for me. He could sense that I was panicking and really freaking out about him having a kid (I honestly didn't even realize I was having a complete anxiety attack in front of him),  and reassured me that I don't ever have to meet his child if I don't want to. He looked me dead in the eyes and reassured me that he's not looking for a replacement mom or anything like that, and that I could just speak up and meet his child whenever I feel ready.

And of course, me being the opportunist that I am, I still HAD to have sex with him and see how he was in bed before giving a final assessment of him or rejecting him completely. First of all, just out of curiosity. Like come on, I have needs too. And, because every single one of my serious relationships always started out with a one-night stand (seriously, I'm not even lying or exaggerating).

Turns out he BLEW. MY. MIND. He feels A MILLION TIMES BETTER than any of my exes or anybody I've ever had inside of me. Which is crazy, because I always thought one of my exes from 3 years ago was a sex GOD, and that NOBODY could EVER top him. (He always made me cum from oral first, and then again in pretty much any position possible, but even then it still took us at least a month to achieve that point, it NEVER happened from the first time). Lately I'll admit I've been kind of missing him, but now I feel super glad and relieved knowing things didn't work out between us, knowing what other type of magic dick is out there in the world.

I don't remember exactly how many times I came, I'm pretty sure it was at least 5 times (without clitoral stimulation even, AND while partially under the influence of alcohol, which NEVER happens for me). I ALWAYS need clitoral stimulation, and I can almost NEVER cum under the influence of any drugs, especially alcohol (or if I do it ends up taking me FUCKING FOREVERRRRRRR LIKE A FUCKING HOUR WTF IS THAT SHIT). I was making faces I've NEVER made during sex before, and grinding my fucking teeth and going fucking cross-eyed like there was no tomorrow. Amazing. Hallelujah.

And no, I was not even ovulating. Not even remotely close. Even though he claimed he totally wants to marry me and have my babies (I just LMFAO'ed and snickered silently to myself because uhh, let's just say, he don't fucken' know the crazy that is me yet LOLOLOLLLLL :lol: ), I was guaranteed at least several weeks away from even being close to possibly pregnant. Basically meaning, that was 100% his skills, and not the "perfect timing" that did it for me.

So now, after that amazing time, I am left more confused and perplexed than ever. If he just royally SUCKED in bed, then I could easily give him up and dump his ass on the spot. But now, because of the connection we had mentally AND physically, I'm left wondering whether I should forgo my "no kids" rule and just go for it. I mean why not, right? Seems like my "no kids" rule has led me nowhere. Maybe the person who will FINALLY be able to take care of me would be an experienced daddy figure. (Seriously, wouldn't that be the ultimate irony if the thing I was avoiding most was the thing I actually needed most? Because in my experience, life is most certainly backwards and a beautiful paradox like that.)

Oh, and BTW, he's black and Latino and Irish and Asian. What a wonderful combination. But the best part is, he looks mixed ethnic, BUT being a video game developer, he totally has an authentic Asian brain. THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!!!! Sorry, did that sound racist? Totally sounds racist as fuck LMAO. Oh wait... sorry not sorry. Turns out that's exactly the type of guy that attracts me the most, and exactly the type of person I was looking for all along.

I agreed to see him a second time, and told him that I wanted to spend the night at his place and cook for him. I'm really not sure why I said that, to be honest, and I'm totally fucking kicking myself now for saying I would do that. But now that I blurted it out, I feel like I have to do it. What should I do guys? Should I give it a shot, or be like, nahhhh kids are too much work, F all that noise, and fuck him (both literally and figuratively) altogether?

God, life is soooo strange and ironic. I feel like in a strange way this was meant to happen, and I should just go for it. You guys don't understand, I literally JUST made a POF profile last night, and he was the VERY FIRST person to message me, and we ended up sending each other paragraphs and paragraphs of conversation to each other all night. It's funny, because I do not even bother responding to 99% of guys who message me first on any online dating website, but for some strange reason I was really drawn to his personality from the get-go.

The very next night, I ended up agreeing to meet him, and we had this unexpectedly beautiful 12-hour date. The timing on this is so fucking perfect it's fucking INSANE. What fucking luck I have, that THE VERY FIRST person I meet from online dating actually ends up this way? THE FUCK!?!!?!?!?!

Seriously, I'm left confused and wondering now which step to go in my life. Going this route could completely change my life, for better or for worse. This is a MAJOR life changing decision, and I am not about to take it lightly. Considering the fact that he is already head over heels in love with me and is already talking about marriage and wanting children with me (he even told me that the first thing he is going to do when he gets back home is delete his POF profile, because apparently I've been the woman he's been looking for for the past 2 years). Which means, the decision is basically 100% mine to either leave him or give him a chance. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO, GUYS?!?!?!! Because I have a feeling there are NOT plenty of fish like him out there in the sea, despite the fact that he has a child.


