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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Quote:
moonrockmushy said: Yeah I get emotional coming off opiates for sure. It can be really hard to cope with sometimes, because even though it can be like "that's so beautiful" it can also feel so empty and make me not give a fuck about anything.
I've gotten a little more reckless but also more adventurous. I've gotta watch myself. On the other hand I also think it's a function of hitting my mid 30s. I had nearly six years stolen because of that goddamn car wreck. Maybe I'm just trying to return to my halcyon days. Don't know. PAWS is terrible, especially being bipolar.
I've had quite a few trips during this time period and almost all high dose trips have left me in the fetal position.
I have noticed though that I'm happier. Maybe because I'm doing things to improve my life; my marriage, my diet, my health, hobbies, making tons of new friends.
Gotta wait for the noggin to learn how to be happy again, but it seems to be happening faster. But I could just be having bouts of hypomania.
Tripping balls to near blackout while in the fetal position crying has really helped evaluate my life.
I'll never be clean off weed and psychs. They're just too refreshing and helpful. As far as the bottle, I think I'm on 8 or so years now, drink a beer or two a couple times a year. I'll get tossed on special occasions every 2 years or so, but I can never view alcohol as something beneficial or to go back to on the reg. Too many calories anyway, and I'm busy getting fit again.
Alcohol is the hardest thing to kick since it's so widely available and used so often by a large majority of the US population.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22509887 - 11/11/15 03:36 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah last time I hopped on a plane across the country with $900 and no plan whatsoever. Ended up drinking too much living on the street. It's hard to get things just right, and too easy to go back to using when they don't.
Anyways I made it 38 hours, pretty much too late to go get anything today so I'm at least going to make it to 2 days+, which will be the longest I have gone since this quitting attempt started, longest time since May 2013 really. It would be amazing if I started to feel better tomorrow, but considering the last thing I took was 30mg of methadone which barely let me sleep a couple hours, I'm thinking it will get worse and worse for at least another 2 days before it gets better . I'm just through 1 halflife period right now so I should have 15mg in me still, which is a decent dose as sick as I am on it. (edit actually just looked it up and it's only 12-18hr HL for a single dose, which is good news, maybe things will start to look up soon) Hopefully I can handle it. Can't believe how hard it's been, and I haven't even got close.
Edited by moonrockmushy (11/11/15 03:39 PM)
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22509891 - 11/11/15 03:37 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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And jeebus... the lethargy and soreness and tightness is killer if you have physical injuries. Granted I've put a lot of strain on my body hiking lately and partying, but man its hard to get out of bed. The only thing keeping me going and active is getting fit again and a special project my wife and I are trying. Vacationing and exploring has been the best medicine outside of Kratom and mmj.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Quote:
moonrockmushy said: Yeah last time I hopped on a plane across the country with $900 and no plan whatsoever. Ended up drinking too much living on the street. It's hard to get things just right, and too easy to go back to using when they don't.
Anyways I made it 38 hours, pretty much too late to go get anything today so I'm at least going to make it to 2 days+, which will be the longest I have gone since this quitting attempt started, longest time since May 2013 really. It would be amazing if I started to feel better tomorrow, but considering the last thing I took was 30mg of methadone which barely let me sleep a couple hours, I'm thinking it will get worse and worse for at least another 2 days before it gets better. I'm just through 1 halflife period right now so I should have 15mg in me still, which is a decent dose as sick as I am on it. Hopefully I can handle it. Can't believe how hard it's been, and I haven't even got close.
It gets better though, and you know this... just do the best you can with what you have where you are.
This helped me a lot though:
"Even if you fall on your knees, you're still moving forward."
"When you can't run, you walk. When you can't walk you crawl."
Hang in there.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Quote:
moonrockmushy said: Can't believe how hard it's been, and I haven't even got close.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden] 1
#22509973 - 11/11/15 03:54 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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thanks man, really. I gotta psych myself up, that's the only thing that got me through it before, getting mad. I hate the idea of being mentally weak, which I am of course at this point, but I do know it can get better.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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There's nothing weak about wanting to get sober. 
Quote:
moonrockmushy said: ...but I do know it can get better.
