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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
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Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Macho Mantis] * 1
    #22447914 - 10/29/15 06:09 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Does a  dominatrix get you off at the end or your "session"...or do they just make you their bitch the whole time and you go home and fap after


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Adolin]
    #22447924 - 10/29/15 06:14 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

No not at all, in the same way that people who masturbate arent fucked in the head.

Most BDSM people I met went through some type of abuse in life, often childhood. Many didnt of course but its a trend.

I myself again am no exception. The more unfucked I get traumatically, the more I heal, the less I feel the need for BDSM shenanigans and the more for love in the usual untwisted sense.

Drinking in the Ambrosia of love is far to be preferred to wallowing in the depths of perversion. Thats not some religious commandment speaking, thats me growing out of D/s.

Many people outgrow BDSM. The ones who dont get evermore kinky.



--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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OfflineAdolin
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Registered: 06/28/11
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Asante]
    #22447926 - 10/29/15 06:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
No not at all, in the same way that people who masturbate arent fucked in the head.

Most BDSM people I met went through some type of abuse in life, often childhood. Many didnt of course but its a trend.

I myself again am no exception. The more unfucked I get traumatically, the more I heal, the less I feel the need for BDSM shenanigans and the more for love in the usual untwisted sense.






damn, you saw my post before my ninja-delete!


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Adolin]
    #22447929 - 10/29/15 06:20 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Why did you delete it? Its a valid question, anal sex is an unusual practice too. If done right its intensely intimate though, its not aimed at making the other suffer.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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Invisiblenice1returns
I am the Holy Shit
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Registered: 09/04/14
Posts: 2,303
Loc: miwuaki Flag
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Macho Mantis]
    #22448020 - 10/29/15 07:04 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Mummy!  Kick me in the balls and stamp on my bell end, then throw donuts at my hard cock like a hoopla  :owgasm:


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Asante]
    #22448023 - 10/29/15 07:05 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
Greediness, sexual obsession, inability to understand their roles, mental illness.

"Dommes" who have been raped or battered in vanilla relationships who turn into vindicative bitches taking it out on submissives. Doms who flat out deny any responsibility towards supplying the submissive with a wholesome fulfilling experience. Bruised subs with the attitude that Dominants owe them something or who come at them with elaborate wishlists and topping from the bottom. A cheap thrills mentality.



Although I haven't experienced these aspects (at least not as far as I'm aware and I certainly hope I've never done wrong), I do recognize this sentiment in some of the things I see on Fetlife. Btw, I think there's nothing inherently wrong with topping from the bottom, as long as it's understood between the parties involved that this is the dynamic people are looking for.

Quote:

I have come to the conclusion that if you are into the BDSM scene there on some level is something wrong with you (I dont exclude myself from that) and that people who are damaged goods often arent the most socially considerate people to be around.



Well, I think many or most people are in a way 'damaged goods' - life isn't easy on all of us all the time (far from it). And surely, in many cases, this will cause people to take out their trauma on others in some way. However, it's good that you say 'often', as I don't think this is always the case. I think at least some people are perfectly capable of reflecting on how their experiences have influenced their sexual persona and can still approach others in an ethically responsible fashion. Btw, I think it's also good to acknowledge the possibility that people can be into BDSM without ever having been sexually traumatized. I know this is the case with myself and I know of others where this is the case as well. Trauma in other areas of one's life may play a role as well, but I know if I look back at my early childhood (which was up to a point very trauma-free) I already had an inclination towards let's say 'deviant' sexuality. Since this deviance was already present before any trauma ensued, I know it's not caused solely (or perhaps not at all) by unfortunate experiences. To the best of my knowledge, research has also supported this and has also led to the conclusion that people in the BDSM community are not necessarily traumatized and they certainly aren't less happy (inside our outside relationships) than vanilla people. So I do have the impression you're emphasizing dynamics that you have experienced or witnessed, while leaving out the portion of the community that isn't plagued by these dynamics.

