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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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My story - god and the devil are real
#22438558 - 10/27/15 01:00 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I have been taking psychedelics looking for a spiritual awakening for some time. I have done this in the midst of sever chest pain, I was a narcissist. I finally did pass the "first step" of awakening using intellect and psychedelics. Since then I hav felt complete overload of my heart chakra, I tried to kill myself but it failed and I ended up in the psych ward. Now the chakra is destroyed nearly completely, I am shaking and the more it gets destroyed the more I feel love withering away in me and satanic thoughts and feeling overcoming me, they are truly dark, darker than any normal case of psychosis. I was a pathological narcissist and this kind of thing was not meant for me.
I am convinced now, having only 2 month a go been an atheist that god and the devil and hell and heaven are real. You must seek God but be very careful of psychedelic drugs and spiritual awakening, they can destroy your chakras if you have not strengthened them properly. I am writing this as a warning, do not laugh it off, I am not crazy. I am certain the religions have truth to them now and this is not based on delusions but just my experience. Hell is real, there is a reason that great men such as socrates or buddha or jesus believed this. Connection to God, or love is to found in your heart chakra. Be very careful with psychedelics, they can destroy your life completely.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Arctic W. Fox

Registered: 09/23/14
Posts: 1,357
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22438585 - 10/27/15 01:13 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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tdubz



Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 5,586
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22438592 - 10/27/15 01:15 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Going through something very simliar myself. I can identify with everything you are saying. At one point in my life i enjoyed psychedelics frequently much like you would weed or any other drug. These drugs however are extremly powerful in that they open up spiritual realities that one could never imagine. I thought i knew more than the average person when it came to conciouness an the enternal spirit but boy did i get a rude awakening this year.
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: tdubz]
#22438601 - 10/27/15 01:20 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I doubt what you are going through is as strong as this. My heart chakra is withering and dying completely. These drugs can be very dangerous.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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tdubz



Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 5,586
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: tdubz]
#22438612 - 10/27/15 01:24 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Also the devil is a deciever it will reel in sin after sin till the very moment that you are about to die then the devil might pop out an say something to you (yes through the ego/spirit) dosent matter the language it can communicate with you and by then its too late you have become the devils bitch an a slave in hell eternity however it manifests not neccessarly burning in hell but perhaps another manesfestation of hellish reality.
Edited by tdubz (10/27/15 01:26 AM)
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tdubz



Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 5,586
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22438625 - 10/27/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yes i am going through something very similar i would not have posted if this thread didnt directly speak to me....i havent posted anything in a year.
Edited by tdubz (10/27/15 01:30 AM)
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: tdubz]
#22439129 - 10/27/15 07:15 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah it's horrible right? We did not deserve this. Turns out the whole spiritual thing is actually just physical and now because of this experience I have a perfect sense of how to create the energy into my chakras and conform to gods will through right action but by doing so I am actually just further damaging myself. All my chakras are withering away fast.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Sade
Cheatin bastered



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 729
Loc: Bigfoot Territory
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22439134 - 10/27/15 07:24 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22439377 - 10/27/15 09:18 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Grapefruit said: I doubt what you are going through is as strong as this.
You sure you still aren't a narcissist?
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: cez]
#22439442 - 10/27/15 09:38 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sure I am but most of my ego walls are down now. The energy that is going through my system is getting stronger and stronger by the moment. I can feel it in every one of the pituitary glands and just burning them out completely. Its coming up through the root and just completely burning them out. I think once its done I'm going to be truly mad. When I tried to kill myself whilst on ecstasy i felt the heart chakra close up nearly completely from the trauma of it. Now all of the glands are going beserk, actually I feel fine now but I know I soon won't and I will be insane.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22439489 - 10/27/15 09:52 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Don't go insane. Forgive and love yourself, that should do just fine
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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit] 1
#22439514 - 10/27/15 10:04 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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grapefruit
i am truly sorry to see things going so bad for you. i really hope you can weather this inferno as you are a poster i like and respect and have enjoyed your contributions here over the years. i dont think you are a narcissist either and i dont think any person is really in a position to make that kind of call about themselves. 
please seek help if you can.
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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PocketLady



Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 1,773
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22439646 - 10/27/15 10:39 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sounds like you could be going through some kind of kundalini experience. But with blockages still present in your system the energy can stop it from rising correctly which is why you aren't feeling good. When kundalini rises with major blockages still present it can cause psychosis. You need to stop any kind energy/chakra work you are doing immediately and find someone who has experience with these kind of things. I can speak to my teacher who has risen kundalini if you would like.
-------------------- Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity. The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death. Tomorrow, when resurrection comes, The heart that is not in love will fail the test. ~ Rumi The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny. ~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: PocketLady]
#22439923 - 10/27/15 11:57 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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My problem is that my chakras are too weak to handle the energy coming from them. It's very strange, I am at a point where I have a completely clear view of how to do right action and so on but the more I engage in right action the more it hurts the system of chakras. It's easy for me to control the chakras and abate the insanity from doing so but the more I do it the more it hurts, the more it destroys the chakra system, they aren't strong enough to handle the pressure on them. I doubt this happens to many people at all. I was very foolish not to see the dangers of what I was doing.
For most people if they get this far they are prepared for it and can keep their ego structure intact while doing it but the walls around mine have mostly broken down now. I'm basically a psychopath who is not a psychopath. I feel flat, dead and emotionless other than the emotions that are coming from the chakras, hence its so easy for me to control what the chakras are doing.
Pretty sure a teacher can't help me, I'm just writing this as a warning really. Just to warn that if you are getting serious pains from psychedelics and spiritual seeking you need to stop doing that right away and go much more slowly. Serious seeking can be truly dangerous. The whole so called spiritual thing is actually governed by physical laws written into the universe that your chakra system is built to respond to and be strengthened by actions. If you destroy those chakras through drug use I think you are in very grave danger.
If it is true that your body is reconstituted in a kind of hell realm between births and deaths, which I think it is. All religions have said it is and IMO they must be based on something real considering they are so similar and also because I see how these chakras work so clearly now. Then the chakras must be kept healthy otherwise you will sink deeper and deeper into hell. I actually don't feel that crazy at all right now, there are no voices or psychosis of any kind, I never expected to come to these conclusions at all. I just know that once the chakras are destroyed all my blocks against it will be gone, forever. It's shit that it's like this 
Of course you will all think that this is the talking of a deluded fool.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit] 1
#22440845 - 10/27/15 04:09 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I cannot fathom how you see things that way after reading Jed McKenna and UG. It's all phenomena, what perceives it? Don't believe the hype. Just let it burn. The only thing in danger is our own delusion.
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
#22440893 - 10/27/15 04:23 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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The Buddha, Jesus, Socrates and UG all believed in hell realms not to mention a bunch of others. I don't think Jed is enlightened anyway. Plus as UG said all this spiritual stuff is actually physical, acceptance of delusion inside is only maintained through a healthy heart chakra. I don't think it's about how I see it but rather it's physical. God and the devil are physical things.
It's fine and true to say god and the devil are one and everything is perfect but to live that is different. Delusion is certainly not pleasant even if it's paradoxically all lies. That's how I see it anyway.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit]
#22440932 - 10/27/15 04:33 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm in a tough place too man, there is a "knowing" but when I try to convey it with words it makes no sense. 93% of what people say makes no sense to me either. Words like god, devil, hell, and enlightenment might as well be gibberish. Wish I could help you... chakras, as a phenomenological conception, can't be destroyed, only constricted.
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
#22440970 - 10/27/15 04:43 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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That's what a lot of people seem to say but UG says they can be damaged if they are not strong enough. What carries on into the next life I really don't know. A life without instructions...
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Grapefruit] 1
#22440984 - 10/27/15 04:47 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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There are no instructions for us because we are imposters. We are not the pearl, we are the price.
On the flip side, it will only destroy what you're not, it cannot touch what you really are.
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Re: My story - god and the devil are real [Re: Middleman]
#22441008 - 10/27/15 04:53 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rev. Morton said: We are not the pearl, we are the price.
I like that.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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