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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22524183 - 11/14/15 08:06 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Yeah I get emotional coming off opiates for sure.  It can be really hard to cope with sometimes, because even though it can be like "that's so beautiful" it can also feel so empty and make me not give a fuck about anything.

That's crazy your friend died taking suboxone and xanax Rustifier, sorry to hear that.  I never really thought anything of doing that, but I guess some people do get high off suboxone.  They do warn you about it, but I also know people who have been prescribed both.

I had to cut out mixing that shit, at least with dope I will wake up on my way down, most of the time at least.  There was some dope a couple weeks ago that had me just coming to in really uncomfortable positions on the ground having dumped water all over myself.  My room became a total mess for a couple days cause I was knocking everything over :facepalm:  I was convinced it was cut with fent, cause it tasted like nothing and wore off really quick.  Mixing benzos I always wake up with a busted face tho.





being on opiates makes me crankey.  Being off opiates makes me crankey.  Manage your emotions.  Dont let your emotions manage you. Fucking aye.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22524410 - 11/14/15 08:38 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I hear that alot but my experience has been different.


Methadone wasnt too rough and i cold turkeyed it in jail.

Dilaudid and oxy were easily more brutal to come off.

Subs are the only opiod to ever give me e.d. so i they are a no go for me. Also after being on them a while they stopped handling cravings.

Ill be quick to admit that for me, personally, methadone keeps its magic and gets me high whereas subs stop getting me off after a few weeks on em. This may seem counter productive but its not really if your goal is harm reduction.

Everyone is different though so i try not to knock however people deal.

Im feeling fine right now and think i escaped w.d. once again.

I been getting lucky with my last few binges.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22526215 - 11/15/15 04:04 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I am addicted to kratom to the point I can't sleep at all without it and need it to function day to day.

I am currently using only stem and vein for the fifth day, going to use stem and vein only for weeks to lower tolerance and dependence.

I can't imagine how harsh it must be to be addicted to real hard opiates like oxy or heroin.

It would be a grueling lifestyle.

I feel like being on subs or methadone would be more similar to what its like to be addicted to kratom. Everything is normal and stable as long as you get your dose.

But I imagine the wd when you step off the maintenance is still worse.

For me , kratom withdrawal is the worst withdrawal I ever want to experience, I don't want to taste anything harsher then that.

Not being able to sleep is a real bitch.

But kratom withdrawal is cake compared to etiz/benzo/alcohol withdrawal , because you don't need to feel any concern that you might seize or die, knowing that you at least aren't in any physical danger makes it way easier.

Being dependent on opiates is strange for sure.

For me the way kratom alleviates anxiety and depression and gives me a never ending source of well-being, energy, comfort and happiness is just so priceless. It really makes my life amazingly better and by making my emotional and mental health so good it has allowed me to improve all other aspects of my life like exercise, relationships and work, and that in turn has made me more happy and calm.

But I don't at all like being dependent physically on something and having to worry about running out.

I really don't feel like I can or want to stop using it. I wish I had never started using it daily but I am so glad it works as well as it does.

:shrug:

:peace:


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22527375 - 11/15/15 12:33 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)


Quote:

Dys said:
It's been otherwise fine but now I feel like a stallion DTF anything that walks. I'm getting minor acne so I assume my testosterone is getting back up there with exercise, hiking and fucking. And not being doped out of my mind, derp.




Jesus. It's like ten times the titties exist now and feels like I'm in puberty again. I got a real nice downblouse of this girl, maybe 20 years old, holy baby Jesus I wanted to ravage her.

I'm a happily married man. Aren't I supposed to not want sex? :lol:


As an aside, I woke up this morning for my medications and my Xanax looks like oxy 30s. While it dissolved in my mouth I was waiting for that nice warm blanket of oblivion, and realized I could just go crawl under the covers and sleep if I wanted it.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22528322 - 11/15/15 05:05 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Kratom feels like its more of a harsh load on my body to be honest. I mean are we supposed to even eat that much plant matter?


All the benefits you described are the same with opiates(i believe kratom is an opiod not an opiate if its even one of the two) for me but for whatever reason my kratom tolerence sky rockets after a few days and not as much with opiates.

I got an ounce of red horn coming to me tonight and im gonna eat half n hopefully catch a nod or something close.


Not feeling to sick and im glad i couldnt score H.

Like you said i dont like the feeling of NEEDING something and its fighting this that keeps me in the hell between recovery and relapse.

I know that my life will probabably improve on maintenance but being desperately dependant is a whole different beast and im not there yet.

When i was it had a profoundly negative effect in my psyche. I dont feel like a man, i feel trapped and hopeless and ultimately depressed, when i realize how much i prioritize a substance.

Strangely enough, when im heavily addicted, ill feel the most depressed after doing a dose to get me out of withdrawls.

Its like " fuck man where are your balls?"  its like running back to a girl who constantly cheats and fucks you over just because she makes you feel ok some of the time.

Being addicted is extremely emasculating imo and why i am hanging onto a thread here avoiding physical dependence.

The first kick is the hardest. If this is in fact your first moonshoe.

Im not the best at staying clean but i kick like a mule and have become quite good at it.

You seem to have more resources than i do so im sure tou could even kick comfortably with the right cocktail. I velieve the pain of cold turkey is a valuable experience though.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22528549 - 11/15/15 05:58 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

The kratom I get hardly takes any at all.. had a friend try just a few caps and he was gone. Far from opiate naïve, too. Maybe it's just where you guys get it from? I paid 400 for 5 kilos.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
    #22528725 - 11/15/15 06:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I use a different source almost everytime and the dose is generally the same though ive overdone it on a few occasions.

