|
Some of these posts are very old and might contain outdated information. You may wish to search for newer posts instead.
|
spacecadetCID
CityForager


Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 109
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
|
The reality of the situation..
#22432242 - 10/25/15 02:48 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I have spent the past five years dedicated to substance. I made that a priority over anything and everything. More and more it became a subconscious decision that I needed to have something to push back the feelings of intense sorrow and loneliness, only to be drowned in a pit of grief. I see my friends or “friends” still lather rinsing and repeating this cycle with no end in sight.
Watching these events unfold I became more and more awake although it still took time for the full realization to become apparent; that this was not the way of life that I wanted or could have, instead of progression I had digressed and placed my life on hold. It was really easy to just drown my pain in a substance that made me numb and rebelliously complacent to the word. As well as what those who actually loved me were trying to tell me. I became such a proponent for substance that even my alter ego, that was self assigned, was a slang term for LSD which for at least two years played a more important role in my life than having food in front of me and a nice place to reside and rest my head. It consumed me. I let it, and at the same time I wanted it. I needed to have a ground to stand on, weather or not the ground was moving it was still a foundation. I made myself complacent to my numbed emotions and I fell in line with all the things I was taught not to do. And yeah, part of me was enjoying doing these things due to that taboo.
Looking back, all that I have done was waste a lot of time and money on not confronting any issues and simply existing in a suspended state of reality defined on my perception of life as it was in the moment. No for thought and a light at the end of the tunnel so far away that it seemed unattainable. As I sit here now looking back on all these things, there is a lesion in the end. It is time for these behaviors to stop. I am who I am because of my past. It doesn’t define me but I have to accept the outcome from this trade I have made. I can only blame myself for the position that I am in. The only commodity I need now is support, I need this to keep my self motivated and on top of the tasks at hand. This support mainly is coming from within and the desire to achieve success and conformability: not is substance, but within the knowledge that I am making myself the person I want to be. No longer the “dude” but Alexander, confident and strong willed to make anything and everything possible. I am choosing to surround myself with people driven to progress themselves and make the world a better place not by hope, instead by direct action in improving yourself.
The best things in life will come your way. Some will call it luck; but then again luck is always being prepared for a situation to present itself. This includes making the necessary preparations prior to the situation ever being presented. I may have already dug my grave but I can dig a thousand more before I choose which one to lie down in.
--------------------
 LIVE FREE!
|
shroomekalb96
abyss wonderer


Registered: 11/14/12
Posts: 198
Last seen: 5 years, 4 days
|
|
sound like you have made a major life change, drugs obviously helped you come to this conclusion so dont regret the past cause at some point you wanted it. time is never wasted.... just shows that you lived and experienced what you wanted/needed too
also your friends might follow suit if they see you flipping a 180 and making your life better by bettering yourself. If they dont want to change they wont, you cant change there will as its their story
may you find your peace and love
|
voodoochild1000
psychonautic



Registered: 02/04/15
Posts: 2,531
Loc: Cascades!
Last seen: 8 months, 16 days
|
|
Mop
-------------------- ....."So Great!"....-Me on 1.5mg LSD ...."We don't need this" -Larkin in response to my "just picked wild LSD!" post
|
spacecadetCID
CityForager


Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 109
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
|
|
Thank you, time was defiantly not wasted ad you said. You actually defined it just as id say. Im just fortunate to have all those around supporting my choices.
--------------------
 LIVE FREE!
|
mushpunx
Fungus Punk



