Now that I'm writing it, it's going away. I'm coming down finally. from heaven.
drank a cup of mushroom tea, around 4 hrs ago, made from a few teaspoons of fine-powdered mushrooms, a lil lemon water, and hot boiling water.
kicked around 20 minutes later, really fast and really deep it seemed. I felt it was gonna be a deep trip, cause I did a lil much on powders.
after feeling I could not read pinterest posts, I decided to stop gazing at laptop, and try to take a bath. cause the last time I took bath while tripping it felt really good.
NOW... can't find the words to say. i'm sure there's no words for it probably. it started with a feeling of hearing something like :"Oh here you are the dearest." as I was washing my hair, there were times/moments I was sure I'm of something powerful, from her. I was/am sure I'm a part of that divine/powerful/know-everything/everything/laghing-at-everything/seeing-everything being. It was the deepest feeling I ever had. I was/am sure I was as important/key-factor/natural/heavenly as all universe.
For moments I could hear all news channels, and understand their implying message, a message from all their bullshit news. something so screaming to be fake and deceiving as hell about those TV programs. but for a moment I could see/understand all that exists in all this messages (news programs), and could see how plotted all the events in world is, as I could hear the Divine-being laughing at everything, cause she knew it all, and it seemed like childish plays to her. this heavenly laugh had some kinda compassion in it, like she knew that many people choose to lie/play-games-with-nature/.etc but still she laughed cause she was sure all of them will be returning to the basic belief of her power. she knew everything was in control, far far from being a thread if anything. (like no worry to her. absolutely zero worry in her side.)
Then I felt some greenish colors/smells all intertwined together from heaven or something. like a message from the divine. like saying "it's for you dear, a gift". and it all disappeared suddenly, like saying: "but hey, don't get used to this gift, it's only to remind you i'm here, and re-assure you you're not lost." all this thoughts/feeling were deeply compassionated. all I could feel was her compassion/kindness for me.
She showed me how insanely we humans treat earth, how we've filled it pollution. showed me all of it is the result of consumerism. and filled me with the urge to do something for the earth. (actually she showed me how to make a advertisement-like thing to awaken people about how bad we are treating earth, and how each of us are responsible for it)
I completely lost how time was going, and this feeling was with me from beginning : "don't trust time. You can't guess/understand time by seeing the way things happen, and seeing where the sun is in sky, or by seeing how fast/slow thing move."
In some moment, I felt she was trying to tell me something indirectly, she didn't want me to feel offended/worry/harsh/sorry/ashamed. the message was a drop that she poured into my mouth and it went down deeply to my soul/spirit. it was a mixture of all this lessons together, at the same time:
- "You are divine as others are, all around the world. each and every being."
- "You don't need to limit yourself this much, be reminded of the message I already gave you :"you have the power of moving mountains with you." do your life, you will not hurt anyone. that's the basic rule of world, "no harm to other beings".
- Remember John Lily's quote: "you have to forget the omnipotence and omniscience powers of this spaces when you go back..." (this message was bold and serious, like a tough warning from a Sergent to a soldier, with that tone too)
- Tell everyone you can: "life is a gift. though some kind of temporary prison" !
- You wanna meet the dear lover? then get sicker and sicker than this. "you are not qualified to meet the dearest being of all, though you will be qualified surely someday. but not now. get sicker than this..." (this message was rhythmic and poetic)
there were times I was filled more than my capacity, by the feeling of thankfulness. I felt like I owe a deep deep thank-giving to the divine. and I knew she felt just how incapable-of-thanking I am. she knew that I truly know I owe her much much more than I can ever thank. I was happy that at least she let me know that she knows this too. So I just whispered to myself :"OK, you just know I can't pay your favor back to you. you lent me more than I can ever pay back. I even don't have enough life-time to say thank you for the rest of my life, every day, every hour and minute." I whispered to myself, but she heard it all, And I knew she would hear it. and actually was happy of it. I had no doubts of her powers.
Then I thought deeply about life, societies, history, animal beings, the definition of connectedness, the concept of information, the concept of transferring knowledge to others, the concept of speed/movement/acceleration, the relations of humans to each other, helping poor people, making some comedy scenarios to educate people!, music, sex, the importance of all people making different music types, the truth of religion books, how some prophets were actually some sneaky/wise persons using people as their own tools/weapon/power/goats. (sorry if offensive, my opinion. my experience).
then I thought about my future, and saw like many many tree-like possibilities of my futures, I decided to choose the ones where my friends were happy in them. and searched for those branches.
later, I felt It's been a few hours(like 4-5 hrs) I'm in bathroom. and thought now my mom is worrying. so jumped out of bathroom, trying to hide the signs of deep joy and extacy in me (was still tripping a lil). and found out it's been only 1 hour since I went to take that heavenly bath.
in this whole experience there was her background of heavenly/kind/smooth/soothing/empowering/re-assuring/satisfying laugh. I felt her laugh all around the universe. A sound so heavenly I beg to hear for all my life.
I'm trying hard to recover more from the trip, but so far it's all I can recall. love, peace, the she !
|