Just downed about fourteen grams so hopefully im in for a good night.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22530636 - 11/16/15 06:30 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

My problem with using kratom for maintenance is that the side effects outlast the high, so if I redose when I want to I always end up horribly sick.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22530654 - 11/16/15 06:50 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I make use of the over stimulation and get things done. But I've had times where I'm shaking like a leaf, five pots of coffee kind of thing. Gut hurts, I'm agitated, foggy, short attention span etc. It's always that sweet spot with it.

Conversely, just the other day I had some maeng da from a few years ago and took six caps. Mistake. Felt like I took oxy 30, easy, put me right down. Right in the middle of going out hiking. Powered through it tho.


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InvisibleBreathlessVision
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Cowb0yNeal00]
    #22531155 - 11/16/15 08:15 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Right here!

:crazy2:
I love me some pills :pill2:
Some benzos  :drooling:
little weed :jah:

Haha tis the only thing keeping me sane inside this cranium.

Woop-de-loop
:goinsane: :bitch:

I am too sober right now.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22531498 - 11/16/15 09:32 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I doubt that the plant matter involved in Kratom consumption is hatful
In fact it could well be beneficial
It's certainly seems to have a beneficial effect on digestion for me-
Keeps me regular as can be
Tons of fibre
Probably antioxidants and phytonutrients
But it does cause nausea and that's the real downside
Although I have heard real opiates do as well


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Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Cowb0yNeal00]
    #22531589 - 11/16/15 09:55 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Im still around :wink:


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22532047 - 11/16/15 10:52 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Moonshoe said:
I doubt that the plant matter involved in Kratom consumption is hatful
In fact it could well be beneficial
It's certainly seems to have a beneficial effect on digestion for me-
Keeps me regular as can be
Tons of fibre
Probably antioxidants and phytonutrients
But it does cause nausea and that's the real downside
Although I have heard real opiates do as well




It's different from opiate nausea.  I always attributed it to all the plant matter as well, and it is super unpleasant to puke up some kratom.  With an opiate it is just a matter of emptying out your stomach, not that unpleasant.  Kratom is puking up the nastiest shit ever, like something from a horror movie, and then just heaving and heaving for a while after that.  There is never any sense of relief like with opiates, it just slowly goes away if you lay down and let the kratom wear off, but then it can come back if I redose.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22532795 - 11/16/15 01:37 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I'm half a day short of a week without any opiates/opioids.  Definitely better than I was, but still pretty sure I haven't slept, at least not more than a few minutes micronap. 

My thirst for liquor is returning.  Really feeling like having a few drinks tonight, trying to weigh out the pros and cons there.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22534725 - 11/16/15 08:12 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

My weed dealer was right around the corner which never happens.

My h dealer has had shitty product.

I called them both n only had twenty.

Every thing in me said get weed itll last longer and youre gonna regret getting h.

I went against every instinct and got the h.

It was subar. I am dissapointed as fuck and wish i could go back in time.

This is the third time this week i didnt get weed n instead ripped myself off. Each time telling myself ok next time im getting weed.

85 bucks wasted so far this week.

This is the insanity of addiction. Someone kill me pls.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Apostle]
    #22536397 - 11/17/15 08:12 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Hey don't give up man.  Shitty dope makes it alot easier to quit, but it is amazing the thought processes that lead us back to that shit even knowing that we probably won't even enjoy it, and will regret it after.  I swear the last bags I got had some weird cut that made me feel like shit, and the quality quickly went from having me almost fall out off .25g to shooting .5g at a time and hardly feeling it, but I still want more goddammit :shakefist:

Listen to yourself, and try to get some help.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22536430 - 11/17/15 08:26 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I'm still sure Kratom is more physically benign then opiates.

Buy yourself some gravol ginger - not the chewables.

They are just little pills of pure ginger extract.

Dose two with your big Kratom doses.

Most helpful thing I have found in addition to smaller doses and eating meals at appropriate times.

Kratom nausea is a real bitch.

Sometimes different vendors or strains seem to cause more or less nausea.

Sometimes I don't get any nausea for weeks then I seem to get it almost every day for a while.

Usually it just means I took too much plain and simple.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Moonshoe]
    #22536854 - 11/17/15 10:41 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I had my first craving last night to have one just to have it. I powered through it and smoked some weed, had some comfort food, took a warm bath etc. I miss the oral fixation of having an extended release OP80 tucked in my lip like chew, giving that waxy gel time to truly make it last 8 or 10 hours.

After tripping so much and worried about a lung infection, I've about quit cigarettes. Can't/won't smoke while observing mushrooms, gives my location away, I can't smell habitats, and I feel bad walking by healthier people who have to smell it while cycling or jogging. I've had six since yesterday morning and that's the best I've done in awhile.

Cigs are literally killing me and I'm tired of being out of breath like a bitch going up so many steep inclines. God they are awful and now I can smell them more and it just makes me want to throw up.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: Adden]
    #22537310 - 11/17/15 12:21 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah I find it easier to quit when in any sort of withdrawal.  They make me gag and the constant anhedonia means I can't enjoy them anyway.

I've cut way back at least, hopefully will be able to quit if I get this job I'm interviewing for tomorrow.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: Where are all the addicts? [Re: moonrockmushy] * 1
    #22537329 - 11/17/15 12:25 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I cant believe its been a year since I kicked junk cold turkey in the local psych ward, one of the worst experiences of my life


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