Quote:

If you thrive on tormenting or being tormented something went wrong in your ability to give and receive love. :luvdisc:



I don't think so. I'd love to bring you into contact with my girlfriend who is better capable than I am of explaining how she sees our relationship and our mutual love and respect, while I also do physically torment her from time to time - which is something we both enjoy and need from time to time. It's just one instance, but I can't imagine we're the only couple to be this way.

Quote:

In my view, "normal" is falling in love with someone and then explore the depth of each others desires together, rather than approach people with matching kinks and see if you can make it work. You approach eachother with your hearts, not your genitals.



I don't think falling in love is exclusively about hearts for the vast majority of people and that genitals do play a significant role (but not the main part). Romantic love and sex are for most people associated, and that implies that people who are inclined to kinky behavior, kink will become part of that mix. If you mean to say that falling in love cannot be all about genitals and sex, then I would obviously agree vehemently. But stating the opposite wouldn't make sense in my opinion.

Frankly, I believe you're at the same time pointing out some evident (emotional and ethical) risks associated with BDSM, but in doing so, you're painting a picture in which you emphasize only the problematic aspects and therefore suggest there's something inherently wrong with BDSM. I don't agree with this.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: koraks]
    #22448048 - 10/29/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I understand you don't agree and I re-emphasize that I can only react to things that I have personal experience with. I'm not objective in the least, and went from a diehard BDSM aficionado to someone turned off, unfulfilled and a tad bitter about the whole experience.

I spent years chasing ghosts and wasnt happy doing it.

I aim my arrows directly at love now an will be content with whichever level of kink that comes accompanied with. Being a Dominant in a moderate kink relationship would appeal now.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Asante]
    #22448086 - 10/29/15 07:26 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Well, I can see how you would arrive at this point and I think it happens to many people. However, I also think it doesn't need to happen (and I also think you may develop further, but I wouldn't really know).

All I know based on my own experience, is that the following doesn't work:
* Look for the emotional and romantic connection only and disregard any kinky inclination. I ended up in a vanilla relationship this way before and it didn't work out, mostly because of this. My needs weren't fulfilled and no matter how much we appreciated and loved each other, I grew frustrated and felt guilty at doing so, as she didn't do anything wrong after all. But I couldn't just swallow five years of frustration with no perspective on relief. Kudos for those who can, but I couldn't and I don't think there's necessarily something wrong with me. I just happened to be different from this woman.
* Look for only the kink and then hope that the emotional aspect will grow. It may work, but it sounds like a bad way to start off to me and most likely to end in frustration and unhappiness.

So far, I have found that it works best (and I count myself extremely lucky in having found my gf) to look for the emotional/romantic connection, but remain clear (to yourself and others) what your needs are. I did so in an early stage and it turned out that we were looking for the same thing. I already knew, and for her it was a matter of it 'clicking' once she found out about kink (she was completely innocent before she met me in this respect). It turned out to be one of the essential things she had missed out on; she just didn't realize it. Btw, she's as trauma-free as one can reasonably imagine.

For me, it turns out I need to have both aspects to feel balanced and happy in a relationship. I tried one without the other (both versions) and it didn't work out. I applaud those who can set half of their needs and desires aside and focus on the other half and be happy with that in the long term. I just don't happen to be one of them.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Macho Mantis]
    #22448128 - 10/29/15 07:37 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I would definitely get down with a dom, but wouldn't be a sub all the time, I would reverse rolls here and there.

It's nice getting slapped in the balls with a ruler while jacking off, had a girl do that to me and man I was hard as a rock, she was talking dirty to me, and I came a fucking gallon of semen.  Shit was hot.

I won't get pegged though, will pass on that, but whip me till I bleed. :evil:


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Lucis]
    #22448208 - 10/29/15 07:58 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
I would definitely get down with a dom, but wouldn't be a sub all the time, I would reverse rolls here and there.





Someone who does well in both roles is called a Switch.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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OfflineLeningradCowboy
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Asante]
    #22449153 - 10/29/15 01:00 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:

I hope you'll find a good match, matching is the most important thing and the hardest to do.

