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OfflineChirox
seeker
Registered: 05/18/12
Posts: 97
Last seen: 6 years, 24 days
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #22441047 - 10/27/15 05:02 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Try resting with some quartz crystal over your heart. It helps align the energy.


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Chirox]
    #22441057 - 10/27/15 05:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Grapefruit, you are right that most people have no idea how painful and devastating spiritual awakening can be. By the time one finds out, it's too late, it's burn or jump.


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Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
    #22442490 - 10/27/15 10:20 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I'm going through the same thing now.

Perhaps not the same as you, but very similar. I have a thread on here a couple pages back about my bad trip. That trip was almost two months ago.

Grapefruit have you found anyone else going through this? Mine felt like my 2nd and 3rd chakras completely reversed, and my heart chakra feels very closed.

I find myself being mean and dismissive towards those I love most. I can't stand it.

I've fully bought into the spiritual trip. I knew it was real since my first few trips years ago. I thought I could just fuck around and postpone getting serious about my spirituality until I had other things in my life figured out. I partied, drank, used lots of drugs etc. Neglected to work on myself and do a lot of service work, which is something I have wanted to do and have done in the past. I just figured I had the rest of my life to dedicate myself to that.

Now not only do my lower chakras feel put of whack. My brain feels destroyed. Turned to mush. Surprisingly I seem to be able to convey my thoughts well through writing but speaking or forming thoughts is difficult. It's like I've lost part of myself.

I've been trying to change things but it seems too late. I just wish I hadn't taken that last trip...

It seems strange though, as perhaps our descent into hell isn't totally real or maybe it's just preparation to finally make us better people. Idk about you, but I've never killed anyone, never raped anyone, never stolen anything serious, try to be a kind person when I encounter people. I let my anxieties get the best of me over the past year but it just seems downright cruel that this would be my fate.

I'm still reminded of the quote from waking life: In hell you sink to the level of your lack of love in heaven you rise to the level of your fullness of love.

Here's hoping our chakras aren't permanently broken but are just slightly damaged and can be healed.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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OfflineGrapefruit
Freak in the forest
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Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: halo]
    #22442525 - 10/27/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

My chakras have got pain and energy shaking right through them. They don't just feel closed, but like they are being destroyed completely. There are actually pleasant feelings at the moment but they are fading fast the more these chakras get destroyed. Is that what it's like for you?

My story is similar to yours. I don't know man more and more mine seem like they are broken.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22442638 - 10/27/15 11:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I can't say mine feel the same way.

Mine feel like the lower ones reversed. This was coupled with an immediate feeling like I no longer have agency as a human being. For me this was all quite sexual before I considered the more profound spiritual implications. Basically it felt like my chakras were flipped or my essence left me such that I'm only worthy of getting fucked in the ass. For me this is frightening since I consider myself a straight male.

I was up for 4 days and this delved into a psychosis where it seemed the universe tried to convince me of this. In the meantime I was kind of mean to my immediate friends since I was freaking out so much.

Eventually I became convinced this happened because I've been living my life wrong and I've been very self indulgent over the past 2 years.

I don't really feel anything in my chakras now except for pain  in my heart center occasionally. My other chakras feel more shut off. And it's not that I was super aware of them before. I recognized but kind of ignored them. Definitely more noticeable when something goes wrong. 

Praying that I can get back to normal right now. Idk about you, but its been hard for me to enjoy anything right now. This has been going on almost two months for me.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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OfflineGrapefruit
Freak in the forest
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Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: halo]
    #22442717 - 10/27/15 11:27 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Your problem seems more ok. I'm getting more and more convinced this problem I have is getting much much worse. There is energy moving up all the chakras, and I can't stop it at all. It's just flowing without end, there's no way to control it or lessen it. I wake up shaking. They are all being very rapidly destroyed. You need to have an ego before you can lose it, if you are a narcissist you have no real ego structure so if you pass the first step of spiritual awakening your ego structure is going to break down. It's like being in that place where you can have a kundalini awakening without being ready for it at all.

If that happens you have no way to control the energy from flowing into your chakras any more, it just goes up and up and destroys them completely. There isn't any hope of recovering from this kind of thing, I'm certain of that now.

