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backstory
Stranger
Registered: 11/03/15
Posts: 2
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics
#22473233 - 11/03/15 08:34 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hi friends,
I was on these boards back in 2007, but haven't been here since. Glad to see not much has changed. 
I have been using shrooms and LSD for 8-9 years now. If I had to estimate, I have done mushrooms 80-90 times and LSD about 40 times. Whenever I use mushrooms, I always do a pretty low dose. Rarely do I ever take above 3.5 grams, I usually take 1-2.5 grams.
I have noticed that the last few dozen times I have used psychedelics, I always get some form of ego loss. For example, the last time I used mushrooms (I took roughly 2 grams) I felt genderless and I was questioning my own sexuality, even though I am straight. I didn't even feel like I was a person anymore.
I get these sorts of feelings and thoughts when I am on mushrooms/LSD regardless of the dose I take, every single time. As a result, psychedelics aren't as fun for me anymore like they were during my first few trips. From now on I am most definitely going to be taking them alone in the dark. I get a lot out of those trips.
I am sensitive to psychedelics, I can feel the effects starting to hit me within 5-10 minutes.
What do you guys think about this? What I have described is ego loss, right? Anyone else ever have similar experiences?
Edited by backstory (11/03/15 08:37 PM)
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 1 hour, 38 minutes
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: backstory]
#22473415 - 11/03/15 09:12 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't think "questioning your sexuality" is ego loss as such, "not feeling like a person at all" sounds closer. Its about the silencing of all that 'brain chatter' and internally verbalized thought, the feeling of losing your physical boundaries, losing your sense of individual selfhood, dissolving into the universe, a feeling of deep inner peace and connection to something larger, a kind of mystical / spiritual awakening...something along those lines.
Maybe you are talking about feelings of dissociation and general mindfuckery......either way it doesn't matter too much as long as you are getting something from the trip.
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Aik



Registered: 09/20/15
Posts: 141
Last seen: 7 years, 4 days
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: Aldebaran]
#22473901 - 11/03/15 10:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Aldebaran said: I don't think "questioning your sexuality" is ego loss as such, "not feeling like a person at all" sounds closer. Its about the silencing of all that 'brain chatter' and internally verbalized thought, the feeling of losing your physical boundaries, losing your sense of individual selfhood, dissolving into the universe, a feeling of deep inner peace and connection to something larger, a kind of mystical / spiritual awakening...something along those lines.
Maybe you are talking about feelings of dissociation and general mindfuckery......either way it doesn't matter too much as long as you are getting something from the trip. 
Are yo talking about this by any chance? CLICK
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AkashicExplorer
Dimensional Jumper



