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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 3 hours
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23863706 - 11/24/16 01:32 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apostle said: i started watching that a few days ago but seeing as i havent used a needle since my overdose i had stop it. ill watch it later if i relapse like i want too.
but yea that's a big contender but i honestly feel like it must be something worse. well something extra i should say because im almost guaranteed to either have theC or be immune(yes its possible).
i ate 40 percocet 10mgs and then 100 5mg percocets after that all in a pretty short span without doing cwe. to the point where i couldnt eat 2-3 withought throwing up. which doesnt mean that i stopped trying.
im thinking i fucked my liver
yea thats totally gunna mess up a liver. The paracetamol really fucks up your liver.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68] 1
#23904311 - 12/07/16 05:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm clean.
Good luck out there folks.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle] 1
#23906807 - 12/08/16 12:36 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi guys.
Doing alright.
I slipped up back on October 17th, I shot a gram of tar trying to off myself.
It doesn't feel like it happened, and I feel differently about it as I didn't use to get high.
I'm doing alright now, I work about 80 hours a week, and climb every chance I get which is nice.
But my bipolar disorder has gotten very bad, ever since the weather changed I've been cycling several times a week, sometimes multiple times in a day.
I'm thinking about breaking down and going back to a doctor for meds for it, because my life is hinged on me keeping this job, my car not breaking, and several other things. I know if any of them fell through, another attempt at my own life would happen.
If it's not one thing, it's another.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#23906821 - 12/08/16 12:39 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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How did a gram not kill you. I am/was planning on buying about a gram of ecp to attempt to end it and dont want to fall short
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
#23906938 - 12/08/16 01:19 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Glad to hear it man. At least you are clean. im supposedly bi-polar as well but i stopped taking meds because idk im just paranoid about them.
I was getting seriously suicidal while on anti-psychs whereas prior id mostly just joke about it.
Everyone is different though.
the important thing is you are clean and working. Good Job!
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23907125 - 12/08/16 02:16 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Rus, you dont have family, a friend or a gf you can lean on a little bit? Sorry things were so bad, glad your dick aint in the dirt :/
Quote:
ModestMouse said: How did a gram not kill you. I am/was planning on buying about a gram of ecp to attempt to end it and dont want to fall short
Dont be dumb! I would never try and commit suicide using dope. Well at least not dope alone. If you dont die there is a possibility you could cause some serious irreversible problems from prolonged lack of oxygen. Problems where you really really wish you were dead after... Ive heard of people losing use of limbs, hearing, vision, becoming half retarded.
I have a stupid opiate and alcohol tolerence, even after being clean for a while. So many times ive woke up on the ground, body sore as fuck, one time i almost bit a hole through my lip while passed out.
Usually im alone but a few times with others i was told my lips were blue i was barely breathing with almost no heart beat. Then 2 mins later i come to. Its strange ive seen people od off shit that barely gave me a nod. My old gf said that my false sense of invincibility is going to eventually kill me. I should have been dead so many times...
If i were to try and off myself id probably eat a shitload of benzos and drink a fifth of whiskey before trying to shoot the lethal dose..
Quote:
Apostle said: Glad to hear it man. At least you are clean. im supposedly bi-polar as well but i stopped taking meds because idk im just paranoid about them.
I was getting seriously suicidal while on anti-psychs whereas prior id mostly just joke about it.
Everyone is different though.
the important thing is you are clean and working. Good Job!
I suppose being suicidal and bipolar is part of opiate addiction. If you werent that way before becoming addicted, chance is you certainly will become so after.
A lot of dope addicts i know are very clever, artistic, yet very troubled individuals with a tough past. I know for the longest time on opiates i had a sense that THIS is how I'm supposed to feel, how normal people feel.
I was really close to offing myself last year. I was empty inside, and id do all these wreckless things because i didn't care. I eventually came to the conclusion that i was too much of a pussy to do it. Something inside was holding me back, a little voice whispering to me.
I think the thought of leaving my dog behind was a big reason i couldnt. That fucking mangey mutt loves me more than anyone ever has, and i know he'd be heartbroken if i was gone. When i leave for extended periods of time he goes into my room, lays on my bed. He wont move and he'll ignore the rest of my family most of the day.
You still clean?
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 3 hours
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Quote:
Mush 4 Brains said: Rus, you dont have family, a friend or a gf you can lean on a little bit? Sorry things were so bad, glad your dick aint in the dirt :/
Quote:
ModestMouse said: How did a gram not kill you. I am/was planning on buying about a gram of ecp to attempt to end it and dont want to fall short
Dont be dumb! I would never try and commit suicide using dope. Well at least not dope alone. If you dont die there is a possibility you could cause some serious irreversible problems from prolonged lack of oxygen. Problems where you really really wish you were dead after... Ive heard of people losing use of limbs, hearing, vision, becoming half retarded.