People say your chakras cant be damaged but they can in a rare instance like this.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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OfflineGrapefruit
Freak in the forest
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Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22443125 - 10/28/15 02:17 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Just an update, this is getting worse and worse. There is very bad pain in every single one of my chakras and it's only increasing more and more. I am overwhelmed by all sorts of the feelings that come from the chakras aswell as the feeling of blackness that is like a satanic feeling. Pretty sure I'm gonna die soon.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
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Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22443437 - 10/28/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

You could be under psychic attack by demonic beings that populate a sort of hell realm that I've permanently accessed.  That is my fate or circumstance as of now.  'We create hell and we thrive on it.'  That was said to me by one of these beings.  What people call Kundalini I'm confused about...  Some of these beings make their way up your ass to inhabit your body and make their way up the spinal column to plug into the brain.  From there they operate an ongoing hallucination using the minds own imagery.


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Offlinehalo
Tripper
Male


Registered: 11/01/07
Posts: 1,169
Last seen: 2 months, 9 days
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #22443962 - 10/28/15 09:11 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Grapefruit when did this all start for you?

I don't doubt that your experience is worse than mine. But mine has been pretty ducking bad. Basically insomnia, no sex drive, no appetite, can't really tell when I need to shit, impossible to feel joy right now, headaches, teeth grinding until I have cavities. Also the impaired mental and speech abilities. Hair falling out.

All of this started in the past month and a half.

Fishoilthekid, I don't doubt that malevolent spirits could play a part in this. After the first couple weeks I realized kundalini was playing a role and I was having extreme psychosis and synchronicities. Even started to have a mild schizophrenia at one point, I had uncontrollable voices and I was able to get rid of them by lowering the kundalini energy. When it was all the way up my spine in my head it was causing this. But by lowering the energy I stopped the malevolent type voices.

I'm still not sure if this was good though. Part of me wonders if I should have left things like that and dealt eitubthings better.

The lack of knowledge on this state is so frustrating. Lots of people have taken psychedelics. Lots of people have had bad trips. It's infuriating that I can't seem to find hardly anyone who has gone through the same thing. I just want to know what I have to do to heal myself and resume my life from where I left off.

It honestly has felt like I'm living in hell or some precursor to it. And I don't like this. Before this I was a pretty happy dude for the most part. Always tried to be cool and help others have a good time. I had one weekend of getting too fucked and then it's basically ruined my life. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I am kind of relieved that someone else is in a similar situation.


--------------------
All drugs should be legal


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InvisibleSwarupa

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 61
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
    #22444240 - 10/28/15 10:30 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

quinn said:
grapefruit

i am truly sorry to see things going so bad for you. i really hope you can weather this inferno as you are a poster i like and respect and have enjoyed your contributions here over the years.




I feel the same... i wouldn't write yourself off so soon man, these kind of situations can escalate quite quickly but also be seen through just as swiftly. Sometimes you have to go through hell to get where your going...

Maybe you could elaborate a bit more on how this whole thing escalated? What substances you've been using, how frequently, warning signs to look out for... if you'd like to help others by warning them it could be nice to share some more details about this.

I've found that pretty much everything i've learned from entheogens, the difference between hell & heaven, all comes down to fear & love.


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InvisibleNemodeus
Introvert

Registered: 04/01/14
Posts: 427
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22444588 - 10/28/15 12:03 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

In matters as subjective as spirit faith is of utmost importance. Be it faith in a deity or faith in yourself, you must accept that all will be well with time. Otherwise your working against yourself.


--------------------
In an entheogen influenced moment of clarity I came to understand that reality manifests as a dream from the collective subconscious minds of all conscious entities. Nothingness made something because we collectively believe it into being, and physical laws given power by the reinforcement of conscious observation. Creation, destruction, and even time itself are but an aspect of ourselves and we of them. Life and death, simply illusions we face from a limited grasp of our own existence. We are one, all is eternal.


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22444955 - 10/28/15 01:44 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Grapefruit said:
Just an update, this is getting worse and worse. There is very bad pain in every single one of my chakras and it's only increasing more and more. I am overwhelmed by all sorts of the feelings that come from the chakras aswell as the feeling of blackness that is like a satanic feeling. Pretty sure I'm gonna die soon.