Registered: 04/20/14
Posts: 13,394
Last seen: 11 days, 12 hours
|
|
This is what happens when you do any drug too much.
I was a heroin, IV coke and benzo addict since 2004 when I was 18
--------------------
 Amateur Mycologists United AMU Q&A
|
champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
|
|
Quote:
spacecadetCID said: I have spent the past five years dedicated to substance. I made that a priority over anything and everything. More and more it became a subconscious decision that I needed to have something to push back the feelings of intense sorrow and loneliness, only to be drowned in a pit of grief. I see my friends or “friends” still lather rinsing and repeating this cycle with no end in sight.
Watching these events unfold I became more and more awake although it still took time for the full realization to become apparent; that this was not the way of life that I wanted or could have, instead of progression I had digressed and placed my life on hold. It was really easy to just drown my pain in a substance that made me numb and rebelliously complacent to the word. As well as what those who actually loved me were trying to tell me. I became such a proponent for substance that even my alter ego, that was self assigned, was a slang term for LSD which for at least two years played a more important role in my life than having food in front of me and a nice place to reside and rest my head. It consumed me. I let it, and at the same time I wanted it. I needed to have a ground to stand on, weather or not the ground was moving it was still a foundation. I made myself complacent to my numbed emotions and I fell in line with all the things I was taught not to do. And yeah, part of me was enjoying doing these things due to that taboo.
Looking back, all that I have done was waste a lot of time and money on not confronting any issues and simply existing in a suspended state of reality defined on my perception of life as it was in the moment. No for thought and a light at the end of the tunnel so far away that it seemed unattainable. As I sit here now looking back on all these things, there is a lesion in the end. It is time for these behaviors to stop. I am who I am because of my past. It doesn’t define me but I have to accept the outcome from this trade I have made. I can only blame myself for the position that I am in. The only commodity I need now is support, I need this to keep my self motivated and on top of the tasks at hand. This support mainly is coming from within and the desire to achieve success and conformability: not is substance, but within the knowledge that I am making myself the person I want to be. No longer the “dude” but Alexander, confident and strong willed to make anything and everything possible. I am choosing to surround myself with people driven to progress themselves and make the world a better place not by hope, instead by direct action in improving yourself.
The best things in life will come your way. Some will call it luck; but then again luck is always being prepared for a situation to present itself. This includes making the necessary preparations prior to the situation ever being presented. I may have already dug my grave but I can dig a thousand more before I choose which one to lie down in.
And so you are come to a forum dedicated to substance use to say these things? That fact makes this all sound fishy to me.
If you are really serious about what you say, get out of here and go someplace where you will find like-minded people. Hanging around here for someone who is determined to avoid substance ingestion, is like what frequenting a bar is for a guy who has decided to dedicate himself to the tenets of AA.
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow “People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
Edited by champinhom (10/26/15 12:35 PM)
|
spacecadetCID
CityForager


Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 109
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
|
Re: The reality of the situation.. [Re: champinhom]
#22438673 - 10/27/15 01:59 AM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I am primarily posting this for young readers such as my self when I started here prior to making an account. Stop the hate and just listen and reflect for a moment. If this has no relevance to you then why comment something inciting an argument? This is my "psychedelic experience" and I take pity to your ignorance. Because you disagree or are too caught up in the "feels" of what substance brings to you as opposed to the insightful introspective conclusions one has made on their journey. This is what I have come to. Maybe not everyone's thoughts or reality, we are entitled to our opinion, although this is what I have learned.
--------------------
 LIVE FREE!
|
Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
|
|
Good luck to you op....the first step is the hardest part of the journey. Sound like you got a good head on your shoulders.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
|
champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
|
|
Quote:
spacecadetCID said: I am primarily posting this for young readers such as my self when I started here prior to making an account. Stop the hate and just listen and reflect for a moment. If this has no relevance to you then why comment something inciting an argument? This is my "psychedelic experience" and I take pity to your ignorance. Because you disagree or are too caught up in the "feels" of what substance brings to you as opposed to the insightful introspective conclusions one has made on their journey. This is what I have come to. Maybe not everyone's thoughts or reality, we are entitled to our opinion, although this is what I have learned.
I didn't mean to provoke an argument. I have a blunt, uncharming personality that bleeds through in my posting.
I have seen a lot of people put up posts like yours--and then two weeks later they are back talking about some new psyche that they are tripping with and "God, how great it is!!"
But you seem to be at the point where you have gotten all you can from drugs and you want to go straight. I am simply advising you that you would do well to frequent sites that are not dedicated, as this one overwhelmingly is, to the production and assimilation of materials that you don't need anymore and whose continued use will probably interfere with the attainment of your new goals.
I applaud your decision, believe it. I wish you well. Psyches are great--but when you have gotten the message, then you hang up (these days it's "turn off")the phone.
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow “People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
|
PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
|
Yes, posting here will give you the wrong message, and very few people will pay any attention to the warning you're apparently trying to get across, for good or bad. That's just the nature of it. If you were doing LSD almost against your will for 5 years (alone or in combination with other drugs ) you already know what I'm talking about... Could you talk yourself out of it?
Good luck. Long breaks can be really helpful when you're into psychedelics. I took a ten year break once, just dropped it all. And then took it up again. 
FWIW the REASON almost doesn't matter, it's the break that does the work. You might never be back, or you might jump in again full throttle, there's no way to know up front.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
|
mushpunx
Fungus Punk