Edited by Crystal G (11/07/15 06:30 AM)


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OfflineAldous
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22489304 - 11/07/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I once saw a funny image of a bunch of women gathered around a large table. The caption read: "Waiting for the perfect man." The women were all dusty skeletons. I you want to join them, be my guest, it's your choice.

How much closer to finding Mr. Perfect can you get? Lose the need for TOTAL control just for once. Let life amaze you.


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Aldous]
    #22489307 - 11/07/15 06:02 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I do not ever want kids so it would be a huge dealbreaker for me.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #22489339 - 11/07/15 06:37 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Cyclohexylamine said:
I do not ever want kids so it would be a huge dealbreaker for me.




He did notice me freaking out about his kids, and looked me dead in the eyes and said that I never have to meet his child if I don't want to. On my online profile, I said that I do not want children, and I think he knew that the kid thing would really bother me.


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OfflineMatt87
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22489358 - 11/07/15 06:54 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Kids are the best thing in the world. You don't know what you don't know. Give this relationship an opportunity to flourish.(obviously)


--------------------

Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Aldous]
    #22489467 - 11/07/15 07:56 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Aldous said:
I once saw a funny image of a bunch of women gathered around a large table. The caption read: "Waiting for the perfect man." The women were all dusty skeletons. I you want to join them, be my guest, it's your choice.

How much closer to finding Mr. Perfect can you get? Lose the need for TOTAL control just for once. Let life amaze you.




I'm really not that picky though. I've dated all different ethnicities, and all sorts of guys with different looks, careers, ages, and personality types.

Things like height, the type of career they have, how much money they have, etc. are never factors for me in a relationship. I've dated guys who had absolutely ZERO money and I've even dated a guy who was shorter than me (he was 5'4"). I've dated unemployed guys, students, marines, business men, hippie artist types, BDSM fetishist types, hedge fund CEO's, I've even dated homosexuals. In fact, my longest relationship of 5 years was with a homosexual twink. I clearly am one of the least picky people, while at the same time having oddly high standards (but in a different way).

Basically, all I ask are for the following things in a relationship

1. That we have mutual sexual attraction for each other (for me this is a combination of personality, looks, and PHEROMONES, the way their natural body odor smells to me is super important, probably more important than looks for me.)

2. They be good in bed. I don't care what kind of technique they have, they MUST be a pleaser in bed and work to make me cum. This is one thing I am definitely adamant about and will not budge about. Will not give somebody who is a bad lay my time of day.

3. I am one of those women that does not give a shit about a sense of humor. If I want laughs, I have certain friends I can go to. All I care is that you are sweet and kind and not temperamental, irritable, moody, or angry. I prefer easygoing types.

4. I don't care how tall you are, how much money you have, but I DO care what age you are. You must be no more than 3-5 years older than me, or 5-7 years younger than me. No exceptions, unless you're a VERY special person who can make me overlook a significant age difference.

5. Don't be boring or basic. No conventional guys. But don't be a scumbag either. Just because you're not a 9-5 Republican white collar guy doesn't mean I want a criminal piece of shit gangbanger dope fiend. (I know, I'm totally a hypocrite, but I don't date addicts EVER, because I know that they are all full of shit, including myself, I know what kind of bullshit they bring to the table, and also because I don't want to risk my own sobriety as well.)

6. No kids.

That's literally all I ask. Is that so much?

But the thing about kids... I mean, that's a pretty BIG thing to overlook. That's probably the biggest one out of my entire list, in fact. It's probably the biggest thing I could ever overlook, aside from having a serious criminal history.


Edited by Crystal G (11/07/15 08:33 AM)


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22489774 - 11/07/15 09:24 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

You may have just found your Twin Flame.



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #22489851 - 11/07/15 09:38 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

If he's telling you that you never have to meet his kids, that's a euphemism for "we can keep this NSA".  If you want it to be more than a sexual thing, you're gonna have to meet the kids eventually.  From what I know of you, I'm kinda doubting you'd like being in a relationship that involves kids, but maybe I'm wrong.  If you don't want to be in that kind of relationship, break it off or keep it extremely casual.


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InvisibleDistorted Vision
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #22490095 - 11/07/15 10:34 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Wait!? You didn't marry the guy that you previously were with and said that you've never connected with anyone else with like you did with him?

I'd say take it slow and meet the kids.. If this guy really wants a relationship with you so much that he will ditch his kids, he's a piece of shit or he's lying to you.


Or the NSA thing like said above.