You are on the verge of a huge breakthrough, man, if you can give up your beliefs about what is happening. You don't need meds or a guru if you can open to it all the way.

Stay sober. Do pranayam and asanas. Chakras are like whirlpools in water, they are just patterns of movement. They will reform.


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22445324 - 10/28/15 03:07 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Positive self talk!!  Music emeditation.  I watched a documentary on Alzheimer's patients, music allows them to
connect with their lost memories and joy.  Someone above mentioned crystals.. sounds like hocus
pocus but it's worth giving a shot.  Books on magick.. cultivation of personal power, etc.  Group
meditation.  Smoked DMT on some caapi vine.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
    #22446322 - 10/28/15 07:39 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Rev. Morton said:
Quote:

Grapefruit said:
Just an update, this is getting worse and worse. There is very bad pain in every single one of my chakras and it's only increasing more and more. I am overwhelmed by all sorts of the feelings that come from the chakras aswell as the feeling of blackness that is like a satanic feeling. Pretty sure I'm gonna die soon.




You are on the verge of a huge breakthrough, man, if you can give up your beliefs about what is happening. You don't need meds or a guru if you can open to it all the way.

Stay sober. Do pranayam and asanas. Chakras are like whirlpools in water, they are just patterns of movement. They will reform.




Pranayam has done so much for my anxiety to provide a warm glow and fall in love with being.  Like hanging out with people who experience love (or /cough slack)  too, big help to get away from people who just perpetuate the drama in your life.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineEggtimer
HotSauce Lover

Registered: 05/04/13
Posts: 3,097
Last seen: 4 days, 3 hours
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22447391 - 10/29/15 12:13 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Rise, awake!
Having obtained these boons, understand them!
Like the Razor's sharp edge is difficult to traverse,
The path to one's Self is difficult.
— Katha Upanishad, 1.3.14




Quote:

Man is only what he believeth,
a brother of darkness or a child of the Light.




Enter not the celestial realms with fear/doubt in your heart.
Believe in nothing because if you believe in something it precludes you from believing the opposite.
If you're offend and enraged by other people's beliefs it's because you are unsure of yourself and the things you believe.

Meditation and breathwork and allowing suppressed and unfinished emotional experiences to come up to experience them fully is the best way out of what you're describing.
Sit alone with yourself in the dark and allow your thoughts to flow without judging them as good or bad or thinking I shouldn't be having these thoughts.

The more you suppress thoughts you think you shouldn't be having the stronger they are. There are no bad thoughts.
You don't really think your thoughts they appear like clouds. You are the observer of them.

Also don't allow other people's ideas to define what you think you're experiencing. Forget all you think you know and start from there.


Quote:

Know ye, O my brother,
that fear is an obstacle great.
Be master of all in the brightness,
the shadow will soon disappear.
Hear ye and heed my wisdom,
the voice of LIGHT is clear.
Seek not the valley of shadow,
and LIGHT will only appear.

List ye, O man,
to the depth of my wisdom.
Speak I of knowledge hidden from man.
Far have I been
on my journey through SPACE-TIME,
even to the end of space of this cycle.
Aye, glimpsed the HOUNDS of the Barrier,
lying in wait for he who would pass them.
In that space where time exists not,
faintly I sensed the guardians of cycles.
Move they only through angles.
Free are they not of the curved dimensions.

Strange and terrible
are the HOUNDS of the Barrier.
Follow they consciousness to the limits of space.
Think not to escape by entering your body,
for follow they fast the Soul through angles.
Only the circle will give ye protection,
save from the claws
of the DWELLERS IN ANGLES.

Once, in a time past,
I approached the great Barrier,
and saw on the shores where time exists not,
the formless forms
of the HOUNDS of the barrier.
Aye, hiding in the midst beyond time I found them;
and THEY, scenting me afar off,
raised themselves and gave the great bell cry
that could be heard from cycle to cycle
and moved through space toward my soul.

Fled I then fast before them,
back from time's unthinkable end.
But ever after me pursued they,
moving in strange angles not known to man.
Aye, on the gray shores of TIME-SPACE'S end
found I the HOUNDS of the Barrier,
ravening for the Soul
who attempts the beyond.

Fled I through circles back to my body.
Fled, and fast after me they followed.
Aye, after me the devourers followed,
seeking through angles to devour my Soul.

