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OfflineFrog
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Something funny...
    #2243176 - 01/15/04 03:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I demand some humor.

But it has to be "philosophical" humor, to pass the mod's inspection, right?

What's funny about life?


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineSpecialEd
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243184 - 01/15/04 03:24 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

But it has to be "philosophical" humor, to pass the mod's inspection, right?




A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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OfflineShizpow
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243188 - 01/15/04 03:28 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

So there's this magic carpenter, right? Stop me if you've heard this one...


--------------------
If you cut a face lengthwise, urinate on it, and trample on it with straw sandles, it is said that the skin will come off. This was heard by the priest Gyojaku when he was in Kyoto. It is information to be treasured.


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Shizpow]
    #2243199 - 01/15/04 03:34 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I haven't heard it.

Nice one, Ed.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243203 - 01/15/04 03:35 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Life...sexually transmitted, and fatal every time.


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243206 - 01/15/04 03:37 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Where have you been, Skorpivo??? I have noticed your absence! Shame!


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SpecialEd]
    #2243207 - 01/15/04 03:38 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

rofl that's funny man :smile:

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
"Define 'light bulb'..."
"How can you be sure it needs changing?"


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Strumpling]
    #2243215 - 01/15/04 03:43 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

LOL!!!


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243220 - 01/15/04 03:47 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I be heah everyday, ma niggarrettte.  I'z be wunderin where yuo be at. I'z be asking everahbawdy, "y0, Where da Frawg at y0?, Where dat muthafuggin Amphibian go?, Why she not heah?!" But you'z be shizzowin up lately, so dat's cool...y'know wut I be sayin dawg? w3rd Lyfe.

Oh, and I just woke up. I tend to randomly talk like a functionally illiterate African-American from the poverty-stricken poorly educated and under-funded Ghetto, whenever I wake up. Maybe it's MTV's sinister subconscious effect on my mind.
Hmm...will you be my lawyer when I sue em for turning me into a nigga? :smirk:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineSpecialEd
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243222 - 01/15/04 03:49 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Solipsism Warning:

The consumer should be aware that he or she may be the only entity in
the universe, and therefore that any perceived defects in product
quality are the consumer's own fault.


Determinism Safety Advisory:

Every citizen be advised that despite the possibility that his or her
acts are all entirely predetermined by the blind mechanical nature of
the universe and are therefore unavoidable and inescapable, he or she
will still incur a legal responsibility and liability for any torts,
violations, misdemeanors, or felonies he or she commits.


Knowledge-Definition Warning:

Because knowledge is defined for the purpose of this product
literature as "justified true belief", the manufacturer cannot prove
that they "know" any of the information provided with this product to
be true, correct, complete, or consistent because they cannot
demonstrate their internal belief states through the principle of
Philosphic Privacy.


Cartesian Evil Genius Alert:

The reader is advised that he or she may be subject to an illusion
generated by an evil genius, and that his or her "sensory fibers" may
be falsely manipulated at any time with neither advance warning nor
any possible legal remedy.


Epistemological Denotation Warning:

The consumer must understand that due to the a-priori impossibility
of assuring a shared denotation amongst independent agents, none of
the advertising material, product literature, instructions, or safety
warnings (including this one), associated with this product may
contain what the consumer perceives to be factual information.


Non-Universal Ethics Notice:

Due to the possibility that a common notion of ethics are not
universally shared by all sentient beings, and that therefore the
manufacturer may have entirely different concept of "fairness",
"equity", "honesty", and "integrity" than the consumer, the consumer
should not expect the product purchased to conform in any way to the
advertised properties of the product.


Godelian Product Disclaimer:

As it has been proven that there are many true but unproveable
statements, the manufacturer cannot be held liable for any of its
unsupported product claims.

Penrose Addendum to Godelian Disclaimer:

Despite the above warning, the manufacturer is confident that all its
product claims are true because of its mystically acquired and
computationally unrepudiable organic intuition. Unfortunately, the
manufacturer cannot in any way demonstrate that its intuition is
correct, or indeed that it has an intuition.