Registered: 04/20/14
Posts: 13,394
Last seen: 11 days, 12 hours
|
Re: The reality of the situation.. [Re: PrimalSoup]
#22441622 - 10/27/15 07:11 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I dont hink heavy pysch use is good for anybody. Its amazing how you kind of convince yourself this stuff is harmless. I convinced myself heroin was harmless... because I use it right haha.
Whether you like it or not most people today cant withdraw from society as much as they would like to. IE you might be a hardcore deadhead rainbow gatherer but you have nice parents who love and worry about you and still want to see you "succeed" in life. Its hard to exist in both worlds. Its not easy to turn being a weirdo on and off.
So most people who are really into this shit yet still want to maintain normal relationships or at least the appearance of being normal for the sake of family and friends struggle.
--------------------
 Amateur Mycologists United AMU Q&A
|
spacecadetCID
CityForager


Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 109
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
|
Re: The reality of the situation.. [Re: champinhom]
#22441647 - 10/27/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I agree that browsing this site will not be putting myself in a situation that will make this "easier" although I have been given the chance to really further myself in an entirely new field. All the messages as well as mental conclusions that I have come to from my use will stay around and most likely will not ever go away, although the repeated use to find some sort of answer, which was more or less what I was doing. It was filling a void of loneliness as well as just basic mental stimulation, and in that mindset it is unhealthy. This wasn't only an issue with LSD it was the repeated use of almost anything "stimulating" and that being defined just as I have previously stated. Boredom combined with feeling lost and alone led to a lot of my substance use. Now being surrounded by what I call high caliber friends, people who are eager for success, is curing the lack of mental stimuli as well as the feeling of being alone.
--------------------
 LIVE FREE!
|
champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
|
|
Quote:
spacecadetCID said: I agree that browsing this site will not be putting myself in a situation that will make this "easier" although I have been given the chance to really further myself in an entirely new field. All the messages as well as mental conclusions that I have come to from my use will stay around and most likely will not ever go away, although the repeated use to find some sort of answer, which was more or less what I was doing. It was filling a void of loneliness as well as just basic mental stimulation, and in that mindset it is unhealthy. This wasn't only an issue with LSD it was the repeated use of almost anything "stimulating" and that being defined just as I have previously stated. Boredom combined with feeling lost and alone led to a lot of my substance use. Now being surrounded by what I call high caliber friends, people who are eager for success, is curing the lack of mental stimuli as well as the feeling of being alone.
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow “People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
|
PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: The reality of the situation.. [Re: mushpunx]
#22441925 - 10/27/15 08:19 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
mushpunx said: I dont hink heavy pysch use is good for anybody. Its amazing how you kind of convince yourself this stuff is harmless. I convinced myself heroin was harmless... because I use it right haha.
Whether you like it or not most people today cant withdraw from society as much as they would like to. IE you might be a hardcore deadhead rainbow gatherer but you have nice parents who love and worry about you and still want to see you "succeed" in life. Its hard to exist in both worlds. Its not easy to turn being a weirdo on and off.
So most people who are really into this shit yet still want to maintain normal relationships or at least the appearance of being normal for the sake of family and friends struggle.
There's nothing in it says you have to "turn being a weirdo on and off", or "withdraw from society." 
OP's difficulties seem to stem more from multi substance abuse and existential problems, not psychedelics - but I could be wrong. Been there myself, it can suck.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
Edited by PrimalSoup (10/27/15 08:30 PM)
|
spacecadetCID
CityForager


Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 109
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
|
Re: The reality of the situation.. [Re: PrimalSoup]
#22444583 - 10/28/15 12:01 PM (8 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
^ You nailed it
--------------------
 LIVE FREE!
|
PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
|
Best of luck.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
|
|