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OfflineTNK
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
    #22738125 - 01/05/16 01:18 AM (8 years, 26 days ago)

:scumbagsteve:


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Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: TNK] * 3
    #22745294 - 01/06/16 06:32 PM (8 years, 24 days ago)

30 days. :rockon: It's funny how I can want to get high so badly, and also want to never get high again so badly at the same time.  Which side will win?  :crazyeyes:


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22747523 - 01/07/16 09:08 AM (8 years, 24 days ago)

I


feel


Awful


my bones are wracked with pain, i barely sleep and am riddled with lethargy and unfathomable anxiety.

Stay clean man.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22748805 - 01/07/16 03:22 PM (8 years, 24 days ago)

Have you tried pregabalin to reduce withdrawal symptoms ?

It's said to work well and is available on clear web.


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Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22748920 - 01/07/16 03:45 PM (8 years, 24 days ago)

Ive used gabapentin which is pretty easy to aquire and if im not mistaken is a similar substance in function.

Ill look into it but ultimately i have a pretty big addiction problem and have decided to get back on methadone.


I feel like its the best option for me. ive wasted ten years bouncing between clean time and relapse and think i am the right candidate for maintenance.

lets be honest, i aquire clean time, sometimes even a year, but as an IV user every relapse can mean death and i think methadone maintenance is my best chance at a normal life.

I appreciate all your advice and if you'd like i can explain why i don't think ibogaine would work for me.


I know my life will improve without the hustle and need to use consuming most of my time.


I thought about it and weighed the pros and cons and this is the best option for me other than suicide or torturing my self with withdrawals and relapse.


Much love to everyone out there, i hope you all find sobriety or stability, whichever option you all go with.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22749222 - 01/07/16 04:44 PM (8 years, 24 days ago)

:heart: you brother I wish you the very best as well.  You'll get there. 

Have you tried suboxone?  I'm not a huge advocate since it just throws me into precipitated withdrawal most of the time even at 36h+, but just the fact that you don't have to show up every day for a long time is a bit benefit.



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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy] * 1
    #22751525 - 01/08/16 08:04 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Yea did it for like a year.

Heavy depression and erectile issues plus it stops controlling cravings after a month or so.

Methadone is superior imo.

And before anyone says the e.d. is from opiods in general, ive only ever gotten ot from subs.

I have an appointment monday. Wasnt able to dose today but its all good.

The chef stood up for me at work and im getting my job back.

I have to get in this clinic or im just gonnna embarrass myself again evety payday.


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Offlineamilibertine
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22751537 - 01/08/16 08:10 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

I'll never understand why people choose to get on methadone or suboxone.  You're just trading one thing for another, and it's so much harder to get off of methadone or suboxone than it is dope.

I don't get it. Just delaying the inevitable.


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OfflineAcaterpillar
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22751540 - 01/08/16 08:13 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Some people would prefer maintenance over sobriety.
I can understand it too.
The violent cycles of relapsing and detoxing is a living hell.

Better they get their stuff from a sanctioned and regulated source than from the street.


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Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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InvisibleMidnight_Toker
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22751545 - 01/08/16 08:16 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Because it allows an addicts life to take on some semblance of normalcy, which can be hard or impossible when using heroin.

One measured oral dose a day, compared to having to think about copping all the time, wondering if the dope man will answer his phone or even have any, trying to save enough to do later so you won't be sick in the morning, getting bunk shit, getting shit that's too strong, having to go to work sick cause you have no money or otherwise missing work often.

It's basically opiate addiction that allows you to live a functional life.  It's a middle road to take rather than shocking yourself going from one extreme(using) to another(total sobriety.)

Yes quitting would be best, obviously, but it's not really that simple for a lot of people.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22751555 - 01/08/16 08:23 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Quote:

amilibertine said:
I'll never understand why people choose to get on methadone or suboxone.  You're just trading one thing for another, and it's so much harder to get off of methadone or suboxone than it is dope.

I don't get it. Just delaying the inevitable.



What pillar said and also.


The only inevitable is death. If i dont get arrested there is no reason i should ever have to get sick again.

Also i mean "delaying the inevitable" would be true if withdrawls was the end of the story but its not. Theres something much deeper going on when i go and score a bad within hours of being released from a ten month bid.

I just have to accept that maintenance is the healthier option. Earlier this week i was using a kitchen knife vaseline and adhesive to ghetto rig a needle that should have been tossed fourty uses ago. And i did use it.
Also having kicked methadone in jail cold turkey. Its not much worse than heroin.

Youre swapping addictions for sure but if you saw what came with street dope addiction youd see its not a bad thing.

Also its far less expensive to dose methadone. I can blow a paycheck in two days on heroin and thats like a month of treatment.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22751846 - 01/08/16 10:01 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

I understand maintenance just fine. When I was a kratom addict all I needed was my little kratom doses daily to have a happy and normal life.

On a different level I think thats what methadone offers as well. Maintenance aint so bad.

I much prefer now where I can use kratom 7 out of 14 days but using daily for two years was awesome too and I think thats what maintenance offers. It just lets you live your life.

At a certain point who cares if you die addicted if it lets you have a life?

But yes please explain why you don't want to try ibogaine.


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Everything I post is fiction.