I'm a Switch by the way.




:whathesaid:


--------------------
From tundra with love!


FREE HAMHEAD 2020!


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
Howdy
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22449401 - 10/29/15 02:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

SirShroomsAlott said:
Does a  dominatrix get you off at the end or your "session"...or do they just make you their bitch the whole time and you go home and fap after




This was a serious question that hopefully someone will give me an answer to :sad: considering how knowledgable some people seem to be on the subject..... :waits:


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Offlineshroominated
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22449423 - 10/29/15 02:24 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

you know what dominatrix hate the most not letting them dominate you and not dominating them they hate the middle ground


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OfflineBeanhead
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Registered: 10/11/08
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Asante]
    #22452465 - 10/30/15 06:49 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
Greediness, sexual obsession, inability to understand their roles, mental illness.

"Dommes" who have been raped or battered in vanilla relationships who turn into vindicative bitches taking it out on submissives. Doms who flat out deny any responsibility towards supplying the submissive with a wholesome fulfilling experience. Bruised subs with the attitude that Dominants owe them something or who come at them with elaborate wishlists and topping from the bottom. A cheap thrills mentality.

Stuff like that.

I have come to the conclusion that if you are into the BDSM scene there on some level is something wrong with you (I dont exclude myself from that) and that people who are damaged goods often arent the most socially considerate people to be around.

If you thrive on tormenting or being tormented something went wrong in your ability to give and receive love. :luvdisc:

In my view, "normal" is falling in love with someone and then explore the depth of each others desires together, rather than approach people with matching kinks and see if you can make it work. You approach eachother with your hearts, not your genitals.

I didnt used to be this way but I seen so much shit and wasted years on that stuff.







Everyone pretty in rope:hug:
:loveproof:


Edited by Beanhead (10/30/15 06:50 AM)


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InvisibleSludgeCity
I Am The Beast I Worship


Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 2,437
Loc: Bottomless Pit Flag
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22452672 - 10/30/15 08:18 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

SirShroomsAlott said:
Quote:

SirShroomsAlott said:
Does a  dominatrix get you off at the end or your "session"...or do they just make you their bitch the whole time and you go home and fap after




This was a serious question that hopefully someone will give me an answer to :sad: considering how knowledgable some people seem to be on the subject..... :waits:



:whathesaid:
This needs to be answered :lol:


--------------------
:trippinballs: CHOOSE THIS LIFE YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN :trippinballs:



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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: SludgeCity]
    #22452705 - 10/30/15 08:39 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

It wholely depends on the scene you negotiate what will happen including whether there will be a "happy end".

In SSC BDSM (Safe, Sane, Consensual) its common that after the session there is a debriefing phase where both tend to chill and cool off, return from subspace and domspace, and if there are issues, to work at them.

Some Dominants however feel entitled to do exactly what they like and nothing else will be considered, with the submisdsive basically being a toy without a say in things, inside and outside the session. Needless to say that can lead to many problems.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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InvisibleBreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic
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Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Macho Mantis]
    #22452746 - 10/30/15 08:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I like POWER if that is what you mean, I have an natural attraction to those of greater power than myself and I love to eroticise power, especially in a man.

Don't we all.


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OfflineMacho Mantis
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Registered: 10/27/15
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22490671 - 11/07/15 12:48 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Quote:

Macho Mantis said:
Anyone share my love of strong, powerful, aggressive, dominant women?





Very fitting sig




I thought so.


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OfflineMacho Mantis
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Adolin]
    #22490683 - 11/07/15 12:50 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Gresh said:
i love me some domination




Really?  I love to chat about it with fellow submissives.


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OfflineMacho Mantis
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Re: I love me a dominatrix [Re: Beanhead]
    #22490689 - 11/07/15 12:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Beanhead said:
Quote:

Macho Mantis said:
Anyone share my love of strong, powerful, aggressive, dominant women?






They are the best.

*eep*

:bdsm:




They certainly are.


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