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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Crumist] * 1
    #23601329 - 09/01/16 02:14 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Crumist said:
How does addiction start? I've read a whole bunch of the published
accounts, and erowid, but Im interested in shroomerite addiction.
Id love any suggestions for journals or threads.

Ive been reading from the beginning of this thread, but no one
goes into much depth.




Generally Mental addiction starts as soon as the right type of individual takes an addictive drugs more than once. eg most Vietnam vets quit heroin once they where "safe" in murica. However if the right individual with the wrong problems starts doing it. There basically already addicted.

Physical dependence normally starts and rises with tolerance(in my case that didnt even happen for 3 years.)

However everyone is different and unique. Some drugs just seem to temporarily fix peoples problems perfectly.

To understand how to quit I generally believe you need to know the reasons why you started. You also need to realise the overwhelming negatives of drug use and have a real will to give up and change.


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68]
    #23605581 - 09/02/16 05:58 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Go deposit all your cash in the bank and lose your debit card if you have to.





Hahahaha... I basically did this a couple weeks ago with my credit card. I have had an IV dope habit full time for 5+ years, always managed to live within my means, never robbed anyone, scammed anyone. If I didn't have cash or couldn't raise it by some kind of legal hustle or creative banking, I stuck to script, used pods (I get free) or whatever.

Last month or two I just had the most ridiculous depression, (diagnosed at 4 years old, first day of nursery school)so been at it awhile. Anyway I just thought "fuck it" and started taking out cash on CC, which is NOT A GOOD IDEA. Interest and fees are crazy, no way I could pay back what I owed, ever.

Think I was trying to push everything to the max of awful so I could finally get the balls to OD/slip away somehow if ya get my meaning.

Turns out that you can Scotch tape your CC back together again even if ya slice it up good!!! So ended up kinda briefly happy that card worked(didn't order new one obv) and spent another few hundred.

Got bailed out of debt by mother, AGAIN (LOAN ONLY, pay her back a pissy amount every week I can afford). And guess what?? Spent another £200 in 5-6 days since she paid £1,200ish from CC bill.




@Crumist

Addiction starts when ya are 11-12 years old and start reading books like Junky and Queer by Burroughs, idolise dead junky rock stars/musicians/actors etc. I knew from pre-teenage years that I WOULD BE A JUNKY at some point, was just waiting for the right time. Had no idea WD, sickness etc could be anywhere near as fucking horrific as it is, but there are no words for it, Lou Reed, Burroughs, Cobain and a hundred others have never come close.

I wanted to live that live and know what it was, did a LOT of booze n drugs for about 10-12 years and only dabbled with OP8's. Just took one more dead loved one to push me into it. I have always been an outsider in my mind and thought 'what harm could it do?' I already feel removed from 99.99999% of peep I meet.

Smoked heroin about 5 times then started slamming it IV. Thought that was 'super-cool/punk rock/rebellion/pay attention-I-am-miserable, look-what-I-am-doing-to-myself!!!!' I glamourised it very early in life and it was inevitable as far as I am concerned.

You did ASK for detail btw, so don't blame me for the essay! I think the short of it is that there are no happy, content, secure people that start taking heroin/opiates frequently. (ignoring Dr.-based malpractice). We all wanna hide from something, feel more comfortable in numerous ways and are clearly not risk averse folks in general. Not everyone who is offered a loaded rig gets excited by the idea...


I think I am a pretty rare case, but no two junkies are the same. I wanted it cos I had NO FUCKING CLUE how bad "sickness" could be, AT FUCKING ALL...Pure curiosity and a history of substance abuse and mental health issues...

I could go on, but that is the essence of the addiction story for me I guess.


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23605621 - 09/02/16 06:11 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah I can relate to alot of what you said, only I have like 3x that in cash advance debt, and have just been paying interest for longer than I can remember.  Like $50/month (that's interest only) for at least 4-5 years.  Sometimes I will pay down a couple hundred, then relapse and it just racks up again.