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Offlineamilibertine
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22751910 - 01/08/16 10:23 AM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Just sounds like excuses to me, and I've been through it all myself.  You either want to be clean or you don't.  I wasn't hating on anyone for being on maintenance drugs.  There is just a cheaper, healthy, and easier way to do this, which is to stop taking opiates.

Because, let's be real here, being on maintenance drugs is trying to solve a problem with another problem.  I'd rather be opiate free than in an opiate haze.  Unless you plan to stay on them the rest of your life chances are extremely high that you'll end up back on heroin the first time you can't get your meds.

So, while it's a better alternative than shooting dope it also robs you of the benefits of being truly clean.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22752998 - 01/08/16 02:46 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

I understand what you guys are saying, being hooked on any drug just plain sucks, but I'd probably be dead without maintenance.  When you get to the end of your rope, you just need somewhere to put your feet sometimes to start going up again.  I did it and I'm clean now, so it can work.

Suboxone was the one opioid that didn't kill my boners with long-term use.  I also found that I could exercise on it.  Like I said though switching back and forth between subs and dope for many years made them so they didn't work anymore, and just made me horribly sick.  Plus it was hard as hell to stop.  I honestly think quitting heroin is easier even if some physical symptoms are worse, there's less anxiety.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy] * 1
    #22753061 - 01/08/16 03:05 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

90 days come Wednesday.

When we moved here I had two options. Utilize a year of tapering as a springboard into Kratom and cannabis maintenance; or resort to heroin which Marion County OR seems to love. They hang around mental health clinics and methadone/needle clinics. When I drive by I just see the lost and hopeless look in people's eyes.

I figure I got out lucky. I've gotten healthier. I don't crave them anymore. When I hurt, I see it as an opportunity to recognize specific areas of my body that I can strengthen to help support damaged nerves and spinal damage. Did not help with tolerance, hyperalgesia, endless surgeries and twice monthly injections from the back of my ears to my ass.

But there's the rub, it's always easy to blame a drug for being a fuckup. I have regrets. I still have mental and physical obstacles to overcome. Thankfully, the worsened bipolar cycling both from using and kicking is slowly fading away to what I remember it being; a half day or day of suicidal depression vs. weeks on end.

This is one of the best things I've done for myself physically, mentally and spiritually. It feels good doing something people tell you you'd never accomplish, and then crushing it.

Stay strong brothers and sisters.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
    #22753105 - 01/08/16 03:20 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Yeah honestly the only way I have been able to get clean is to get mad.  I can never taper.  I just have to get to that point where I hate my life and have nothing to lose but a few weeks of that life I already hate.  It really does get better, and I had a hard time believing that until I hit the 2-3 week mark.  You've got to do shit though, or else withdrawal just turns to depression.  I'm not sure PAWS even exists, I think of it like being a dry drunk, you're just not ready to change the way you think.  If you are active that probably won't happen tho.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22753261 - 01/08/16 04:18 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Quote:

amilibertine said:Unless you plan to stay on them the rest of your life chances are extremely high that you'll end up back on heroin the first time you can't get your meds.

So, while it's a better alternative than shooting dope it also robs you of the benefits of being truly clean.





To the first part, thats kind of my point: i dont want to end up back on the needle and thats synonymous with heroin to me so yea id rather do mmt.

As for the second point/paragraph, i do like being clean but also have other seperate issues which make sobriety only marginally better than an opiated haze.
The methadone will be the only med i take. I have mental health issues and legitimate pain from injuries and opiates and nsaids seem to handle both.

Afterall i self medicate as it is. Im uninsured and the free assistance is kind of a bitch. I did manage to see a mental health prof. and get prescribed gabapentin for some diagnosis the doc made about my behaviour, i guess. I remembered feeling normal and even a bit happy last time id tried them so i was happy but couldnt afford the prescription...

The therapist and written prescription was free and the session was cool so i wont lie and say theres no assistance in this country, its just hard to do all that shit when you barely have the motivation to feed yourself and they dont cover all meds.

Point is the methadone, which also has nmda activity, will kill two birds with one stone.

I will probably kick it eventually.i have before, and it helped me get stable last time. I got of it...got clean and eventually relapsed n got into a bad spot. You can make the argument that id have been better off staying on mmt but i enjoy whatever clean time i get.

I gotta do this short term at the very least, im too tired of this shit. It hasnt been fun for quite some time.


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Offlineamilibertine
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22753336 - 01/08/16 04:39 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

I hope everything works out for you man.  I have legitimate pain issues as well.  I have found that, for me, opiates just make the pain worse.  Being clean (I don't use any drugs anymore save nicotine/caffeine) for a good while I've noticed that I can handle pain a lot better than I used to and over the counter meds like ibuprofen actually do help me now.

In any case, I'd rather everyone that's shooting dope to be on maintenance drugs as opposed to mainlining heroin, because that shit's for the birds. 

Good luck brother, I hope you find a path that works for you and makes you happy!


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: amilibertine]
    #22753344 - 01/08/16 04:41 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Heroin is a maintenance drug in some places.


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InvisibleRustifer
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22753357 - 01/08/16 04:43 PM (8 years, 23 days ago)

Canada had a government funded heroin program for a bit. It wasn't anymore effective than methadone so they shut it down.


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