I have a stupid opiate and alcohol tolerence, even after being clean for a while. So many times ive woke up on the ground, body sore as fuck, one time i almost bit a hole through my lip while passed out.
Usually im alone but a few times with others i was told my lips were blue i was barely breathing with almost no heart beat. Then 2 mins later i come to. Its strange ive seen people od off shit that barely gave me a nod. My old gf said that my false sense of invincibility is going to eventually kill me. I should have been dead so many times...
If i were to try and off myself id probably eat a shitload of benzos and drink a fifth of whiskey before trying to shoot the lethal dose..
Quote:
Apostle said: Glad to hear it man. At least you are clean. im supposedly bi-polar as well but i stopped taking meds because idk im just paranoid about them.
I was getting seriously suicidal while on anti-psychs whereas prior id mostly just joke about it.
Everyone is different though.
the important thing is you are clean and working. Good Job!
I suppose being suicidal and bipolar is part of opiate addiction. If you werent that way before becoming addicted, chance is you certainly will become so after.
A lot of dope addicts i know are very clever, artistic, yet very troubled individuals with a tough past. I know for the longest time on opiates i had a sense that THIS is how I'm supposed to feel, how normal people feel.
I was really close to offing myself last year. I was empty inside, and id do all these wreckless things because i didn't care. I eventually came to the conclusion that i was too much of a pussy to do it. Something inside was holding me back, a little voice whispering to me.
I think the thought of leaving my dog behind was a big reason i couldnt. That fucking mangey mutt loves me more than anyone ever has, and i know he'd be heartbroken if i was gone. When i leave for extended periods of time he goes into my room, lays on my bed. He wont move and he'll ignore the rest of my family most of the day.
You still clean?
yea that sounds pretty familiar ey... opiates make you somewhat normal. I suppose you become suicidal become dope kinda leaves you numb and empty inside. And going from super fucking euphoric to being sick is pretty bipolar in itself.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68]
#23907411 - 12/08/16 03:31 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Without a doubt, ive always thought that. I think there has to be something wrong with a person if theyre doing heroin. Not always but typically addicts tend to have been troubled before they start.
Also opiates have often made me feel energized. Which according to some "experts" if it hits you like that in a stimulating way, its a sign that you'll be an addict
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 3 hours
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Quote:
Mush 4 Brains said: Without a doubt, ive always thought that. I think there has to be something wrong with a person if theyre doing heroin. Not always but typically addicts tend to have been troubled before they start.
Also opiates have often made me feel energized. Which according to some "experts" if it hits you like that in a stimulating way, its a sign that you'll be an addict
hmm I can sorta see that. Like dope didnt do that at first for me. But as soon as I started getting real addcited to it. It changed and I started to need it just to like do things or have any motivation for anything.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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yea im still clean.
im done with the junk man.
ill still smoke weed if i get the chance. Maybe kratom if i ever get really bad cravings.
im tired of wasting my life. I'm fairly intelligent and want to further my education, just for the sake of being educated. I'm not too worried about my status in society, as im fine with being homeless, but i do want to start bettering myself physically mentally and spiritually. I know that these things make me happy. I enjoy reading books on quantum mechanics even if i don't understand all the intricacies, i enjoy practicing Algebra and writing songs. i enjoy doing martial arts and improving my cardio. All these things and so much more have taken a back seat to my drug addiction and im tired of it.
Sex, and relationships, were also a big hinderance to me and ultimately a waste of time. I think im the type that is better off alone. Having a S.O. is like sharing your mind and stresses with someone else and i just feel like being selfish for a while.
I don't even really like having a g.f. Everytime i end a relationship it just feels like years wasted having sex and bullshitting with nothing to show for it.
i'm in a better place mentally and Have found joy in my interests once more. I'm learning to love myself and treat myself better.
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 3 hours
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23908495 - 12/08/16 09:22 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Apostle said: yea im still clean.
im done with the junk man.
ill still smoke weed if i get the chance. Maybe kratom if i ever get really bad cravings.
im tired of wasting my life. I'm fairly intelligent and want to further my education, just for the sake of being educated. I'm not too worried about my status in society, as im fine with being homeless, but i do want to start bettering myself physically mentally and spiritually. I know that these things make me happy. I enjoy reading books on quantum mechanics even if i don't understand all the intricacies, i enjoy practicing Algebra and writing songs. i enjoy doing martial arts and improving my cardio. All these things and so much more have taken a back seat to my drug addiction and im tired of it.
Sex, and relationships, were also a big hinderance to me and ultimately a waste of time. I think im the type that is better off alone. Having a S.O. is like sharing your mind and stresses with someone else and i just feel like being selfish for a while.
