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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
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The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people 1
#22440566 - 10/27/15 02:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Whenever you see a really pretty girl and an ugly dude together, its almost impossible not to think "Bet that dude has a huge dick or tons of money."
And I've come to believe that isn't judgmental, cruel, or vain at all.
Beautiful people lived completely different lives than ugly people. I recently had to end a friendship with a pretty girl due, in part, to the fact that I'm ugly and shes not. We just had so much trouble communicating. She would complain about guys hitting on her and I just couldn't relate to that complaint. Ive never had a woman just openly hit on me in my entire life. It sounds like the most satisfying and validating experience in the world. Id try to explain how horrifying it felt to be alone all the time and she would say things like "No, I get it, back when I was in high school I didn't have many friends." ...and it would feel like "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!"
Its possible I'm bitter about not looking like a model or that shes self-centered and is unable or unwilling to understand how ridiculous it sounds when you complain about being pretty, but I don't think so.
I think its the same reason why relationships between any too-different groups of people rarely work out. For instance, people that are like 15+ years apart. Its not just about maturity. If I dated a woman who was 40, she wouldn't have grown up watching the Rugrats. She wouldn't know what its like to grow up as a millennial, probably the most hopeless and jaded generation ever. I could never explain what it feels like to not remember what it was like before computers and the internet. And obviously plenty of examples in the opposite end, just naming a few.
So I think to a certain extent, vanity is an important thing to be aware of because society is a vain place. Like the Matrix, some rules can be bent, others broken, but the vast majority of people can't, even though they think they can. Your visage shapes who you are and that restricts the kinds of people you can befriend or date.
Anyway, that was a lot of words. Thoughts?
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22440855 - 10/27/15 04:14 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think you're putting too much emphasis on the physical stuff. Being pretty or ugly isn't the biggest part of what makes people attractive or unattractive. It's kind of like wearing a suit to a job interview. It might help with a first impression, but it's not the deciding factor. Most people learn how to get better at being unattractive or attractive when they want to be as they get older. You'll figure it out eventually if you play around with it, just like those "ugly" guys with "pretty" girls. It's not about the dudes' dick sizes or their wallets for the most part.
Getting hit on has more to do with personality and behavior IME. If you're playful and flirty in the right kind of public place (with your life together I should add), then some chick will probably be playful and flirty with you. I've been hit on out of the blue a couple times, and I'm not a pretty person either. It's really not all that satisfying or gratifying though. It usually means that you have to politely reject some chick (possibly a crazy one) while you're going about your day and minding your own business. I can't imagine why anyone would want that kind of attention all the time, and it would suck to be constantly bothered by it. It's way more fun to exchange sexy looks with somebody you know and like, whether they look like a super model or a stunt double for the Freddy Krueger.
IMO, you're being bitter about the wrong thing.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22440979 - 10/27/15 04:46 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yes, you are indeed ugly and need to stay away from most people. Oh wait, you didn't want my agreement, yet present your "case" as if it is somehow arguable.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: LunarEclipse]
#22440994 - 10/27/15 04:49 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said: Yes, you are indeed ugly and need to stay away from most people. Oh wait, you didn't want my agreement, yet present your "case" as if it is somehow arguable.
I didn't mean to make it about me at all, I was just using myself as an example. Sorry if it came off that way
I just meant that being a certain level of attractiveness gives you certain advantages and disadvantages in life that people who are vastly more or less attractive can't relate to. For example, being unattractive in a very plain way allows you to be almost totally invisible. You get to go about your daily life without people fucking with you, neither mocking you nor making advances. But it also means that you are totally fucking invisible. Nobody every notices things you do, it would make you feel like you don't matter at all. A frighteningly hideous person couldn't relate and a beautiful person couldn't relate.
And if this ends up being every person saying "Oh, your physical appearance doesn't matter at all, its all personality" please just don't bother to respond. Its absolutely false and is a naive view of the world. I am very observant of couples and Id say 90% of the time they are in the same general bracket of attractiveness, which is exactly my point
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
Edited by bloodsheen (10/27/15 05:01 PM)
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22441024 - 10/27/15 04:55 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bloodsheen said:
Quote:
LunarEclipse said: Yes, you are indeed ugly and need to stay away from most people. Oh wait, you didn't want my agreement, yet present your "case" as if it is somehow arguable.
I didn't mean to make it about me at all, I was just using myself as an example. Sorry if it came off that way
Well don't apologize, I just don't agree with your premise whether it's you or someone else. I mean, did pretty really make you feel bad when she said how being ogled made her uncomfortable? To you it would be a good thing, to her it got old and creepy fast.
