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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper



Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 4 days, 20 hours
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491245 - 11/07/15 02:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rustifer said: pretty much, was on suboxone all of 2011 and half of 2012, stayed strung out until I went to rehab for the first time at the end of 2012, relapsed 3 days after I got out in January 2013, and stayed strung out except some short stays in rehab and detox until april 2014, had a year clean there until this April, and been on methadone until about 2 months ago. It's been a rough past few years.
You a felon? Do you care to quit or do you embrace the idea of yourself just dying this way?
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
#22491256 - 11/07/15 02:59 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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It is very sad.
I've fucked off so much, so many good jobs, college twice, an inheritance, a really nice car, two relationships with ok girls, hundreds of friends, my family has nothing to do with me except for my brother, I'm an empty shell of the magnificent human I once was.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491263 - 11/07/15 03:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
morrowasted said:
Quote:
Rustifer said: pretty much, was on suboxone all of 2011 and half of 2012, stayed strung out until I went to rehab for the first time at the end of 2012, relapsed 3 days after I got out in January 2013, and stayed strung out except some short stays in rehab and detox until april 2014, had a year clean there until this April, and been on methadone until about 2 months ago. It's been a rough past few years.
You a felon? Do you care to quit or do you embrace the idea of yourself just dying this way?
Somehow, I did all this with no charges.
I have tried to quit so many times it's unreal. I don't understand why I can't get it. All the people I used the most with have 2-3 years clean now. Why can't I be like them?
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper



Registered: 10/30/09
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491269 - 11/07/15 03:02 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rustifer said: It is very sad.
I've fucked off so much, so many good jobs, college twice, an inheritance, a really nice car, two relationships with ok girls, hundreds of friends, my family has nothing to do with me except for my brother, I'm an empty shell of the magnificent human I once was.
I've seen worse. You said you don't even have Hep C/HIV. From what it sounds like you haven't even been to prison.
If you keep it up, all of those things are eventually going to happen. So essentially, you have a choice. You can either quit now, and live life felony free and free of Hep C, or you can quit later (if you don't die), and live life with a felony and Hep C.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491287 - 11/07/15 03:04 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, it could be much worse. This is pretty bad. I can't imagine what I've done with a felony, some prison time, and hep c to boot would be like.
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper



Registered: 10/30/09
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491311 - 11/07/15 03:11 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Go to AA/NA, at least at first, if it helps. Don't let the program stuff scare you away. Just go for a place to hang out. You don't need to buy into the program bullshit (that doesn't mean you should walk in with a completely closed mind), you just need some place to spend the free time you suddenly end up having. When I first got clean I went every day. After I got to the point where I didn't constantly feel like using I cut back to about 3 times a week. Now that I rarely think about using at all, I rarely go at all. I think there are some good things that are taught by people in the program, like acceptance of what you can't change and the power to change what you can, and noting your "shortcomings" throughout the day so that you can learn from all of your experiences, rather than blaming the world for all of your problems- "If only they would do things they way I think they ought to be done".
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491358 - 11/07/15 03:19 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know that program like the back of my hand. Been through the steps several times. I can go to any meeting in the world and make the whole room clap for me. I've been to probably 1000+ meetings. I've chaired more than a few and done a good bit of H&Is. I sound like a recovery all-star when I want to, I guess I'm just constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491379 - 11/07/15 03:23 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper



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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491385 - 11/07/15 03:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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No.
Someone who is not capable of being honest with themselves is in denial about their addiction.
You appear to be fully cognizant of your addiction, and of what it has turned you into, and of where it will lead you if you don't do something about it now.
You mentioned that you were on a bus out of San Antonio hoping to get away from it. Where are you headed?
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491391 - 11/07/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm in Fort Worth at my brother's house now.
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morrowasted
Worldwide Stepper



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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491408 - 11/07/15 03:31 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Ah, I was hoping you were gonna say Houston as that is where I'm at. Well, best of luck to you, my good sir. Holler at me if you're ever in Houston.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
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Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: morrowasted]
#22491435 - 11/07/15 03:35 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I need to go back there some day. I'm from there. I grew up in Jersey Village. Haven't been back in 10 or 11 years now.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22491465 - 11/07/15 03:40 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rustifer said: How do you get that post graph? I bet most of mine are made during my clean periods.
TNK posted it for you I see, but if you're still curious it is located in your profile if you click your name (or someone else's) as a little line chart icon in the "Average Posts Per Day" section. Just click that.
I've also managed to maintain with no charges or diseases, which sometimes is a bit hard for me to believe considering some of the regrettable things I've done. Every time I go cop I think this is going to be the time I don't walk away, and the most fucked up part is I'm usually more worried about getting popped before I get a shot in me than I am about the charges. 
Maybe I will do the Kratom thing Dys, but in the past it has just made me violently ill. In the acute phase it just doesn't do enough, and is too taxing on my stomach. If I am struggling with PAWS I will certainly consider it, but my thinking is that once it gets so bad, there's really nothing to do but try to eat and drink and just wait.
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Rustifer
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Registered: 04/10/05
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Loc: Central Texas
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Still not sick, still haven't touched the subs. I have the RLS, and waves of anxiety, but all in all I'm alright and I slept like 10 hours. I think I'm getting off lucky. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I can't score here.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#22496844 - 11/08/15 05:24 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hope you're right, I've heard of people getting off easy before, specially when they make a change like that. I got 12 hours down again, just starting to get the yawns. ain't gonna be a pussy this time around tho.
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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In the interest of my recovery I'm going to be hiding this thread. If anyone wants to talk about addiction or needs someone to confide in please contact me. I've helped a lot of people here and always have time for a member.
Good luck everyone and please don't end up in the RIP thread. I'm incredibly concerned for at least three of you and it makes me sad. I love you guys. Godspeed.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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I am a kratom addict.
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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How are ya doing over there buddy?
I'm a bit better today, haven't had any restless legs or debilitating waves of anxiety yet. Just yawny with a leaky face.
Looks like I got off easy. Hopefully I can get out and find some work this week.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
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Loc: San Francisco
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
#22500133 - 11/09/15 12:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: I am a kratom addict.
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
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Alcoholic checking in.
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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