I also kinda idolized junkydom I think, and I overestimated my ability to tough out the sickness.  Even this last relapse, after all these years, I start getting sick and I tell myself "Oh I'm not even that sick" but the truth is I'm already way past the point where all my hobbies and relationships fall to the wayside, I'm not eating, I'm not exercising, I'll be miserable yet thinking "hey I could probably get one more bag since I already did some and I'm hardly even sick :elmo: this is going to be the last time tho."

It's funny because I hold a job now and people have a pretty high opinion of me, but part of me feels like if I quit opiates I am uninteresting and incapable.  It's like I need to be living that double life to feel complete.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: kakashi68]
    #23605628 - 09/02/16 06:13 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

egodeathflux said:
Well, got the 1/8th oz of No.3, decent price too for round here. None of my local benzo peeps even have phone turned on, one of those days, dammit.

Guess I will just get strung out like a mofo... Even if I could manage to get 3.5g into me before nodding out, I think I would just wake up with a headache and be annoyed at blowing so much dope in a night, should last me 3-4 days if I pace myself..

The cat shall live it seems!!

:meow:




wo You buy heroin by the 1/8th? Big tolerance or shitty dope? Maybe consider dnm for something a bit safer and purer




Huge tolerance, and def nowhere near as good dope in US East Coast etc, all No.3, no Fent cut shit here yet that I know of and the needle exchange always puts up posters about local/national "bad" dope etc. Although I don't buy an 1/8th unless it is way better than usual, def not bad, as good as any No.3 I ever had from Silk Road etc.

Don't often get it in those amounts, know a few peep that do "bulk" for very reduced rate compared to 20 bags etc, when they have good food I sometimes splash. I get paid every 2 weeks, and am usually broke within 3-4 days MAX. Buying an 1/8th lasts me a bit longer (maybe) and I get far more dope and don't have to cop every day.

I am def at a point where I am bored of being strung out though, been doing fewer shots per day than if I was spending 2-3 times the $$$ on same amount by buying in smaller bits daily. In fact I haven't had a shot for 8-9 hours and I don't really even wanna go through the bullshit of trying to register a rig etc.

Hoping this is the beginning of the end with dope, and hopefully soon the end of the beginning of getting clean. This life sucks, get zero euphoria from massive shots now, purely keeps me from getting sick, unless I mix lots of benzos/booze to maybe nod.


:zomgwtf:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23605638 - 09/02/16 06:16 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah shit started to get scary for me when I would do huge shots, not even get a rush, then wake up on the floor on top of my insanely blood deprived arm with a bruise on my face.  That's not fun.


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23605645 - 09/02/16 06:19 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Yeah I can relate to alot of what you said, only I have like 3x that in cash advance debt, and have just been paying interest for longer than I can remember.  Like $50/month (that's interest only) for at least 4-5 years.  Sometimes I will pay down a couple hundred, then relapse and it just racks up again.

I also kinda idolized junkydom I think, and I overestimated my ability to tough out the sickness.  Even this last relapse, after all these years, I start getting sick and I tell myself "Oh I'm not even that sick" but the truth is I'm already way past the point where all my hobbies and relationships fall to the wayside, I'm not eating, I'm not exercising, I'll be miserable yet thinking "hey I could probably get one more bag since I already did some and I'm hardly even sick :elmo: this is going to be the last time tho."

It's funny because I hold a job now and people have a pretty high opinion of me, but part of me feels like if I quit opiates I am uninteresting and incapable.  It's like I need to be living that double life to feel complete.




Ya know what is fucked up?? I have always been COMPLETELY honest with my mother (lost my father 22 years ago as a teenager) and she has told me that I am a better, more productive, kinder person when on dope. She is as straight edge as you can get, never even smoked a cigarette.

So I know what you mean about people who don't know about a habit thinking well of you. Ironically it is life long friends that just vanished, even though they would have no clue if I hadn't told them. Never lied, robbed, borrowed money, nothing. The stigma is just so strong. And most of these guys are or were coke addicts for a decade or more!

My drug is better than yours yadayadayada....

:shrug:


EDIT: My mom thinks I should get a morphine/diamorphine script from the doctor.. Such a fucked system if even she thinks that..


