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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
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Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #23962815 - 12/28/16 01:45 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Its been painful as hell these past 2 days.
But 21 days clean.

Idk why my brain still wants it so bad


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23963071 - 12/28/16 03:35 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

u on krat?


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23963079 - 12/28/16 03:37 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

No this krat I have does nothing


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23963175 - 12/28/16 04:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

How much you take?  I did 1tbsp 3-4x/day right when I switched.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23965060 - 12/29/16 09:55 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Awesome job mousey mouse! Hang in there, it'll get easier as you find new ways to cope and get busy, interested/passionate about new things in life. Youll hardly ever think of the stuff.

I would write in a journal to vent when i was quitting dope. Id write to plan my day, to encourage myself, to figure out how i was feeling and why. While in the turmoil of PAWS, suffering from severe depression, anxiety, boredom and of course cravings i would write in my journal.

One thing I had to drill in my head and reminded myself of constantly was that cravings pass. And not only do cravings pass, all strong emotions come and go. It helped me put things in perspective writing and asking myself questions/figuring things out.

Usually i could trace the source/what spurred my cravings. And many times itd be something small and goofy as just beingna little tired and hungry/thirsty.

Sooner or later im gonna drop the pst habit i have and go back to opiate free for a while again. Right now its kind of tough because i have some really bad chronic joint pain and a physically demanding job. The pst is allowing me to be able to keep up currently. If i had a different job itd be preferable for stopping.

I could always try fighting around with docs/insurance to try and get a pain script again. My one doc a while back got me a 30ct of 10mg hydrocodone as a couple months supply before booting me to elsewhere.

Pretty much all ive been able to get for the past couple years is 60 50mg tramadol per month. Which is just meh..mm Fuck doctors


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23965253 - 12/29/16 11:08 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks baby
I actually started suboxone today.
I think im in love.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23966316 - 12/29/16 06:53 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

yeah fuck bupe.  Just wait until you get booted over some bullshit.  I got booted for not taking enough bupe.  Get back on the krat, it is enough.


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23966393 - 12/29/16 07:24 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

How did they prove you didnt take enough?


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23966406 - 12/29/16 07:29 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

uhh, it's hazy now, but a certain metabolite.  I wanna say norebuprenorphine.  The're like, test results show that you're taking suboxone just before you show up just to divert your medication and not taking it every day.

Coincidentally public providers all seemed to take a hit at this point.  There might be ulterior motives but I'd trust drug dealers way before I trust the government.

You can get fucked over any point with a doctor tho.  be prepared.


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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23966409 - 12/29/16 07:30 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Addict here. Currently on a little fentanyl run. Gotta stop in a couple days though


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23966435 - 12/29/16 07:38 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

ModestMouse said:
Thanks baby
I actually started suboxone today.
I think im in love.




be careful with subs man. Withdrawls are probs worse than heroin. And there not a solution... your just doing it legally... with no high.


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68]
    #23966438 - 12/29/16 07:39 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

No but I dont need a solution I need crutches so I can get off my ass and make some positive change in my life.

Im comfortable knowing il be dependent on them. My doctor will taper me off appropriately.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23966452 - 12/29/16 07:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Suboxone is highly addictive in a subversive way tho.  Don't believe their bullshit.  If you are sick and need to get through the day, I understand.  If you want a better life use kratom as a dietary supplement.


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OfflineMental Taco
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23966465 - 12/29/16 07:48 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Were all addicts of some form.
As lame as it is im realizing how much shittier my general well being is now that i take less kratom. Its like i need to take kratom to get shit done. Im months clean but feel like kratom is prolonging shit with my brain chemistry normalizing.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Mental Taco]
    #23966509 - 12/29/16 08:05 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I can't tell if you think kratk8n is a good thing.


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Mental Taco]
    #23966767 - 12/29/16 09:28 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Mental Taco said:
Were all addicts of some form.
As lame as it is im realizing how much shittier my general well being is now that i take less kratom. Its like i need to take kratom to get shit done. Im months clean but feel like kratom is prolonging shit with my brain chemistry normalizing.




well duh. So many people go on about how kratom is this godly chemical. Yes ok it doesnt have almost any physical withdrawals. Not the point. Kratom is still an opioid. Your brain is still geting opioids. You still havent worked your shit out about why you used in the first place. Taking kratom everyday means your still an opioid addict.