Atta boy.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22510188 - 11/11/15 04:36 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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A childhood friend (read: 30 years) had no idea about my car wreck or medicine use/abuse. He caught wind of me getting clean through someone. I was sicker than shit but could still laugh when he sent me this.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22510648 - 11/11/15 06:16 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really need to get out of the house and do something, been cooped up in here for like 5 days now aside from a couple trips to the store. A nice long walk would do me some good. There's a park 7/10ths of a mile from here, I'm heading out now to force myself down there and back. Seems so pathetic. I've done 30 mile days before. I made it 3500 feet and 6 miles up a mountain, and back down in 5 hours. I've ran a handful of half marathons. But this shit has me so weak this seems like such a huge ordeal right now.
It's been a shitty day. I've been super anxious and restless most of the day. Hopefully this helps me out a bit.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22511009 - 11/11/15 07:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah I was running like 3-5mi per day when I was on subs. I tried doing a little jog today while walking the dog, made it like 20 steps, everything hurt and thought I might pass out. Walking is always good tho.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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I started laying a lot of miles down while I was on methadone, like 20+ a week, climbing at the gym most days, and took quite a few trips to climb outdoors. Right now I can't imagine doing any of that.
It's so weird how weak you get without opiates. I had to force 90% of that walk out. I just wanted to lay down in the grass the whole time.
My brother's got a couple bikes here, tomorrow I'm gonna force myself to go on a nice long ride and explore the area, and force myself to go hard for a while. It will be nice to break a real sweat, instead of these cold sweats I keep getting. Hopefully that will make those go away.
I'm glad you're able to at least get up and try to jog. You're doing better than I would be. I end up in the hospital when I kick a good habit from puking myself into dehydration. Keep it up man.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22511760 - 11/11/15 10:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah it's funny. Friday into Saturday was one of the most hellish days ever, I could not have went on like that, but I cured that with ~1.5g of shitty dope that I almost crashed my car to get cause I was too sick to drive, and since then it haven't got nearly as sick. I wonder if I took a suboxone now if I would go into precipitated withdrawal again. You'd think if that were the case, that subs can't hold me, I would be alot sicker. I don't care to find out though, I'd rather not prolong things anymore if this is as bad as it gets.
Seems too good to be true. I'm even smoking a couple cigs here and there and feeling ok, which is something I normally don't do when I'm sick since it makes me heave.
No sleep tho it seems
Edited by moonrockmushy (11/11/15 10:02 PM)
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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I'm still her but I got sober
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Psilonoob
Yeastie Boys



Registered: 10/18/15
Posts: 46
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: SnowDaze]
#22511801 - 11/11/15 10:09 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Computer addict here. I'm on the internet almost 10 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm depressed and it's ruining my life because I'm doing nothing all day. Like one uses drugs I go on the internet to numb my emotions. A lot of people think it's not as legit as harder drugs like heroin but I think it's just as bad. It's harder to quit as there are no rehab programs that exist for this kind of thing, and it's harder to stay away from it as I need my computer for school and work.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Psilonoob]
#22511811 - 11/11/15 10:13 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Go out and do stuff with your computer. Take it for walks, to the movies, dinner. Feed it some LSD and talk about its hopes and dreams
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Psilonoob]
#22511813 - 11/11/15 10:14 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah the internet is a real addiction too I'm totally guilty of that addiction
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: SnowDaze]
#22511841 - 11/11/15 10:23 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Video game addiction is very real. 40 man vanilla warcraft raids. Molten Core, oh god. I've been playing the same text based MUD for 25 years. I'm surprised I made it through grad school, let alone did well.
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SnowDaze
Probably Relapsing on Heroin



Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 5,996
Loc: Home, Home Again....
Last seen: 5 months, 12 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22511848 - 11/11/15 10:25 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I used to play counter strike like 8+ hours a day... I was obsessed with that stuff
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If you get confused, listen to the music play
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22511899 - 11/11/15 10:41 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just found a bunch of tramadol. Took 200mg.
I dunno if I should feel like I fucked up or not. It's just tramadol, and I've been on methadone and blasting several grams of heroin a day on and off. I doubt I'll feel anything other than less withdrawly.
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