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



Edited by egodeathflux (09/02/16 06:20 PM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23605658 - 09/02/16 06:23 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

:lolsy: when I forst told my mom I was a heroin addict she knew I was fucking up but was like ":confused: but sometimes you seem so good, like last weekend you were happy and seemed so energetic and happy" and I was like "yeah mom I was high last weekend."


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23605683 - 09/02/16 06:30 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
:lolsy: when I forst told my mom I was a heroin addict she knew I was fucking up but was like ":confused: but sometimes you seem so good, like last weekend you were happy and seemed so energetic and happy" and I was like "yeah mom I was high last weekend."




Pretty much word for word same conversation I had!

"You seem better than you have in years!! It is so noce to see you happy and active..." :picard:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



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InvisibleRustifer
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: egodeathflux] * 1
    #23606005 - 09/02/16 08:21 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)



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OfflineCrumist
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: egodeathflux]
    #23606007 - 09/02/16 08:21 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I appreciate the reply. I must admit I share your lifelong fascination with drugs and druggies.

I've experimented with a wide variety of drugs that supposed to be highly addictive
and the closest I feel I've been dependent on anything is to smoking cannabis once or twice
a day, barricaded in my apartment room on my computer.

My explanation for this is that I'm a bit of a social sperg and my current social circle doesn't include
many drug users. The DNM allows isolated users such as myself to score, so this doesn't apply
anymore. I respect the awesome life-wrecking power drugs can have and I don't consider myself in
any way special or immune. I just wonder if addiction will inevitably sneak up and take me.


--------------------
'I am all for resources being allocated to the widowed single mother of 3, lost husband over seas fighting for our country. I am for vets getting mental health access and resources following war. I am not for free money cause a woman can't close her legs or some chump with low testosterone no going to work cause "i'm sad."' -finalexplosion
Nice knowin ya'll! https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23904704/vc/1#23904704


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Rustifer]
    #23606215 - 09/02/16 09:17 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

when i realized we only live about 28,000 days it was a real eye opener for me. especially since i'll likely fall below average due to chronic drug abuse.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle] * 5
    #23606389 - 09/02/16 09:58 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I spent a night on the streets of Kings X in London a few nights back. I was sharing a beer with a homeless guy outside the station after carnival and my phone and wallet were by my side while we wee talking. Some crafty cunt lifted them without me noticing and the guy I was talking to noticed and shouted out so I ran and rugby tackled the cunt to the ground who lifted my shit and he gave my my shit back without a bit of fight (pussy). So I said to the guy who pointed it out, 'lets have a night, whatever's your poison, you saved me some serious hassle'

Spent the next 11 hours on the streets smoking crack and H through a DMT machine. It was fucking alright. Met some fucking good lads (and one total cunt) that night.

Then I got food poisoning. It's been quite a week.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23606498 - 09/02/16 10:27 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

That's a fucking amazing story.

good on you m8.

H is cool but boy oh boy is crack a rush and a half.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #23606514 - 09/02/16 10:32 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Apostle said:
crack a rush and a half.





crack is wack


--------------------
©️


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Lucis]
    #23606534 - 09/02/16 10:39 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

for sure, i actually have a healthy fear of that one.

I have only tried it a handful of times and never seek it out. it's just too good and too short lasting and the intense desire for more right away is unrivaled.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #23606567 - 09/02/16 10:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Crack is pure evil man. I've done a lot of it. it's the highest high, but the most immoral in ones desire to get more.

IMO.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23606706 - 09/03/16 12:24 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

are people hear solo addicts or do you people use in groups?

I always had huge fascination with drugs... so you kinda get yourself in to it. Rather than most people who get it off other people?


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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OfflinePartoftheSource
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23606794 - 09/03/16 01:35 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:

Spent the next 11 hours on the streets smoking crack and H through a DMT machine.





What's a DMT machine?


--------------------
Shroomery Stickers!


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Offlinetimelapses
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: PartoftheSource]
    #23606820 - 09/03/16 01:56 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Kind of curious about that myself.

"What's a DMT machine"?


--------------------


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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: timelapses] * 1
    #23606823 - 09/03/16 01:57 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)



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