I don't even really like having a g.f. Everytime i end a relationship it just feels like years wasted having sex and bullshitting with nothing to show for it.
i'm in a better place mentally and Have found joy in my interests once more. I'm learning to love myself and treat myself better.
really you dont like having an SO? I find I REALLY REALLY REALLY need that. Like shared pain is less pain no? Well at least for me having someone there to care for you and to love you and give you cuddles takes away any cravings I would ever had. Just to have someone there to share your life, do stuff, care for you ect means the world to me.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,560
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 2 hours, 38 minutes
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68]
#23908917 - 12/09/16 12:14 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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You don't get it, we LOVE AMERICA, we don't need no bitch
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: twighead]
#23909637 - 12/09/16 10:00 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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that's actually pretty accurate(i am a bit of a nationalist and have been ecstatic with the results of this election) but its more than that.
i just don't really "love" like i used to and i'm not gonna get involved in these year(s) long cohabitation situations just because i feel lonely or need sexual gratification.
I know that they will come crashing down, given the nature of myself and humans in general.
It's hard to explain but i suppose i feel like i've experienced that side of life so i can just cherish the memories and move on to something else.
It's similar to how i've experienced life as a degenerate drug-addicted criminal and am over that life but i can still keep the lessons i've learned.
I've also been a dedicated martial artist at one point and that is another experience that i will cherish forever.
Some of these experiences are worth repeating. i analyze the paths i've walked and see which ones have genuinely enriched my life. Relationships would fall into the category of "not worth repeating" and martial arts would fall into the category of "something worth repeating".
I had no negative repercussions from training but i've had lots of stress and headache from being in relationships. Obviously being a drug addicted criminal would also fall into the category of "not worth repeating". My drug addiction and sex addiction are pretty intertwined so that's just more reason to avoid relationships.
When you are at risk for relapsing due to stress its best to not put yourself in stressful situations and i've yet to be in a relationship that didn't involve at least a little stress.
There's also the risk of impregnating someone, which i did, and ...well, i don't feel good about how that turned out and don't want to repeat the incident.
Anyway i just got back from the gym and i feel pretty dam good. ran/jogged/walked 3 miles and coughed up a bunch of lung-butter so my breathing feels a lot better.
Once i get my cardio back i plan to return to the mat and get in fighting shape.
Hope everyone is doing well out there.
People have been dropping like flies in my county(from the fent) and i was almost another casualty so it's a good time for me to stop fucking around.
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Nolan92
Stranger


Registered: 06/05/16
Posts: 407
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23909933 - 12/09/16 11:50 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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GAWWD
I'm having an urge to snort some ritalin and geek the fuck out.
-------------------- "be a child, never be an adult al the problems of the world are made by the adults." "If a child feels like laughing he just laughs and it doesn't matter for him if others know why he laughs or not." By Rael
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Nolan92]
#23909938 - 12/09/16 11:51 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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It should pass. just hang in there.
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23910016 - 12/09/16 12:20 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'll fly over to wherever you are (florida sticks out in my mind for some reason) and when you are ready i will fight you. I will crush your dreams and then teach you my ways young grasshopper
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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I'm down.

I'm uploading a video of my humble abode soon. maybe we can fight in the woods and the loser gets fed to gators.
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Mush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy


Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
#23910579 - 12/09/16 03:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I dont know man that sounds too intense for me. I really dont want to be there to see the big ass alligator that'll inevitably find your unconcious ass... You know and it'll definitely chomp down on your head and burst your fricken skull like a tomato. And thatd be right after the most embarrassing ass beating of your life. Itd be a shame to go out like that after getting clean and everything.
Cant we do like some sort of late 80s/early 90s kind of ski rivalry/showdown kind of thing instead. And i could be the dick guy that skiis up to and stops right in front of you, showering you in snow. Then I'll say hey Stan DARSH! In the end though i still win.
I bet you're a scrappy little messican. Aint yuh, aint yuh????!!!
When i was about 12 i was wrestling with this wiry skinny ittle mexican kid from the neighborhood. He was on the ground on his back and i went to go dive on him but as i did he grabbed both of my wrists and at the same time pushed both of his feet into my belly and propelled/flipped my ass far as hell. And at the time i was a chunky little fucker, probably weighed 180.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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He ain't in the swamp, I'd be more worried about spiders and snakes.
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Apostle
Philanthropist


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 23 days
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Fine.
have you seen "They Live". We can do something like that in a alley way except it wont last as long because you'll be eating the pavement within the first two minutes.
Sounds like you got tossed around like a rag doll. I'm at 160 myself and i have more experience than fighting twelve year olds.
you're finished buddy.
I won't kill you though, we can team up afterwards and go hunting aliens.
I've only been skiing once but i'll kick your ass at that too.
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