--------------------


"Yo yo just here to spread my clit and show ya'll what a wonderful and free being we are all inside lets take the acid and turn inside into the outside come on over baby lets smell the roses ohh ohh come on we're about to get lit show my undies to your baby I'll hug it down three times go around frown come on we aint a nice clown kiss me upside down down down come on sorry if you cant handle my wokeness come on lets take her panties off write shroomery on my asshole and taste it lick it make if feel like we was 1978 come on baby lets do the locamotion"-Twig dude


Edited by Distorted Vision (11/07/15 10:38 AM)


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Distorted Vision]
    #22490383 - 11/07/15 11:34 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Yes. NSA, or if he is interested in a relationship then he's testing the waters to see how you react. If he has any sort of parenting instincts, then he wants to make sure that introducing his kid to you is not a bad idea before he does it. It's better for the kid that way, and the kid's well being and happiness comes well before yours at this point. If you can't accept that, then he probably won't consider having a serious relationship with you.




Quote:

Distorted Vision said:
Wait!? You didn't marry the guy that you previously were with and said that you've never connected with anyone else with like you did with him?





Also, this. What do you want out of a relationship anyway? I can't tell if you just want sex, or if you want other stuff too but can't get it separated from wanting sex. You sort of sound like you're confused about what you want.


Edited by Mr.GuessWork (11/07/15 11:43 AM)


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Mr.GuessWork] * 3
    #22491113 - 11/07/15 02:28 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I hope for the sake of this child you do not fuck with this poor dudes life


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: bloodsheen] * 3
    #22491117 - 11/07/15 02:29 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Try mentioning you've slept with like 100 dudes and are a drug addict (recovering or otherwise). Hopefully his parental instincts will kick in and he won't let you into his life


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinezappaisgod
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #22491633 - 11/07/15 04:13 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Didn't we hear roughly this same spiel about the last guy?  I'm not going to go into what you told me privately but maybe, just maybe, it might not be a bad idea to consider somebody who is decent and responsible enough to take care of a kid.  It isn't like you'll have to do any shit you don't want to.  Who knows.  It might not suck as much as you think.  I never wanted to have a kid either.  Now she is my raison d'etre.


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InvisibleBobaJones
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #22493206 - 11/07/15 09:46 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I would wait and take things slow with him. See how you feel. But I wouldn't rush meeting his kid.. if it ends up not working out between you two it can be really disruptive for the kid. If he really is so amazing, maybe his kid is too.


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OfflineUzziel
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: bloodsheen] * 1
    #22493257 - 11/07/15 09:59 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
I hope for the sake of this child you do not fuck with this poor dudes life




You know, it's sad, because I was thinking the same thing as well.

From my understanding Crystal, you're a poly-drug abuser who constantly is on some kind of binge or anything, constantly "finding the right guy" to fuck and constantly "finding the right situations"

Are you REALLY ready to tone things down a bit and be apart of a guys life who has RESPONSIBILITY?

You can't fucking smoke PCP and have his child be in the house. You can't be fucking doped up. Can you do that? Is that worth it to you?

Yeah, you can snicker all you want, because you're right... he doesn't know you, the real you, not yet...


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Uzziel]
    #22493274 - 11/07/15 10:03 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

His brothers a drug addict. I'm sure he can deal just fine with me.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Distorted Vision]
    #22493312 - 11/07/15 10:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Distorted Vision said:
Wait!? You didn't marry the guy that you previously were with and said that you've never connected with anyone else with like you did with him?




I was under the influence of drugs then, and also for some reason I never trusted that guy. My first instincts were constantly screaming at me to GTFO and away from him, because he gave off an extremely untrustworthy vibe. I've never mistrusted anybody so much ever in my life. This new guy is a complete stranger, and he already gives off a way better and friendlier vibe than the last guy.


Edited by Crystal G (11/07/15 10:22 PM)


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OfflineUzziel
O_o


Registered: 12/30/10
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Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #22493327 - 11/07/15 10:18 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Are you sure? Is that your attitude with someone who has a kid? "He can deal with me because his brother..."

That's exactly why I'm telling you to stay the fuck away if you're gonna have that attitude.

Oh well. It's not like you give a fuck about these posts. This is your giant ego saying I'LL DO WHAT I WANT

Yeah. Go cheat on him too on the side while you're at it. We already know you Crystal. Who the fuck are you kidding? People like you don't change unless you really decide it yourself

All these posts you make are some artificial bullshit to make yourself feel better about it when you do fuck his life up.

I never thought I'd talk so badly about someone. But I've read enough of your posts over the years to know you and responsibility don't mingle, period.

:nonono:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Uzziel]
    #22493339 - 11/07/15 10:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

:lol:

I'm not asking or agreeing to meet his kid, calm down.


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OfflineUzziel
O_o


Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: Had the Most Amazing Date Tonight--But He Has a Child (Dealbreaker for Me). What to do? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22493350 - 11/07/15 10:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Yes and in your title it says "What to do"

And I'm saying stay the fuck away from his life if you don't want to really be a part of it.

Yeah you're gonna fuck him a few times then what? What about a few months down the line?

You can laugh it off all you want...


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