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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Registered: 11/20/13
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Has anyone overcome codependency?
    #22433653 - 10/25/15 08:33 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Care to share your story of overcoming/managing codependency?

I was raised with two alcoholic parents and my psychologist and I think that is where I draw a lot of codependent traits from.


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The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.


Edited by LittleDaddy (10/25/15 08:47 PM)


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Re: Has anyone overcome codependency? [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #22435071 - 10/26/15 08:45 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I would love to help but I'm the complete opposite. I have never became codenpendent of a significant other nor have I ad a girlfriend that encourages bad habits.

It would be cool to hear stories though.


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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: Has anyone overcome codependency? [Re: Patlal]
    #22435613 - 10/26/15 11:37 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I just find myself attracted to women that aren't available for me/have alcohol problems and my counselor thinks that it's related to me being used to that situation. I think the way I was treated as a child gave me a perverted sense of love; I know it's wrong, but when I'm in a relationship/beginning one the traits manifest themselves. I think it also has to do with the fact that I haven't really been interested in good girls while I've been confident acting within myself around them.

It's a struggle I've made a lot of progress with, I just don't want the problems to manifest themselves in an otherwise good relationship - they're self destructive habits that cloud reality and make me want to control the situation when nature doesn't work like that. As a consequence, a problem manifests itself from me acting upon a delusion. But it's also hard to decipher what is an illusion and what is a legitimate problem. Codependency has made it so I spent so much time trying to figure and care for others I disregarded concern for myself.

If you want to learn more, I've been reading a really good book called "Codependent No More". I think it's been a huge first step.
Thanks for your post.


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The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.


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InvisibleThecollective
Resistence is futile.


Registered: 06/23/14
Posts: 83
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Re: Has anyone overcome codependency? [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #22448364 - 10/29/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 3 months ago)

I don't see why one couldn't overcome co-dependency.  Awareness of the behavior does wonders, as well as developing insight into beliefs, and motives for the actions.

I used to be really co-dependent.  My parents weren't alcoholics just dicks or technically BPD with sociopathic tendencies, and NPD also mildly sociopathic.  My earliest memories where of my parents trying to slit each others throats, sister mopping up the blood, getting tossed around the house by my hair, drowned, beaten till my mom would break her hand, then beaten for breaking her hand.  Starvation, neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse you know, dysfunction.  My mom when I last spoke to her a few years ago, told me that my "soul raped her, and forced her to get pregnant with me."  Also, that she enjoyed every moment of violence and it makes her laugh to that day.  Dad, was more of a hollow shell, incapable of empathy, only displayed one emotion if any, and regarded us as tools/means to his ends or gratification.

I ended up cutting off all contact with basically everyone but hubby, and did some intensive self therapy.  Most therapists in my area said I was "too much" for them, and found a good online therapist that gave me just the right push/insights that got me going.

I don't think you have to go as extreme as I did really.  But it is entirely possible, sometimes it happens so subtly and sometime passes then you look back and whoa! Your a different person.  Or bursts of progress, it's all in your hands.
But you can do it. :laugh:


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Oh, God! The stupid! It burns!-Abraham Lincoln


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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: Has anyone overcome codependency? [Re: Thecollective]
    #22453423 - 10/30/15 12:27 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

That's awful, my experiences definitely weren't so physically violent - especially toward me. I'm sorry you had to go through that. but it sounds like relationships with them didn't serve you at all, so it's a benefit you got rid of them.

I have been seeing a counselor and reading and I think I've been making progress.

I appreciate it. Thank you and glad to hear you came out alive and on top.

Do you feel like your tendencies resurface?


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The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Has anyone overcome codependency? [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #22463821 - 11/01/15 07:10 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

LittleDaddy said:
Care to share your story of overcoming/managing codependency?

I was raised with two alcoholic parents and my psychologist and I think that is where I draw a lot of codependent traits from.




Both my parents were very codependent. I don't know if this had any bearing on my codependence when I was a young adult but I was very codependent - and fell in love with a girl who was also codependent (as that's the way it works). Anyway it was absolute hell but at the time I thought I was in the right instead of realizing that relationship issues are usually 50/50 - and so when we broke up I went on a dating spree because I was hurting - dating 3 people at once. As corny as this sounds not soon after this I had some really strong psychedelic trips and they changed my thinking - and I am the least codependent person you will meet now.. Obviously I had to work hard as well to make the changes, but the psychedelic trips showed me a different way of thinking.

Codependence sucks - therapy is usually very useful to help get rid of it.
Your relationship should never be a hidrance - instead just that extra awesomeness in life.


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