Aye, know ye man,
that the Soul who dares the Barrier
may be held in bondage
by the HOUNDS from beyond time,
held till this cycle is completed
and left behind
when the consciousness leaves.

Entered I my body.
Created the circles that know not angles,
created the form
that from my form was formed.
Made my body into a circle
and lost the pursuers in the circles of time.
But, even yet, when free from my body,
cautious ever must I be
not to move through angles,
else my soul may never be free.

Know ye, the HOUNDS of the Barrier
move only through angles
and never through curves of space.
Only by moving through curves
can ye escape them,
for in angles they will pursue thee.
O man, heed ye my warning;
Seek not to break open
the gate to beyond.
Few there are
who have succeeded in passing the Barrier
to the greater LIGHT that shines beyond.
For know ye, ever the dwellers,
seek such Souls to hold in their thrall.

Listen, O man, and heed ye my warning;
seek ye to move not in angles but curves,
And if while free from thy body,
though hearest the sound like the bay of a hound
ringing clear and bell-like through thy being,
flee back to thy body through circles,
penetrate not the midst mist before.

When thou hath entered the form thou hast dwelt in,
use thou the cross and the circle combined.
Open thy mouth and use thou thy Voice.
Utter the WORD and thou shalt be free.
Only the one who of LIGHT has the fullest
can hope to pass by the guards of the way.
And then must he move
through strange curves and angles
that are formed in direction not know to man.

List ye, O man, and heed ye my warning:
attempt not to pass the guards on the way.
Rather should ye seek to gain of thine own Light
and make thyself ready to pass on the way.




--------------------
It's all for the :lol:s


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OfflineGrapefruit
Freak in the forest
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Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Eggtimer]
    #22447629 - 10/29/15 02:03 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Not sure you guys quite get what has happened here. The ego structure (constant thinking about past/future, some kind of thread of relational thoughts) is completely gone in me now. There is only the present moment. That's the only thing that blocks the chakras in most people. It's so easy for me to control right and wrong action and the effects of the chakras now but the more I do right action the more it hurts the chakras.

Pretty sure this is an extremely rare experience. Most pathological narcissists would never get this far because they would stop psychedelic use due to the pains it was giving them. However my notion was that there was something better on the other side. Once I passed the first step everything went downhill very rapidly.

When I did this thing of slitting my wrists on ecstasy that really severely blocked the heart chakra. I just wish I had tried to end my life in a less traumatic way. There is still extreme pain in the all chakras and especially the heart. Asana would make things worse not better very rapidly.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


Edited by Grapefruit (10/29/15 02:14 AM)


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Invisibleenlightened seed
Utopia is a state of mind
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 2,117
Loc: amongst civilization
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Eggtimer]
    #22447631 - 10/29/15 02:05 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

satan will not win  :sunny:


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InvisibleNemodeus
Introvert

Registered: 04/01/14
Posts: 427
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22447895 - 10/29/15 05:52 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Grapefruit said:
Not sure you guys quite get what has happened here. The ego structure (constant thinking about past/future, some kind of thread of relational thoughts) is completely gone in me now. There is only the present moment.




If designed only for the present moment, your words are without value. So the question arises, why are you here sharing your story?

The very act of passing on your experience signifies hope.


--------------------
In an entheogen influenced moment of clarity I came to understand that reality manifests as a dream from the collective subconscious minds of all conscious entities. Nothingness made something because we collectively believe it into being, and physical laws given power by the reinforcement of conscious observation. Creation, destruction, and even time itself are but an aspect of ourselves and we of them. Life and death, simply illusions we face from a limited grasp of our own existence. We are one, all is eternal.


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22449325 - 10/29/15 01:52 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

It's so easy for me to control right and wrong action and the effects of the chakras now but the more I do right action the more it hurts the chakras.




This is a contradiction, control-> hurt, and right action-> hurt.

The chakras aren't meant to be wide open all the time. Generally speaking they should be mostly closed (though perhaps not stuck). It's a problem, yet not one that can be addressed by the medical community. At any rate, you're stuck with it til it calms down.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
    #22449372 - 10/29/15 02:06 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Grapefruit said:

Asana would make things worse not better very rapidly.




If you really want to be awoken from, make it worse not better.


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