I think being a good listener with some empathy can be hard, but probably an important thing to keep relations going.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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OliverJames
Potion Brewer

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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: LunarEclipse]
#22442425 - 10/27/15 09:55 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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1. I think your view on physical beauty is too black and white man. There are definitely some beautiful fucking people, and there are definitely some seriously ugly people, but there are plenty that fall in between. Most of my buds are average I'd say. We all got pros and cons in regards to our physical appearance. Believe it or not, my one friend who scores the most beautiful women, is actually one of the shortest of us. He's just a confident fucker. Which brings me to my second point
2. Your underestimating the effect your personality can have on someone. I'm by no means your normal looking dude. I'm not all that tall, 5 7', and I got longish hair and a beard. The first thing people ask me is if I'm from California or Colorado. I turn heads, not because I look like a model, but because I stand out and have an abnormal look. I'm a relatively good speaker and enjoy talking to people, and thats usually how I kick it off with girls. They dont think I'm some model, they probably just think I'm a friendly open minded person, and that goes a long way with some girls
Of course, the extremely gorgeous humans are gonna turn heads all over, but they're a minority. Just because your not turning heads doesn't mean your ugly. Have some confidence!
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22444697 - 10/28/15 12:31 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bloodsheen said:
And if this ends up being every person saying "Oh, your physical appearance doesn't matter at all, its all personality" please just don't bother to respond. Its absolutely false and is a naive view of the world. I am very observant of couples and Id say 90% of the time they are in the same general bracket of attractiveness, which is exactly my point
Most people are about average in terms of physical attractiveness in my opinion, so it makes sense that most people are in the same general bracket of attractiveness. Some people spend more time on their appearance and some people stay more fit, but I've never been able to point at somebody and say they were leaps and bounds more beautiful than a normal person unless they were putting the effort in to look that way, and most sane people don't maintain that indefinitely because it's a huge hassle.
I don't really understand your point. People don't generally stay in relationships because they look pretty. They do it because they like spending time with the other person. How are you ranking people's attractiveness? It sounds like you're angry about something and you're looking for an easy scapegoat.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#22445185 - 10/28/15 02:36 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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STAY in relationships, no, people don't generally stay because the person is pretty. It does happen, there are plenty of people who don't believe they could ever find someone as attractive as their current partner so they stick around. But Id say generally its the other way around, when somebody ISN'T pretty anymore (i.e. either gains a lot of weight or stops caring about their appearance) their partner might leave them.
But you have to get your foot in the door in the first place, and that foot is, well, your face 
I firmly believe we are still basically animalistic in our choosing of partners. They did a study of men who like asses, and they found that almost invariably men didn't pick the women with a little ass or a fat ass, they picked the one where the spine is at the best angle to the rest of the body to carry a child safely.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/05/why-men-like-butts-science_n_6800172.html
We have built a whole social culture around choosing a mate, but deep down most people are choosing what their hindbrain tells them to like. There are strange fetishes and such (like amputees) but we are trying to find a mate who is both genetically superior and a good provider/mother. Think its a mistake that so many hot young girls end up with old dudes? Its the best of both worlds, she gets a great provider and he gets a superior mother of his child, win/win.
While there is ALSO science that suggests that the more time you spend with people the more attractive you find them
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/30/science/for-couples-time-can-upend-the-laws-of-attraction.html?WT.mc_id=2015-KWP-AUD_DEV&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=AUDDEVREMARK&kwp_0=22764&kwp_4=156255&kwp_1=163878&_r=1
women also learn fear and caution with men since there are so many dangerous guys out there. Meaning when it comes to a random encounter, the only factors really are
a)How attractive you are b)How strong of a vibe of safety or 'coolness' you give off and c)How desperate or unafraid of danger the girl is
...anyway, none of that was my original point. My original point actually had to do with the emotional, non-hindbrain connection you make with people. It just happens to have some correlation with your attractiveness. I work with this girl whom overall I have very little in common with. But we have good conversations about things because we had similar experiences growing up. Always being "the friend." Not dating very much, flirting with people but never getting anywhere with them, etc. Shes a bit on the fat side and its a huge part of why. Shes friendly, fun, personable, etc, but she has her first bf ever at the age of 20.
This is why I say your face shapes who you are. Hell, theres this other girl I work with who is stunningly attractive. She looks like an Elven princess or something. Shes also stupid as fuck. And because shes really pretty, guys pay attention to her. And it makes a lot of other girls hate her. If she were just dumb, she would annoy them. If she were just pretty, they would envy her. But the combination of her stupidity and beauty makes girls dislike her extra, shes annoying AND they envy her, which combines into hate. So this girl, under no fault of her own, was born with a low IQ and a high level of prettiness, and it has actually altered whom she is capable of making friends with.
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22446178 - 10/28/15 06:56 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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You may be onto something when it comes to cute women and their real friends. Check out any cute woman on Facebook, and it's a virtual guarantee that they won't post a cute girl friend until the fourth person down, minimum. Virtually guaranteed. They may hang out with other cute girls, to compete in real time, but at the end of the day call someone up type friend they likely aren't cute.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: The complex relationship between ugly and beautiful people [Re: bloodsheen]
#22446338 - 10/28/15 07:44 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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there's a girl at my work, I think she might not think she is attractive because she seems a bit meek when we talk, im a good lookin guy is maybe why she is that way, idk.
Anyway, I would ravage that vag, her name starts with a K, so if you reading this K then lets fuck.
I have nothing else to add to this thread, sorry guys.
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