Registered: 09/12/13
Posts: 912
Last seen: 4 days, 12 hours
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: Aldebaran]
#22474506 - 11/04/15 04:58 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Aldebaran said: I don't think "questioning your sexuality" is ego loss as such, "not feeling like a person at all" sounds closer. Its about the silencing of all that 'brain chatter' and internally verbalized thought, the feeling of losing your physical boundaries, losing your sense of individual selfhood, dissolving into the universe, a feeling of deep inner peace and connection to something larger, a kind of mystical / spiritual awakening...something along those lines.
Maybe you are talking about feelings of dissociation and general mindfuckery......either way it doesn't matter too much as long as you are getting something from the trip. 
I recon, and it even goes further than that. Ego death is forgetting you "are" Is like you realize that for an eternity you been nothing, or is like, you feel you just realized you are in a human body, that "a moment ago" you were just consciousness, is very hard to explain, but those who experience it, understand. Interesting enough, the deepest level that I have experience was with my few first weed times (medical sativa hybrid) With shrooms I do not get to break through that offen, and I trip 2-3 times a year of 5.5 grams of dry potent home grown shrooms (and they are potent due my friends feedback, and I have also ate other shrooms not self grown and feeling those lower in potency.)
We can be more or less sensitive to different psychedelics, even different strains of shrooms. I am growing (pinning getting bigger) as I type Golden Teachers, we will see how these do
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The 87 gram MushZilla BEAST
And it just obliterated the uttermost crap out from me. Love, Bliss, Laughter and Enlightenment!
Edited by AkashicExplorer (11/04/15 05:04 AM)
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 1 hour, 38 minutes
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: Aik]
#22474805 - 11/04/15 07:32 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Are yo talking about this by any chance?
Actually I've recently finished reading her book, which I randomly found in one of those discount book stores for a measly 10 pence, so yes that's where some of the phrasing comes from....
Quote:
I recon, and it even goes further than that. Ego death is forgetting you "are" Is like you realize that for an eternity you been nothing, or is like, you feel you just realized you are in a human body, that "a moment ago" you were just consciousness, is very hard to explain, but those who experience it, understand.
Yes, I'd agree with that, but I was talking about ego loss - personally I'd use the terms ego loss / ego death a bit differently from each other although there's no real fixed definition of either. To me "ego loss" sounds less extreme, for example someone who is talking about their experiences from sober meditation, or the kind of thing that Jill Bolte Taylor is talking about. With psychedelics it sounds to me like a trip where you are able to serenely melt into some kind of meditative bliss within the trip and then "wake up" back into normal awareness.
With 'ego death' you're tapping into the same state but to me the term expresses a more extreme experience, some kind of vertiginous 'death trip' where the feelings of mystical bliss come as a startling surprise after being totally consumed and obliterated by the trip. A good old-fashioned terrifying apocalyptic voyage into oblivion followed by rapture 
People use the terms ego loss & ego death in different ways; it's usually more informative to describe a trip in your own words. The terms sometimes get thrown around a lot without much explanation and then people want to know exactly what they mean.... there are plenty of threads with plenty of slightly different answers.....these are some of the ones I've posted in before now in much more detail, and probably contradicted myself from one thread to another 
Death Trip / Ego Death
About Ego death
Can someone explain the ego death to me?
The ego & tripping
What can you learn from ego death?
Another ego death thread
I'll try to describe the trajectory of a strong trip the way I often experience them:
Ego Death Question
too many ego death threads!
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Swarupa

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 61
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: backstory]
#22475409 - 11/04/15 10:31 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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In my opinion ego death is what these substances do and the extent to which they do it mostly depends on the dose. Low to moderate doses can cause people to have mild ego-loss, questioning things related to their personality, sexuality etc, many heterosexual people have even had homosexual thoughts on a trip. Higher doses can cause someone to question or lose their very identity, people can forget who they are and feel like they are actually dying. It's good to know about this so if/when it happens you don't panic but embrace it.
While a high dose increases the chances of ego-loss, dose isn't everything, as even small doses can go really far if you're a sensitive person. I've had ego loss on 75mcg of LSD before when i was just going for a light social dose. Although i enjoy tripping a lot it's more than just about looking for some fun at the end of the day... i think that taking it alone in the dark is the way to go, very enjoyable and very deep.
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BrotherManBill
Time Traveler


Registered: 03/04/15
Posts: 347
Loc: Here
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: Swarupa]
#22475997 - 11/04/15 11:14 AM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Op I have very similar experiences, but it is not really ego loss. I like to think it as breaking down the social boundaries we have been engrained with. Showing you that gender or race or age mean nothing. It tests your morals and things we have deemed to be true. What I really think its doing is questioning our whole way of life. Challenging our beliefs, and the way we see the world.
These kinds of things happen to me quite often on average dosages. Unable to itendify with anything, yet still aware that I am. And like you said it is not very "fun" anymore. Although I didn't get into psychedelics for that reason, its nice to be ecstatic and laughing all night sometimes.
I have also recently decided to only do them on my own from now on. I find my experience seems to get watered down by everyone elses, I get distracted and can't focus on whats going on in my head.
Anyways, ego loss or death is a much more intense in my experience. Not just that you can't identify with a gender or sexual orientation or what have you, but that you seemingly cease to exist. You become nothing and everything all at once. Completely separated from anything you call real. The experince you are speaking of is similar, but not quite as extreme.
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backstory
Stranger
Registered: 11/03/15
Posts: 2
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: backstory]
#22476848 - 11/04/15 02:42 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks for the replies and providing insight on what I'm going through. Yeah, the title for this thread is misleading. I have experienced ego death only once, it was absolutely terrifying.
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Ego Death Every Time I Use Psychedelics [Re: backstory]
#22477099 - 11/04/15 03:44 PM (8 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, boundary loss is one thing, losing all sense of ever having any kind of identity is something else entirely.
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if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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