Philosopher-General's Existentialist Tobacco Products Label:

Warning! this product has been found to cause cancer and ephysema,
and to lead to increased likelihood of strokes and heart
disease. However, as the Universe is a soulless waste inhabited by
unthinking machines it doesn't matter in the least whether you smoke
or not. Go ahead, light up, it's all the same to me if you live or
die.


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SpecialEd]
    #2243228 - 01/15/04 03:54 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

LOL....Brilliant! :thumbup:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineSpecialEd
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243234 - 01/15/04 03:59 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I didn't write that...or this.

Descartes walks into a caf? and sits down ready to order. A
waiter comes up to him and asks, "Do you need a menu?"
Descartes replies, "I think not," and he disappears!


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243235 - 01/15/04 04:00 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SkorpivoMusterion said:
I be heah everyday, ma niggarrettte.  I'z be wunderin where yuo be at. I'z be asking everahbawdy, "y0, Where da Frawg at y0?, Where dat muthafuggin Amphibian go?, Why she not heah?!" But you'z be shizzowin up lately, so dat's cool...y'know wut I be sayin dawg? w3rd Lyfe.




Um...

I am laughing.  As much as I think I'm a rebel, or as much as I want to think I don't fit in with society, in general, I can't talk like that. 

I am more normal than I think I am.

Quote:

Oh, and I just woke up. I tend to randomly talk like a functionally illiterate African-American from the poverty-stricken poorly educated and under-funded Ghetto, whenever I wake up. Maybe it's MTV's sinister subconscious effect on my mind.
Hmm...will you be my lawyer when I sue em for turning me into a nigga? :smirk:




You did a pretty good imitation.  And I will represent anybody on this forum!  (As long as the price is right!  :grin:)


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SpecialEd]
    #2243238 - 01/15/04 04:02 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

LOL @ ED!!!


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineSpecialEd
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243240 - 01/15/04 04:05 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SpecialEd]
    #2243243 - 01/15/04 04:08 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Jack Nicholson: Because it fucking wanted to. THAT'S the fucking reason.


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243246 - 01/15/04 04:11 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Ed and Skorpivo, you guys are great.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineShizpow
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Registered: 03/06/03
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243247 - 01/15/04 04:13 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

"I be heah everyday, ma niggarrettte. I'z be wunderin where yuo be at. I'z be asking everahbawdy, "y0, Where da Frawg at y0?, Where dat muthafuggin Amphibian go?, Why she not heah?!" But you'z be shizzowin up lately, so dat's cool...y'know wut I be sayin dawg? w3rd Lyfe."

Should read "I'z be axing everahbawdy... Aparently, MTV has some work to do on you yet. Either that or you've been brainwashed by some real cut rate niggaz, some bitch ass punk muhfuckaz! sheeeit.


--------------------
If you cut a face lengthwise, urinate on it, and trample on it with straw sandles, it is said that the skin will come off. This was heard by the priest Gyojaku when he was in Kyoto. It is information to be treasured.


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Something funny... [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2243250 - 01/15/04 04:16 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SkorpivoMusterion said:
I be heah everyday, ma niggarrettte.  I'z be wunderin where yuo be at. I'z be asking everahbawdy, "y0, Where da Frawg at y0?, Where dat muthafuggin Amphibian go?, Why she not heah?!" But you'z be shizzowin up lately, so dat's cool...y'know wut I be sayin dawg? w3rd Lyfe.

Oh, and I just woke up. I tend to randomly talk like a functionally illiterate African-American from the poverty-stricken poorly educated and under-funded Ghetto, whenever I wake up. Maybe it's MTV's sinister subconscious effect on my mind.
Hmm...will you be my lawyer when I sue em for turning me into a nigga? :smirk:




Okay, keep in mind that I am a "white girl". 

I had an office in a bail bondsman's office.  The bail bondsman was black, and he taught me this handshake, where you, like, go through these motions of touch, slide, bump, whateverthefuck.  I thought I got it down and now I was cool.

Later, I was playing pool at this bar that had this big, black bouncer.  I thought I would show him that I was "cool" and I tried to do the handshake I learned from the bail bondsman, and the bouncer just looked at me like I was giving birth on the pool table.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineSpecialEd
+ one

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 6,220
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Re: Something funny... [Re: Frog]
    #2243251 - 01/15/04 04:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)



--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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