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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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I guess it's gotta be bad.
#22443236 - 10/28/15 03:08 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I got strangers I've never even spoke to one time hitting me up through forums and fb etc and telling me how much my trivial posts mean to them begging me not to do anything drastic? I guess I'm becoming a suicidal mess in everyones eyes?
I have no faith in life. I think the world is shit. I am super super super depressed. But killing myself never seems like a solution. It always seems like an option though.....the more depressed the closer to the first option that is.....I, like all, have thought it over many times.
I could never kill myself. I watched my grandpa die without a single pain med or anti depressant.....he refused them. His last few weeks were grueling.....not too mention he couldn't even open his hands his entire life and made it huge for himself......I'm complaining over, I don't even know what?
I literally need to find a way to be happy again.
I just got pulled over with an ounce of weed saturday and they forfeited my car....I get a small crawl ahead, then tumble far far far back.....and I can't keep friends because of it....just these distant acquaintances, who bless them, can only deal with so much. I was seeing an amazing psychologist, but I moved.....my new one got mouth cancer ( ironic enough ) so now I just am shutting down.
Whats the natural age to just give up and say fuck it? There isn't one? My gpa gave up at 74, my mom is 48 and she's tapped out....I'm going to be 30 in two weeks and I literally have nothing to my name......is that why people think I am going to just kill myself one day?
I guess I am giving off super super catatonic depressing vibes. I know if I was a very responsible individual ( kids, owned home, career ) I would look at me and shudder and hug my wife......which kinda makes me sad....but god what's negative and whats positive? Me having and dealing with my emotions is negative.....people turning the other way because they dont deal with negativity? Is the point of life really just to tell every person who doesn't fit your agenda to fuck off?
I guess I'm just a little nervous about the coming months....things are not looking good....and when strangers that live in other states message me paragraphs of love out of no where it really makes me wonder just how far off I really am?
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I guess it's gotta be bad. [Re: vandago]
#22443255 - 10/28/15 03:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh ya, death threats. I get a lot of those from random people too.
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AroundtheSon
Learning to See



Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 4,427
Loc: Midwest.
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Re: I guess it's gotta be bad. [Re: vandago]
#22443434 - 10/28/15 05:58 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Easier said than done, but it has really helped me to think positively about things. When I catch myself, frequently, going towards the negative (in any way!) I try to correct myself and frame it positively.
Not sure how bad your scenario is, so I apologize if I am over simplifying, or you perceive I am making "light" of your situation - I am not.
I do hope the best for you.
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Zymosis
Carbon Based Lifeform



Registered: 10/17/15
Posts: 237
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As aroundtheson mentioned, it's how you frame it. I know it's cliche to say life is what you make it, but it is as true as it gets. Feeling like life is boring? Find something to do. Go to the gym and get those endorphins going. Go hiking. Join a club and make some new friends. Hell, if you're on shroomery you'd probably enjoy a mycology club where you can join field trips to hunt for edibles.
It's rough that they took your car and weed dude, but shit happens. What did they charge you with? And BTW if your friends stop hanging out with you because you go through a tough time like get busted for weed, then they're not real friends. Find your real friends and spend some time with them.
Oh yeah, and avoid alcohol. Alcohol will make you even more depressed, especially if you're drinking at home.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: I guess it's gotta be bad. [Re: Zymosis]
#22446770 - 10/28/15 09:30 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I can't drink alcohol for a year. I have a scram bracelet on that detects if I drink since I just got caught with weed.
It's all going to come crashing down a lot sooner than I'd like it too. I made shitty choices though.
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Re: I guess it's gotta be bad. [Re: vandago]
#22447558 - 10/29/15 01:21 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I feel your pain brother. I am 34 now and remember turning 30 and feeling like it was all over. Pretty much in the same position as you, having to start over
with nothing to my name. It's hard road and there is truly not a mother fucker out there that actually gives a damn about you other than you. We take so much
shit in life for what? Work 40 hours a week for what? I go through these thoughts daily still. But what keeps me going are the stupid ass cliche things.
My kids, sunsets, sunrises, the moon and stars, smoking a good bowl, all the fucking small things are what keep me going everyday. Start small and build
from there. Hang in there though bro. I don't know what it is but I am sure there is some fucking reason were here. Good luck!
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
TrippieHunter said: I feel your pain brother. I am 34 now and remember turning 30 and feeling like it was all over. Pretty much in the same position as you, having to start over
with nothing to my name. It's hard road and there is truly not a mother fucker out there that actually gives a damn about you other than you. We take so much
shit in life for what? Work 40 hours a week for what? I go through these thoughts daily still. But what keeps me going are the stupid ass cliche things.
My kids, sunsets, sunrises, the moon and stars, smoking a good bowl, all the fucking small things are what keep me going everyday. Start small and build
from there. Hang in there though bro. I don't know what it is but I am sure there is some fucking reason were here. Good luck!
If it wasn't for the little things you mentioned I would have done laid on the tracks already. I absolutely love being outside, and I absolutely adore my dogs.....without those two things I would be lost. I gave up a cat I really regret giving up recently, but I just couldn't maintain.
95% of why I feel so hard is regret. I have society shoving a plethora of false shit into my face all day every day, the family I care about is gone...the ones that cared about me, I dwell on not having done this, or doing that....I sit in depressing nostalgia a lot. Long drives and long walks were all that stopped me from literally smashing my face into the wall, and now I am just rutted so deep I can't drive, and getting out of bed sounds worthless....my dogs are fine there with me as long as I get up to let them out and feed them lol.....they do get me outside for 20-30 min a day though, without them no one would hear from me again....that outside time resets my brain.
When I say my system is overloaded, it is hardcore.....I don't even know what to do.....I have wild delusions of horrid things happening, like being sent to mars on a gram of LSD.....or getting my kidneys cut out and forced to work in china.....and I spend so much time worrying about that shit, that I forget to worry about reality.....even though the latter is a reality to someone somewhere.....too much too fast too little time...
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enlightened seed
Utopia is a state of mind



Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 2,117
Loc: amongst civilization
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Re: I guess it's gotta be bad. [Re: vandago]
#22449610 - 10/29/15 03:17 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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i somewhat understand what you are feeling. life really sucks sometimes. if it we weren't for a few family members i would have probably been aware of what comes after this so called life. i guess there are two options, try to make the best out of "life" or call it quits. i find it hard to give up. the best of luck to you!
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