Yes of course its still better than heroin. But its still not a good thing compared to proper treatment.


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23966809 - 12/29/16 09:40 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

ModestMouse said:
Thanks baby
I actually started suboxone today.
I think im in love.




be careful with subs man. Withdrawls are probs worse than heroin. And there not a solution... your just doing it legally... with no high.



Doing what legally? Getting off heroin legally? Because yeah he's doing that. I understand where youre coming from regarding being cautious with subs, but youre coming off a little pretentious and dismissive of all his recent hardwork.

I mean 100% opiate free for over 3 weeks doesnt count now just because he decided he could use a little help and wanted to try a different route to getting clean than you agree with?

Dont say "its the same thing" because im sorry its just fucking NOT. I think that people that feel the way you do and have these kneejerk responses to people using maintenance need to take a step back and realize what the goal really is.. To STOP using heroin. Also as addicts we should understand that there is more than one way/path to getting clean. This rigid line of thinking is detrimental and harmful. Its all about harm reduction, people quit heroin because their lives become unmanageable in some way on it.

I think you have some addicts out there that love to tell people who use subs/maintenance "that it doesnt count, youre still dirty brah," because it makes them feel better about their own heroin habit that. they havent even tried to control/made any progress on fixing.

Reminds me of when i told this one bitch about how i qiit smoking cigs and her very first comment is "well you still smoke weed?" Of course she chain smoked, smoked pot daily and drank no less than a 12 pack each night. Just had to undermine my success


Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
yeah fuck bupe.  Just wait until you get booted over some bullshit.  I got booted for not taking enough bupe.  Get back on the krat, it is enough.



Hey now be open minded. Just because it didnt work for you doesn't mean it wont for mouse


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23966827 - 12/29/16 09:44 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah suboxone gets a bad rep around here but in real life I know several success stories and my father has a few coworkers whos children have done well with it.

Many down talk it because they cant or wont get it and follow through. I understand that you can get booted off of it, but I have no intention of fucking it up I feel blessed to have this option.

Today I felt more capable and active than I have in a month, and I didnt have to break the law or inject myself or pay a drug dealer to do so.

I am proud of my 21 days clean, but I saw a dark future where each day was becoming harder to stay off due to my depressed receptors and environmental factors so I made the call.
Its my airbag.
Its going to work I will make it so.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: ModestMouse] * 1
    #23968396 - 12/30/16 03:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah a lot of people think "well it didnt work for me so it wont work for you."

Its funny, i noticed how elated you were yesterday with the subs and got deja vu. Ive totally been there before.

Even after the first few weeks clean where physical symptoms are gone, there persists still this big wave of depression, boredom, apathy that weighs down on you.

Its more than depression and boredom, much more. Its a chemical imbalance, all your feel good chemicals/dopamine are inhibited and you have this unshakable cloud of darkness surrounding you.

Imo that is the hardest part of quitting. The physical part of wd is uncomfortable and you know youre gonna feel shitty. But after Thats passes you hope to actually start feeling better or ok mentally and it just takes so long.

Thats something i think gets a lot of people using again. A little chemical help to get you through that point can be an effective tool.

I remember a month or so after quitting dope i got a handful of tramadol. Off a small dose my whole mood changed, i felt so much better and it kept me staying clean from heroin.

I recall seeing a thread posted here about people's experience finding stability on sub maintenance. One guy said after a year on subs he was able to pull himself together and buy a house!

As a former h addict, when i hear people say well technically you're still not clean..i dismiss that notion. I dont care what others think, i know if im being true to myself.

With heroin you have to deal with shady people and get put in compromising situations. You have to be worried about getting pinched or robbed. You spend yourself into poverty and wonder what kind of drastic and immoral thing you have to do to get the money for the next hit.

Then of course you have to worry about clean needles, infections and of course ODing.

All that stuff is in the past if you have an effective maintenance program.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Mush 4 Brains] * 1
    #23968409 - 12/30/16 03:17 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Suboxone will get you more hooked than ever before, with none of the fun.  It sucks.  I guess if you're getting high off it I can see the appeal, but that won't last.


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